Having a DEGREE=LOVE???

[Bunny77]

It seems like you are assuming too much about me based on my opinion. erplexed

My fiance is college educated, what I stated was an example.

-Yes, I do limit myself in terms of the people that I associate with. I am quite comfortable in saying this. Actually, more people should. I'm not talking about college degrees here... but how many people hang out with say, crackheads? I choose to limit myself to associating with people who are not crackheads, not ex-cons and folks who are doing positive things. Now, I associate with a variety of folks (degree is not an issue in friendship), but when a woman who is selecting the man whom she hopes to be with for the rest of her life AND the man who will father her children, she needs to be selective as hell. And she needs to judge the ever-loving LIFE out the men she is choosing for this role in her life.

I should have been more specific when I said college educated people limit their associations. It has been my experience that a lot of women I know who went to college do not like to associate with people who have not gone, just because they haven't gone. They think less of them. Not just men but other women as well. I'm simply saying I won't require potential friends to have a degree to meet my standards of friendship.

Okay, I gotcha. I think I misunderstood your point.

I have no problems associating with many different types of people (as long as they're doing positive things). I just strongly prefer to date college-educated men. But I definitely don't look down upon people who don't have a degree or think less of them.

 

[TayMac]

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. Many black people do downplay obtaining a college education. That mindset does not help us at all In the past I have dated men without an education and I strongly believe that this was the root cause of the compatibility issues. They always seemed to find a way to downplay my education outright or on the low

I have had this happen "I'm making just as much as you and I didn't waste my time going to school" Ugh.

That said. I just have an associates and definitely intend to get at least my bachelors. I've dated degreed and non degreed and I look at the individual mindset and others factor in deciding if I want a relationship. My SO is not degreed but so far it hasn't presented any issues. I'm not ashamed of him one bit.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Growing up, I was taught that classy women are educated and give back to their community. It's ingrained in me. At any given time in college, I was involved in as many campus social/service orgs as the number of classes I had. It is always a bragging point for my family about education and the number and quality community service projects/organizations my brother, cousins and I were involved with. Even now, I'm involved with Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated, Junior League of Chicago, The Urban League of Chicago's Metroboard, and there are other orgs that I think make a difference that I'd like to join. This is on top of working and preparing for my Masters.

Heck, I could go back to my great-grandfather in Wilkinson (sp) County Mississppi about how he pushed these ideals on my grandfather and how my grandmother got the same speechs from my great-grandmother in Jim Crow B-ham, AL...but I won't bore you to tears.

Because of that I expect the same from the men I date.

Thank you for responding.I wanted to know because I grew up the complete opposite.No one in my family did anything beside me and my grandmother going to church and I always tried to be more of a leader bc my home was horrible.

I thought I was being unGodly and wrong to desire a man to have the following a college degree a BA and above,a good quality job(prefered that of managment) unless he is in school then you have earning potential,a man with no kids or baggage ie felonies..a man with his own home and car.See I have never been with a man that has these qualities and I always thought I had to be some pretty fair skinned beauty to get that type of man.

Its good to know that others have similar sentiments.I also want to possible seek interest in a BGLO once I get into grad school.

 

[Coffee]

I have a Master's and hubby has a Bachelor's, plus I'm older by 7 years. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. For me, it's more about how the person treats me, his family, and his friends. His ex has a Ph.D and she's always been jealous because he did and still does makes more money than her .

 

[Ramya]

Education is important to me therefore it is fitting that I date a man who also values education. Any man who downplays my or anyone else's education is probably not the man for me. Yes you can make xyz without going to college but you cannot recreate the experience. The life experiences college has afforded me are invaluable.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Hi Coco!

I know you asked Cyd, but since I co-signed, I'll answer too.

About education: Well, I grew up in a family where although my parents were first-generation college graduates, my brother and I grew up believing that college was NOT an option. It was just the automatic next step after you finished high school. My dad values college education very much, and he never got to experience it the way my brother and I did because he was military first, and then attended colleges as an older student and mainly close to home. He got his degree, but always wanted to have done the dorm experience (he did for a year though), the social activities, the lectures/speakers, etc.

