He can't take the baby daddy drama

J

jalen0216

New Member
Help,

Background history: Two yrs ago my son and my bf was playing and my bf starched my son face so when he went to his dads, he notice the mark and asked what happen and my son did tell his dad that they were playing and it was an accident. My ex didn't believe the story. So it was about 3 mos later and he seen my bf and confronts him, my bf was in this same situation 20 years ago that ended up with him having to go to boot camp and 5 years probation for using his hands as a weapon causing bodily harm. So after this he was angry at me bc I didn't stand up for him but i wanted too see if he could hold his own and my ex is a violent man and I knew if i would've said something it would've made the situation worst.

So yesterday me and my boyfriends was at the mall to get my 2nd engagement ring so my ex husband was there with our son and his daugther so I went up to the kids give them hugs and we walk alway.

Me and my bf stopped into a clothing store that was b4 the jewelry store and my ex comes in the store yelling my son said you be nice to him but don't put your ...... hands on my son if you ever have a problem with him just call me because if you put your hand on him I will kill both of you bc I just got out of jail and I'm not a fear to go back so by this time I was so embrassed I just wanted to cry.

I haven't been with my ex husband in 9 years and we don't even talk on the phone bc if i called him today to get back together he would.So we immediately leave the mall no ring in hand.

We get into the car and my bf tells me it was all on my fault that this happen. He said that when I seen the kids I should've acted like I didn't even see them. He states I have to much baggage to deal with and he don't feel like it's worth getting married. I cried all the way home bc I have never met a man like my boyfriend, I felt that he was my soul mate.

So I thought well I'm going to let everyone cool off and then I will call and try to get the bottom of things. My-ex text and I told him that what he did wasn't necessary and he act like the accident happen yesterday and he ruin a wonderful relationship.My bf is 10 years older then the both of us by the way. Next I called my bf and told him that about the texts and it was upset and told me that I should never talk to him at all even if is just texting that I should cut all ties but what about my son. I told him that what he was asking was unrealistic and he told me he wanted me out his life bc of the drama and I said my ex has won again.

What do I do now?

Sincerly,

Heartbroken
 
jalen0216 said:
Help,

Background history: Two yrs ago my son and my bf was playing and my bf starched my son face so when he went to his dads, he notice the mark and asked what happen and my son did tell his dad that they were playing and it was an accident. My ex didn't believe the story. So it was about 3 mos later and he seen my bf and confronts him, my bf was in this same situation 20 years ago that ended up with him having to go to boot camp and 5 years probation for using his hands as a weapon causing bodily harm. So after this he was angry at me bc I didn't stand up for him but i wanted too see if he could hold his own and my ex is a violent man and I knew if i would've said something it would've made the situation worst.

So yesterday me and my boyfriends was at the mall to get my 2nd engagement ring so my ex husband was there with our son and his daugther so I went up to the kids give them hugs and we walk alway.

Me and my bf stopped into a clothing store that was b4 the jewelry store and my ex comes in the store yelling my son said you be nice to him but don't put your ...... hands on my son if you ever have a problem with him just call me because if you put your hand on him I will kill both of you bc I just got out of jail and I'm not a fear to go back so by this time I was so embrassed I just wanted to cry.

I haven't been with my ex husband in 9 years and we don't even talk on the phone bc if i called him today to get back together he would.So we immediately leave the mall no ring in hand.

We get into the car and my bf tells me it was all on my fault that this happen. He said that when I seen the kids I should've acted like I didn't even see them. He states I have to much baggage to deal with and he don't feel like it's worth getting married. I cried all the way home bc I have never met a man like my boyfriend, I felt that he was my soul mate.

So I thought well I'm going to let everyone cool off and then I will call and try to get the bottom of things. My-ex text and I told him that what he did wasn't necessary and he act like the accident happen yesterday and he ruin a wonderful relationship.My bf is 10 years older then the both of us by the way. Next I called my bf and told him that about the texts and it was upset and told me that I should never talk to him at all even if is just texting that I should cut all ties but what about my son. I told him that what he was asking was unrealistic and he told me he wanted me out his life bc of the drama and I said my ex has won again.

What do I do now?

Sincerly,

Heartbroken
Click to expand...


The ex was out of order and TBH, I can definitely see why your BF is pissed and apprehensive about marrying you, unfortunately. Just like we don't like baby mama drama, they don't like baby daddy drama either.

