I am jealous of his exgirlfiend.

[Lilmama1011]

That those pictures are sentimental. I would talk to him if you haven't already and told him is it something he wants to hold onto? And after we have done arguing, I'm pretty sure we will, I would delete them and laugh my evil laugh lol

 

[Mai Tai]

DO NOT DEFEND YOURSELF to people you don't even know, who don't know you or your relationship and who may or may not be following their own advice in private ANYWAY!!!!

So ummm yeah...girl you like on a Level 10 right now and I need you to bring it down to a Level 2.7. The OP posted her side of the story and people are commenting on it as they see fit.



OP, I must say that after reading your story, I am kind of confused as to what you want exactly and I think this may be because you are confused as well.

In one statement you say he doesn't take you out like he did his ex, yet you claim to be a homebody who is indifferent to the "high life" anyway. You say his money is funny, yet you can't understand why he lying low?

What exactly do you want from this man and what do you want for yourself as a woman, and as his GF?

I think all of these extra details you provided about your man are a moot point to the real problem of you comparing yourself to the ex. I can't really fault you 100% though because your dude is dead *** wrong for keeping photos over the span of 2+ years of him and other women in his phone.

I really think you need to put your foot down and ask him to erase those pictures, and I also believe that you need to evaluate why you are so envious over someone you've never even met.

 

[TayMac]

So the main issue is the pictures? Have you asked him to remove them or why they are there? Is it breakup worthy if he doesn't want to?

That's what you should focus on not the content of the pics.

 

[gn1g]

out of sight = out of mind
in sight = in mind

get rid of the darn pics. if he doesn't accidently factory reset his phone.

 

[KiWiStyle]

My husband did kinda the same thing when we first got together. When we hooked up, he had pictures of his ex all over the place along with other family photos. When we got serious I kindly asked him to put them away out of respect for me and our relationship. He didn't do it. I asked again and to no avail. So after we got engaged and I moved in, I spent an entire afternoon throwing away every picture, card, note, artifact that had anything to do with her. I even gave my mother the bible she had given to him, I just scratched off their names and put to my mother from me and him. When he came home I told him that I had given him ample time to put his memories of her away in storage outside of our home and told him that I threw them all away and gave the bible to my mother. Can you guess what he said? Nothing! And if he did, I would have kindly given him back his ring and moved out.

The fact that he does nothing with you speaks volumes. I would re-evaluate the relation you guys have and act accordingly.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Lilmama1011]

My husband did kinda the same thing when we first got together. When we hooked up, he had pictures of his ex all over the place along with other family photos. When we got serious I kindly asked him to put them away out of respect for me and our relationship. He didn't do it. I asked again and to no avail. So after we got engaged and I moved in, I spent an entire afternoon throwing away every picture, card, note, artifact that had anything to do with her. I even gave my mother the bible she had given to him, I just scratched off their names and put to my mother from me and him. When he came home I told him that I had given him ample time to put his memories of her away in storage outside of our home and told him that I threw them all away and gave the bible to my mother. Can you guess what he said? Nothing! And if he did, I would have kindly given him back his ring and moved out.

The fact that he does nothing with you speaks volumes. I would re-evaluate the relation you guys have and act accordingly.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

KiWiStyle I like that approach, that's how I approach everything, I ask nicely, ask one more time nicely because maybe you forgot and then the third time i behave more aggressively to get it done myself

 

[ms.mimi]

My husband did kinda the same thing when we first got together. When we hooked up, he had pictures of his ex all over the place along with other family photos. When we got serious I kindly asked him to put them away out of respect for me and our relationship. He didn't do it. I asked again and to no avail. So after we got engaged and I moved in, I spent an entire afternoon throwing away every picture, card, note, artifact that had anything to do with her. I even gave my mother the bible she had given to him, I just scratched off their names and put to my mother from me and him. When he came home I told him that I had given him ample time to put his memories of her away in storage outside of our home and told him that I threw them all away and gave the bible to my mother. Can you guess what he said? Nothing! And if he did, I would have kindly given him back his ring and moved out.

The fact that he does nothing with you speaks volumes. I would re-evaluate the relation you guys have and act accordingly.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Spoken like a wife!

 

[gabulldawg]

thanks to your whole post

multiple pictures of an ex in a phone---does not sound right to me in any way shape or form-there is no reasonable excuse to have multipleeee pics of an ex
if youve moved on-move on

and people hes went on dates with da hell--glaring red flag
like how does a woman or anyone justify that...women are very interesting- women makes excuses for everything

it reads disrespectful to me and very unsettling--yass honty he has alll the pics of his ex and their trips in his phone--mmmmhmmm he is the best! this is the one of them on the beach sipping coladas and this one is when they were kayaking- we going kayaking soon he told me

so dude use to have money and now you got dude when hes broke and back on the come up--winining um no!
lived high on the hog with ole girl and now we sitting in da crib like yeah we'll get to that lolol

people treat you how you allow them to....