He's so into college that whenever he travels, he buys a shirt from the local college to add to his collection. Or he'll have me buy him a shirt from the school so he can wear it. When I got a letter from the college of my choice that was having a visit day (back when I was in high school), he was ready to jump in the car and drive me there -- it was five hours away -- and he did. He said he wasn't able to do that when he was younger because he was poor and his mom (dad wasn't around) didn't have a car.

Oh, and he was blue-collar for a minute too and worked in a factory for years. Honest work and he doesn't put it down, but he believes that if you have the chance to go for more (higher education), then you should do it. He worked in a factory because he didn't have many options in the 1960s. He doesn't think there's an excuse now.

So... with that as my background, it would be VERY hard for me to just be like, "whatever," if I met a man without a degree (unless he was higher levels of the military or a business owner)... higher education has become a "family value" for us, and I seek a man with the same value.

Notice I didn't even mention money in the equation, because it's not really about that for me.

The bolded is the exception to my rule..I mean if your donald trump wo a degree then that fine..and I have attraction to miltary men esp those of high rank..the honor,prestige,and the money isn't bad either..I feel a man of the military could handle my strong personality more than any other..but we will see if God will provide me a man of such caliber..

 

[phynestone]

Education is important to me, plain and simple. It would be difficult for me to push and instill it as a value in my children if I didn't have one, nor did my husband. With the exception of one, none of the guys I dated had finished their education when I met them and the one who was educated, was completely content with his life and job. He wasn't ambitious, didn't have much of a desire to explore the world besides what was around him and came with a bit of baggage.

In the past, I've lowered my standards for what I wanted in a man just to please others, but I've realized that it's going to be my butt waking up to him everyday and dealing with his mess, so I must choose wisely. If you want your future man to be educated, so be it. Just make sure you're what you're looking for in a mate. I just KNOW after my experiences, that my future DH will have to be highly educated, along with great character traits that I also possess. Nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Nope, but my in-laws and mom were not into the idea of DH and I marrying until we both "had degrees." I completed mine about 6 months after marriage... he is chilling for now.

Education is important to me, but it doesn't have to be "formal" education

 

[Miss AJ]

I don't think being college educated is necessary for me to love someone, my brother didn't finish college but he is the smartest man I have ever known. I am not college educated myself (I'm gettin there though, slowly but surely lol) so what would I look like expecting that out of a potential mate when I don't have it? HOWEVER, if we cannot have an intelligent conversation or during the conversation I say something like, "No pun intended" and you give me the crazy look and ask what is a pun....you gotta hit the bricks son

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I don't think being college educated is necessary for me to love someone, my brother didn't finish college but he is the smartest man I have ever known. I am not college educated myself (I'm gettin there though, slowly but surely lol) so what would I look like expecting that out of a potential mate when I don't have it? HOWEVER, if we cannot have an intelligent conversation or during the conversation I say something like, "No pun intended" and you give me the crazy look and ask what is a pun....you gotta hit the bricks son

Or say, "Can you spell that?" erplexed

 

[Miss AJ]

^^LOL, omg I could NOT date/marry someone like that...I'd be more of a teacher than a SO and I don't have time for that mess lol.

 

[Renewed1]

So rather than try to determine if the non-degreed factory worker I just met might meet my criteria, I figure it's better to just fish in the college-degreed pool because I'm more likely there to find the type of man I want.

So true Bunny! An older woman told me years ago that I shouldn't date a guy with nothing less than a Bachelors degree for a variety of reasons. And considering the type of man I want, a degree is a requirement.

I've dated men (or had guy friends) without degrees and I swear our conversations were mainly about video games, sports....nothing meaty.

 

[Renewed1]

It shouldn't matter, but I think I'm entitled to have some things I'm snobby about in my dating preferences. I'm not snobby about skin-color, weight, hair texture, eye-color, appearel, cars, and alot of other physical things most women are snobby about(sans height). But, education and social status (I hate to say it that way), are important to me.