But you were supposed to pretend you didn't see YOUR son? Really? That's crazy to me and I can't believe he actually said that.

IDK, this is tough. It's totally unreasonable to think you'd be able to cut off all communication with someone you have a child with. But I wouldn't want to subject myself to seemingly crazy ex husband either. How much time did you give the BF to cool off?
 
Last edited:
jalen0216 said:
i wanted too see if he could hold his own
Click to expand...

This makes me feel some kinda way....


As for the situation as a whole, I see why you current boyfriend has called off the engagement. I would have done the same as well.

I wouldn't have told you to walk past your child, but to cut off all contact with your ex that doesn't have to do with your son is reasonable. Especially with a violent, unpredictable man who threatening to kill you.
 
You probably don't want to read this but I agree with him. That is a lot of drama.

If the tables were turned and his ex-wife was acting like that toward you, would you want to marry him?

As a start, you need to clean up the messy relationship with your ex. There is no way any ex should be talking to your fiance like that.....and your allowing it because you wanted to see how the fiance would handle himself:perplexed Imagine if your fiance let his ex treat you in the same manner and he just stood there in the mall and let her scream at you and threaten you.

jalen0216 said:
Help,

Background history: Two yrs ago my son and my bf was playing and my bf starched my son face so when he went to his dads, he notice the mark and asked what happen and my son did tell his dad that they were playing and it was an accident. My ex didn't believe the story. So it was about 3 mos later and he seen my bf and confronts him, my bf was in this same situation 20 years ago that ended up with him having to go to boot camp and 5 years probation for using his hands as a weapon causing bodily harm. So after this he was angry at me bc I didn't stand up for him but i wanted too see if he could hold his own and my ex is a violent man and I knew if i would've said something it would've made the situation worst.

So yesterday me and my boyfriends was at the mall to get my 2nd engagement ring so my ex husband was there with our son and his daugther so I went up to the kids give them hugs and we walk alway.

Me and my bf stopped into a clothing store that was b4 the jewelry store and my ex comes in the store yelling my son said you be nice to him but don't put your ...... hands on my son if you ever have a problem with him just call me because if you put your hand on him I will kill both of you bc I just got out of jail and I'm not a fear to go back so by this time I was so embrassed I just wanted to cry.

I haven't been with my ex husband in 9 years and we don't even talk on the phone bc if i called him today to get back together he would.So we immediately leave the mall no ring in hand.

We get into the car and my bf tells me it was all on my fault that this happen. He said that when I seen the kids I should've acted like I didn't even see them. He states I have to much baggage to deal with and he don't feel like it's worth getting married. I cried all the way home bc I have never met a man like my boyfriend, I felt that he was my soul mate.

So I thought well I'm going to let everyone cool off and then I will call and try to get the bottom of things. My-ex text and I told him that what he did wasn't necessary and he act like the accident happen yesterday and he ruin a wonderful relationship.My bf is 10 years older then the both of us by the way. Next I called my bf and told him that about the texts and it was upset and told me that I should never talk to him at all even if is just texting that I should cut all ties but what about my son. I told him that what he was asking was unrealistic and he told me he wanted me out his life bc of the drama and I said my ex has won again.

What do I do now?

Sincerly,

Heartbroken
Click to expand...
 
You know I might have the wrong outlook on things but if you have in a relationship just a few months of five years and you only experience 2 drama events thanks good.

Well as far as ex wife I dont really know how she is bc she left him for someone and is remarried and lives in a different state and I only had to see he at their school high school graduation and I let them enjoy the moment with no problem.

Like I said b4 I don't talk to my ex at all bc my son has his own cell phone so I dont have to communicate with him. He is just mad that I was finally happen.

Yes, I would still marry him it's not like we was going to get married next year.

My ex is very violent and like i stated if i would've said anything that would've made the situation worst.

I dont know what to do for here
 
To throw away 4 years and 9mos relationship over two confrontations and they were two years apart one in private and one in public that's okay fine but we as women take way more things from a men then that but to each it's own. He's been through way more then the two situations that was brought on by me. He has baggage as well just a different type bc his mom lives with him. In our own relationship it was only two times where they had a problem and it was about the same thing him hitting my son.
 
