HELP i feel like a nutter!

[LivingDol1]

ok i know i'm being a cheerleader right now for bigger and better in 2012. but i am having a weak moment and i need a slap in the face!

am i overreacting? is all hope lost?

i've been posting in the RT Relationship thread about my dating experiences. I am STILL flabbergasted that this guy i had a -great- date with on the 21st hasn't contacted me. we haven't been in touch since 12/26. we planned to get together on 12/26. given it was the holiday week, we both don't drive and have to rely on friends or public transportation, i suggested that we just postpone the next time we hang out until we're both back where we live.

i suggested we meet later in the week. he wrote back saying that was fine and we should definitely do something next week. i wrote him back saying that i'd prefer to meet before new years b/c i'm off. when the work week is back in swing, i would probably be crazy busy. i was just giving him my window of availability.

he wrote back saying, "OK, sounds good. i'll let you know how my schedule shapes up tomorrow." he sent the last text.

.......... i have not heard a PEEP from him!!

our mutual friend asked me if we hung out and i told her no. then later i told her i hadn't heard from him. she thought it was annoying but she insists he's not a jerk! just really casual about dating.

so....? should i just write this off as a loss?? i'm just a little shocked bc we hit it off so well. as a friend of one of my besties, i would have expected him to have better manners!

or, did i do something wrong? HELP.

 

[Etherealsmile]

Don't go second guessing yourself, I don't see anything you did wrong.

Unless he got hit by a mack truck and is laying in the hospital in critical condition with no way of possibly communicating with you, there's no excuse/explanation for not sending even a simple text as why he couldn't meet up with you on the 26th as planned and has been so silent for the past several days.

I want to say he may just not be into you but it doesn't make sense if you guys had such a great date.

You may need to cut your loss on this one and move on. If he shows up again, he better have a very solid reason (re: his fingers got chopped off and he couldn't call or text) as to why he bailed out on you otherwise, let it go.

 

[RarityFluttershy]

I would take this as him blowing you off.

But I don't have experience in the dating department. Hopefully some of the other ladies can/will advise you.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Hmmm. Well, he gave you kind of vague answers when you basically let him know what your availability was. I think he will reach out to you again but it will be in his own time. At that point it will be up to you to determine if you want to re-invest yourself. Your friend told you that he isn't a jerk, just very casual with dating. That likely should be the same approach you take with him. Just be very casual about everything since it's just the beginning.

With the week i've had I wanted to tell you to say *** it, he's a loser and it's his loss but i'm trying not to be jaded right now.

 

[hopeful]

I think you may have put him off a bit with the suggestion to meet before New Year's. I think that was a little pushy especially since he suggested getting together next week which was not that far off and since you guys had only been on one date.

 

[LivingDol1]

it's not that he couldn't meet up with me on the 26th though. i told him that the 26th wasn't going to work out. i was already out with a friend that evening when i told him we should reschedule.

i could be entirely confused and he could very well text me this week about a 2nd date. i just think it's a long time to not be in touch with someone you are interested in. either he has other options... orr.... i don't really know.

we had a GREAT date! he made it very clear that he wanted to see me again and also told my friend that he had a great time with me, which she passed onto me.

part of me wants to be like, "Um, what happened to you?" but i think that would look like i'm nagging or care too much... but i'm annoyed! i will see his butt again b/c of my friend... so he need not be a dick!

 

[LivingDol1]

I think you may have put him off a bit with the suggestion to meet before New Year's. I think that was a little pushy especially since he suggested getting together next week which was not that far off and since you guys had only been on one date.

you might be right on this one. i was worried about this. this is why i've stayed silent the entire time. ugh.

i only suggested that because he said he was off for the rest of the week like i was.

 

[RoseTintedCheeks]

It sounds like he's either not that into you or he just needs to see that you're not always going to be available. If you had a great first date and you suggested to meet up again, then he probably knows you are feeling him. Find some other hobbies/interests/move on for now. He'll pop back up..they always do. When he does just don't appear too eager to meet up. He needs to wonder a bit. Hope that makes sense.

 

[nlamr2013]

Wait so you canceled on the 26? And then when he said meet the next week you said as long as it was before new years? Maybe he felt like you were blowing him off. Maybe send a flirty message about him missing the boat.

Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier

 

[LivingDol1]

Wait so you canceled on the 26? And then when he said meet the next week you said as long as it was before new years? Maybe he felt like you were blowing him off. Maybe send a flirty message about him missing the boat.

Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier

AGGHH! really??? erplexed

but how does it look like i'm blowing him off if i'm saying we should meet earlier? he was saying next week like, which i assumed to mean after the new year. i've been working super late nights up until this holiday and i know when i get back i'll likely be working late again... i was just trying to be available since we were postponing.

our first date had to be postponed by a week. it wasn't a big ordeal.

i don't know. if i stay quiet, it looks like i don't care. if i say something, it could look like i'm interested or annoyed or both.

it was HIS stupid idea to meet on the ****** 26th! we were talking about 2nd date in the middle of our first date! this is really disappointing! i haven't had my head wracked like this since.... like a long time!

 

[hopeful]

Don't worry. Just relax and see what happens. If he's interested, he will contact you soon, likely sometime next week. Just relax. The holidays are always crazy, busy, and stressful, cut him some slack. If he calls he calls, if he doesn't he doesn't. He's just one guy you went on one date with. Don't let this one guy affect the positivity you have going into the new year.

 

[VelvetRain]

It really sounds like his is not interested. You would be surprised on how many dates I have gone on with men who were seemingly very interested on the first date and we hit it off well. Most of them I never heard a peep from after and this was after they suggested we have a second date.

