How many LHCF ladies were/are victims of DV?

[RockCreak]

I know of a couple of friends and also my mother. As far as me personnally. Hell to the nawww! That's just something that I will not tolerate....I will pack my crap and be out!

Personally it's something that I just never understood. Watching my mother go thru it was enough for me. Now I keep a lil somethin somethin with me at all times, in case the fool even think about.

Gotta protect me and mine first....

 

[hopeful]

I was emotionally and sexually abused. Still working on forgiveness and getting rid of bitterness

I'm sorry you had to go through that. You deserved so much better.

 

[JewelleNY]

Wow! I must admit that I am really surprised by the numbers Almost half

 

[growth2come]

Wow! I must admit that I am really surprised by the numbers Almost half

I am shocked at the numbers too...My mum was by dad. She didnt stick around too long after I came along so I know not to stick around if a man thinks violence is the way to solve our problems....I am out! My mum didnt stick around for it so I am not.

 

[Shinka]

Mymom and stepfather fought since he was alcoholic. She faught his back blow for blow. Kind of tramautic as child.

As a teenager, I had a boyfriend who tried to choke me and I bunched in the face numerous times with my keys to get away.He was shocked. I never saw him again and I didn't tell anyone although he lived down the block from me.

After that I become physically abusive to my first love because I wanted to test and see if he loved me no matter what I did to him. H enever hit me back. We are still friends now and I apologized to him years ago for doing that. He understood me life and knew I wasn't okay, but to me that's no excuse. I was about 15 then.

My x-husband was verbally abusive and I almost stabbed him one time when it got too much. That's when I knew it was time for him to go because I was willing to lose everything that day.

My x-fiance was also verbally abusive as he would yell and scream whenever he got angry and call me out of my name. He even told he purposely say things to hurt because he was hurt. Although I never did anything to intentional hurt him, and never cussed, yelled, or called him out his name. Sounds familar "You make me beat you".

Aargh, as I write those examples makes me realize I should probably get some counseling.

 

[Ariana4000]

I was mentally abused by a boyfriend but never hit. After a year I looked in the mirror one day, and realized I had grown gray hair. I was only in my twenties at the time. After that, I ended it. I couldn't believe I let a man stress me out that way.

 

[natural_one]

My mom was, but I never have been a victim. Seeing my mom go through it taught me to watch for the warning signs.

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

Yes, I was.

 

[c0urtr0cbaby]

I know of a couple of friends and also my mother. As far as me personnally. Hell to the nawww! That's just something that I will not tolerate....I will pack my crap and be out!

Personally it's something that I just never understood. Watching my mother go thru it was enough for me. Now I keep a lil somethin somethin with me at all times, in case the fool even think about.

Gotta protect me and mine first....

:sigh: It really bothers me when some women say this, like as if people who were abused chose that path or chose to stay in the relationship. How would you know if a man who has been showering you with love throughout your whole relationship won't pick up one day and slap the mess out of you because 'you got him angry'? Sometimes the signs just aren't there, and it's like night and day with the person.

Yes, I have been a victim of DV. With him since I was 15 for 5 years, he was my first EVERYTHING. Initially, the verbal abuse started. "You're fat", "You're sooo ugly," "I can get better girls than you," etc. Then about 2 yrs. ago, he went with me on a trip to Dorney Park with my university. He got mad because I said hello to a friend he didn't like, and proceeded to punch me in my face on the bus ride home. That was time 1 of 3. I got out of there and although I still love him (only the good Lord above knows why) I am much better without him.

 

[Blessed_Angel]

I have not. My mother was. And because I've seen it and have suffered at my father's hands as well, I made sure to NEVER allow a man to hit me.

I've been in abusive relationships before (all with older men); and when I saw it coming to that, I got out of it with the quickness! I knew that that was not the life I was intended to live; I didn't need a man to act like my father and beat me, but I wanted a man to love me. And that's what I have now.

I've seen women get beat up in DV relationships. I could never understand why they tolerate it. I just prayed for them.

 

[TwistNMx]

Yes. About 16 years ago. I also went through C.A. growing up
I'm a new person because of it too.
I'm very happily married now though, but If anyone ever thought of it, they'd have to be careful of me now! They would not get away with it...believe me!!!

 

[TwistNMx]

I wasn't directly...but my mom was and alot of times, it would spill over onto me when she wasn't around.

I vowed to never allow myself to be put into a situation like that. In previous relationships, as soon as I would see a red flag didn't matter how small it was...I was out!

Good for you. Two thumbs up!

 

[FlowerHair]

I was when I was younger, in my first real relationship.

I'm very sensitive to violence nowadays, I hate it and I can't stand it.

My home needs to be peaceful and harmonious at all times!!

 

[misseyblue]

I was...mental and physical with my ex-fiance...

the experience changed me..I love myself like no other now..

The situation also led me to remove other toxic people from my life and make wiser choices...

I feel like I am a completly different person..life is peaceful...

and like the response above...my home needs to be peaceful/harmonious at all times as well..I only deal with stress at work...

 

[Mis007]

Physical no, mental yes although I have forgiven him but have not forgotten, It's all about karma.