Check your childs father. You relationship with your boyfriend is very fixable. Your boyfriend is not thinking about the recent incidents he's thinking about the incidents to come. Would you want to get married knowing that you would have to deal with future confrontations and life threats. And God forbid your ex follows through on his threats. You can definitely cut ties with your ex, sons father or not. I would consider getting a restraining order if you know he's violent and is threatening you and your boyfriend.
 
Are you reading what you have posted? I'm told, and have seen on my own, that writing things out makes it more clear.

You cannot think it's okay for a violent, ex convict to threaten to kill people since it only happened once every 2 years? Personally, I'd call his parole officer and have his violent self put back in a cage where he seems to belong.

It is not clear if your fiance disciplined your son recently or if the ex is still acting out from the accidental scratch incident 2 years ago. Either way, all 3 of you need to sit down and discuss how to discipline your son, assuming your fiance is still interested in continuing the relationship and having to deal with the violent ex husband.

jalen0216 said:
Help,

Background history: Two yrs ago my son and my bf was playing and my bf starched my son face so when he went to his dads, he notice the mark and asked what happen and my son did tell his dad that they were playing and it was an accident. My ex didn't believe the story. So it was about 3 mos later and he seen my bf and confronts him, my bf was in this same situation 20 years ago that ended up with him having to go to boot camp and 5 years probation for using his hands as a weapon causing bodily harm. So after this he was angry at me bc I didn't stand up for him but i wanted too see if he could hold his own and my ex is a violent man and I knew if i would've said something it would've made the situation worst.

So yesterday me and my boyfriends was at the mall to get my 2nd engagement ring so my ex husband was there with our son and his daugther so I went up to the kids give them hugs and we walk alway.

Me and my bf stopped into a clothing store that was b4 the jewelry store and my ex comes in the store yelling my son said you be nice to him but don't put your ...... hands on my son if you ever have a problem with him just call me because if you put your hand on him I will kill both of you bc I just got out of jail and I'm not a fear to go back so by this time I was so embrassed I just wanted to cry.

I haven't been with my ex husband in 9 years and we don't even talk on the phone bc if i called him today to get back together he would.So we immediately leave the mall no ring in hand.

We get into the car and my bf tells me it was all on my fault that this happen. He said that when I seen the kids I should've acted like I didn't even see them. He states I have to much baggage to deal with and he don't feel like it's worth getting married. I cried all the way home bc I have never met a man like my boyfriend, I felt that he was my soul mate.

So I thought well I'm going to let everyone cool off and then I will call and try to get the bottom of things. My-ex text and I told him that what he did wasn't necessary and he act like the accident happen yesterday and he ruin a wonderful relationship.My bf is 10 years older then the both of us by the way. Next I called my bf and told him that about the texts and it was upset and told me that I should never talk to him at all even if is just texting that I should cut all ties but what about my son. I told him that what he was asking was unrealistic and he told me he wanted me out his life bc of the drama and I said my ex has won again.

What do I do now?

Sincerly,

Heartbroken
Click to expand...

jalen0216 said:
You know I might have the wrong outlook on things but if you have in a relationship just a few months of five years and you only experience 2 drama events thanks good.

Well as far as ex wife I dont really know how she is bc she left him for someone and is remarried and lives in a different state and I only had to see he at their school high school graduation and I let them enjoy the moment with no problem.

Like I said b4 I don't talk to my ex at all bc my son has his own cell phone so I dont have to communicate with him. He is just mad that I was finally happen.

Yes, I would still marry him it's not like we was going to get married next year.

My ex is very violent and like i stated if i would've said anything that would've made the situation worst.

I dont know what to do for here
Click to expand...

jalen0216 said:
To throw away 4 years and 9mos relationship over two confrontations and they were two years apart one in private and one in public that's okay fine but we as women take way more things from a men then that but to each it's own. He's been through way more then the two situations that was brought on by me. He has baggage as well just a different type bc his mom lives with him. In our own relationship it was only two times where they had a problem and it was about the same thing him hitting my son.
Click to expand...
 
naturalmanenyc said:
Are you reading what you have posted? I'm told, and have seen on my own, that writing things out makes it more clear.

You cannot think it's okay for a violent, ex convict to threaten to kill people since it only happened once every 2 years? Personally, I'd call his parole officer and have his violent self put back in a cage where he seems to belong.