I agree Cyd, I just recently discovered this about myself. I prefer a guy who has some sort of social status (and of course education); I like to know that he belongs to a "club". It shows that he is not at home just sitting on the couch; but he has an active life DOING something for the community, etc.

Plus someone I can have a good DEBATE with is a real turn on for me. I find that educated men gives me that.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

Thank you for responding.I wanted to know because I grew up the complete opposite.No one in my family did anything beside me and my grandmother going to church and I always tried to be more of a leader bc my home was horrible.

I thought I was being unGodly and wrong to desire a man to have the following a college degree a BA and above,a good quality job(prefered that of managment) unless he is in school then you have earning potential,a man with no kids or baggage ie felonies..a man with his own home and car.See I have never been with a man that has these qualities and I always thought I had to be some pretty fair skinned beauty to get that type of man.

Its good to know that others have similar sentiments.I also want to possible seek interest in a BGLO once I get into grad school.

OFF TOPIC: Coco...this is maybe the 3rd time I think Ive seen u some how refer 2 ur looks as not being good enough...girl, you are beautiful (assuming thats u in ur pic)...trust there is some1 who will believe ur the hottest woman on the planet...don't let these fools' beauty standards get 2 u...

Sorry, OP...

And I concur with all of those who say a degree matters...I mean this is going to be a man who will be an example for my children!! I want my children to value education, and for that reason, it is very difficult for me to marry a man who feels like a degree isn't necessary...Actually, I had a relationship with someone who doesn't have a degree...and honestly, he'd be the one for me if he would have chosen 2 complete his education. Not solely because of the degree, but because he would often accuse me of being bourge when I used big words and when I made comments saying that I'm going to groom my children to not only get a college education, but to hopefully attend the best colleges. He was also very happy at a place in life where I simply was not. For the record, I am a first generation college student, so I love MANY people who have chosen not to go 2 college, however it is necessary for the man who will b the most influential in my children's life.

 

[princessnad]

See I have never been with a man that has these qualities and I always thought I had to be some pretty fair skinned beauty to get that type of man.

Honey, please don't believe this. I know you said that your family life was not very good but low expectations and low self esteem will only lead to horrid results. I'm happy that you realize that it is possible for you.

I'm not very good with the touchy-feely stuff (somebody, Bunny help!) but I had to address this. I think that maybe you should work out these feelings so you can be emotionally ready for when a good guy comes along.

From your avatar, you seem pretty. And even if you are not, below-average looking girls with high self esteem and high expectations get high quality men all the time.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Honey, please don't believe this. I know you said that your family life was not very good but low expectations and low self esteem will only lead to horrid results. I'm happy that you realize that it is possible for you.

I'm not very good with the touchy-feely stuff (somebody, Bunny help!) but I had to address this. I think that maybe you should work out these feelings so you can be emotionally ready for when a good guy comes along.

From your avatar, you seem pretty. And even if you are not, below-average looking girls with high self esteem and high expectations get high quality men all the time.

Yep thats me in the avatar..I have been told that it has alot to do with the area im in...I live in texas..not a good area for my kind..Im very head strong,intelligent outspoken and at times real deep..men here from what i have seen like the type who wants a goods for exchange of services..ie he buys you a purse you go color with him..Im just not that type of girl..im learning me as I get older...24 is a big number to me so I have to get me together before I get real old like 34

 

[Bunny77]

Yep thats me in the avatar..I have been told that it has alot to do with the area im in...I live in texas..not a good area for my kind..Im very head strong,intelligent outspoken and at times real deep..men here from what i have seen like the type who wants a goods for exchange of services..ie he buys you a purse you go color with him..Im just not that type of girl..im learning me as I get older...24 is a big number to me so I have to get me together before I get real old like 34

Girl, stop!

According to you, I'm almost "real old" right now, lol. Nah, see, real old is something like, 44! (Just kidding!)