 

[mlj]

I was for 10 years, But now I know " Love doesn't Hurt... I am free

 

[trinidarkie1]

I know how ppl hate to have threads bumped that are older, so I apologize for annoying any one who would be upset by that. However, I am a victim and I am trying to get out safely. There really isn't any help, no one lives very close by and those that are close enough, don't want to actively help because they are afraid; I understand, although I'm a bit upset. But to each his own.

Hopefully soon I will be able to say I'm one that 'was' and not 'am'.

 

[JewelleNY]

I know how ppl hate to have threads bumped that are older, so I apologize for annoying any one who would be upset by that. However, I am a victim and I am trying to get out safely. There really isn't any help, no one lives very close by and those that are close enough, don't want to actively help because they are afraid; I understand, although I'm a bit upset. But to each his own.

Hopefully soon I will be able to say I'm one that 'was' and not 'am'.

Hi Trinidarkie,

I know how you feel. No one would really help me either not even the police except one nice guy but by then I felt hopeless. Maybe try the net or yellow pages for support groups or a hotline you could call for advice. Start making plans and get concrete ideas. Maybe you will have to save money to move and consider things you haven't before. Maybe a religious leader of a local church. The main thing is to find a place to go to and start saving and plan how you want to leave. HTH

Sorry you have to go through this, I hope you make it out soon, please keep us updated

 

[*Michelle*]

I know how ppl hate to have threads bumped that are older, so I apologize for annoying any one who would be upset by that. However, I am a victim and I am trying to get out safely. There really isn't any help, no one lives very close by and those that are close enough, don't want to actively help because they are afraid; I understand, although I'm a bit upset. But to each his own.

Hopefully soon I will be able to say I'm one that 'was' and not 'am'.

I am, so, sorry to hear this! I have been in this position (pregnant with two young children). After he threatened to commit suicide if I ever left him, I called a shelter the next day AND left the next day. Stayed the night and moved 9 hrs away (which was even further away from my family and friends and a city I had never been to before) but I vowed to protect my kids if nothing else. Finally I got it that I needed peace. I have never looked back and it is almost twenty yrs later!

Good luck and I'm praying for you. DO THIS FOR YOU, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!

 

[trinidarkie1]

I have contacted the hotlines and the lady was like ' oh hold on, I got somebody else on the other line. I know you want to leave right now, but you gotta call me back okay? ' It was too funny.

I'm actively pursuing this, and things are being put into place slowly. He is at home most of the time, and so when I am home I have no real privacy and don't want to raise any red flags. It's amazing how someone can go from one extreme of being sick and unable to help themselves to superhuman and strong and trying to smash your windows to get you out of the car.

WIll update those who've PMed.

 

[*Michelle*]

Sad that a shelter has to put you on hold, just shows the state of DV...ugh!

Good to hear you are making plans to take care of yourself! Yes, I realize sometimes these things take time. I had been thinking about it for a couple of mos, before he made that statement. You will know when it is time. (((HUGS)))

I don't know how snoopy he is but did you know you can download the Safari Browser and set it to private mode so there is no trace of your web surfing?

 

[trinidarkie1]

Thanks for the tip. I reviewed the safety information that the DV websites offer and we have our own PC's. He doesn't use mine at all because he has a desktop and laptop. BUT, I am sure to delete every thing, had my friends show me how to when I found him trying to get onto another board that I used to be on. Imagine that. He did read some PMs through there and that made him curious.

You know I'm rolling with our two laptops when I do bounce, lol, just so that he doesn't have any other info, he would still have two of his own and the desktop. Yes, I know a lot of PC's for just two ppl. That's his fault, he likes to buy things that we don't need rather than get some thing fixed.

 

[A856]

:sigh: It really bothers me when some women say this, like as if people who were abused chose that path or chose to stay in the relationship. How would you know if a man who has been showering you with love throughout your whole relationship won't pick up one day and slap the mess out of you because 'you got him angry'? Sometimes the signs just aren't there, and it's like night and day with the person.

Yes, I have been a victim of DV. With him since I was 15 for 5 years, he was my first EVERYTHING. Initially, the verbal abuse started. "You're fat", "You're sooo ugly," "I can get better girls than you," etc. Then about 2 yrs. ago, he went with me on a trip to Dorney Park with my university. He got mad because I said hello to a friend he didn't like, and proceeded to punch me in my face on the bus ride home. That was time 1 of 3. I got out of there and although I still love him (only the good Lord above knows why) I am much better without him.

This is me looking in the mirror. I was in the relationship for 10yrs....I've been free for just a few months. This is the longest we've been apart. I can't help but think about him from time to time, esp when I'm lonley.
I want to call him sometimes, but when I do think about him all the bad things pop up and then I decide otherwise. I'm proud of myself for leaving, it was a looong time coming...

 

[trinidarkie1]

Awww A865, Congratulations on making that step, and I feel you on thinking about him from time to time. I already know when I move, I'm going to need to be far away, because If I stay local I will definitely be curious and want to pass by and that will so not be healthy for me.

 

[-Volare]

2 years....been in the hospital enough in one lifetime. Verbally abusive also. Never again.