HOW TO DATE AN ALL AMERICAN WHITE BOY

[Galleta]

Ladies, I need your help. I've been crushing over this white guy in my class for the entire semester and just yesterday, he finally approaches me and asks me out on a date. We already know each other because we talk everyday before and after our class together and so far we've had two really nice phone conversations. I have only dated a white male once, but he acted more black than white, but this guy is your typical "abercrombie and fitch" type of guy, but he is so sweet and so handsome, and has amazing manners and is very respectful. He is just like Ashton Kutcher's character from Guess Who.

Since I know so many ladies on here are married to white men, What are some of the things I should know not to do or should do when dating a white guy. I know I am going to continue to be myself regardless, because that's what attracted him to me from the start, but I just wanted to know are there any rules to dating white men, like there are rules for white men dating black women for example: Never touch a black woman's hair, or don't talk about our booties, or don't take a black woman swimming or get her caught in the rain etc.

 

[JLove74]

Get rid of the rules and date him the same as you would want him to date you, with respect and kindness. Most of all - have fun.....

 

[Valerie]

Enjoy your date and let him treat you like a lady.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Hi! I think the best thing is for you not to make it such an issue internally because it will eventually show externally. Just go with the flow! I think that goes with any and every relationship. No real manual for dating any type of guy exists, just keep your positive vibe going that attracted him to you in the first place. I don't think there is anything specific anyone can tell you because he may be an "A&F" type guy but there are so many layers behind peoples appearances, I've been surprised many a times and you probably will be too and will just have to react accordingly. As you know, external issues may come up that will kinda force you two to talk about your different racial backgrounds but as long as love is there you'll be able to communicate and work through them so that it doesn't affect what you have. I know you said you already know to keep just being yourself, but that's really the most and only important thing I can personally tell you from experience.

 

[dlewis]

The rules would be the same. I've dated men of different races and it's the same thing. A man is a man.

 

[Divalicious]

What are some of the things I should know not to do or should do when dating a white guy. I know I am going to continue to be myself regardless, because that's what attracted him to me from the start,.

And there's the answer to your question

 

[camellia]

White men aren't alien beings. Just be yourself, there are no "rules."

I didn't know there were rules like "Don't touch our hair" or "Don't take us swimming." I love swimming and if I like a guy I don't have a problem with him touching my hair or face.

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

The rules would be the same. I've dated men of different races and it's the same thing. A man is a man.

Right and just be yourself. He asked you out because you are you so just be who you really are and everything else will fall into place.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

O.k., first of all, your title made me laugh!

Don't think about it so much, there aren't certain rules and regulations you need to follow if you date someone of a different race. There's no secret handbook of "dos and don'ts"!

Just relax, BE YOURSELF and get to know each other. It's just a date!

BTW, I never knew there were supposed to be rules...except for the one about the hair. Heck, I don't even let a black man touch my precious hair!

 

[sunnydaze]

What's the big deal if he wants to touch your hair???????????

 

[Cichelle]

As far as I know there aren't special rules to dating white guys. I wasn't aware of the rules about dating black women, though, so maybe I'm out of the loop.

Be kind. Have fun. Do what you normally do on dates. Don't make race an issue. There are so many other things to talk about on a first date. And yes, be yourself.

 

[bravenewgirl87]

White men aren't alien beings. Just be yourself, there are no "rules."

I didn't know there were rules like "Don't touch our hair" or "Don't take us swimming." I love swimming and if I like a guy I don't have a problem with him touching my hair or face.

No... just yours, Camellia. I mean look at him, hanging out with his kids, enjoying his time with his family, encouraging your hair growth, supporting you financially, emotionally and securing you with stability and love. THE NERVE OF HIM! He needs to be strung out, HIV-infected, and running from child support while buying teen girls cars like Christie Brinkley's man! I mean, what is he trying to do... earn "MAN OF THE YEAR" award? Humph! He needs to cut all that out and be triflin'.

But, ditto to that. Please, don't be stereotypical and don't get angry if you hear him spilling one or two "ignorant" statements. That the propelling force with ignorance; Some people just don't know no better and you just have to help him understand. Even if he says something that makes you uncomfortable... you don't have to "GO OFF" on him. Just write him off as romantic material if it bothers you that much and still be friends. Think about it, if he was acting awkward around you like he was taking a purple elephant with dreadlocks to the movies, you'd be extremely angry, right? So, thats how he will feel if you are acting all goofy about him being white. Relax... wear something sexy and "drop it down low and sweep the flo wit it" when he comes to the door. Its the offical mating dance for white men to persue black women. He will raise a eyebrow (preferably the left) and respond" I found you, Miss Black Booty! Get it right, get it right make it tight. CHEEEEA"

I'm just messing with you on the past few sentences... don't do that for real..

