Husband Should Love Wife More than She Loves Him?!?!?

This might be a little off topic but how can I know that he loves me more than I love him? I've never understood it totally. There isn't a way to measure it. And if he's doing wonderful things for me and I for him how can we say who loves who more?
 
CocoSlim83 said:
This might be a little off topic but how can I know that he loves me more than I love him? I've never understood it totally. There isn't a way to measure it. And if he's doing wonderful things for me and I for him how can we say who loves who more?
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I'm not exactly sure how to quantify it but I do know when it is that way, you'll know it. I knew my SO loved me before he even told me he was interested. Its in the way they speak to you, their care and attentiveness to you, etc...
 
Bachelorette said:
Yes. Of Course.
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I agree ! I have my reasonings for this, but I wholeheartedly agree. I would not tell a guy this tho ... I somewhat mentioned it to my SO and he didn't agree, not a conversation I'd ever have w/him again or prob any other dude. But I def. think a husband should love his wife a little more than she loves him. This is not to say to just marry someone who you don't really love, NOT AT ALL, but I feel that the hubby should have more love for the wife.
 
In the Bible, Ephesians chapter 5 from about vs. 21 talks about the roles of Husbands and wives in marriage. vs. 33 exactly says "let each one of you individually so love his wife as he does himself on the other hand the wife should have deep respect for her husband".

I have always thought that it is more beneficial in marriage for a man to love his wife more but I never really thought that from a scriptural point of view or that the Bible endorses that thought.

I just feel that we as women naturally love more and harder... where as a lot of men can easily be distracted especially in these times. I always wanted my Man to love me more, be committed to me and our relationship .

I think when a Man loves his wife and takes care of her it is easy for us to love them and want to be respectful and in subjection to his headship.

When I say subjection or submission , it is not meant in a slavery , lesser than manner . Spiritual women in the Bible that are in subjection to their Hubby's are given a place of honor and as the scripture above says a man is to take care of and cherish his wife like he would himself.

These thoughts can be controversial to some cannot be thoroughly discussed on a hair forum.
These are just my thoughts in a nutshell.

ETA: 1 more thought. In Early Christian times people didn't get together like we do. Women were given in marriage by their families most times or chosen by a man to marry most times from a young age so in those times it would come first that a man would love his wife and then if he is good to her and takes care of her and the children from the union she could grow to respect and love him.
 
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interesting article...her last line sentiment is along the lines of the sentiments I personally feel on that whole theory that I know alot of women subscribe to

"And we need to assure them that settling for a man whom you love less than he loves you is selling everyone involved woefully, tragically, short."

I feel its a fear based theory on trying to construct and manipulate love and security based on certain beliefs within and outside of self


the key to any fulfilling relationship is loving yourself more than any other will love you which comes from connecting back to the source of who you are....love, GOD, etc.. you will experience loving another to that same magnitude and you will attract others to you who will also love you of that same magnitude and that is a truly rewarding relationship where now each of you rise in love assisting the other in their own personal evolution together which can easily last a lifetime as long as both parties desires and changes align in the same direction
 
I agree with the statement. Women tend to fall in love "easily" than men. We are quick to give our hearts mainly because we are emotional by nature. Men are not, when a man DECIDES to fall in love, they fall harder than women, because its sorta out of their nature.

Does that make sense? : /
 
I dont agree with this sentiment. If safety is what you want this will work, but if a true love and partnership i dont feel can exist in such parameters.
 
I agree...one of the main reasons is because a friend of mine recently told me older men advise him to always be with a woman who loves you more...so that WHEN you mess up she'll take you back...

To me...that means men take our love for granted EXCEPT for when they are the ones smitten...
 
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I had an older man a (minister) gave my friend and I this advice, He said he felt he loved his wife more than she loves him and it has worked in his marriage, but he is ok with that. He advised us to find a man that loves us more, for security, respect, and love.
 
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Changed said:
I agree with the statement. Women tend to fall in love "easily" than men. We are quick to give our hearts mainly because we are emotional by nature. Men are not, when a man DECIDES to fall in love, they fall harder than women, because its sorta out of their nature.

