Found Roses, a Card, & Candy on My Desk

[itismehmmkay]

It sounds nice, but this could be a part of his game. I would wonder how many other women he has tried the "note" thing on. I've had guys do this who turned out to be jerks. They saw me at work, left a note, i.e. casted a net to see if I would bite.

Good luck with whatever you decide. It was a nice gesture, but I'm wondering why he couldn't ask you in person.

lol I know this was my first thought too; that he was probably married too.

I agree w/ the ladies on maybe texting him and saying a simple thank you w/ a smiley. It would be nice for him to show himself at work maybe first. And go from there.

 

[Misseyl]

I'd report it to Human Resources. Suppose you meet him and don't feel that way. Furthemore, he's 40 without family and such what's wrong with him. He sounds like a stalker. Yuck!

 

[TamedTresses]

^^ Report him to Human Resources? I'm sorry that made me laugh. OP, please don't get that man fired for sending you flowers.

 

[kandake]

So what's going on? Did you call to thank him for the flowers?

 

[Allandra]

^^ Report him to Human Resources? I'm sorry that made me laugh. OP, please don't get that man fired for sending you flowers.

You and me both.

 

[Krullete]

Fear is such a powerful trap.

And a lonely one.

As a personal isolation box, it may not feel so lonely when you (general "you") can anonymously swap confessions of your fears and neuroses with other, similarly trapped individuals within a "True Confessions" or "Things You're Ashamed to Admit" thread on a message board [kind of like pushing contraband notes through the bars of a prison cell, or tapping messages on the dividing wall]. But, fear still keeps you manacled and shackled in the real world.

Advice to the OP: if you've read the threads (mentioned above), ask yourself whether it would be wise to synchronize your behavior with such influences. [I mean no disrespect to posters who contributed to those threads; but, the feelings and attitudes expressed therein were often shockingly outside of a healthy norm.]

It is quite possible to appreciate the janitor's gesture for what it appeared to be, and investigate him and his intent with a self-protecting approach - if you are interested.

Why unnecessarily subsume joy and wonder to the paralyzing lockdown of fear?

 

[brg240]

I'd report it to Human Resources. Suppose you meet him and don't feel that way. Furthemore, he's 40 without family and such what's wrong with him. He sounds like a stalker. Yuck!

oh. erplexed
Couldn't she meet him for coffee, to thank him for the kind gesture and if she doesn't like him just leave it at that.
Maybe he hasn't met anyone he'd like start a family with, maybe he doesn't want kids? I think it's better not to start a family if you don't want one or if you haven't found the right person. We already have too many that start that way.

 

[ThickHair]

I'd report it to Human Resources. Suppose you meet him and don't feel that way. Furthemore, he's 40 without family and such what's wrong with him. He sounds like a stalker. Yuck!

I take issue with your "40" without a family. Why is something automatically wrong with him? Maybe, just maybe, he doesn't want to be a baby daddy and have women all over town. Why is there such a big issue with men over 35 being single without children? It is honestly a breath of fresh air from my POV.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Awwwww....that was so sweet!!!

Aside from having a little too much information in his little note, I'd say that he sounds like a guy you should at least find out what he looks like. You know, actually talk with him in person? I wonder who you're supposed to get in touch w/him? How was he expecting you to know who he was?

 

[awhyley]

Uhm, but he doesn't even know her. He's solely going by physical attraction. I thought chivalry comes after we've had at least one good conversation.

Nah, chivalry should start at FIRST contact. Always.

Good luck with whatever you decide. It was a nice gesture, but I'm wondering why he couldn't ask you in person.

He may be shy and timid, esp. since he's fallen on hard times.

I say, meet at Starbucks and see how it goes.

Yeah, meeting on neutral ground would be good. If he approaches her at the job, things might get a little sticky.

 

[awhyley]

I'd report it to Human Resources. Suppose you meet him and don't feel that way. Furthemore, he's 40 without family and such what's wrong with him. He sounds like a stalker. Yuck!

Whaaaaa??? Dang, how did I miss this? If they meet, she's not impressed, and he continues to pursue her; THEN she would have grounds for harassment, but not before. And the for the second part, I hope men aren't thinking the same way about women because if so alot of us are in trouble if we want any hope of dating 'past our prime'.

 

[DayStar]

what part of the game dis is?

I'd report it to Human Resources. Suppose you meet him and don't feel that way. Furthemore, he's 40 without family and such what's wrong with him. He sounds like a stalker. Yuck!

 

[Butterfly08]

I take issue with your "40" without a family. Why is something automatically wrong with him? Maybe, just maybe, he doesn't want to be a baby daddy and have women all over town. Why is there such a big issue with men over 35 being single without children? It is honestly a breath of fresh air from my POV.

I definitely respect that he hasn't been spewing his seed all over like a waterhose, but IME eligible men past 40 who haven't married...well there is usually a reason. Either they don't want to or something is very wrong with them that others before me have sniffed out. I'm talking doctors, managers, and extremely successful business owners that I know personally who could have their pick of women, but when you peel that away they are insecure, selfish, controlling, unwilling to commit and immature. I could go on but I don't want to derail the thread. Needless to say I give 40+ never married black men the serious side eye. It's up to them to prove me wrong.

Back to the topic at hand, you've gotten some good advice. What does your gut tell you to do?