 

[Tranquility]

The ladies are right when they say just be yourself. Do not set up any rules of this nature because you will only limit yourself. Be open minded and take it one step at a time

 

[calliope]

LOL! Rules? He's human isn't he? Girl, just go and be yourself and have fun and have a nice time- he wouldn't have asked you out if he didn't like you just the way you are. I mean, what can anyone say? Don't mention the KKK. How's that?

 

[song_of_serenity]

Relax... wear something sexy and "drop it down low and sweep the flo wit it" when he comes to the door. Its the offical mating dance for white men to persue black women. He will raise a eyebrow (preferably the left) and respond" I found you, Miss Black Booty! Get it right, get it right make it tight. CHEEEEA"

I'm just messing with you on the past few sentences... don't do that for real..

Just be yourself and everything will go swimmingly. If you guys hit it off, great, if not, you weren't meant to be! It would be a shame to have someone ask you out and then "mold" yourself to what you think you should only to have them like the 'lie" that is you...or worse, screw up and have them not like you because you're not being the person they initially found interest in.

Good luck and report back!
~*Janelle~*

 

[WomanlyCharm]

LOL! Rules? He's human isn't he? Girl, just go and be yourself and have fun and have a nice time- he wouldn't have asked you out if he didn't like you just the way you are. I mean, what can anyone say? Don't mention the KKK. How's that?

I wonder how that conversation would go on a first date...oh man!

 

[ShaniKeys]

Rule 1°: don't think in colors
Rule 2°: don't build a wall between the two of you ("I don't know about you white people b/c us black folks we...")
Rule 3°: don't take everything personal ("how come black ppl...")
Rule 4°: enjoy your date

 

[klb120475]

I'm so excited for you Galleta! Keep us posted on how the date goes

 

[Ayeshia]

yall all are hilarious....I was never into the all american white boy...you know abercrombie and fitch type that plays lacrosse, and belongs to a frat not my type. I like skaters, surfers, and non-gotti boy Italians

But seriously as others have stated just be urself...there really are no rules when it comes to dating soemone of another race. just be urself.

 

[Bunny77]

I'd say the main thing would be to dump the stereotypes and that goes for a man of any race. I'd be highly offended if a white man told me he'd learned the "rules" for black women and that means no swimming and getting the hair wet, for example... I know the reasons behind "some" of that advice, but it surely doesn't apply to me!

Concerns about my hair getting wet doesn't have one iota of relevance to my life (shoot, I'll jump in the pool first and he can follow) and I'd LOVE for a man to play with my hair!

Just look at him as a man like you'd hope he'd look at you as a woman and go enjoy your date.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

What's the big deal if he wants to touch your hair???????????

I didn't know there were rules like "Don't touch our hair" or "Don't take us swimming." I love swimming and if I like a guy I don't have a problem with him touching my hair or face.

Uhh...this is LHCF ladies, NOBODY TOUCHES OUR HAIR WITHOUT PERMISSION!!!!!!!

I already gotta carry mace to keep those 'puff molestors' off my crown and glory!

 

[Shimmie]

Where did the hair rules come from? Who said we can't swim around white men or let them touch our hair? I don't want my hair touched anyway, but why is that a rule or is it just a made up theory?
_____________

Anyway, Dear OP...just be who you are and proud of who you are.

Trust me, White men are a dime a bushel. Be elegant, relaxed and proud of who you are. Enjoy the evening and allow him to see the beauty of a woman...in you.

ETA: Wear comfortable shoes; if your feet hurt you will frown all night.

And please no extra long ghetto fingernails that you have to swipe the sides of your fingers to get a grip on a spoon or fork; nor flashy makeup with glitter/sparkles; or huge ghetto earrings; and please no arms loaded with bangle bracelets up to the elbow...

Just be natural.

Not saying that you do this, but I just threw it out there anyway.

 

[darkangel25]

Where did the hair rules come from? Who said we can't swim around white men or let them touch our hair? I don't want my hair touched anyway, but why is that a rule or is it just a made up theory?

Oprah and Sanaa Lathan were talking about that on her show about "Something New" and IR dating. It was the first I had heard of it, too.

Anyway, have fun on your date and I agree with everybody else, just be yourself and relax.

 

[DragonPearl]

Ladies, I need your help. I've been crushing over this white guy in my class for the entire semester and just yesterday, he finally approaches me and asks me out on a date. We already know each other because we talk everyday before and after our class together and so far we've had two really nice phone conversations. I have only dated a white male once, but he acted more black than white, but this guy is your typical "abercrombie and fitch" type of guy, but he is so sweet and so handsome, and has amazing manners and is very respectful. He is just like Ashton Kutcher's character from Guess Who.

Since I know so many ladies on here are married to white men, What are some of the things I should know not to do or should do when dating a white guy. I know I am going to continue to be myself regardless, because that's what attracted him to me from the start, but I just wanted to know are there any rules to dating white men, like there are rules for white men dating black women for example: Never touch a black woman's hair, or don't talk about our booties, or don't take a black woman swimming or get her caught in the rain etc.

