How To Break Up With A Coworker

[TinyBlu]

I seriously think that I have somehow entered an episode of "Single White Female" If you don't understand the reference to that movie... you are a youngin!!!

So, I came across this "colleague" a few years ago at work. Since there's not many women of color in our environment, we make it a point to try to acknowledge / get to know each other. After our initial introduction, we didn't interact much outside of a passing "hello" because we work in different departments.

Around the beginning of the summer, we had an interdepartmental meeting and we talked more, etc. We went out to lunch a couple times (I consoled her about turning 40), but as we talked more, I started sensing that she may be a bit... off. She started doing things that made me uncomfortable.

For example, I shared with her that I was upset with the guy I was dating for inviting me to a white party at the last minute because I didn't like white parties or have the time/energy to buy a white outfit in time for the event. The next day I get a skin tight white dress delivered to my door from Amazon. She then texted me later that day like "SURPRISE!!!" When I asked her how she got my address, she reminded me that I had invited her to my Dad's birthday party and my address was on the invitation. I said "Thank You," but asked her to send it back. I even told her that I found the gesture a little "off putting" but she dismissed it as "just being nice"

She then literally "popped up" at an after work birthday celebration my coworkers threw for me and paid for my meal. Again, a nice gesture, but it felt... off. She has since insisted on sending me random texts which I rarely answer. It's like she's looking for a reason to text me. It will be things like "I was in the store and saw something I thought you'd like" or "Hey, I bought this new necklace. We should go out so I can rock it" or really strange GIFs of dogs massaging cats. It's STRANGE.

I've tried to be nice and say, you're making me uncomfortable. She clearly doesn't get the hint of me not responding to her texts. I don't want to be a B****, but she's creeping me out now, and there's a chance that my department could be moving to the same floor as her department.

Is there a way that I can say STEP OFF tactfully without this getting even weirder?

I know how dudes feel when someone just won't leave them alone. She's a lil cra cra.

 

[Foxglove]

Do the semi ghost where you don’t respond and if you see her make it about being busy and life happened. She’ll find somebody else to latch onto

 

[BrickbyBrick]

Hope you didnt mention this forum.

Kidding. Seriously though this is a tough one cause you work at the same place.

I say dont respond to her opening gestures. She' ll get it eventually.

 

[SlimPickinz]

Block her texts

 

[simone103]

OP, do you feel or sense that she may be attracted to you romantically? From what you've stated some of her behavior comes across as masculine...like she's pursuing you. I say this, because I've been in a similar situation - but we weren't co-workers.

 

[lisatamika]

OP, do you feel or sense that she may be attracted to you romantically? From what you've stated some of her behavior comes across as masculine...like she's pursuing you. I say this, because I've been in a similar situation - but we weren't co-workers.

This is what I'm thinking.

She sends you a skin tight dress and gifs of animals massaging each other. That tells me she wants to see you in that dress and massage you That's not something women do for each other, IMO. Especially the dress.

You can block her from contacting you outside of work, but I'm guessing it's not that easy to get away from work communication. You might have to give it to her straight then at the risk of hurting her feelings.

 

[natural2008]

Sounds a little scary.

 

[Everything Zen]

I had something similar but she wasn't buying dresses and things she was just OFF. The other black women that worked at my job felt the same way about her. At first, I just thought it was her being young and dealing with a hostile white work environment but NO she was definitely causing a lot of her own problems. She exhibited mad stalkerish tendencies, was immature and just odd. Eventually, she was let go early from her contract. I had to block her after so many calls and weird texts and she looked me up on LI asking me for a reference bc apparently she had screwed up at her new job too . I told her unfortunately, I couldn't give her a reference or be associated with her due to the circumstances surrounding the way she left our company and how it could come back on me (shifted the blame on our company) due to the heavy scrutiny I was under but I wished her the best of luck.

 

[PrissiSippi]

She want the P! Lol! I would just ghost her lol.

 

[TrulyBlessed]

Block her and be assertive if she continues to be a nuisance. She doesn’t care about your boundaries or discomfort because she wants what’s between your legs and more. Some people don’t respond to hints and may even see it as a bit of a tease/challenge. Standing up for yourself in a firm manner doesn’t make you the b-word.

 

[classychic1908]

Could it be that she is a bit awkward and socially unaware, but is trying to build a friendship? It's not unusual for me or my girlfriends to see something while out shopping, and pick it up if it looks like a friend would like it. I hear all the time about how difficult it is to make new friends as an adult, perhaps she just doesn't know the right way to go about it.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

Could it be that she is a bit awkward and socially unaware, but is trying to build a friendship? It's not unusual for me or my girlfriends to see something while out shopping, and pick it up if it looks like a friend would like it. I hear all the time about how difficult it is to make new friends as an adult, perhaps she just doesn't know the right way to go about it.

Not to be naive, but it sounds more like this to me. That doesn’t mean you have to be friends with her, but she bought the dress for you to wear after you mentioned a date with your guy, and the gifs are weird, yes, but I almost feel like if her interest were romantic then the SITUATION would be awkward but not necessarily HER. in this scenario she seems awkwardly oblivious to how bold sending a dress to someone’s address is, but someone who did that knowing it would seem bold is probably bold enough to ask you out

I know she has asked but I mean directly ask for a date. It seems like she doesn’t have many friends and doesn’t know how to make them and over estimated yalls association. But I mean if she was invited to your father’s bday party, and she’s awkward and anxious to make friends too, I can see that.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

Could it be that she is a bit awkward and socially unaware, but is trying to build a friendship? It's not unusual for me or my girlfriends to see something while out shopping, and pick it up if it looks like a friend would like it. I hear all the time about how difficult it is to make new friends as an adult, perhaps she just doesn't know the right way to go about it.

