He hasn't contacted me in days

[*~Mocha~*]

So, I met this man online and have been on 5 dates with him so far. I was scared of the online dating but my friend talked me into it. I was a member online for about a week when I deactivated my account. Before I closed it out I sent him my # in case he wanted to keep in touch. We talked on and off and then we just stopped texting and I pretty much forgot about him.

About a month later he texts me and we started talking more and more each day. Shortly after we met. It was fun and we both expressed how much of a good time we had. After the first date we started talking and texing every other day and we started going out every weekend. After each date he would tell me how much he had a great time and complimented me heavily.

The last time we really spoke he told me how he wants to keep me around and see where things go. He told me how he appreciates me for me and wants to stick around. Well , that was last week (wednesday). He went away with his boys for a few days and during that time we've texted but nothing special. He came back saturday night and had to work sunday so I understand he may have been tired or busy so when I didnt hear from him it wasn't a big deal. Well today..is Thursday and I haven't heard from him since Saturday....

I said I wasn't going to call him but ended up doing so this morning. He told me he was so busy at work and his work load doubled since being away and has just been so tired. He said they were partying over the weekend and he didnt get much rest. He's an attorney and had several meetings with clients and had to go to court, but I still felt he could have at least texted or call.

is it too soon for me to just say forget it and move on or do you think his reasoning is legitmate?

I guess I will wait and see if he ever contacts me again or schedules another date.

This dating thing is so hard. I haven't really dated for a long time and I'm starting to think its not for me. smh. I'm almost 30( I know thats still young) but I want a family and more kids well before 40 lol and I dont see that happening.

 

[Keshieshimmer]

Find someone else to occupy your time. Even busy dudes fine time to communicate with a girl that they really like. It takes 5 seconds to send a "I am missing you, so busy at work, hope to speak with you tomorrow!"

=)

 

[hopeful]

No, not too soon to say forget it and move on. I think you deserve better. If he wanted to stay in contact he would. My mom always says even the President of the United States is not that busy. He can't pick of the phone and have a 5 or 10 minute conversation? He's not wanting to hear your voice? He has disappeared twice now in my book. I wouldn't give him a third chance, no m'am. Don't be overly impressed by his career, importance, or busyness, either, men who are much more important and busy find time for their women.

 

[AyannaDivine]

I'm going through the same thing with someone I met online. Our last convo via text was last Friday...haven't heard from him since. I refuse to call him. The way I see it is if he's too busy to at least send a " how you doin' " text, then he's too busy to date me. I'm gonna keep it moving, perhaps you should do the same OP.

I bet you anything your guy will pop up in a few weeks when he's lonely.

Edit to add...I'm almost 30 and beyond ready to settle down. if theres anything I've learned from LHCF it's that we, the women, are the prize! Find someone who will treat you as such

 

[DarkJoy]

This is why I hate dating. Disappearing acts piss me off.

Move it along, dear. This man isn't interested enough to put you anywhere near the top of his prioroty list. Sorry.

You'll find someone more worthy.

 

[cinnespice]

This is why I hate dating. Disappearing acts piss me off.

Move it along, dear. This man isn't interested enough to put you anywhere near the top of his prioroty list. Sorry.

You'll find someone more worthy.

This pisses me off so bad!!!
I say just move on and date other people. If your to busy to talk for a least 1 minute to say hi somethings up. I said talk cause a text don't mean nothing after awhile, then it's not worth my time and i don't think your that into me.
And i'm 33 and very tired of this foolishness from these men.

 

[C@ssandr@]

This is why you are supposed to keep a rotation. When you are busy (even if it's your own hobbies) you won't be counting down the days between calls. He's not your man yet.

Also guys sometimes test us and they can sense "clingy-ness". Not to say that you're clingy, but you shouldn't have reached out to him. It would of showed him that you're not concerned.....not concerned with men who are to "busy" to check up on you.

 

[LovelyRo]

This is why you are supposed to keep a rotation. When you are busy (even if it's your own hobbies) you won't be counting down the days between calls. He's not your man yet.

