How soon do you ...

[lady_godiva]

cook for a man? They say that the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Do you cook for him early on in the relationship or when? The reason why I am asking is because a FRIEND of mine asked me when was I going to cook for him. I asked him when was he going to cook for me.

When I have to go to his house to meet him so that we can go to a business related function - lo and behold - he has a girl who he claims is not his girlfriend cooking for him. Ol' girl was cooking up a storm. I was even asking for the recipe while he was getting ready because what she was cooking looked good.

This occurence got me wondering. My question is do you cook for a man that you are in a relationship with in order to get closer to him? If so, how soon do you start?

 

[hopeful]

I would not cook for a man very soon unless something special occurred early in our dating such as a promotion or his birthday, otherwise I would wait a couple of months, after he has wined and dined me a bit. Then I would cook for him on occasion as a special treat, not an ongoing thing pretending to be a wife.

 

[calmsensual1]

I dont know. Ive never really timed it. I cook all the time because its something i like to do and have cooked for someone early on. Like the 2nd or 3rd date.

Personally I'd rather cook than go out to eat because its healthier and saves time.

 

[gabulldawg]

Good question, OP! I have also been thinking about this. I've been dating a guy for almost two months now, and I haven't cooked for him yet. One day I mentioned to him that i had cooked some hot wings and he asked why I didn't bring him any (not in a rude way or anything). I didn't admit this to him, but I didn't bring him any because I didn't know if it was too soon for me to do something like that. Hopefully others will chime in with some advice.

 

[JinaRicci]

Great question! I like to cook so this is sometimes hard but I have decided to not cook for a man in a relationship early on. Of course, every situation is different. If we're both cooking for each other, maybe. But from experience, it comes to be expected- which can set things up later for married life- and I don't wanna send those kinds of messages.

The way to a man's heart may be his stomach but I would just rather capture it in another way.

 

[aa9746]

I have no good advice for you because my SO didn't marry me for my cooking. I'm not a good cook.

 

[juju]

There is nothing like cooking for someone and see them enjoyng your home cooked meals,plus those nice compliments you going to receive.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

I guess I'm spoiled b/c I'm used to the guys showing off their cooking skills. The guy I dated before my current SO could THROW IT DOWN in the kitchen!!!

 

[Nyssa28]

YOu gotta earn your stripes before I cook for you.

 

[sky_blu]

Interesting question...Im not a cook so I dont cook LOL...but I can order the hayle out of a menu All of the guys I've dated have been the cookers.

 

[Theo]

My general rule is that I don't cook FOR anyone. I make food for MYSELF and let them have some if they want.

But I've been dating this guy for awhile and he cooks for me all the time. Like every time I come over, he's either making me breakfast, or cooking me dinner, making me a little peanut butter and jelly snack... I'm just like oh you're so sweet.

So I might bend the rules for him eventually.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Well if you're over there and she's over there, I doubt that is a girlfriend.

I don't cook until I feel like it, which may be never. I cooked for DH before he was DH because I was hungry too... lol.

I remember this one guy came over, a big boy, who just left Olive Garden's pasta fest.... and it was 9 PM and he said he was hungry.

I handed him an unwrapped twin pack of generic PopTarts.

My mother tried to call me out all loud in front of him, "Lauryn why you don't fix him a plate?"

I was like, Momma mind yo' bidness.... He just ATE

 

[Tylers-mom]

The first time I cooked for my husband was about a month after we met...we had been on 4-5 dates already when he invited me to his place. I cooked him a nice dinner, we ate, watch a movie and he took me home.

 

[Ms Red]

We had been dating for a few months before I cooked for him. It was a nice surprise

 

[Makenzie]

I will cook after I feel the relationship is going somewhere and after I am certain he can take care of me.

And I don't cook for friends, unless I am having a get together at my house.

 

[lady_godiva]

Well if you're over there and she's over there, I doubt that is a girlfriend.

I don't cook until I feel like it, which may be never. I cooked for DH before he was DH because I was hungry too... lol.

I remember this one guy came over, a big boy, who just left Olive Garden's pasta fest.... and it was 9 PM and he said he was hungry.

I handed him an unwrapped twin pack of generic PopTarts.

