I don't know what to do........

[Mai Tai]

Thanks everyone for all of your responses. Even the harsh ones i needed that. i talked to my mom and told her how I felt. I just don"t want him in my life or my child's life. Ever! So thank you again. and i know I might have seem stupid or foolish in the past but i guess I let a good heart get the best of me. I am officially done.

Never that...You went through a tough thing that many women don't survive, and you are still here stronge then ever. Now that you know the deal...learn from it. You only become stupid or foolish when you make the same mistake over and over again.

I'm glad that you are chosing your health and that of your unborn child over this no-good A$$wipe! Good job!

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Op, are you pregnant or have any children by this "man"? If not, count your blessings, gather your stuff, run, duck and hide from this dude. You can do without this drama and negativity. Get a better man who's not littering the place with his spermies.

 

[BellaLunie]

So he has(d) the both of you pregnant at the same time? just not a good situation to be in at all. Just think of your baby and your future. The best of luck to you. I hope this will help women in the same situation

 

[newbiemom]

I have the best news ever for you. You are a good person and you seem to have a big heart and lots of concern and all of it is necessary for this next part of your life as a mother. He is not needed or wanted if all he brings with hijm is a headache trust me the rest of you will ache you don't need any more.. Loose him and all the baggage he comes with. Inform him of all things baby via email r text and keep it moving. You will only have time and energy for 1 baby go with the small cute one not the overbearing, annoying one,

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Hi Snugglez... you need this and this for enduring this drama.

As a reformed/healed self injurer, I want to know how you plan to deal with the emotional stress and pressure that you would normally relieve through self-injury. Do you have a plan in place? Some things I do now (instead of cutting) are really helpful. I take 4 deep breaths and then hum a soothing song that I love, like a samba song. Makes me think of paradise

Sometimes I will just close my eyes and try to imagine a perfect life... like I will picture myself strolling down a street in Paris with a gorgeous (well-hung ) man on my arm, decked out and looking fly.

There are lots of ways you can deal with stress in a healthy way. My wish for you is that you find something healthy that works for you. Once your baby comes, believe me, you will need it.

 

[DragonPearl]

Ok I have posted here before about my abusive relationship. Well my ex has been trying to get back into my good graces and make things right. Well yesterday he had a confession to make to me. Supposedly his ex is pregnant and he could be the father. But that is not the only thing. She was about five and a half months pregnant and they had to deliver the baby. The baby has lots of issues that might make him either mentally challenged or a vegetable. So he comes to me for sympathy. I have all the sympathy in the world for the baby but not him or her. Am I wrong? This girl has harrassed me from day one and created fake emails in my name and had herself emailed and tried to make me look bad. She even went in my emails took pics that I sent him created fake guy accounts to make it look as though I was cheating. The worst part is that with the emails she was pregnant at the time and had it said in my emails that I wish her baby would die. I would never! And guess what? That same week she had a sono and he went and the baby had no heart beat at around 20 or so weeks pregnant. And he is the supposed to be the father of both of theses children. Most people say he is coming to me for sympathy because he knows I have a good heart. And on top of this his friend is in the hospital on a ventilator with a 50/50 chance of survival. I feel bad but I don't know what to do. I had an appointment recently because I am pregnant with his child. I told him two weeks in advance to be there and he dropped me off and left to the hospital to see the friend and the baby. I don't know how to feel. Every appointment I had he hasn't showed up. I guess I am being penalized because I am not in a life r death situation and I get that. Just with all of this now and everything else from being nearly homless is alot for me. Several time I wanted to admit myself into a hospital because of the stress and depression. I am what they call a cutter or self injurer so it is hard sometimes. I just don't want to feel like I am doing the wrong thing towards this situatuation by not being supportive.Sorry for the long post. I just had to let all of theses feelings out.

The bolded stood out to me. Suppressed anger usually comes out as depression, also as self mutilation. You seem to have lost touch with yourself, with who you really are, and you're waiting for others to tell you how to feel. You probably were taught from a young age that it was not okay to feel your feelings, that you had to be a good girl, and care about others' feelings before your own.

It's time to give yourself permission to be hella pissed, fed up, angry, mad-as-hell and I-am-not-going-to-take-it-anymore!!!! and remove yourself from this situation. This man is very toxic and is not good for your emotional and mental health.

ETA: Oh, I just read your updates. I am very happy that you had the strength to move away.

 

[SqrpioQutie]

Thanks for the update. I really wish you the best...your story is so sad.

Also, since you say you are officially done with him, you may wanna weigh your options about child support (IF you are thinking about it). The monetary support would definitely help you but just keep in mind that he would then have equal rights to the baby and have visitation as well. Sometimes in really effed up situations it may not even be worth the money. Just food for thought. take care.

that's not necessarily true.... depending on where she lives, child support and visitation are two separate issues and one has absolutely no bearing on the other.... further, child support can be (and is often) set up where no identifying information (location wise) for the parties involved is disclosed for safety reasons.... now he would end up with rights to the child if he is determined to be the father for child support purposes, but that would be the exact same as if he signed the birth certificate in the hospital....

 

[blasianbeauty]

that's not necessarily true.... depending on where she lives, child support and visitation are two separate issues and one has absolutely no bearing on the other.... further, child support can be (and is often) set up where no identifying information (location wise) for the parties involved is disclosed for safety reasons.... now he would end up with rights to the child if he is determined to be the father for child support purposes, but that would be the exact same as if he signed the birth certificate in the hospital....

This is something that she really needs to investigate then. They are two separate issues but more than likely if that man is paying support then he will have rights to the child. She would have to prove him as being unfit, violent, etc. in order for him to lose his rights. And based on what she typed about being depressed and a "cutter", if the dad got wind of it she could probably end up losing the child or end up being watched closely. It wouldn't be worth it IMO to even pursue it, especially if he's not making much. I'd have to go back to the original post to even see if he's working. Right now she can cut free and not have to deal with him, period...or either be tied up in the legal system and have to deal with all the back and forth drama. I would investigate if I were her and seek legal advice.

 

[SqrpioQutie]

This is something that she really needs to investigate then. They are two separate issues but more than likely if that man is paying support then he will have rights to the child. She would have to prove him as being unfit, violent, etc. in order for him to lose his rights. And based on what she typed about being depressed and a "cutter", if the dad got wind of it she could probably end up losing the child or end up being watched closely. It wouldn't be worth it IMO to even pursue it, especially if he's not making much. I'd have to go back to the original post to even see if he's working. Right now she can cut free and not have to deal with him, period...or either be tied up in the legal system and have to deal with all the back and forth drama. I would investigate if I were her and seek legal advice.

I totally agree - there needs to be a lot of investigation involved. I didn't realize that NY was a judicial state so its going to be a hassle either way. Support in this instance isn't worth it if she has the possibility of losing her child to him.

 

[song_of_serenity]

Op, are you pregnant or have any children by this "man"? If not, count your blessings, gather your stuff, run, duck and hide from this dude. You can do without this drama and negativity. Get a better man who's not littering the place with his spermies.

OP is currently several months pregnant from him.

Doing the math, he had you both. He is NOT worth it. Pray for the health of the baby but I am GLAD you're staying away from that abusive freak AND that tormenting woman.