Also guys sometimes test us and they can sense "clingy-ness". Not to say that you're clingy, but you shouldn't have reached out to him. It would of showed him that you're not concerned.....not concerned with men who are to "busy" to check up on you.

I agree with having a rotation moreso because you won't be as emotionally invested in one person during the dating phase. I think that you should pay attention to who is and isn't calling though!

 

[AyannaDivine]

Also guys sometimes test us and they can sense "clingy-ness". Not to say that you're clingy, but you shouldn't have reached out to him. It would of showed him that you're not concerned.....not concerned with men who are to "busy" to check up on you.

Girl yes! I will delete a ninjas number in a heartbeat just to keep from calling him first.

 

[lux10023]

Listen....you run the show..you decide if you want entertain a man in your life--you own your power and you control how you wish to be treated

this part right here--he can miss me with that--keep me around--are you a pet?


"The last time we really spoke he told me how he wants to keep me around and see where things go. He told me how he appreciates me for me and wants to stick around."

listen get busy stay busy and add some more men to your dating pool...focusing and pressed over one dude never ever ends well...he earns his worth in your life

 

[LovelyRo]

Girl yes! I will delete a ninjas number in a heartbeat just to keep from calling him first.

I do that ALL the time! Delete numbers, old texts, IM, Skype and anything else that's applicable!!!! Especially when I feel like I might cave in and initiate contact... Something that I am totally against!!!!

 

[Oasis]

im not sure if i would delete his number but i wouldnt contact him. i would also start dating other ppl.

 

[Browndilocks]

The last time we really spoke he told me how he wants to keep me around and see where things go. He told me how he appreciates me for me and wants to stick around.

URRMMMM come again? Sorry but that just rubs me the wrong way. He's coming off as arrogant. He doesn't validate you. He sticks around if YOU want him around and that's about it. I personally would put him on the ignore list and KIM.

 

[Sosoothing]

It's not too soon to forget him and move on. I strongly suggest you do .

 

[VelvetRain]

Well he did tell you he wants to keep you around ? That's your answer right there. He's not 100% invested in you to start a relationship because if he did he would still not be waiting around to lock you down. When men want something they quickly go after it. When those new Jordan's come out they run and arrange their schedule to get them that day. They don't take a chance their size will be available in a week. It's no different with wifing a chick up. He's dating other women. Someone is getting that phone time. Move on!

 

[cutiebe2]

I'm going though the saaammmmeeee thing. And I broke down and texted him I learned my lesson though. I did get wrapped up in what a nice guy I thought he was. uggg Right now I am trying to clear my mind and get my positivity up, that way someone knew can come into my life.

And it almost makes me mad when dudes will still talk about how they are interested. ugg. I'm feeling kinda dumb for even entertaining all of this but I keep telling myself everything is a lesson learned.

 

[*~Mocha~*]

I've always been against dating multiple guys at once. I usually focus on one at a time and if if it doesn't work out, I move on. I guess now I'm going to change that and date more than one at a time.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I've always been against dating multiple guys at once. I usually focus on one at a time and if if it doesn't work out, I move on. I guess now I'm going to change that and date more than one at a time.

yes..........

 

[C@ssandr@]

I've always been against dating multiple guys at once. I usually focus on one at a time and if if it doesn't work out, I move on. I guess now I'm going to change that and date more than one at a time.

It's hard for me too, so I simply keep myself on the market emotionally. I've been chatting on the phone with a guy for some time now, and it's cool so far...but I'm also sending out messages to other dudes on Match as a way of keeping the door open. I know exactly what you mean

 

[outspokenwallflower]

While the situation in this thread is unfortunate, I'm loving this thread because I feel like we can all relate-- we've all been there! I've witnessed the disappearing act, the fading act, hell, the "I like where this is going, let's not make anything official yet... let's just let things happen naturally..." Uh, yeah, naturally for months and months with nothing but flip-flop behavior from his end.

