Having a DEGREE=LOVE???

[MzK]

Has anyone ever exprienced being in a relationship where education played a (big) role? Like, would you be "ashamed" or wouldn't date someone who didn't have a degree/degree lower than yours?

Personally, I dn't think that should be an issue....but I wanted to ask you all--just to get some feedback.

TIA.

 

[Bunny77]

Has anyone ever exprienced being in a relationship where education played a (big) role? Like, would you be "ashamed" or wouldn't date someone who didn't have a degree/degree lower than yours?

Personally, I dn't think that should be an issue....but I wanted to ask you all--just to get some feedback.

TIA.

With maybe 2-3 exceptions, all the men that I've dated have had a college degree.

I wouldn't be ashamed to date someone without a college degree, but a college degree is on my list of standards and I haven't had trouble finding men to meet that standard.

It definitely is important to me.

(Now I don't care if the degree is "lower" than mine... but I value the college experience and want a man who places a similar value on higher education.)

 

[deltadreamland]

When I was younger, in my 20's, I was adamant about marrying an "educated" man and I did just that. My ex-husband was/is a lawyer. So he had 3 degrees. At times he could be the most arrogant, meanest, most cruel, and heartless man that I knew of. The marriage was not fulfilling and both of us were miserable toward the end.

Since our divorce, I've dated a few "degreed" guys as well as "undegreed" guys and have learned that it's not what's on paper. It's all about what is in your heart and how you treat me and others. My current relationship by far has been the best, and "beau" doesn't have a college degree.

 

[MzK]

I, too, dated a guy who didn't have a degree. It didn't work out, to say the least, but not because of education.

Thing is, I don't look for 'papers' to assume you're intelligent--having a conversation with someone can do that.


Is it about compatibility???

 

[Bunny77]

I, too, dated a guy who didn't have a degree. It didn't work out, to say the least, but not because of education.

Thing is, I don't look for 'papers' to assume you're intelligent--having a conversation with someone can do that.


Is it about compatibility???

It's definitely about compatibility.

Now, I know that I need a man who is open-minded, interested in learning and hearing about different thoughts and ideas and who generally has a very broad-minded approach to seeing the world.

Nine times out of ten, these types of men are ones who have pursued higher education. The ones who haven't usually are entrepreneurs or other creative types who might have started college, but found that they were able to build their businesses/enterprises without the burden of being in school. Still, these people usually think "bigger" than others without degrees who simply pursue a 9-5.

Now, this is not to say that every man with a college degree thinks like the above. Many folks (men and women) just go to college to get a better job than they would without college. I pass by those men too.

But again, it's a LOT more likely that a man that fits my above criteria is going to have a degree. The dude working at the factory might be a nice, decent guy, but he's likely not going to have the traits that I want.

So rather than try to determine if the non-degreed factory worker I just met might meet my criteria, I figure it's better to just fish in the college-degreed pool because I'm more likely there to find the type of man I want.

 

[MzK]

Scenario: A woman as an Associates, and her guy has a Bachelors (or think vice-versa, lol).

Would that be an issue?

 

[Bunny77]

Scenario: A woman as an Associates, and her guy has a Bachelors (or think vice-versa, lol).

Would that be an issue?

I don't think it has to be an issue either way depending on the people involved.

But in general, women have different standards for men than men do for women. Women are wired to marry "up," while men are not as concerned about finding a woman who matches his degree level.

But there's also nothing wrong with the man wanting a partner who has at least a bachelor's degree if he has one.

 

[MzK]

I don't think it has to be an issue either way depending on the people involved.

But in general, women have different standards for men than men do for women. Women are wired to marry "up," while men are not as concerned about finding a woman who matches his degree level.

But there's also nothing wrong with the man wanting a partner who has at least a bachelor's degree if he has one.

Thanks for the input.

I asked a guy this very question, and he thinks that he would be her "savior" (which is something he DOESN'T want to be)--if she wasn't college educated (had no degree).

 

[Prudent1]

It's definitely about compatibility.

Now, I know that I need a man who is open-minded, interested in learning and hearing about different thoughts and ideas and who generally has a very broad-minded approach to seeing the world.

Nine times out of ten, these types of men are ones who have pursued higher education. The ones who haven't usually are entrepreneurs or other creative types who might have started college, but found that they were able to build their businesses/enterprises without the burden of being in school. Still, these people usually think "bigger" than others without degrees who simply pursue a 9-5.

Now, this is not to say that every man with a college degree thinks like the above. Many folks (men and women) just go to college to get a better job than they would without college. I pass by those men too.