Hmmm... I obviously don't live in Texas, but from what I've heard and seen when I visited, it seems to have a lot of good, family-oriented Southern gentlemen. Women from other countries are moving to Texas to find a good man... oh, and my guy lived in Houston for a minute and went to UT.

What could be happening with you is that your immediate environment and neighborhood isn't conducive to meeting nice guys, but I think you're actually in a great general location by being in Texas. You just might have to expand your circle to meet those types of guys that will meet your standards.

 

[Supervixen]

Girl, stop!

According to you, I'm almost "real old" right now, lol. Nah, see, real old is something like, 44! (Just kidding!)

Hmmm... I obviously don't live in Texas, but from what I've heard and seen when I visited, it seems to have a lot of good, family-oriented Southern gentlemen. Women from other countries are moving to Texas to find a good man... oh, and my guy lived in Houston for a minute and went to UT.

What could be happening with you is that your immediate environment and neighborhood isn't conducive to meeting nice guys, but I think you're actually in a great general location by being in Texas. You just might have to expand your circle to meet those types of guys that will meet your standards.

I've heard great things about the men in Houston. Even though I'm in a committed relationship, I'm actually going to visit over the MLK Holiday. (I can look! I LOVE a southern gentleman.)

My big sis is dating a nice guy from Houston, and I met a few of his friends. They all seemed like the kinds of guys we described. Maybe you should move?

 

[MzK]

OFF TOPIC: Coco...this is maybe the 3rd time I think Ive seen u some how refer 2 ur looks as not being good enough...girl, you are beautiful (assuming thats u in ur pic)...trust there is some1 who will believe ur the hottest woman on the planet...don't let these fools' beauty standards get 2 u...

Sorry, OP...

And I concur with all of those who say a degree matters...I mean this is going to be a man who will be an example for my children!! I want my children to value education, and for that reason, it is very difficult for me to marry a man who feels like a degree isn't necessary...Actually, I had a relationship with someone who doesn't have a degree...and honestly, he'd be the one for me if he would have chosen 2 complete his education. Not solely because of the degree, but because he would often accuse me of being bourge when I used big words and when I made comments saying that I'm going to groom my children to not only get a college education, but to hopefully attend the best colleges. He was also very happy at a place in life where I simply was not. For the record, I am a first generation college student, so I love MANY people who have chosen not to go 2 college, however it is necessary for the man who will b the most influential in my children's life.

No offense taken here!

And thanks for your post. I too, am the first to graduate from college, but I don't put a LOT of emphasis on it--it's nice to have a mate that may have the same background--but sometimes ppl can't help who they fall in love with....and it just may be with a person who either has a 'lesser' degree/none at all.

 

[Supervixen]

Hi Coco!

He's so into college that whenever he travels, he buys a shirt from the local college to add to his collection. Or he'll have me buy him a shirt from the school so he can wear it.

My mother does this with coffee mugs. She's a high school guidance counselor, so her summers are spent going on different college tours to let her students know about her experiences at campuses across the country. She ALWAYS grabs a mug; any place my brother, my aunt, my cousins or I go, if we're near a college or university, she wants a mug!

This past weekend we went to Hampton U. to visit my cousin and my mom got another mug BESIDES the one that my cousin had given her upon starting at HU.

On another note, Mr. Cyd's mom loves her alma mater so much that she has become a recruiter for the college. She is also an advocate for HBCUs in general--she goes on many HBCU tours, homecomings and classics. Not only that, but she's a Delta, her son's a Que and I'm an AKA. She always brings each of us something back with our respective BGLOs from her HBCU excursions.

My mom (also an AKA) brings greek appareal (sp) or something with our org's colors home for me and Mr. Cyd as well from her trips.

From all of this, it shows children that college/education IS important. Mr. Cyd's neice is 7 years old and already saying what college she wants to go to and what Sorority she wants to be a part of. She knows where each of us went to school and our orgs. She's infatuated with college and social/service orgs actually. That gives us a lot of power to encourge her to do well in school now--which should be a goal every parent has for their children.