Chile... We are >>><<< here!!!!I'm trying to be nice.

 

[crlsweetie912]

I asked my dude this and his answer was hell naw. Now he has pics including his children and their mother but I can see that....but random chicks he dated, no just no.

 

[LiftedUp]

why he doesnt treat me like he did her. What does he see in me that he doesnt want to do those things with me?

I think that you should pose the question to him and hear what he has to say about it.

He has his own business a moving company and he says when his business picks up we will go on a cruise.

Was the business up and running when he was with her. Being in a relationship with an entrepreneur is difficult. There is a lot of give and take and a lot of giving and less taking. Their time is very limited and 90% of it goes physically into their business or at least thinking about their business. A lot of things are put on their back burner and in a lot of cases it's the SO.

 

[onelockatatime]

It appears to me that you have already taught him how to treat you....and now you want to change the game....he probably sees the error in his ways of spending a lot of money with the ex and now wants to try something different....possibly due to his present financial situation...and he probably feels that you are the one. You have described yourself as a homebody. Trust me I am sure he sees this as well. Therefore he feels he doesn't have to impress or go all out for you. Either move on or take a stand. Something to ponder...if he was happy in this life with his ex...the traveling and excursions...will he truly be happy without this in his life. A hard pill to swallow...but...you do not want to be the someone he settles for because of his financial situation. You deserve the same excitement and joy he had in his previous relationships. Sometimes we are passive in fear of losing the ones we love.

 

[tinkat]

Maybe his lifestyle has changed since meeting you. Maybe, when he was with her, he used to be free to roam the earth and live it up partying....and now, because he has a business to run, he is more serious and thinking of the future. He's older now. Maybe he's focusing on building a life for the two of you. I think that's more important...but that's just my opinion.

He said, he is going to take you on a trip somewhere. That's good. Maybe have a talk with him about scheduling vacation time more often.

You can't expect anyone to still be running free while running a business.

I haven't read the rest of the thread but this is what popped into my head bc my SO has his own business too. In the beginning it was difficult as far as time and we are long distance. The business is still growing but he is more lax now that the ball is rolling and the business is progressing. The bolded is very true OP.

 

[Ayesha81]

.....Ouch.

 

[HanaKuroi]

I haven't read the rest of the thread but this is what popped into my head bc my SO has his own business too. In the beginning it was difficult as far as time and we are long distance. The business is still growing but he is more lax now that the ball is rolling and the business is progressing. The bolded is very true OP.

The issue is the pictures of his ex and other women in his phone after being in a relationship with the OP for two years.

They may or may have kids together, the op hasn't made that clear.

The problem isn't that he doesn't take her anywhere, it is the total disregard for the OP's feelings. If the OP had her ex's pics and old dates saved in her phone he would be upset I am sure. I don't think he is being respectful at all.

Wouldn't be me and has never been.

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Did you find the pics or he told you upfront? In other words, were you snooping?

 

[Fine 4s]

So ummm yeah...girl you like on a Level 10 right now and I need you to bring it down to a Level 2.7. The OP posted her side of the story and people are commenting on it as they see fit.

Mai Tai
I disagree and appreciate your perspective.
It's a fitting statement and important to remember when responding to opinions of people she does not know including myself. Everyone has the right to share whatever they want however they want. Yup!
I could never tell anyone they can't share an opinion (and didn't think I was doing that).
She admitted to feeling defensive so I wanted to support her by sharing my itty bitty truth- nothing more than that..

Sorry if you took it in a bad way...hopefully OP got it.

 

[Fine 4s]

My husband did kinda the same thing when we first got together. When we hooked up, he had pictures of his ex all over the place along with other family photos. When we got serious I kindly asked him to put them away out of respect for me and our relationship. He didn't do it. I asked again and to no avail. So after we got engaged and I moved in, I spent an entire afternoon throwing away every picture, card, note, artifact that had anything to do with her. I even gave my mother the bible she had given to him, I just scratched off their names and put to my mother from me and him. When he came home I told him that I had given him ample time to put his memories of her away in storage outside of our home and told him that I threw them all away and gave the bible to my mother. Can you guess what he said? Nothing! And if he did, I would have kindly given him back his ring and moved out.

The fact that he does nothing with you speaks volumes. I would re-evaluate the relation you guys have and act accordingly.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

KiWiStyle
That story is gangstah! Love it.