Like all the ladies said, keep guys in rotation, find someone else to occupy your time, because there will be a guy who doesn't hesitate to show you that despite how swamped he is with life, he wants you a part of it, and will be sure to show it.

 

[outspokenwallflower]

I do that ALL the time! Delete numbers, old texts, IM, Skype and anything else that's applicable!!!! Especially when I feel like I might cave in and initiate contact... Something that I am totally against!!!!

Yaaaaaaaas ya'll.... I STAY deleting a number. Shows how often I have to stop myself from wanting to reach out...

 

[Choclatcotton]

I'm going through the same thing with . if theres anything I've learned from LHCF it's that we, the women, are the prize! Find someone who will treat you as such

^^^^^^ This what im talking bout.

 

[MissJ]

He was probably with another woman. He's not THAT busy. I'm a busy attorney, too, but I still find time to text/call people if only briefly on an earpiece while I'm driving home from work.

 

[pearcey]

'just like women are told to be cautious when meeting men online...men too need to be reserved when first meeting someone..

you didn't meet this person on the street, you met him on the internet where anyone can make themselves anything.

and you mention the high profile profession.

put yourself in his position. Men too can be vulnerable and on alert...

 

[ladysaraii]

'just like women are told to be cautious when meeting men online...men too need to be reserved when first meeting someone..

you didn't meet this person on the street, you met him on the internet where anyone can make themselves anything.

and you mention the high profile profession.

put yourself in his position. Men too can be vulnerable and on alert...

There is a difference between reserved and no contact. You can be reserved and keep an eye out while still talking and getting to know someone, so that mess doesn't fly

 

[Ms Red]

I'd rather paint my damned nails than wait by the damned phone. No, sir.

As my mother told me, men like women who have their own lives, their own hobbies, their own thing going on. I no longer "wait around" for guys.

 

[C@ssandr@]

Listen....you run the show..you decide if you want entertain a man in your life--you own your power and you control how you wish to be treated

this part right here--he can miss me with that--keep me around--are you a pet?


"The last time we really spoke he told me how he wants to keep me around and see where things go. He told me how he appreciates me for me and wants to stick around."

listen get busy stay busy and add some more men to your dating pool...focusing and pressed over one dude never ever ends well...he earns his worth in your life

I agree completely. The statement that's in bold made me raise an eye brow, but I didn't address it in my first post. What he said and subsequently what he did (lost the consistency in contact) tells me he likes you, but not I'm a committed way. Let me not be coy, he'd screw you but there is a quality amiss that gives him pause. So he'll keep you around alright. If you like him, give him s p a c e. Go date elsewhere and don't reach out to him. If the feeling is truly mutual he'll come looking for you. 5 dates is enough to know if he wants to continue the chase.

 

[BayAreaDream]

Any updates?

 

[*~Mocha~*]

Any updates?

BayAreaDream

He ended up texting me Monday then I didn't hear from him until Wednesday. We had a very brief text convo and I haven't heard from him since. I'm going to leave it alone and not even think or worry about it anymore. He isn't interested anymore and I'm ok with it, now lol. My good friend told me its strange for a guy to just lose interest so quick, but I guess it is what is.

I'm definitely no longer interested but ill be nice if he texts or calls.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

BayAreaDream

He ended up texting me Monday then I didn't hear from him until Wednesday. We had a very brief text convo and I haven't heard from him since. I'm going to leave it alone and not even think or worry about it anymore. He isn't interested anymore and I'm ok with it, now lol. My good friend told me its strange for a guy to just lose interest so quick, but I guess it is what is.

I'm definitely no longer interested but ill be nice if he texts or calls.

Be nice for what? You're giving him too much airtime. I wouldn't respond. Why would you? Its like you're still holding out HOPING that something will change.

Him texting you when he feels like it and you responding sends out desperate and always available, even though you guys aren't dating. Cut your losses.

You show a man how you want to be treated. You can still be nice, smile at your phone when he text you, and not respond. See what I mean? You were nice enough to look at your phone, read the text, and smiled.

End of story.