I am jealous of his exgirlfiend.

[KiWiStyle]

Tearing up pictures and such does not make the feelings go away.

Of course it doesn't. How many times have you gotten into a new relationship but still had feelings with your ex?? People are entitled to have feelings for their ex, it's what you do with those feelings is what matters.

I gave my guy the choice to pack his memories and feelings away and out of my sight and reach. Also, I never said I tore the pics up. What I said was I threw them away and then informed him. He had the option to grab them from the trash, I don't know if he did or didn't. All I know is I never saw them again which was all I asked for to begin with.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[KiWiStyle]

A man will remove pics of his ex willingly. If you have to ASK him, that speaks a lot. Sorry but just because you took it upon your own will to throw away his sh*t does not erase his feelings/thoughts for his ex.

I'm assuming this is directed at me. DrC why do you sound so angry. We all handle things differently. Perhaps you are ok with your man's previous relationships on display in your face. I don't know, maybe that's your thing. I know some people who change their phone number when they get serious with someone to avoid calls from old friends. Does it speak volumes if your man didn't change his number??

I'LL REPEAT MYSELF. My goal in throwing away the pictures were not to erase his feelings (if any), my goal was for me to not see them. I NEVER asked him to throw them away, I asked that he remove them from my sight.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[KiWiStyle]

DH and were together for 3 years then we broke up. During the 2 years we were apart we dated other people. He has this girlfriend who loved taking pics. The woman would dress up and have full makeup to take pics for him. Nudes included. When we got back together I took his iPad and deleted every last one, then deleted of phone, then off the computer. Any hard copies were shredded. He know I did this and he said nothing.

As for the other stuff, don't ever compare yourself to an ex and stop sabotaging your relationship.

Exactly!

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[DrC]

I'm assuming this is directed at me. DrC why do you sound so angry. We all handle things differently. Perhaps you are ok with your man's previous relationships on display in your face. I don't know, maybe that's your thing. I know some people who change their phone number when they get serious with someone to avoid calls from old friends. Does it speak volumes if your man didn't change his number??

I'LL REPEAT MYSELF. My goal in throwing away the pictures were not to erase his feelings (if any), my goal was for me to not see them. I NEVER asked him to throw them away, I asked that he remove them from my sight.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

I'm just cordially stating that I do not agree with what you did. I can't speak for other members, but there is no anger with me disagreeing. Regardless of if you wanted it out of site, out of mind, you removing what he wanted to keep subsequent to you having to ask (which I think a woman shouldn't have to do) is a major side-eye. I wouldn't take it upon myself to give a man an ultimatum of marrying me over him refusing to remove ex-girlfriend memorabilia. The latter within itself is enough to re-evaluate marrying. As I've stated before these are things that shouldn't have to be addressed and are done willingly. We can respectfully agree to disagree and keep it moving. *shrug*

 

[KiWiStyle]

You clearly didn't read anything I wrote...either of my posts. I stopped reading after you concluded I gave my guy an ultimatum...I'm done.

..for those of you who may not know. Men don't always see things the way we do. Lingering pictures of an ex may be just as important to him as to whether or not the kitchen cookware matches. He just doesn't care one way or the other, take it or leave it kinda thing. Sometimes we will have to ask for things we want because they are not mind readers OR you may have to ask more than once. It doesn't automatically mean he's still madly in love with the ex and neither does it mean he doesn't respect her feelings. Maybe it's not at the top of his list of things to do? I remember when I asked the first time, he was in the garage cleaning my car and adjusting fluids WITHOUT me having to ask.

OP your guy may or may not behave the same with you as he did with his ex. That could be good or a bad thing. It seems you're more troubled by the lack of adventure in the relationship than by the pictures. So like I suggested, reevaluate things and your needs and then act accordingly.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[DrC]

I read everything you wrote. I still don't agree.

 

[Kalani]

You clearly didn't read anything I wrote...either of my posts. I stopped reading after you concluded I gave my guy an ultimatum...I'm done.

..for those of you who may not know. Men don't always see things the way we do. Lingering pictures of an ex may be just as important to him as to whether or not the kitchen cookware matches. He just doesn't care one way or the other, take it or leave it kinda thing. Sometimes we will have to ask for things we want because they are not mind readers OR you may have to ask more than once. It doesn't automatically mean he's still madly in love with the ex and neither does it mean he doesn't respect her feelings. Maybe it's not at the top of his list of things to do? I remember when I asked the first time, he was in the garage cleaning my car and adjusting fluids WITHOUT me having to ask.

Very true. Also would like to add that keeping the pics ironically could mean the feelings are gone and thus they deem the pics harmless. A couple of my guy friends who still had feelings for their exes removed and deleted all pics of them in effort to distance themselves from the emotions they felt.

 

[KiWiStyle]

Very true. Also would like to add that keeping the pics ironically could mean the feelings are gone and thus they deem the pics harmless. A couple of my guy friends who still had feelings for their exes removed and deleted all pics of them in effort to distance themselves from the emotions they felt.

dtachi very good point. The fact that they aren't hidden is also important here too. Men tend to hide their dirty little secrets.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[SelahOco]

I actually wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't resist deleting them once asked. He may not realize that it's offensive to you or you may come off like a woman who doesn't care about that kinda stuff.

Maybe ask him about it and ask him if its sentimental. Be ready for him to answer either way though.

And then ask him to do what you want him to do.

If you're not gonna marry him or you don't wanna be bothered with funny money, I wouldn't bother.

People always say you know if you wanna marry someone. I'm guessing you already know if you want him or not.

 

[Fine 4s]

Very true. Also would like to add that keeping the pics ironically could mean the feelings are gone and thus they deem the pics harmless. A couple of my guy friends who still had feelings for their exes removed and deleted all pics of them in effort to distance themselves from the emotions they felt.

Yes! He could have feelings and have the pics or have feelings and NOT have pics. Having pics of exes doesn't always mean the same thing to everyone. This doesn't prove much to me either (when I'm using logic only which is not enough lol).

What we think MEANS something may not at all be correct.

It all boils down to asking for what you want, I agree with KiWiStyle's POV.
It seems like women (including myself) want men to inherently know what THEY believe is right or wrong. Some things are clear but many many things are about negotiation.

If I want to date someone like me, I should just go clone myself lol

 

[Evolving78]

i guess i don't get bent out shape out people keeping memories and pics of ex girlfriends. it's just not the serious. that person was a part of their past and they will always be there.

 

[Naveah2050]

Real talk but I have shared some of my best memories with my current SO so if we broke up I sure as hell would not delete no pictures especially if I was over him.. Honestly it wouldn't even be about him but just the memories themselves and the fact that those pictures remind me of moments of my own life. Now if I had better memories to replace these pictures with then of course I would not care.....all I am saying is don't blame or get jealous of the ex, men are simple and shallow, create your own great memories so he no longer has need to look back into the fun he had in the past. Depending on how long they were together it may just be about the memories as opposed to her ie people's weddings, fun trips that he just happened to go on with her.