I am jealous of his exgirlfiend.

[Ayesha81]

My SO have been together for 2 years and 2 months now. He was in a long term relationship a few years back prior to meeting me. He has been dating since then until he met me. But the thing is in his phone he has so many pictures of him and her they have done everything together from cruises to concerts to bike trips to vacations...everything. They seemed to have really lived it up and had lots of fun.

When it comes to me he doesnt do any of those things. Its like all he sees in me is sahm and have babies for him. Even though his ex is out of his life now I just dont get why he doesnt treat me like he did her. What does he see in me that he doesnt want to do those things with me? He has his own business a moving company and he says when his business picks up we will go on a cruise. I say .........whatever.

Ladies what does this mean when a guy does this? Yes I am jealous of his exgirlfriend.

 

[danniegirl]

it might have been her that loved to do things and that initiated, planned or even payed for a more exciting relationship between the two of them.

Have you tried to do things and he just flat out refused.

 

[Rastafarai]

But the thing is in his phone he has so many pictures of him and her they have done everything together from cruises to concerts to bike trips to vacations...everything.

Red Flag.

When it comes to me he doesnt do any of those things.

Red Flag.

Its like all he sees in me is sahm and have babies for him.

Red Flag.

Ladies what does this mean when a guy does this?

Ayesha, read your above comments and try and look at this objectively. What would you say of any man who is in a relationship for 2 years and counting that still holds on to his old photos of him and his ex ?

He is not over her and has not moved on. It appears as if you are the "in the meantime" girlfriend. Two years and counting? Has there been any discussion of marriage?

Trust your gut. If you feel like you are the SAHM to have babies for him then you probably are.

It appears you are not getting what you deserve out of your relationship. I can't tell you what to do, but do remember your time is precious and should be spent with someone who is giving you his all.

 

[*CherryPie*]

Maybe his lifestyle has changed since meeting you. Maybe, when he was with her, he used to be free to roam the earth and live it up partying....and now, because he has a business to run, he is more serious and thinking of the future. He's older now. Maybe he's focusing on building a life for the two of you. I think that's more important...but that's just my opinion.

He said, he is going to take you on a trip somewhere. That's good. Maybe have a talk with him about scheduling vacation time more often.

You can't expect anyone to still be running free while running a business.

 

[*CherryPie*]

As for the pictures, he MUST get them out of his phone. They gotta GO!!!!

Did she break up with him? Forget it! Most men will lie and say they broke up with her to save face...anyway...so you probably don't know for sure.

 

[Ayesha81]

No he had never refused he just puts it off. Just by looking at her I can tell she likes that high life like a celebrity or something. I dont ? he doesnt love me I know he does I just wonder if he loves her more cause they did more things together. If they had this great life together so y didnt they settle down and have kids then?!

it might have been her that loved to do things and that initiated, planned or even payed for a more exciting relationship between the two of them.

Have you tried to do things and he just flat out refused.

 

[Evolving78]

his money might be funny, or maybe it was her planning all of that. have you planned a trip for you and him? have you done anything of those things for yourself/and partner? stop comparing your relationship to his prior. they might have done a lot, but they are not together anymore, so what does that tell you? get out of your own way, and find a concert for you and him to go to.

do ya'll have children together? as far as the pics, tell him to save them on something and get them out of his phone.

 

[Ayesha81]

Thanks. BUT! I am not just his "inthemeantime" girl. He wants to get married like yesterday I have been putting it off. And another thing he doesnt just have pics of his ex he also has pics of dates he has been with in beteween me and his ex.

Red Flag.



Red Flag.



Red Flag.




Ayesha, read your above comments and try and look at this objectively. What would you say of any man who is in a relationship for 2 years and counting that still holds on to his old photos of him and his ex ?

He is not over her and has not moved on. It appears as if you are the "in the meantime" girlfriend. Two years and counting? Has there been any discussion of marriage?

Trust your gut. If you feel like you are the SAHM to have babies for him then you probably are.

It appears you are not getting what you deserve out of your relationship. I can't tell you what to do, but do remember your time is precious and should be spent with someone who is giving you his all.

 

[*CherryPie*]

Stop comparing yourself to her. You are not her...and never will be. Therefore, he's not going to treat you exactly like he did her. So, you're just drive yourself crazy with that.

No he had never refused he just puts it off. Just by looking at her I can tell she likes that high life like a celebrity or something. I dont ? he doesnt love me I know he does I just wonder if he loves her more cause they did more things together. If they had this great life together so y didnt they settle down and have kids then?!

 

[ladysaraii]

As for the pictures, he MUST get them out of his phone. They gotta GO!!!!

Did she break up with him? Forget it! Most men will lie and say they broke up with her to save face...anyway...so you probably don't know for sure.

I agree with both of your posts, but especially this one. The phone seems a little too close at hand, esp since its been over 2 years. I don't even know if I have phones that long.