Yeah this is what I was thinking. I don't see a romantic overture, but trying to maybe rush the friendship timeline a bit. I would give her some grace on it, but that's just me.

 

[TinyBlu]

OP, do you feel or sense that she may be attracted to you romantically? From what you've stated some of her behavior comes across as masculine...like she's pursuing you. I say this, because I've been in a similar situation - but we weren't co-workers.

I thought about that. I'm usually pretty good at recognizing that. I'm thinking she may be bi-curious. Funny you should say that. One of my other coworkers that came to my birthday dinner said she got that vibe.

I don't care if she is same gender loving, as I am open to relationships with men or women. I'm just not feeling HER that way.

 

[TinyBlu]

Could it be that she is a bit awkward and socially unaware, but is trying to build a friendship? It's not unusual for me or my girlfriends to see something while out shopping, and pick it up if it looks like a friend would like it. I hear all the time about how difficult it is to make new friends as an adult, perhaps she just doesn't know the right way to go about it.

Maybe... but I wouldn't expect that type of gift from someone I haven't been communicating with one on one for such a short time. This was after less than a month.

It's strange because she's a very pretty woman and she's smart. I think she comes on WAY to strong. I can't imagine how men respond to her advances.

 

[TinyBlu]

Well... it gets a bit more strange. About a week after we went to lunch (was that her asking me for a date? I thought it was just a date between colleagues), I went to a conference for work and told her that I was attracted to one of the facilitators, and that we had exchanged numbers.

She "casually" mentioned today that she LOOKED HIM UP AND GOOGLED HIM!!!! She then started telling me that he "wouldn't be good for me", and telling me how SHE doesn't like guys that look "like that". WTH?!?!

I flat out asked her today if she was attracted to women, and she got VERY defensive. I made sure to preface the question by saying I'm not accusing OR propositioning you... I just was curious.

It's official... she either swims in the lady pool or wants to dip her toe in.

I had been ghosting her, but she didn't get the hint. Today I told her that I think things are entering a space that isn't conducive to a positive work environment, and I feel that it is best for us to just keep our communication to work only.

Her response: "I am not going to stop being your friend..."

Yep... cra cra.

 

[BonBon]

Her response: "I am not going to stop being your friend..."

 

[SlimPickinz]

Could it be that she is a bit awkward and socially unaware, but is trying to build a friendship? It's not unusual for me or my girlfriends to see something while out shopping, and pick it up if it looks like a friend would like it. I hear all the time about how difficult it is to make new friends as an adult, perhaps she just doesn't know the right way to go about it.

But your friends are someone you have built a relationship with. This is a coworker that is not picking up on social cues. It wasn't like she brought the dress to work and said hey girl I picked this up and I thought you would love it. She sent it to OP's home and then texted surprise when the shipping notice updated in her app. That is awkward.

I will agree that making friends is hard especially as an adult if you don't get out much. BUT this coworker is being weird. If this was happening with a platonic male coworker just trying to be friends I think the responses would be different.

 

[SlimPickinz]

Yup. Just saw the update. She’s crazy.

 

[TrulyBlessed]

Wow she sure is possessive. Please be careful.

 

[Damaris.Elle]

Well... it gets a bit more strange. About a week after we went to lunch (was that her asking me for a date? I thought it was just a date between colleagues), I went to a conference for work and told her that I was attracted to one of the facilitators, and that we had exchanged numbers.

She "casually" mentioned today that she LOOKED HIM UP AND GOOGLED HIM!!!! She then started telling me that he "wouldn't be good for me", and telling me how SHE doesn't like guys that look "like that". WTH?!?!

I flat out asked her today if she was attracted to women, and she got VERY defensive. I made sure to preface the question by saying I'm not accusing OR propositioning you... I just was curious.

It's official... she either swims in the lady pool or wants to dip her toe in.

I had been ghosting her, but she didn't get the hint. Today I told her that I think things are entering a space that isn't conducive to a positive work environment, and I feel that it is best for us to just keep our communication to work only.

Her response: "I am not going to stop being your friend..."

Yep... cra cra.

Yeah based on that response, I would block her number and not engage with her in person unless it has to do directly with work. You've already told her you were uncomfortable before and then you told her that you want to keep your communication work-related only and she's still ignoring what you're saying.

It sucks when you try to befriend someone and they end up being "off".

 

[Evolving78]

I thought about that. I'm usually pretty good at recognizing that. I'm thinking she may be bi-curious. Funny you should say that. One of my other coworkers that came to my birthday dinner said she got that vibe.

I don't care if she is same gender loving, as I am open to relationships with men or women. I'm just not feeling HER that way.

Yeah even if she is sexually attracted to you or if she were a man, this is still too much. It’s hard to tell what is going on because it just seems she is just trying to get in wherever she can fit in with you. Like “I want to be your everything, you don’t need anyone else” type of vibe..Just get very quiet and private around her. Change your social media accounts as well.