My mother tried to call me out all loud in front of him, "Lauryn why you don't fix him a plate?"

I was like, Momma mind yo' bidness.... He just ATE

No. She is not. He tells me EVERYTHING. But she is trying to me. She cooks for him, cleans his house, and services him in a way that porn stars would envy. I was there yesterday. I come over, leave my car at his house, we go in his car, go to whatever place we are going to then come back to his house. I get in my car and go home.

I told him to let me know if he has company before I come over to meet him so that we could go to our event because I did not want to be embarassed again. He told me that he had company and for me to come on over. He said that she was asleep. I guess so from all the cooking, cleaning, and other stuff she's been doing.

I guess I may never marry because I ain't doing none of the stuff she does until I am in a solid relationship and MARRIED. As far as the last thing that she does for him that'll only be for my HUSBAND for his birthday and Christmas only. 'Cause I can't "stomach" that any other time.

 

[Bunny77]

No. She is not. He tells me EVERYTHING. But she is trying to me. She cooks for him, cleans his house, and services him in a way that porn stars would envy. I was there yesterday. I come over, leave my car at his house, we go in his car, go to whatever place we are going to then come back to his house. I get in my car and go home.

I told him to let me know if he has company before I come over to meet him so that we could go to our event because I did not want to be embarassed again. He told me that he had company and for me to come on over. He said that she was asleep. I guess so from all the cooking, cleaning, and other stuff she's been doing.

I guess I may never marry because I ain't doing none of the stuff she does until I am in a solid relationship and MARRIED. As far as the last thing that she does for him that'll only be for my HUSBAND for his birthday and Christmas only. 'Cause I can't "stomach" that any other time.

Unfortunately, it sounds like ole' girl has bought into the "I must prove myself to a man to get him to want me," mindset...

(Are these people black, by the way? I ask because this is something I don't see much with women of other groups. Black women seem to have bought into the idea that they have to compete for a man and do all this stuff -- like cook -- in the hopes that he'll pick her. Meanwhile, the dudes eat up the food and get with someone else!)

Men are supposed to be working to win WOMEN, not vice versa. I just now cooked something for a dude who I've been dating for two months... and it was an omelet. (He really liked it though! ) But he had already cooked for me first and been paying for all of the meals on dates, etc., so I was nice and made him breakfast ONCE.

As for your last paragraph... well, technically you're contradicting yourself. I'd just say that the girl in your story probably isn't getting married to this particular man because she's acting like a wife to a man who isn't even her boyfriend... so her doing all of this stuff hasn't put her any closer than you to "getting a man," has it?

Oh, and no male FRIENDS of mine have even dared to ask when I was going to cook for them. I think they know me better than that. Actually, no man PERIOD has ever asked me that question... and I can actually cook too!

 

[lady_godiva]

Unfortunately, it sounds like ole' girl has bought into the "I must prove myself to a man to get him to want me," mindset...

(Are these people black, by the way? I ask because this is something I don't see much with women of other groups. Black women seem to have bought into the idea that they have to compete for a man and do all this stuff -- like cook -- in the hopes that he'll pick her. Meanwhile, the dudes eat up the food and get with someone else!)

Men are supposed to be working to win WOMEN, not vice versa. I just now cooked something for a dude who I've been dating for two months... and it was an omelet. (He really liked it though! ) But he had already cooked for me first and been paying for all of the meals on dates, etc., so I was nice and made him breakfast ONCE.

As for your last paragraph... well, technically you're contradicting yourself. I'd just say that the girl in your story probably isn't getting married to this particular man because she's acting like a wife to a man who isn't even her boyfriend... so her doing all of this stuff hasn't put her any closer than you to "getting a man," has it?

Oh, and no male FRIENDS of mine have even dared to ask when I was going to cook for them. I think they know me better than that. Actually, no man PERIOD has ever asked me that question... and I can actually cook too!

Yes they are black. He only asked me to cook for him after she started cooking for him. I guess he thought that I was going to start competing with her for his attention. I don't do any of that and yes he pays for everything when we do go places. We are friends, but we are also involved on a professional level as well.