ITA with the bolded... it is def about compatibilty. As my daddy would say I know some educated fools. I know some guys who are highly educated but have no common sense. Then I know some 'Ray-ray' and 'nems who will not ever have anything but a hood mentality.

 

[Bunny77]

Thanks for the input.

I asked a guy this very question, and he thinks that he would be her "savior" (which is something he DOESN'T want to be)--if she wasn't college educated (had no degree).

Hmmm... that's an interesting response from that guy. While I agree that he shouldn't enter a relationship to be a savior, is his reason for expecting a degree based on the idea that he's going to expect a woman to be an equal (or greater) breadwinner in a financial sense, and equates that with a degree? I do give men who pick women based on their financial status a bit of a side eye.

Now, with my boyfriend, he wanted a woman with a degree for compatibility reasons. However, he doesn't expect her to have an equal degree (his is pretty up there) or make the same amount of money. He sees himself as a breadwinner, but he values education and intelligence in a partner... so that's the reason he cares about a degree.

He doesn't give a crap about how much I make and if the degree is related to that.

 

[MzK]

Hmmm... that's an interesting response from that guy. While I agree that he shouldn't enter a relationship to be a savior, is his reason for expecting a degree based on the idea that he's going to expect a woman to be an equal (or greater) breadwinner in a financial sense, and equates that with a degree? I do give men who pick women based on their financial status a bit of a side eye.


Now, with my boyfriend, he wanted a woman with a degree for compatibility reasons. However, he doesn't expect her to have an equal degree (his is pretty up there) or make the same amount of money. He sees himself as a breadwinner, but he values education and intelligence in a partner... so that's the reason he cares about a degree.

He doesn't give a crap about how much I make and if the degree is related to that.

Yea....he's (guy friend) is a little.....off. J/k.

To the bolded/italicized:

 

[kismettt]

i have a friend that had a full scholarship to university but because his family couldn't afford housing (out of state) he had to return home after a semester. he also spent a semester at CC after that. he's now working & has been out of school for a year. but i can honestly say he is extremely intelligent (he was an engineering major & is an overall huge geek) he is unacceptable to date for reasons not relating to his educational attainment (he's a huge flirt & cheater) but if he wasn't I would date him a heartbeat. He's a people person, smart, funny, attractive, etc.

on the other hand, some of the guys in my school (a "good" private pwi) are just an absolute

 

[Charz]

A degree to me means that someone can finish something they started and follow through.

Let's face it, some colleges/degrees you can cruise through. It's not hard to graduate from college. You just have to finish what you start and be consistent.

I need someone who will follow through. A college degree is a good indicator of that for me.

 

[MzK]

A degree to me means that someone can finish something they started and follow through.

Let's face it, some colleges/degrees you can cruise through. It's not hard to graduate from college. You just have to finish what you start and be consistent.

I need someone who will follow through. A college degree is a good indicator of that for me.

Good point. Thanks.

 

[MzK]

i have a friend that had a full scholarship to university but because his family couldn't afford housing (out of state) he had to return home after a semester. he also spent a semester at CC after that. he's now working & has been out of school for a year. but i can honestly say he is extremely intelligent (he was an engineering major & is an overall huge geek) he is unacceptable to date for reasons not relating to his educational attainment (he's a huge flirt & cheater) but if he wasn't I would date him a heartbeat. He's a people person, smart, funny, attractive, etc.

on the other hand, some of the guys in my school (a "good" private pwi) are just an absolute

Thanks for the story. Just because you didn't go to college doesn't mean that you're not intelligent or 'unfit' for relationships/marriage, etc.

Uh--but cheating is a NO-NO.

 

[MusicandWine]

I think most people put too much meaning on college degrees. All it means to me looking from the outside in is that you possibly spent a whole lot of money on something that may or may not be benefiting you financially.

It's not important to me.

 

[lexi08]

I think most people put too much meaning on college degrees. All it means to me looking from the outside in is that you possibly spent a whole lot of money on something that may or may not be benefiting you financially.

It's not important to me.

No offense but do you have a college education? I find that most people that think this way do not.... For me is not all about money but compatibility.

 

[MusicandWine]

No offense but do you have a college education? I find that most people that think this way do not.... For me is not all about money but compatibility.

Yes, I do. It's still a big deal when it comes to being compatible with a man.

 

[Bunny77]

I wish black people in general would put more emphasis on college degrees. If anything, we don't put enough meaning in them.