It is not clear if your fiance disciplined your son recently or if the ex is still acting out from the accidental scratch incident 2 years ago. Either way, all 3 of you need to sit down and discuss how to discipline your son, assuming your fiance is still interested in continuing the relationship and having to deal with the violent ex husband.
Click to expand...

Yes he is still talking about something that happen two years ago, and yes as I was typing I was understanding where my bf is coming from bc I have to handle the situation b4 it gets out of control. I have filled out the papperwork for PPO and I am going to file them in the AM, cutting all forms of communication I did change my cellphone number and the next time he threatening everyone of us I will be calling the police. I'm no longer willing to live in fear bc I'm tired of being nice and letting him control my relationship this was my first seriously relationship since him bc I was afraid that he would try and harm the person that I was involved with I'm willing to go to battle for my bf. Thanks
 
I can't blame your BF for not wanting to marry you. You wanted to see how he would handle exhusband????? What was that all about? Sounds like a bunch of drama.

You stated that there were only 2 incidents in the past few years and you don't see them as a big deal, but they seem like they were 2 very large incidents. Your BF thinks they are a big deal and at this point in time, that is all that matters because he no longer wants to be with you. Please check your exhusband because he will continue to do this madness and jeopardize any future relationships that you may have. Also if by chance you get back with exbf, he will always have an easy out with you, that crazy exhusband of yours.

Good luck.
 
ThickHair said:
I can't blame your BF for not wanting to marry you. You wanted to see how he would handle exhusband????? What was that all about? Sounds like a bunch of drama.

You stated that there were only 2 incidents in the past few years and you don't see them as a big deal, but they seem like they were 2 very large incidents. Your BF thinks they are a big deal and at this point in time, that is all that matters because he no longer wants to be with you. Please check your exhusband because he will continue to do this madness and jeopardize any future relationships that you may have. Also if by chance you get back with exbf, he will always have an easy out with you, that crazy exhusband of yours.

Good luck.
Click to expand...

I reread what I wrote bc of the comments "handle" bc my ex husband made his statement, ended with no hard feelings and they shake hands and we left no it wasn't like I was sitting back thinking i wonder if he (bf) is scare i was in a state of shock not believing that this is happening. I got my PPO paper ready and a new # along with a new attitude about exes some just dont know how to let go but I have to get control of this situation and alot of praying.
 
I think that you should talk to your current boyfriend and explain to him how you feel about him and that you would try to minimize the drama as much as possible between him and your ex husband. He clearly doesn't like drama and I can say I don't blame him on that. If he says that he doen't wish for you to text your ex husband, unless it is about your son, I agree with him. Texts and phone calls between your ex husband should only relate to your son because he is no longer your significant other. You all can be corgial with one another, but nothing more.
 
CarmelCupcake said:
I think that you should talk to your current boyfriend and explain to him how you feel about him and that you would try to minimize the drama as much as possible between him and your ex husband. He clearly doesn't like drama and I can say I don't blame him on that. If he says that he doen't wish for you to text your ex husband, unless it is about your son, I agree with him. Texts and phone calls between your ex husband should only relate to your son because he is no longer your significant other. You all can be corgial with one another, but nothing more.
Click to expand...

I don't like drama and I don't anyone to get hurt especially not the kid, me or bf. I just wished this never happen but it happen for a reason so I could see their was a problem and have this problem fix b4 I can ever get marry again. Hopefully my bf wants me back.
 

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Well, your ex did just get out of jail and threaten to murder your boyfriend. No sensible person would want to be in that situation.
 
Yea girl, just talk to him and try to minimize all the drama. Oh my goodness...i just read that your boyfriend's mom lives with him...oh Lord.....that is some baggage. Would the three of you be living together?
 
CarmelCupcake said:
Yea girl, just talk to him and try to minimize all the drama. Oh my goodness...i just read that your boyfriend's mom lives with him...oh Lord.....that is some baggage. Would the three of you be living together?
Click to expand...
I am all for minimizing certain things but when someone threatens to kill you, that can not be minimized. I never play stuff like that off, folks are serious.
 
MissJ said:
Well, your ex did just get out of jail and threaten to murder your boyfriend. No sensible person would want to be in that situation.
Click to expand...