 

[Kerryann]

i cook just about everyday and if he comes over i happen to ask him if he is hungry and he eats so i never really thought about it it just happened

 

[Bunny77]

Yes they are black. He only asked me to cook for him after she started cooking for him. I guess he thought that I was going to start competing with her for his attention. I don't do any of that and yes he pays for everything when we do go places. We are friends, but we are also involved on a professional level as well.

I like how you're handling things!

He had some nerve asking you when you were going to cook for him though! I probably would have said, "Oh, I only plan to cook for my husband!"

 

[Nyssa28]

I can't get over "that thang" that she does for him. What exactly is their relationship? I'm confused.

 

[Bachelorette]

(Are these people black, by the way? I ask because this is something I don't see much with women of other groups. Black women seem to have bought into the idea that they have to compete for a man and do all this stuff -- like cook -- in the hopes that he'll pick her. Meanwhile, the dudes eat up the food and get with someone else!)!

So true re: bolded, African women are ESPECIALLY known for this. Infact it's how most are trained. It's depressing IMO.

 

[lady_godiva]

I can't get over "that thang" that she does for him. What exactly is their relationship? I'm confused.

He claims that all she does is SERVICE him. He doesn't even reciprocate (sp). But men lie. He is telling me that it is only physical and that she told him that she does not want to be in a relationship either. He believes her.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

He's obviously letting this girl wear herself out.
I would have been saying deuces from the moment you have another woman as your date.

I feel bad for her

 

[lady_godiva]

He's obviously letting this girl wear herself out.
I would have been saying deuces from the moment you have another woman as your date.

I feel bad for her

It's not technically a date...but still I agree with you. If she was his girl, he would either meet me at the location or somewhere else away from his house. What I am trying to say is that he would be more respectful of her.

The first time that this occured, I was telling him that we did not have to go if he had company once I realized he had company. We went anyway. Yesterday, I told him to let me know if he had company and that we could just meet at the location, he told me to come and we went anyway. Go figure.

I have not been in many relationships, but I have learned that you have to MAKE a man treat you the way that you want to be treated.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

It's not technically a date...but still I agree with you. If she was his girl, he would either meet me at the location or somewhere else away from his house. What I am trying to say is that he would be more respectful of her.

The first time that this occured, I was telling him that we did not have to go if he had company once I realized he had company. We went anyway. Yesterday, I told him to let me know if he had company and that we could just meet at the location, he told me to come and we went anyway. Go figure.

I have not been in many relationships, but I have learned that you have to MAKE a man treat you the way that you want to be treated.

I feel you, but this girl is a free cum recepticle that cooks and cleans.
Does she bathe the royal penis as well? erplexed

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

unless u plan on auditioning for the role of "Wifey," then go for it..otherwise, do what your heart tells you. just remember, when u start sumfin, he may want it more often....

 

[ebonylocs]

Unfortunately, it sounds like ole' girl has bought into the "I must prove myself to a man to get him to want me," mindset...

(Are these people black, by the way? I ask because this is something I don't see much with women of other groups. Black women seem to have bought into the idea that they have to compete for a man and do all this stuff -- like cook -- in the hopes that he'll pick her. Meanwhile, the dudes eat up the food and get with someone else!)

I've encountered this as well. Some women just want to feel needed.

My ex, like all my boyfriends, could handle himself in the kitchen. He was the kind of guy who kept his house clean and neat, cooked himself healthy meals, did his laundry regularly, etc. I *loved* it. I admired how capable and self-sufficient he was in all aspects of his life. However, he told me that at least one previous girlfriend had complained that "she felt like he didn't need her for anything." I found that puzzling. Like she thought all she had to offer was housewife skills. What about just her presence, wit, company, fun, intelligence, advice, conversation, sensuality, support, encouragement, new activities and interest she would introduce him to, etc etc?

 

[tiara76]

I personally just like to cook so if somebody happens to be around or i feel like inviting them over or cooking if im at their spot its just what i do...if i didn't feel like cooking I wouldn't....i just do me... doing things or not doing things depending on the actions or non actions of another person is something i realized makes my actions unauthentic and personally when i feel the feelings of unauthenticity within the feeling I get is not in accordance to my true nature and it does no good for me or who ever else is involved in the situation

 

[GeorginaSparks]

My SO asked me when i would cook for him again(I did one time and he loved it) and i said maybe next year