 

[lexi08]

I wish black people in general would put more emphasis on college degrees. If anything, we don't put enough meaning in them.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. Many black people do downplay obtaining a college education. That mindset does not help us at all In the past I have dated men without an education and I strongly believe that this was the root cause of the compatibility issues. They always seemed to find a way to downplay my education outright or on the low

 

[MusicandWine]

When we start putting so much meaning into a piece of paper that we won't allow ourselves to like or love another person because they don't don't have it there's a problem. When you see a person who does not have their college degree as less of a person I feel there is something wrong with that way of thinking.

If I met a guy (while I was single) who didn't have a degree but was otherwise everything I wanted in a guy, I wouldn't be hung up on his lack of a degree. Sometimes people need some persuasion and guidance if higher education is what they want because who's to say that the guy doesn't want to be better. Anyway, I find that people who have degrees usually limit themselves in terms of the people they associate with. I choose to live a judgement free life.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

As for me I haven't ever dated a educated eloquent man one of the things I ultimately desire.I have always dated losers.It's not a good look.Now that I have my degree and have been dateless for 4 years I now will make it a requirement for him to at least have a BA.Once I have my 2nd BA in May then a guy will have to have a little bit extra.I m not saying men wo degrees aren't intelliegent..I just haven't meet one and I don't want one.There is a little bit of a difference in mentality of a person who has gone to college in discussions and dealing with things..

 

[Bunny77]

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. Many black people do downplay obtaining a college education. That mindset does not help us at all In the past I have dated men without an education and I strongly believe that this was the root cause of the compatibility issues. They always seemed to find a way to downplay my education outright or on the low

YES! Thank you for saying this!

To me, this is not about money. Cause I know folks will come on here and mention that Truck Driver X makes more than Teacher Y, so the fact that Teacher Y went to college shouldn't matter.

And that may very well be true that Truck Driver X makes more money, but for me, THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

College education is a value in and of itself and so much more than how it's benefiting you financially. It's not just about getting a better job. Yes, there are many people who only view a degree as a vehicle for making more money, and might not have gone to college if they could have gotten a good-paying job otherwise. But for those folks who value education for education's sake, and the many doors that it opens for a person, then they will NOT be compatible with a partner who downplays it.

And it's often the MEN who make it an issue, because I know so many educated black women who have tried a relationship with someone without a similar education and had the MAN throw it up in their face.

So much for trying to be open-minded.

Men without degrees aren't bad people or unfit for relationships... there are great men out there without degrees who would make wonderful partners... just not for me.

 

[Supervixen]

Sorry ladies, I date educated men exclusively. I'm not too much into guys who do not have a degree. I also prefer BGLO guys or guys that are in some social organization--100Black Men, The Boule, something!

It shouldn't matter, but I think I'm entitled to have some things I'm snobby about in my dating preferences. I'm not snobby about skin-color, weight, hair texture, eye-color, appearel, cars, and alot of other physical things most women are snobby about(sans height). But, education and social status (I hate to say it that way), are important to me.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Sorry ladies, I date educated men exclusively. I'm not too much into guys who do not have a degree. I also prefer BGLO guys or guys that are in some social organization--100Black Men, The Boule, something!

It shouldn't matter, but I think I'm entitled to have some things I'm snobby about in my dating preferences. I'm not snobby about skin-color, weight, hair texture, eye-color, appearel, cars, and alot of other physical things most women are snobby about(sans height). But, education and social status (I hate to say it that way), are important to me.

Just out of curiousity why do you believe you are more sided to the bolded.

 

[Bunny77]

When we start putting so much meaning into a piece of paper that we won't allow ourselves to like or love another person because they don't don't have it there's a problem. When you see a person who does not have their college degree as less of a person I feel there is something wrong with that way of thinking.

If I met a guy (while I was single) who didn't have a degree but was otherwise everything I wanted in a guy, I wouldn't be hung up on his lack of a degree. Sometimes people need some persuasion and guidance if higher education is what they want because who's to say that the guy doesn't want to be better. Anyway, I find that people who have degrees usually limit themselves in terms of the people they associate with. I choose to live a judgement free life.

I won't criticize you for doing what worked best for you, and you obviously found a wonderful partner that has made you happy. So kudos to you, and I mean that genuinely.

But I wanted to say this about the last two sentences.

-Yes, I do limit myself in terms of the people that I associate with. I am quite comfortable in saying this. Actually, more people should. I'm not talking about college degrees here... but how many people hang out with say, crackheads? I choose to limit myself to associating with people who are not crackheads, not ex-cons and folks who are doing positive things. Now, I associate with a variety of folks (degree is not an issue in friendship), but when a woman who is selecting the man whom she hopes to be with for the rest of her life AND the man who will father her children, she needs to be selective as hell. And she needs to judge the ever-loving LIFE out the men she is choosing for this role in her life.

