He said he loves me

ExoticCutie

ExoticCutie

New Member
I just filed for a divorce from my husband of nearly seven years but for the past seven months I have been having an affair with my younger, single co-worker. The reason I got involved with him was because he was getting out a messy divorce and he didn’t want to get attached to anyone because he didn’t want to get hurt. We’d known each other a little over a year and I hadn’t slept with my husband since December (my husband and I weren’t intimate because I suspected he was cheating which he was) so basically I was horny and lonely. He didn’t do married women and I didn’t do cheating but we were attracted to each other so we agreed to get in and out once and let it go.
Once was not enough. There is something to be said for youth but this guy is like the damn energizer bunny. About four months in I started to fall in love with him but I was trying not to let it go there knowing what the situation was. Last night he came to crash at my house after he went to the football game with his friends. We were in bed and he laid his head on my stomach and told me he loved me and he wants to keep me in his life. I was not expecting this from him and I certainly wasn’t prepared for it. Now what? I love him but this won’t be smooth. I have five kids, he has a daughter, I am still married but I did file the papers Tuesday to end it. Am I being realistic or is my head in the clouds?
 
Am sorry- I really never do this but this really sounds like "Strawberry Letter23" on the Steve Harvey show. Sorry no advice to give.
 
Exactly how young is he? I only ask because you have a lot of kids. Is he interested in helping you raise them? Can he afford to help you raise them? Is he old enough to take on a commitment like that?
 
It just sounds like some pillow talk to me....I don't know if he is serious or not. I'm not a fan of getting involved with coworkers.

Sounds like the relationship doesn't have a solid foundation...sneaking around, loneliness, sexual..
 
If you can see that he really loves you and you really love him then go for it.If you sense that it's not true then let it go.I thank you for being open here because I know there will be some too angel like people who will judge..my friend is in a similar situation and love prevailed so much its unearthing..I have witnessed some not nice starts end well..I pray you do whats best for you and those little babies..
 
Since the damage is already done and both of your other relationships are over, why not ride this out? If it were me I would take it extra slow and just see where it goes. And please, please, please be diligent with your birth control. I would not bring any more children into this relationship until you are crystal clear where you are heading (like marriage).
 
Do what you feel will give you peace. It's your life. You had a disappointment in your marriage, felt hurt and lonely, started seeing a young man whom you fell in love with, who says he loves you and now you are filing for divorce. The situation has played out this far. So you either see where it goes with this young man or you say you are not comfortable with the way things are (for the reasons you mentioned) and you stop seeing him but this has to come purely from you either way. Make a decision and stick with it. Good luck OP!
 
Where do you think this is going to go considering that you are both dead wrong? You need to get your mind right because instead of you playing in this fantasy land the reality of the matter is that you have children that need your full atttention, their world is changing and all you care about is falling in love with a coworker while your still married?!? Sense nobody else has said it I'll be the "bad guy" and tell you that you need to get your life and priorities right. This is wrong and selfish.
 
He is six years younger than me.

As far as for me getting my head on straight - I think my head is more than straight considering that I make twice as much as my soon to be ex-husband - my house, car and everything else is in my name and I have been holding it down since I bought my house at the age of 23. I have a Master's Degree and a job that most people would kill to have. I have three children in school that are all A-B honor roll students. I have survived one divorce (14 years ago) and my kids adjusted just fine. My husband was the one who stepped outside of our marriage and screwed up. Why should I be unhappy because he chose another route?

I am not going to marry this man tomorrow. I have already been married twice and not sure if I want to go down the marriage road again. I had a tubal ligation after my last child so kids are not an issue between us. He makes almost as much money as I do (we're both lawyers) so he could support my family if he had to but I'm capable of doing it on my own w/no issues. I have brought up the issues of my kids and the things that go along with it and he said he wouldn't be here if he wasn't ready to deal with that. Only time will tell.