As far as the activities, maybe it's something you guys should have a serious discussion about, not from a 'you took her, why not me' standpoint, but a 'i enjoy doing these things and I enjoy you and i'd like to do them with you' If it's a money/time thing, you guys can start scheduling smaller things to get into the habit.

Maybe you should stop waiting on him to do some of these things. I'd get out and do them alone or with friends. heck, it might inspire him to get up and join you, esp if he's confused that you're no longer waiting on him.

 

[Rastafarai]

He wants to get married like yesterday I have been putting it off.

Why is that?

 

[Ayesha81]

Lol @ waiting on him to do these things. Girl Im 32 yes I been doing these things without him. been there. done that. still doing it.

I agree with both of your posts, but especially this one. The phone seems a little too close at hand, esp since its been over 2 years. I don't even know if I have phones that long.

As far as the activities, maybe it's something you guys should have a serious discussion about, not from a 'you took her, why not me' standpoint, but a 'i enjoy doing these things and I enjoy you and i'd like to do them with you' If it's a money/time thing, you guys can start scheduling smaller things to get into the habit.

Maybe you should stop waiting on him to do some of these things. I'd get out and do them alone or with friends. heck, it might inspire him to get up and join you, esp if he's confused that you're no longer waiting on him.

 

[Nayna]

Why does he have all these pics in his phone?

 

[SmileyNY]

It's simple. That was then. This is now. He's ready to settle down now. Maybe this is how he has matured over time.

Obviously whatever he was doing with his ex wasn't THAT great because they are no longer together ... so I highly suggest you stop trying to use that former situation as a desired blueprint for your own.

He want's to marry you, not her. That counts for something... Actually, it counts for everything.

Now... if you totally REMOVE the ex-girlfriend from your reasoning and you still want to do more spontaneous and fun things, then have a talk with him about that.

 

[Ayesha81]

I
Now... if you totally REMOVE the ex-girlfriend from your reasoning and you still want to do more spontaneous and fun things, then have a talk with him about that.

Yes. Thank you. You hit it on the nose. At the end of the day I am a homebody anyway. I really could care less if we did fun things together or not so I am choosing to drive myself crazy. I need to focus on the present and not his past.

 

[lux10023]

rastafari hit the nail on the head!!!
pictures in his phone of ex's...da helll
no way! no how! not in this life!

dude sounds lame as hell....couldnt be my bf fh or dh....Im the prize treat me as such...keep puttin it offf--but didnt put homegirl off...
and whoever said his money maybe funny could have a point-maybe thats why the ex left hmmmm

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

This is kinda weird.

 

[JustifiablyMe]

Let me preface by saying, OP, your responses sound a bit defensive. Like another poster said, look at what you wrote objectively. Your FH having pics of his ex in his phone, 2 years later at that, is NOT a red flag to you? .

Just because you're a homebody doesn't mean he can't do nice things with you or for you. Men will treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated - you said you can tell that she likes that "high life" or whatever, and he acted accordingly.

As a start, I would not ask, but demand, that he removes all those pics of him and his ex. That's just beyond disrespectful. Secondly, all these questions you are asking us, I would ask him. Don't try to reason the unreasonable.

 

[Ayesha81]

Well when we first met he did propose to me like a month later. seriously. But I told him no. Even after years I have reservations about him cause his money is kinda funny.

Red Flag.



Red Flag.



Red Flag.




Ayesha, read your above comments and try and look at this objectively. What would you say of any man who is in a relationship for 2 years and counting that still holds on to his old photos of him and his ex ?

He is not over her and has not moved on. It appears as if you are the "in the meantime" girlfriend. Two years and counting? Has there been any discussion of marriage?

Trust your gut. If you feel like you are the SAHM to have babies for him then you probably are.

It appears you are not getting what you deserve out of your relationship. I can't tell you what to do, but do remember your time is precious and should be spent with someone who is giving you his all.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

Well when we first met he did propose to me like a month later. seriously. But I told him no. Even after years I have reservations about him cause his money is kinda funny.

Well you answered your own question. If you know his money is funny then it stands to reason he's not trying to do the same things like he did with the ex. Hell that may be why his money is funny!

 

[kandake]

Well when we first met he did propose to me like a month later. seriously. But I told him no. Even after years I have reservations about him cause his money is kinda funny.

Soooo, what's the problem again.

You're jealous because they did all this fun stuff but... (1) you don't even want to do those things and (2) you know he may not have the funds to do so with you.

ETA: He needs to remove the pictures.

 

[Fine 4s]

Being the paranoid person that I am *takes a bow* I GET it! As someone mentioned "GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY!" STAT

I don't think these are red flag situations. I understand why the pictures make you uncomfortable and a simple conversation can fix that. Now if he resists, that's different. Have you spoken to him about this in the past? I know folks on FB who keep all pictures online (read past gfs and current gfs.) I think it's strange but not an indication of how he feels towards the exes or the new gf. It's wrong only if YOU say it's wrong.
Context is everything.