When you asked him to remove the pics and he didn't, did you feel like it spoke volumes of how he felt about you?
If so, what made you stay or how did you re-evaluate your relationship? This might be good practical help for OP.

The message I got from your post given that you stayed and then got engaged to him, is, you want something done, do it yourself. Is that what you wanted us to take away from it?

 

[Fine 4s]

Double post

 

[WhipEffectz1]

My husband did kinda the same thing when we first got together. When we hooked up, he had pictures of his ex all over the place along with other family photos. When we got serious I kindly asked him to put them away out of respect for me and our relationship. He didn't do it. I asked again and to no avail. So after we got engaged and I moved in, I spent an entire afternoon throwing away every picture, card, note, artifact that had anything to do with her. I even gave my mother the bible she had given to him, I just scratched off their names and put to my mother from me and him. When he came home I told him that I had given him ample time to put his memories of her away in storage outside of our home and told him that I threw them all away and gave the bible to my mother. Can you guess what he said? Nothing! And if he did, I would have kindly given him back his ring and moved out.

The fact that he does nothing with you speaks volumes. I would re-evaluate the relation you guys have and act accordingly.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Tearing up pictures and such does not make the feelings go away.

 

[FlyyBohemian]

Sometimes men treat the flashy women a lot better than the good girl types, and they wonder why we end up looking elsewhere for excitement...

 

[Urban]

My SO have been together for 2 years and 2 months now. He was in a long term relationship a few years back prior to meeting me. He has been dating since then until he met me. But the thing is in his phone he has so many pictures of him and her they have done everything together from cruises to concerts to bike trips to vacations...everything. They seemed to have really lived it up and had lots of fun.

When it comes to me he doesnt do any of those things. Its like all he sees in me is sahm and have babies for him. Even though his ex is out of his life now I just dont get why he doesnt treat me like he did her. What does he see in me that he doesnt want to do those things with me? He has his own business a moving company and he says when his business picks up we will go on a cruise. I say .........whatever.

Ladies what does this mean when a guy does this? Yes I am jealous of his exgirlfriend.

This is what sticks out to me ... how do you want him to take you on a cruise when you don't act enthusiastic when he mentions it? Perhaps he thinks it's not your kinda thing then.

I don't buy the excuse about his money being funny. Lots of outdoor things that you can do that don't cost too much. Like the bike trips (if you already have bikes).

It's either he's not putting in as much effort with you OR he's not into that stuff in the first place and it was her initiation and planning that made it happen.

 

[tinkat]

The issue is the pictures of his ex and other women in his phone after being in a relationship with the OP for two years.

They may or may have kids together, the op hasn't made that clear.

The problem isn't that he doesn't take her anywhere, it is the total disregard for the OP's feelings. If the OP had her ex's pics and old dates saved in her phone he would be upset I am sure. I don't think he is being respectful at all.

Wouldn't be me and has never been.

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y

Her first post does mention that she feels that he does not do the same things that he with her ex with her and they haven't gone anywhere. OP is comparing relationships and what they did based of pics she has seen. She mentioned that he was an entrepreneur and his behavior in that regard is not too odd, especially if it is a new business and money is tight bc its going towards the success of business. OP still deserves to be treated like the queen I am sure she is.

In regards to the picture, for everyone its different. I still have old pics of my ex for no reason tbh. People from the past are not my concern,its more so who are you entertaining now (which should be no one). The picture situation is minor to me and could have been resolved a long time ago (you just have to stand your ground if that is an issue.). It wasn't even clear in this thread if he totally disregarded her feelings. For me if I did have an issue with the pics then I would have nipped in it the bud in the beginning. And then there are instances like the other OP where you get rid of it yourself. I can definitely understand why that kind of stuff should be removed, just out of respect.

OP it looks like you should communicate with him how you feel about the pictures and quality time spent. I wouldn't plan a trip, instead tell him to take you on one.

 

[HanaKuroi]

Her first post does mention that she feels that he does not do the same things that he with her ex with her and they haven't gone anywhere. OP is comparing relationships and what they did based of pics she has seen. She mentioned that he was an entrepreneur and his behavior in that regard is not too odd, especially if it is a new business and money is tight bc its going towards the success of business. OP still deserves to be treated like the queen I am sure she is.

In regards to the picture, for everyone its different. I still have old pics of my ex for no reason tbh. People from the past are not my concern,its more so who are you entertaining now (which should be no one). The picture situation is minor to me and could have been resolved a long time ago (you just have to stand your ground if that is an issue.). It wasn't even clear in this thread if he totally disregarded her feelings. For me if I did have an issue with the pics then I would have nipped in it the bud in the beginning. And then there are instances like the other OP where you get rid of it yourself. I can definitely understand why that kind of stuff should be removed, just out of respect.