Thanks for the advice ladies. I think I'm going to ride it out and see what happens.
 
ExoticCutie said:
He is six years younger than me.

As far as for me getting my head on straight - I think my head is more than straight considering that I make twice as much as my soon to be ex-husband - my house, car and everything else is in my name and I have been holding it down since I bought my house at the age of 23. I have a Master's Degree and a job that most people would kill to have. I have three children in school that are all A-B honor roll students. I have survived one divorce (14 years ago) and my kids adjusted just fine. My husband was the one who stepped outside of our marriage and screwed up. Why should I be unhappy because he chose another route?

I am not going to marry this man tomorrow. I have already been married twice and not sure if I want to go down the marriage road again. I had a tubal ligation after my last child so kids are not an issue between us. He makes almost as much money as I do (we're both lawyers) so he could support my family if he had to but I'm capable of doing it on my own w/no issues. I have brought up the issues of my kids and the things that go along with it and he said he wouldn't be here if he wasn't ready to deal with that. Only time will tell.

Thanks for the advice ladies. I think I'm going to ride it out and see what happens.
Click to expand...

Glad to hear you are taking care of you and your own. Nice!

One caveat, both of you have demonstrated that you are willing to step out of the bounds of your commitments and cheat. So the question is, was this behavior a one time thing or a reflection of how both of you think about commitment and fidelity? Most relationships that begin through infidelity end because the infidelity is a reflection of other values and character issues. Only the two of you know what your deal is, but it can set up a dynamic of distrust if you all don't address this question head on.
 
Sounds like you have a good handle on the situation and I agree with the general consensus of the board. Just continue to take things slowly because you both are dealing with the trauma of divorce. Sometimes love comes at inconvenient times. Why did he get divorced?
 
Whats interesting is that you named your accomplishments and your financial security and added the fact that your kids are A-B students and this is your second divorce (and the kids were fine with the first one) as if that makes everything ok and maybe it does in your world. But anywho, I hope you find what your looking for.

sidenote- None of us want to hear that we are wrong ESPECIALLY when we want something so bad (think A Keys and Swiss Meat)
 
I don't think 6 years younger is a big deal at all, so that's not even an issue to me.

Just take it slow and make sure both of you finalize your divorces asap and don't introduce your children into this anytime soon.

Good luck.
 
Chile please...ain't neither one of ya'll in no love.

Ya'll lusting and ish is getting foggy and cloudy. He's everything you want because you have drama, you're everything he wants because you're "easy" (not whorish easy, but all around "easy" to deal with...no strings).
 
How a relationship begins is usually how it ends. When you want something, trust, you'll justify it till the cows come home in your mind.
 
I really don't see the problem here. Both of you are going through divorces..her husband was cheating anyway. Why is she not free to see anyone that she likes because the papers on an already dead marriage are not final?

Just take it slow with this guy and enjoy the ride. Since you say you are not looking for marriage, that shouldn't be too much of an issue.
 
He wasn't married when I met him - he was already single. He's been single for almost two years now. I am the only one who is still married and my relationship with my husband has been rocky since I got pregnant with my youngest in 2008 and he came home smelling like another woman's perfume. It took me almost two years to catch him because he would do it during work. I got a GPS and well I have all the pictures I need to prove his infidelity for my divorce. I wanted to get out before now but because I make so much more than he does I didn't want to have to pay him spousal support. So I got the proof I needed to support my case and now I won't have to pay him anything.

I do not take relationships and fidelity lightly as I have only been with three men my entire life - two of them I married. I do agree that the trust issue is a valid issue and that was the one reason why I was hesitant to move forward. I plan to take this very slow and see where it goes. If it works it does if not then I move on.
 
ThickHair said:
ITA, so I don't understand why she posted here asking if she is being realistic.
Click to expand...

Agreed. I believe some people just need at least ONE person to "back them up" in their thought process. So in actuality only one person needed to agree with the OP and this thread would've been a success :D
 
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