I am proud to say that I am judgmental. More people should be in general. You should be the most judgmental person who ever lived when it comes to picking the man who will become your husband and the father of your children.

Again, for some, education might not matter in this process. For others, it matters a great deal. I would like to see women demonstrating as much judgment as humanly possible when it comes to this decision. Maybe if more of us did, we'd ALL be better off as a society and a community. I have absolutely ZERO desire to live a judgment-free life when it comes to picking a husband and father for my children.

So yes, my associations are limited to people who fit my standards and values, and that is a decision that I should have made a loooooong time ago.

 

[Bunny77]

Sorry ladies, I date educated men exclusively. I'm not too much into guys who do not have a degree. I also prefer BGLO guys or guys that are in some social organization--100Black Men, The Boule, something!

It shouldn't matter, but I think I'm entitled to have some things I'm snobby about in my dating preferences. I'm not snobby about skin-color, weight, hair texture, eye-color, appearel, cars, and alot of other physical things most women are snobby about(sans height). But, education and social status (I hate to say it that way), are important to me.

Same here to the bolded.

Social status isn't as important to me, but someone's social status in the areas that I value are what matters.

 

[Supervixen]

Just out of curiousity why do you believe you are more sided to the bolded.

Growing up, I was taught that classy women are educated and give back to their community. It's ingrained in me. At any given time in college, I was involved in as many campus social/service orgs as the number of classes I had. It is always a bragging point for my family about education and the number and quality community service projects/organizations my brother, cousins and I were involved with. Even now, I'm involved with Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated, Junior League of Chicago, The Urban League of Chicago's Metroboard, and there are other orgs that I think make a difference that I'd like to join. This is on top of working and preparing for my Masters.

Heck, I could go back to my great-grandfather in Wilkinson (sp) County Mississppi about how he pushed these ideals on my grandfather and how my grandmother got the same speechs from my great-grandmother in Jim Crow B-ham, AL...but I won't bore you to tears.

Because of that I expect the same from the men I date.

 

[MusicandWine]

I won't criticize you for doing what worked best for you, and you obviously found a wonderful partner that has made you happy. So kudos to you, and I mean that genuinely.

It seems like you are assuming too much about me based on my opinion. erplexed

My fiance is college educated, what I stated was an example.

-Yes, I do limit myself in terms of the people that I associate with. I am quite comfortable in saying this. Actually, more people should. I'm not talking about college degrees here... but how many people hang out with say, crackheads? I choose to limit myself to associating with people who are not crackheads, not ex-cons and folks who are doing positive things. Now, I associate with a variety of folks (degree is not an issue in friendship), but when a woman who is selecting the man whom she hopes to be with for the rest of her life AND the man who will father her children, she needs to be selective as hell. And she needs to judge the ever-loving LIFE out the men she is choosing for this role in her life.

I should have been more specific when I said college educated people limit their associations. It has been my experience that a lot of women I know who went to college do not like to associate with people who have not gone, just because they haven't gone. They think less of them. Not just men but other women as well. I'm simply saying I won't require potential friends to have a degree to meet my standards of friendship.

 

[Bunny77]

Just out of curiousity why do you believe you are more sided to the bolded.

Hi Coco!

I know you asked Cyd, but since I co-signed, I'll answer too.

About education: Well, I grew up in a family where although my parents were first-generation college graduates, my brother and I grew up believing that college was NOT an option. It was just the automatic next step after you finished high school. My dad values college education very much, and he never got to experience it the way my brother and I did because he was military first, and then attended colleges as an older student and mainly close to home. He got his degree, but always wanted to have done the dorm experience (he did for a year though), the social activities, the lectures/speakers, etc.

He's so into college that whenever he travels, he buys a shirt from the local college to add to his collection. Or he'll have me buy him a shirt from the school so he can wear it. When I got a letter from the college of my choice that was having a visit day (back when I was in high school), he was ready to jump in the car and drive me there -- it was five hours away -- and he did. He said he wasn't able to do that when he was younger because he was poor and his mom (dad wasn't around) didn't have a car.

Oh, and he was blue-collar for a minute too and worked in a factory for years. Honest work and he doesn't put it down, but he believes that if you have the chance to go for more (higher education), then you should do it. He worked in a factory because he didn't have many options in the 1960s. He doesn't think there's an excuse now.

So... with that as my background, it would be VERY hard for me to just be like, "whatever," if I met a man without a degree (unless he was higher levels of the military or a business owner)... higher education has become a "family value" for us, and I seek a man with the same value.

Notice I didn't even mention money in the equation, because it's not really about that for me.