I suspect you mentioned that he wanted to get married soon as a way to show us that you are not merely a placeholder (if you try to defend yourself you will go crazy on this site). To which someone asked WHY do you think he wants to get married so quickly. Fair question. I don't think he wants to marry you solely for the purpose of having babies. One of the main reasons men settle down is because they are ready to start a family. And you my dear, may just be the one

Folks bring who they are when they give you advice. Just listen and run it accross your stomach, listen to your gut. You will know the right advice when you read it.

 

[Ayesha81]

Yes I am defensive. Because he is still good to me. Other than my paranoia he has never done anything bad to hurt me. Thats why I am defensive. I do not want to paint him as this no good man cause that is not the case.

Let me preface by saying, OP, your responses sound a bit defensive. Like another poster said, look at what you wrote objectively. Your FH having pics of his ex in his phone, 2 years later at that, is NOT a red flag to you? .

Just because you're a homebody doesn't mean he can't do nice things with you or for you. Men will treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated - you said you can tell that she likes that "high life" or whatever, and he acted accordingly.

As a start, I would not ask, but demand, that he removes all those pics of him and his ex. That's just beyond disrespectful. Secondly, all these questions you are asking us, I would ask him. Don't try to reason the unreasonable.

 

[ladysaraii]

Yes I am defensive. Because he is still good to me. Other than my paranoia he has never done anything bad to hurt me. Thats why I am defensive. I do not want to paint him as this no good man cause that is not the case.

I don't think anyone here (well at least 99% of people who post in the relationship forum) are going to jump to paint someone as horrible. We know that people and situations are more complex than a simple board post. but at the same time, we can only draw conclusions from what info we get and sometimes we may see something that would be a red flag for us. but as fine 4's said, we do see things through our own individual lenses.

All that to say, I'm pretty sure we're all here to be supportive from a loving and honest place.

 

[Fine 4s]

DO NOT DEFEND YOURSELF to people you don't even know, who don't know you or your relationship and who may or may not be following their own advice in private ANYWAY!!!!

 

[Keshieshimmer]

Thanks. BUT! I am not just his "inthemeantime" girl. He wants to get married like yesterday I have been putting it off. And another thing he doesnt just have pics of his ex he also has pics of dates he has been with in beteween me and his ex.

Are you saying phots of other women he has been on dates with are also in his phone?

 

[gabulldawg]

Why does he have all these pics in his phone?

This is kinda weird.

Yeahhh I can't focus on anything else but the pictures. What the hell??? That is odd to say the least. Who holds on to pics of the ex like that? In his phone, though? And MULTIPLE chicks?? He's keeping those pictures for a reason. I got rid of all pics of my ex when I got married. I actually got rid of a lot when we broke up, but whenever I came across anything of his I'd get rid of it with the quickness! I didn't even want DH thinking that I missed my ex or wanted to be with him or anything like that. Same goes for DH. I've never found anything relating to an ex. This is weird. I'm just confused. In shock. Who does that?

I just feel like we put up with way too much sometimes. That is unacceptable and he should know better.

 

[Southernbella.]

Yall have kids together? Or did I misunderstand the sahm thing?

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[Ayesha81]

........yes.

Are you saying phots of other women he has been on dates with are also in his phone?

 

[lux10023]

thanks to your whole post

multiple pictures of an ex in a phone---does not sound right to me in any way shape or form-there is no reasonable excuse to have multipleeee pics of an ex
if youve moved on-move on

and people hes went on dates with da hell--glaring red flag
like how does a woman or anyone justify that...women are very interesting- women makes excuses for everything

it reads disrespectful to me and very unsettling--yass honty he has alll the pics of his ex and their trips in his phone--mmmmhmmm he is the best! this is the one of them on the beach sipping coladas and this one is when they were kayaking- we going kayaking soon he told me

so dude use to have money and now you got dude when hes broke and back on the come up--winining um no!
lived high on the hog with ole girl and now we sitting in da crib like yeah we'll get to that lolol

people treat you how you allow them to....

Yeahhh I can't focus on anything else but the pictures. What the hell??? That is odd to say the least. Who holds on to pics of the ex like that? In his phone, though? And MULTIPLE chicks?? He's keeping those pictures for a reason. I got rid of all pics of my ex when I got married. I actually got rid of a lot when we broke up, but whenever I came across anything of his I'd get rid of it with the quickness! I didn't even want DH thinking that I missed my ex or wanted to be with him or anything like that. Same goes for DH. I've never found anything relating to an ex. This is weird. I'm just confused. In shock. Who does that?

I just feel like we put up with way too much sometimes. That is unacceptable and he should know better.