We need to continue encouraging younger children that education IS important, not telling them (or ourselves) it ain't shxt. If more women had the standard of dating educated men only, I bet the power of the p would make more of our men start going to school and finishing.

If whomever does not want to date college educated men, cool, I'll keep my college educated friends and boyfriends. I feel like this thread was started posing a question, but took an unfortunate turn somewhere to the effect of those of us who want college-educated men are judgemental and stuck-up.

 

[phynestone]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^We are >>here<<<

Not saying that college-educated men don't have their issues, because they definitely do, along with those who aren't.

If anything, I think the world is so concerned about remaining politically correct and not offending anyone, that to have standards is to be a snob. And what has occured as a result? Kids not finishing school, kids having kids, our new microwave generation - wanting things now and not willing to work for it.

I want a man who's passionate about God, his family, hard-working, ambitious, considerate, kind AND college-educated. If I'm bringing xyz to the table, he better come with it, and come hard!

I've noticed a difference between the children whose parents are college-educated and those whose parents are not. They tend to be well-rounded and exposed to much more than whatever is in a 3 block radius of their home. I want my children to be like that as well, and as a result, I want a college-educated man.

Yeah, I keep saying the same things, but I'm enjoying this thread.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

And it's often the MEN who make it an issue, because I know so many educated black women who have tried a relationship with someone without a similar education and had the MAN throw it up in their face.

THIS RIGHT HERE!!!!!

I've been down that road ain't doing it again.

 

[daydreem2876]

slightly OT: it is amazing how many changes one can go through in the course of one relationship with one man

Back on the subject...
I was in a relationship with some one who did not have an education and eventually it became quite an issue. his insercurites got the best of him, he bacame very resentful, and thus disrespectful of me. we had many problems, but every time we arugued my education was brought up (i thought i was smart, i was a bourgie b****, i thought i was better than him, etc...).

looking forward, this is why it is important for me to be with someone who values education.

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

To me a degree is irrelevant. I am speaking as a person who is about five course shy of an MBA. I really dont care about that and I, myself, only went to college because I had nothing else going on at the time (I was 22 when I started), LOL.

For me I am interested in the person. A piece of paper showing that you can meet deadlines may be helpful to employers, but for me the character is the biggest turn on.

 

[aribell]

I am proud to say that I am judgmental. More people should be in general. You should be the most judgmental person who ever lived when it comes to picking the man who will become your husband and the father of your children.

If anything, I think the world is so concerned about remaining politically correct and not offending anyone, that to have standards is to be a snob. And what has occured as a result? Kids not finishing school, kids having kids, our new microwave generation - wanting things now and not willing to work for it.

I want a man who's passionate about God, his family, hard-working, ambitious, considerate, kind AND college-educated. If I'm bringing xyz to the table, he better come with it, and come hard!

ITA. Sometimes I feel like saying, "This is not equal opportunity dating!" No, every potential suitor doesn't have to be treated equally, have the same shot, etc. I don't think there's any rule for who you ought to entertain other than they should be someone that is compatible with your values and your goals. Whether a person should have different priorities and goals than they do is a different question all together.

I might not agree the priorities of a woman who told me that it is imperative that she marry a man of significant financial means, but if she got her rich man, at least she followed the principle of compatibility, since if she married a poor one both of them would end up miserable.

You just have to know what's important to you.

 

[finickyone]

In my early 20s I could care less if a man had a degree. As I got older I found myself more attracted to intellectually men that did have a degree.