OP it looks like you should communicate with him how you feel about the pictures and quality time spent. I wouldn't plan a trip, instead tell him to take you on one.

What I meant to say is the pictures are the issue that most of us have with the situation.

Pictures in an old shoebox on a shelf in a closet are different from a whole slew of pictures on his phone. Also he has pictures of dates with various other women saved on his phone as well.

Do you have pictures of dates with various men that you went on saved on your phone?

 

[DrC]

A man will remove pics of his ex willingly. If you have to ASK him, that speaks a lot. Sorry but just because you took it upon your own will to throw away his sh*t does not erase his feelings/thoughts for his ex.

 

[tinkat]

What I meant to say is the pictures are the issue that most of us have with the situation.

Pictures in an old shoebox on a shelf in a closet are different from a whole slew of pictures on his phone. Also he has pictures of dates with various other women saved on his phone as well.

Do you have pictures of dates with various men that you went on saved on your phone?

I don't think there is a difference between the two bc it's still pics of the past. The only difference is that our society is more technology driven and everything is done on the phone. I don't have pics of men in my phone bc I don't really pictures in general. I don't have alot of my self . I understand what you are trying to say but I don't automatically think that OP man is up to something. If a man hasn't removed pictures them and its bothers you, I don't see any problem discussing it. But not only discuss that but other scenarios about dos and do nots the relationship.Boundaries are being created by doing that and a man can do nothing but respect it. It seem like communication is more of issue here. But if it is not, then that is for OP to decide

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[ladysaraii]

I see a difference between that and the phone. One, the phone is closer at hand, so it makes me wonder if he's looking at them often. Also, the ex was two years ago. I don't even have phones that long, so to me it's like why are they there. I see your point, but if it's an issue for her, they should be removed.

 

[tinkat]

I have had my phone for almost two years and the one prior to that longer lol. I do get why it is an issue but I still think the root of it is voicing concerns in the relationship. Based off of OP post she don't seem concerned that he will stray or have feelings. Now if she said I have told him countless times and he doesn't seem to care then I see an issue. I'm just going off of her posts.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[FemmeCreole]

DH and were together for 3 years then we broke up. During the 2 years we were apart we dated other people. He had this girlfriend who loved taking pics. The woman would dress up and have full makeup to take pics for him. Nudes included. When we got back together I took his iPad and deleted every last one, then deleted of phone, then off the computer. Any hard copies were shredded. He know I did this and he said nothing.

As for the other stuff, don't ever compare yourself to an ex and stop sabotaging your relationship.

 

[Fine 4s]

Agree with all your posts tinkat

 

[KiWiStyle]

KiWiStyle
That story is gangstah! Love it.

When you asked him to remove the pics and he didn't, did you feel like it spoke volumes of how he felt about you?
If so, what made you stay or how did you re-evaluate your relationship? This might be good practical help for OP.

The message I got from your post given that you stayed and then got engaged to him, is, you want something done, do it yourself. Is that what you wanted us to take away from it?

Fine 4s i can't dictate what you should or should not take away from my post. Below are my answers to your questions on why handled my situation the way I did and my advice to OP.

"When you asked him to remove the pics and he didn't, did you feel like it spoke volumes of how he felt about you?" No, the pics didn't speak volumes, I just didn't want to see them. I honestly didn't think he cared one way or the other about the pics. Unlike OP, we went every where together, couple and family trips, hanging out in the city, dinner, theatre...you name it. What did speak volumes is he wanted me with him all the time. My husband asked me to marry him two months after we met and four months later with a ring so all those things collectively spoke volumes to me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If so, what made you stay or how did you re-evaluate your relationship? This might be good practical help for OP." My evaluation of our relationship proved that the good far out weighed the bad. My only complaint were the pictures. Everything else was sweet. I knew I wasn't competing for his love and attention and I wasn't jealous of the ex as the OP was.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The message I got from your post given that you stayed and then got engaged to him, is, you want something done, do it yourself. Is that what you wanted us to take away from it? When I asked him to remove the pics he didn't argue with me OR proclaim that those are his pictures so he should be able to have them. He would say, "ok, I'll take care of it", but never did. He might have just wanted me to do it since I was the one with the problem. Yes I stayed with him (I had no reason to leave) because technically it was HIS house and I was a girlfriend. Once I finally agreed to move in, well then things changed. I now call shots in OUR home.

In conclusion, you and OP was given a scenario which is similar to hers and how I chose to handle it. I intentionally left it open for the reader to take away whatever they choose, EVERYTHING is subject to interpretation. My advice to OP was not to evaluate the pics situation and take action accordingly. My advice was to re-evaluate (as I am sure she has done on many occasions before) the relationship as a whole.

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