Does that make sense? : /
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Yes ! ITA. I think that it is what it really means. Not that anyone should settle for someone who loves you more because its "safer". No one should. It's more of when a man "worships" the ground you walk on and you love him back. You tend to have a happier relationship. That is why I am more for letting guys be the chasers. Not you chase him and he is unsure. Women are more willing to nurture to make things work and go against themselves. While, men are not always. When a man is deeply, truly head over heels in love with you. It takes a lot, like a whole 360 to turn the relationship south.
 
I agree with the OP's statement, but am torn between

1) thinking it is fear-based and it would be easy for men to start with the same philosophy, and then where would we be?

2) thinking it takes into account the real differences between male and female societal roles and how females are encouraged to commit and males are encouraged to add notches to their belt. A female in this circumstance needs to be sure that he not just out for the goodies.

Males have a lot of social pressure to "play the role" to get what they want and a woman needs to be sure, so that "gut feeling" that he loves you more is a good way to ensure women aren't just jumping at an opportunity.
All that "tit for tat" that women are doing these days, and buying things for men is a perfect example of where this needs to be employed. It's just completely unnatural. If a woman is the provider, then a man is just a piece of meat and/or "man-batter." We've got battery-operated toys and sperm banks for that. (not talking about married couples, who need to negotiate whatever arrangement works for them, but females who are getting taken advantage of financially and they dude says they're just "chillin'.")
 
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One of my aunts gave me this advice a long time ago and I have always kept it in the back of my mind. And it has worked for me :yep:
 
inspiration150 said:
Yes ! ITA. I think that it is what it really means. Not that anyone should settle for someone who loves you more because its "safer". No one should. It's more of when a man "worships" the ground you walk on and you love him back. You tend to have a happier relationship. That is why I am more for letting guys be the chasers. Not you chase him and he is unsure. Women are more willing to nurture to make things work and go against themselves. While, men are not always. When a man is deeply, truly head over heels in love with you. It takes a lot, like a whole 360 to turn the relationship south.
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I wholeheartedly agree with this..
Men love differently than women, and I think if a man is more head over heels w/ a woman he will be more apt to go the further mile, provide for her more, nuture her, guard her, etc....
This entire paragraph is exactly what I am going through right now. When a man genuinely and truly loves you, he really treats you differently than the rest of women he's been with, there is a certain level of regard, respect, loyalty, adoration, him really doing what needs to be done. At the same token, I want to be head over heels w/ the person I am with, but I want my man to worship the ground I walk on.
 
I'm not comfortable with designed and intentional differentials in the power balance of a relationship - including one person 'loving' the other more. It invites abuse.

I've been with men who loved me more than I loved them. It was boring. It was dull. I got real tired of being on a pedestal, and having someone leaping to my every whim. I possess an inner goddess, but I'm still human enough to abhor being worshipped, much less the ground I walk on. That's just the kind of woman that I am.

And knowing who I am and what I want is far more important to happiness in a relationship than following every bit of advice others give me about how a relationship 'should' work.

I wanted someone who could establish boundaries with me. I wanted someone who wasn't so love-blind he would let me walk all over him. I wanted someone who got righteously angry with me when I farked up. I wanted someone who loved me just as deeply, and madly, and passionately as I loved them - because without that give and take from a semi-level keel, eventually, someone is going to start feeling used, and something is going to break.

Being equally yoked is about much more than just religion, education, or income.
 
JustKiya said:
I'm not comfortable with designed and intentional differentials in the power balance of a relationship - including one person 'loving' the other more. It invites abuse.

I've been with men who loved me more than I loved them. It was boring. It was dull. I got real tired of being on a pedestal, and having someone leaping to my every whim. I possess an inner goddess, but I'm still human enough to abhor being worshipped, much less the ground I walk on. That's just the kind of woman that I am.

And knowing who I am and what I want is far more important to happiness in a relationship than following every bit of advice others give me about how a relationship 'should' work.

I wanted someone who could establish boundaries with me. I wanted someone who wasn't so love-blind he would let me walk all over him. I wanted someone who got righteously angry with me when I farked up. I wanted someone who loved me just as deeply, and madly, and passionately as I loved them - because without that give and take from a semi-level keel, eventually, someone is going to start feeling used, and something is going to break.