The man I am now married to doesn't have a degree, but he is retired military & retired at top rank. He's had a lot of schooling in one particular field & the entire course took him 2 years to complete. He could get his military schooling converted to college credits & probably only have to take a few classes to obtain his bachelors. He now owns his own trucking company & receives a retirement check from the military. Not bad for a 41 yr old man who doesn't have a degree but has become a very successful business man. What he didn't know about the trucking business, he researched & learned. My husband is actually really intelligent & the special training he did in the military, you really have to be. My degrees are in Business & Human Resource Mgmt. Here I am with 6 yrs of higher education & my husband easily makes 5x the money I make. I tease him & tell him that I'm still the smart one because I chose him! lol

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

ITA. Sometimes I feel like saying, "This is not equal opportunity dating!" No, every potential suitor doesn't have to be treated equally, have the same shot, etc. I don't think there's any rule for who you ought to entertain other than they should be someone that is compatible with your values and your goals. Whether a person should have different priorities and goals than they do is a different question all together.

I might not agree the priorities of a woman who told me that it is imperative that she marry a man of significant financial means, but if she got her rich man, at least she followed the principle of compatibility, since if she married a poor one both of them would end up miserable.

You just have to know what's important to you.

The bolded is important..women have been taught that we should take whatever comes our way..like we must entertain it...ie like ppl always to me that women should smile..why would I do that that dumb in my opinion..Im not a robot nor am I wanting everyone in my personal space..

Whenever women go against the grain and begin to chose who and what goes into our lives ppl esp men get mean..esp the losers..if your loser don't talk to me..I dont want to be bothered..I have seen men get hostile with me bc I won't comply..Ladies keep doing you and only allowing the best in your life..

 

[Supervixen]

The bolded is important..women have been taught that we should take whatever comes our way..like we must entertain it...ie like ppl always to me that women should smile..why would I do that that dumb in my opinion..Im not a robot nor am I wanting everyone in my personal space..

Whenever women go against the grain and begin to chose who and what goes into our lives ppl esp men get mean..esp the losers..if your loser don't talk to me..I dont want to be bothered..I have seen men get hostile with me bc I won't comply..Ladies keep doing you and only allowing the best in your life..

Maybe I went too hard in my other statements in this thread--let me be more clear. I'm not outright RUDE to people, I have southern roots, but I also won't let you get too close to me if I'm not feeling where you are in your life or where you're going.

I do believe in smiling, being polite and cordial (for the most part) and even holding a conversation with folks whose life's I'm not feeling--I truly believe that you can learn something from everyone. At work, I talk to the security guards, the cafeteria workers, the janitorial staff, even though I'd never date them. I also chat up SVPs and the C-level execs.

I'm not stank, I wasn't raised that way, but I am a big city girl who can be stank if the situation requires.

All in all, I don't think it's cool to snub casual conversation because of a person's lack of a degree, but when it comes to dating, you will get snubbed for a lot of stuff that isn't to my standards.

I hope I was more clear.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Maybe I went too hard in my other statements in this thread--let me be more clear. I'm not outright RUDE to people, I have southern roots, but I also won't let you get too close to me if I'm not feeling where you are in your life or where you're going.

I do believe in smiling, being polite and cordial (for the most part) and even holding a conversation with folks whose life's I'm not feeling--I truly believe that you can learn something from everyone. At work, I talk to the security guards, the cafeteria workers, the janitorial staff, even though I'd never date them. I also chat up SVPs and the C-level execs.

I'm not stank, I wasn't raised that way, but I am a big city girl who can be stank if the situation requires.

All in all, I don't think it's cool to snub casual conversation because of a person's lack of a degree, but when it comes to dating, you will get snubbed for a lot of stuff that isn't to my standards.

I hope I was more clear.

No I got what you meant..I'm stating for my own experience..I get asked by men smile I want to pimp slap them..they are asking me to do something outside of my comfort zone for their enjoyment.....

It's always good to talk with ppl from all everyone bc you never know what you may learn..when Im in my talking moods I do like to talk to ppl from various walks of life bc there is always something..and you never know you may encourge someone in the process

 

[lux10023]

I have a degree but its a reg ole degree---while i do appreciate an educated brotha---im impressed with succesful ppl who have bright futures---ummm given that my own success has no direct link to my degree----as long as a brotha is on my level all the way around we r good
i predom dated brothas with degrees---but bumped into a few men who didnt have a degree or crazy *** loans that blew me away with how successful they were...changed my perception real quick