I wouldn't sweat it. Move on. A man who is truly interested in you won't have you guessing and wondering like that because they will be calling to schedule firm plans with you among having regular contact with you. Never forget a first date is just that. A first date. There should really be no expectations on each others part. Either you want to see the other person again and it's mutual or it's not. Nothing is really owed. Just go in with the idea of meeting a new person and learning something about them.

 

[LivingDol1]

Don't worry. Just relax and see what happens. If he's interested, he will contact you soon, likely sometime next week. Just relax. The holidays are always crazy, busy, and stressful, cut him some slack. If he calls he calls, if he doesn't he doesn't. He's just one guy you went on one date with. Don't let this one guy affect the positivity you have going into the new year.

you are right. i do need to relax. i've already had a great start to the new year and i am going to go on great dates with more great guys this year. and i will have even better connections. i hope i will anyway... it's been a while since i've felt chemistry with anyone.

i feel like a giant stress ball!

 

[LivingDol1]

Soo... I'm starting the dig. I got impatient and I went with the advice given that maybe -I- look like the one doing the blow off. So I texted him just now about a totally unrelated thing. Crappity crap!

Have I mentioned I have a problem with patience? And I hate driving myself crazy.... So.... so there.

 

[Buckeyecurlz]

^Has he replied to your text yet?

 

[RarityFluttershy]

LivingDol1
Maybe You Shouldn't Contact Him Again Until You Hear Back From Him. In The Meantime Try To Keep Yourself Busy.
I Hope Everything Works Out In Your Favor.

 

[LivingDol1]

He did not reply.

I know its not the popular advice.... But for me, once I know, I know. If the question were to be left unanswered, I know myself and I would drive myself bananas all day long for days and days and days and it would be a never ending circle. Having lived through years and obsessing over stupid boy actions, I know that it's hard for me to stay busy or focus on something else. It never works.

It's stupid because I wasn't lead to think he wasn't attracted to me. I believed he was.

Anyway, all this negative thinking around it has definitely made me sure that this is not going any further. If he wrote me back, I'd be negative. He's a jerk. I'm just surprised that he's the one who's the jerk! So I deleted his contact info today. He friended me on Facebook after we met. I might delete that later. It's pointless, you know?

I guess it's for the best anyway. He's shorter than any guys I've ever dated, and he has thin lips, which I'm so not OK with. What can anyone do with thin lips??? I'll keep dating attractive men from now on bc I'll be damned if a short guy pulls that jerky crap with me!

 

[nlamr2013]

Well at least now you know. He could have at,least made up some excuse cause its not like he will never see you if you guys have a mutual friend.
That is so strange.
{Hugs}
Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier

 

[LivingDol1]

Well at least now you know. He could have at,least made up some excuse cause its not like he will never see you if you guys have a mutual friend.
That is so strange.
{Hugs}
Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier

Yeah, it definitely won't be the last time I see him. She's one of my best friends. I'm sure this will be a conversation topic on gchat tomorrow.

 

[RarityFluttershy]

LivingDol1

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Oh well, on to new and better men for 2012!

 

[Windsy]

Op, glad you have your answer but for future dates: if you know that the dater is "just really casual about dating", match his style if you can. Don't put more into the dating process than the other dater is willing to put in.

 

[kweenameena]

Aww Honey! It's his loss.

No expectations, no disappointments is my motto to dating now.
If I go in not expectating that he might be "the one" and also not assuming after the date that is was as good to him as it was to me (the date, I mean).....I'm not disappointed if it doesn't work out or if he doesn't call.

Also, I usually have more than one guy in rotation when I'm dating so that I don't have time to focus on whether or not one of the other guys have called.
Not saying you should follow my advice, but I'm the type that falls hard...and very quickly. So this has helped me to maintain control.

 

[Theo]

I wouldn't stress out about it LivingDol1

I had a similar experience a couple of months ago. Actually I've had multiple such experiences in the past year. Almost too many to count unfortunately. I would kirk out initially, but almost always... a couple of weeks later, or a couple of months later, I would be presented with some additional information that would clarify a lot of things.

I've just learned that a lot of times its not even about you. A lot of guys just don't know what they want. I've learned to stop internalizing this stuff. I'm normal and very genuine and very not weird so I'm pretty confident that any weird behavior has nothing to do with me ya know.

 

[LivingDol1]

Op, glad you have your answer but for future dates: if you know that the dater is "just really casual about dating", match his style if you can. Don't put more into the dating process than the other dater is willing to put in.

This is something I need to learn. I've been so focused on listing out the traits I'm looking for in my Mr. Right and all of that that I forgot that a good high percentage of guys date for no reason or just to get laid.

Thank you for the reminder. I'm probably going to look at all of my dates as casual now. As long as I keep my dance card full... I'm set on that.

 

[LivingDol1]

I wouldn't stress out about it LivingDol1

I had a similar experience a couple of months ago. Actually I've had multiple such experiences in the past year. Almost too many to count unfortunately. I would kirk out initially, but almost always... a couple of weeks later, or a couple of months later, I would be presented with some additional information that would clarify a lot of things.

I've just learned that a lot of times its not even about you. A lot of guys just don't know what they want. I've learned to stop internalizing this stuff. I'm normal and very genuine and very not weird so I'm pretty confident that any weird behavior has nothing to do with me ya know.

Thanks for that. I do feel 1000% better now. Not feeling vengeful. I talked with my friend who knows him about it and she thinks that was weird of him bc she didn't know him to be a jerk like that. I can do way better than him!

It was definitely him and not me.