The White men I dated didn't know about those rules. I didn't know about those rules either.

No kidding though, who wrote those rules?

My dating rules that apply to any races of men: Be yourself. Mutual respect. Have fun. Whatever a man tells you about himself, don't take his word for it, watch how his actions back up his words. Relax. You can't force anything, and don't let anyone force anything on you.

 

[Bunny77]

Where did the hair rules come from? Who said we can't swim around white men or let them touch our hair? I don't want my hair touched anyway, but why is that a rule or is it just a made up theory?

The issue is supposed to be that white men who are used to swimming/being in the rain with white women won't understand that black women can't do this because her relaxed/pressed hair will "go back."

The problem I have with this is that while it may be an issue if your hair is straightened and freshlhy done, I don't like it when anyone does the whole "black people don't do XYZ." I dislike the fact that the whole black women can't go swimming/play in the rain thing is almost like gospel for men who want to date black women.

Shoot, even when I was relaxed, I went swimming! I just washed it out and blow dried and went on about my business.

So that's where the so-called "rule" comes from, but I hardly think it should be considered a rule. Just a difference from white women.

 

[Shimmie]

Oprah and Sanaa Lathan were talking about that on her show about "Something New" and IR dating. It was the first I had heard of it, too.

Anyway, have fun on your date and I agree with everybody else, just be yourself and relax.

Know what ticks me off about Oprah? She appeases White folks when it comes to sterotyping Black features and pumped up issues. Just because Oprah wont do it, doesn't mean that we can't or won't. I remember a year ago (or so) when Oprah started wearing a ponytail and her comments were something to the order of, '...cause you know us Black folks cant grow no ponytail." I know that this wasn't a direct quote but it was something to that effect; appeasing her white audience that Black women cannot have a natural long ponytail of their own.

Anyway...sorry to go O.T. Really, I am. Didn't mean to take it so far to the left.

Thanks for your reply to my question.

 

[Bunny77]

Know what ticks me off about Oprah? She appeases White folks when it comes to sterotyping Black features and pumped up issues. Just because Oprah wont do it, doesn't me that we can't or won't. I remember a year ago (or so) when Oprah started wearing a ponytail and her comments were something to the order of, '...cause you us Black folks can grown no ponytail." I know that this wasn't a direct quote but it was something to that effect; appeasing her white audience that Black women can have a natural long ponytail of their own.

Anyway...sorry to go O.T. Really, I am. Didn't mean to take it so far to the left.

Thanks for your reply to my question.

UGH, yeah, I love Oprah and what she stands for 90% of the time, but HATE how she (and Tyra too) projects their issues onto all black women, especially hair issues.

And since when did black people become unable to do a ponytail? Shoot, I'm even those of us on this board currently with short hair had hair long enough at some point in their lives to do a measly little ponytail, sheesh.

 

[Shimmie]

The issue is supposed to be that white men who are used to swimming/being in the rain with white women won't understand that black women can't do this because her relaxed/pressed hair will "go back."

The problem I have with this is that while it may be an issue if your hair is straightened and freshlhy done, I don't like it when anyone does the whole "black people don't do XYZ." I dislike the fact that the whole black women can't go swimming/play in the rain thing is almost like gospel for men who want to date black women.

Shoot, even when I was relaxed, I went swimming! I just washed it out and blow dried and went on about my business.

So that's where the so-called "rule" comes from, but I hardly think it should be considered a rule. Just a difference from white women.

Bunny, we're in sync. I just saw your post and I also just finished posting verbatim what you just shared.

High 5 and 10 Angel... . ITA with you on this. This mess ticks me off. All its doing is showing Oprah's personal insecurities; but don't put 'us' in it.

That's 'you' Oprah Winfrey, not us....Geesh, get some Henna and Alma oil...and get over it. I'll even spot you a bottle of MTG than see what you say to the white folks about that...

Bunny, I hate 'kiss-ups'...don't you? I do not have to put myself down just to appease another race.

I'm done fussing about it....

 

[Shimmie]

UGH, yeah, I love Oprah and what she stands for 90% of the time, but HATE how she (and Tyra too) projects their issues onto all black women, especially hair issues.

And since when did black people become unable to do a ponytail? Shoot, I'm even those of us on this board currently with short hair had hair long enough at some point in their lives to do a measly little ponytail, sheesh.

Tell it

 

[Divalicious]

UGH, yeah, I love Oprah and what she stands for 90% of the time, but HATE how she (and Tyra too) projects their issues onto all black women, especially hair issues.

Yep, both of them do it. I remember an episode where Oprah said something like 'And you know us black women. We don't shave our legs or underarms.' Then a cameraperson promptly showed a random black woman in the audience while the white audience was laughing.