Being equally yoked is about much more than just religion, education, or income.
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That was beautiful, lol. That's what I want.
 
I don't think the idea of a husband loving his wife more than she loves him is the same as what is written in the Bible. :nono: This idea- sure it makes sense- cause if you're with someone who loves you more- you will have the edge. But what kind of relationship is that?

The Bible doesn't say that a man should love his wife more but AS himself. The fact that women didn't get the same counsel doesn't mean they shouldn't love their husbands or love them less. It's like msdeevee said- when a man loves his wife or when a woman feels loved, she (in general) loves her husband back. That's just our nature. In the same way, a man needs to feel respected. That is so important to him. And he should also respect his wife. Love & respect need to flow both ways.

The counsel in the Bible is there to ensure that men & women get what they desire- respect and love respectively- in order to promote a happy marriage.
 
JinaRicci said:
I don't think the idea of a husband loving his wife more than she loves him is the same as what is written in the Bible. :nono: This idea- sure it makes sense- cause if you're with someone who loves you more- you will have the edge. But what kind of relationship is that?

The Bible doesn't say that a man should love his wife more but AS himself. The fact that women didn't get the same counsel doesn't mean they shouldn't love their husbands or love them less. It's like msdeevee said- when a man loves his wife or when a woman feels loved, she (in general) loves her husband back. That's just our nature. In the same way, a man needs to feel respected. That is so important to him. And he should also respect his wife. Love & respect need to flow both ways.

The counsel in the Bible is there to ensure that men & women get what they desire- respect and love respectively- in order to promote a happy marriage.
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I believe I agree with this more.
 
Interesting topic OP! :D

You know, when I was younger (and more naive I'll add lol), I used to think that this saying was a bunch of hog-wash. :rolleyes: I would always argue: "but I want to be madly in love with my husband too! I don't want to end up with someone that loves me to death but I can't stand him."

But now that I'm older and I have more experience I NOW see what this saying means. :yep: And I completely agree. The quote isn't saying that a woman SHOULDN'T love her husband, or that a woman should just settle for any guy that worships the ground that she walks on. No....I take this quote to mean that a woman should love her husband...yes, BUT...he should love her just a little bit more than she loves him.

Why you may ask??? Simple: Men are different from women, and when a man senses that the woman loves HIM more than he loves her, this just invites all kinds of abuse. :nono:

After being in a "relationship" (if you can even call it that :rolleyes: ) where I loved the guy so much more than he loved me, I am never going to settle for a relationship like that again. :nono: Not only will the guy have to pursue me hard in the beginning, but he will have to like me just a little bit more than I like him. Because when man loves the woman more than she loves him, he tends to treat her like a QUEEN. I've seen that relationships are much smoother this way also.

In the relationships I've seen (based on personal experience, and the experiences of my girlfriends) where the WOMAN loved the man more than he loved her, it has never worked out. :nono: Either that, or there was always sooo much DRAMA in the relationship!

That's why it's so vital for the man to be the one doing the pursuing. Because when he has to work a little bit to get you, he can't help but respect you more than if you just threw yourself up on him. That's just how men (sad to say) think and reason.

Believe me...I've learned my lesson!! There is honestly some truth to this statement. :yep:
 
Crystal, I just wanted to thank you twice. I agree with everything you posted. I experienced the same thing . . .
 
I see what you are saying Crystal, but I think there is a big difference between one person loving the other person a lot more, and two people loving each other equally.

Anytime there is an imbalance, it invites abuse, and men aren't the only ones who can be abusers.
 
so its either a man loves the woman more, or the woman loves the man more or its nothing at all......

how does one measure how much "more" somebody loves another.......and everybody who has loved somebody more than another loved them and were "abused" "devastated" "hurt" "walked over" have way more internal issues of self love and that other person isn't the cause of all these feelings nor will a person who loves you more "solve" those issues...
 
I totally agree with crystal. I have seen many a relationship work, where both people loved each other, but the man more so. And it worked out great. I also seen many a realtionship where the woman worshiped the ground he walked on, and him, mmmm, not so much. And those relationships didn't work.
 
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