How do I get over being jealous of his ex?

[glam-]

Thanks, ladies for all of the comments, suggestions, etc.

I haven't been back in this thread in a while- but I feel like typing it last week or whenever was kind of liberating for me. I guess it allowed me to confront the feelings, acknowledge the jealousy, and stop being focused on someone in the past. I've felt a lot better since then. As corny as it sounds, I also made a list of the great things about me and what makes me special & phenomenal. I also realized that I didn't have to live up to whatever standard "super-girlfriend" had set in the past. Our relationship is our relationship and I will not allow a toxic feeling to get in my way- that's never been me, so why should I succumb to it now.

Again, thanks for all the encouragement.

 

[newbiemom]

That woman may have a PH.d but he probably doesn't put that high on the list. She may cuss like a sailor like his family but a lot of men don't always want to marry women that mirror women in their family. Cooking is great but it doesn't keep relationships together. So it's all about what your man values, not what looks good on paper.



I do feel bad when women have gone the extra mile for a man and it doesn't work out.. that really does suck. However, like Bunny was saying, it's easy to get caught up in a performance mentality when it comes to keeping a man's attention when the things we're working hard at aren't necessarily what that man is focused on.

Even though men claim not to be emotional, I do believe that one of the primary things they like about a woman is how she makes him feel about himself when she's around; also whether she is adding or detracting from his quality of life over time.

We women often focus more on gaining his approval and admiration than on how he's actually making us feel or whether he's bettering our lives.. that leads to a lot of misplaced energy and bad relationship decisions IMO. I know it has for me in the past...

I agree because sometimes on paper everything is a go but in your heart it is not gonna work. I think many people try to force it becuase it should be working rather than it is working. I get jealous sometimes but we chose each other and we are happy for it 10 years later so.He knows his mind and his heart don't let insecurities place doubt were there isn't any.

 

[thatscuteright]

I actually feel bad for the ex- as I feel bad for any woman that is misguided and puts time and effort into a relationship and it doesn't work out.
Feeling jealous over her is actually quite useless, as for whatever reason he chose you.

I think its wonderful that she has accomplished so much, and I hope that she finds someone that appreciates and loves her too, but the man chose you and you are what he wants and needs.

Not to discredit her, but she is a non-issue and is out there dating and playing the game all over again when you are in a comfy, secured relationship with a bright future. If anything I would think that you would feel sorry for her. It took you half the time to accomplish what she could not with all her extra efforts.

If you are to really think about it, she might be jealous over you. You now have what she wanted all along and it seems from your post, you really didn't have to do much to get him.
The man knew in his heart what he wanted all along.

I think you should enjoy the relationship and either put her out of your mind or pray that she finds someone too.

IMHO the issue isn't really about the man or the ex, but about how you feel about yourself.
You are worthy of love.

 

[Kneechay]

I think a lot of your insecurity comes from you feeling SHE ended things with him rather than HE ending things with her, and you feel perhaps he may not be fully over her.

You know a lot of things about her, so him discussing her with you may also prompt you feeling that he still thinks about her.

What I say at this point is to just be the best girlfriend YOU can be. If you dwell too much on it, you'll cause issues in your own relationship. Unless he gives you a concrete reason to feel insecure, you shouldn't worry yourself about the strength of your relationship.