He went to jail for back child support. Next time I post I will make sure not miss details because everyone that goes to jail don't= violent crimes or sell drugs.
 
"Forever" is a long time to spend with someone who has a violent, ex-con ex-husband who has made threats of homicide.

Maybe you should give your boyfriend some space until you sort out this drama with your ex.
 
jalen0216 said:
He went to jail for back child support. Next time I post I will make sure not miss details because everyone that goes to jail don't= violent crimes or sell drugs.
Click to expand...

Regardless of why he went to jail, he still threatened to kill someone. You are missing the point...Threats of homicide=Violent personality. Period...
 
I agree with the bf. I wouldn't want to marry into that violence either. OP, you and your fiance are supposed to be "together". I think you should have said something to you ex, to assure your bf that you were on his side. That "to see how he handles himself" mess is troubling.
 
jalen0216 said:
He went to jail for back child support. Next time I post I will make sure not miss details because everyone that goes to jail don't= violent crimes or sell drugs.
Click to expand...

:huh:

You said in the first paragraph that your ex is a violent man, it just so happens that that's not what he went to jail for.
 
naturalmanenyc said:
Are you reading what you have posted? I'm told, and have seen on my own, that writing things out makes it more clear.

You cannot think it's okay for a violent, ex convict to threaten to kill people since it only happened once every 2 years? Personally, I'd call his parole officer and have his violent self put back in a cage where he seems to belong.
Click to expand...
We all know it probably would have been more than 2 incidents had the ex not been in jail. OP, your fiance is not stupid.
 
jalen0216 said:
He went to jail for back child support. Next time I post I will make sure not miss details because everyone that goes to jail don't= violent crimes or sell drugs.
Click to expand...

You said:

this was my first seriously relationship since him bc I was afraid that he would try and harm the person that I was involved with
Click to expand...

I don't care what he went to jail for. That right there says it all. I hope you apprised your bf of the situation beforehand, but if you didn't he certainly knows who he is dealing with now.
 
Are you sure you don't like to WATCH drama? It appears you're willing to allow a situation to escalate for entertainment value. I can't imagine someone threatening a person in a public mall---I guess they aren't afraid of going back to jail.
 
MzLady78 said:
The ex was out of order and TBH, I can definitely see why your BF is pissed and apprehensive about marrying you, unfortunately. Just like we don't like baby mama drama, they don't like baby daddy drama either.
Click to expand...

I agree. OP, that probably would have been it for me if I were your BF. I know you want him back and all but I wouldn't blame him if he bowed out.

msdr said:
This makes me feel some kinda way....
Click to expand...

Me too. When I read that I was :nono:. OP, if the tables were turned and a woman that your BF knew was in your face threatening you bodily harm, you know good and well that you'd be utterly pissed that your BF didn't step in try to diffuse the situation just because he wanted to see a chick fight.

This man is 10 years older than you so he's not in the mood for this kind of stuff. I'm sure he believes (and rightfully so) that this kind of stuff is beneath him. I personally think you should learn the lesson and move on. If you love him, why would you want to subject him to this kind of foolishness. Take the L.
 
MissJ said:
We all know it probably would have been more than 2 incidents had the ex not been in jail. OP, your fiance is not stupid.
Click to expand...


He went to jail for thirty days. Me and my bf have been together for 4years and 9 mos. Threaten someone life isn't a joke that is a serious matter. I know the situation wasn't the best and I could've handle things different that why in life you suppose to live and learn. This was a learning experience for me, I can't change it but with God's help I can and will get through it.
 
I feel that I'm starting to justify my postings. It has been a few people posts that were very and actually positive and help me see the whole picture bc I was just looking at yesterday and he was looking at it for a lifetime. I believe things happens for a reason and in their proper season and I don't have all the answers. I'm not perfect and I don't live in a glasshouse.
 
Gosh, that situation is terrible. And really, your ex is your ex, and that's not something that you can change at this point. As far as not stepping in is concerned, any man who marries you is going to have to figure out how he's going to handle this situation. But asking that of someone is really a whole lot--and maybe too much.

I think that you really need to explore what legal options you have. You really don't have to communicate with your ex if he's violent. Many family courts have programs where you only drop off and pick up at a supervised location. I would also investigate a restraining order. Is moving out of town a possibility that your bf would be open to? That might seem drastic, but this is serious...
 
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