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[ThickHair]

I definitely respect that he hasn't been spewing his seed all over like a waterhose, but IME eligible men past 40 who haven't married...well there is usually a reason. Either they don't want to or something is very wrong with them that others before me have sniffed out. I'm talking doctors, managers, and extremely successful business owners that I know personally who could have their pick of women, but when you peel that away they are insecure, selfish, controlling, unwilling to commit and immature. I could go on but I don't want to derail the thread. Needless to say I give 40+ never married black men the serious side eye. It's up to them to prove me wrong.

Back to the topic at hand, you've gotten some good advice. What does your gut tell you to do?

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Do you think the same about women in the same situation?

 

[mischka]

Whatever happened to people just not WANTING kids? Is it possible that this man simply never WANTED to have a child?

 

[MixedBerry]

<Mixedberry taps fingers on desk, anxiously awaiting deets!!!!>

 

[Butterfly08]

Do you think the same about women in the same situation?

Not necessarily, because there seem to be fewer eligible men to marry than women who want to get married. So in theory I think it would be easier for a man to find a wife if he really WANTED to. I'm not saying only men have these selfish immature attitudes, but I have watched (just as eligible) women - lawyers, teachers, doctors and executives - waste their lives away hoping and praying these professional bachelors will marry them, and 10 years later, nothing. They drop just enough crumbs to keep the women hanging.

Again this is based on my observations AND personal experience. It's a generalization that I'm sure somebody out there can disprove. Until then, I'm sticking to my story.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Butterfly08]

Whatever happened to people just not WANTING kids? Is it possible that this man simply never WANTED to have a child?

Yep, nothing wrong with that.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[LongTimeComing]

So umm....

Did OP work today? Found out who he is? please let him be cute....

And please don't make him meet you at Starbucks- he already said he doesn't like coffee. Go to Panera.

 

[joy2day]

While I agree that a man approaching 40 or even over 40 might be subject to a side eye or two 'cause he never married OR had any kids; I have to respect a man who didn't go out and destroy a woman's life, or even wreck his own life/credit in divorce, all for the sake of being able to get a woman, 'cause it's a banquet out here, and all he got to do is pick one.

I guess I wouldn't be as quick to dismiss a man who is around 40 and never married, especially if he told me, "you know what, I was immature in my 30's, and I needed to do some growing in order to sustain a marriage." And I certainly feel this way myself, 'cause I am this same person in a female package :/

That said, OP, I hope you stop back in here and let us know what your first impression of this gentleman is. I thought that his gesture was really sweet.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

 

[ThickHair]

OK OP, what's up with your mystery man?

 

[TinyBlu]

That was sweet. But am I the only one who would be a little anxious/freaked out by that?

Nope. I have become cynical. Romance is dead. I would be a little freaked out... and I can't help thinking...what's WRONG with him? Why is he being SOOOO nice?

But... I'm a wounded woman. Don't listen to me

If you want to meet him to thank him, do it in a VERY public place so you have the option to bail if he isn't your type (i.e. unattractive--the sweet guys usually aren't exactly easy on the eyes... they don't have to be... just saying)

 

[TinyBlu]

Not necessarily, because there seem to be fewer eligible men to marry than women who want to get married. So in theory I think it would be easier for a man to find a wife if he really WANTED to. I'm not saying only men have these selfish immature attitudes, but I have watched (just as eligible) women - lawyers, teachers, doctors and executives - waste their lives away hoping and praying these professional bachelors will marry them, and 10 years later, nothing. They drop just enough crumbs to keep the women hanging.

Again this is based on my observations AND personal experience. It's a generalization that I'm sure somebody out there can disprove. Until then, I'm sticking to my story.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

AMEN!!!!! AMEN!!!!! AMEN!!!!!

Unfortunately, we women can "success" ourselves into single-hood because the equally successful men aren't trying to REMOTELY settle down.... (personal experience)

We're either forced to lower our standards and settle or just stay single. I'm not saying that there aren't any decent brothers that are less educated and may not wear a suit and tie to work, but if I scratched and scrounged to get mine, why do I have tobe forced to choose from the "trying to make it" brother.... SO unfair (Oooops.... another topic. Please excuse the chip on my shoulder!!!!)

 

[TinyBlu]

lol I know this was my first thought too; that he was probably married too.

I agree w/ the ladies on maybe texting him and saying a simple thank you w/ a smiley. It would be nice for him to show himself at work maybe first. And go from there.

Back on my soapbox... PLEASE don't text. The cyber thing just irks me. Do people talk anymore?

If you call, DO NOT call from your cell phone. Find a payphone (do those still exist) or use a business phone or something. You don't know this man, and he may be using "sweet" as a cover. I have just watched way too many Lifetime movies I guess...

 

[Makenzie]

I think that was a sweet gesture. Since you don't like surprises, call him to say thank you and ask him to identify himself. Have a response already prepared for each person it could be.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Dang, it is raw and hard core up in here.

Any updates op? Did he look like old otis from martin? just kidding on that part. I'm hoping that by now you know who it is and everything is ok...

 

[Avyn]

I'd report it to Human Resources. Suppose you meet him and don't feel that way. Furthemore, he's 40 without family and such what's wrong with him. He sounds like a stalker. Yuck!

Awwwww he sounds like such a sweetie pie! I think you should give him a chance I would (you know...if I dated 40 yr olds lol). He went to college, graduated, and was a property manager. Girrrl, he upper echelon ( I'm gonna be referencing that for at least the next 2 weeks smh)! No, but really...it just sounds like he's fallen on hard times. Now, if he would have said "I graduated HS...then became a janitor" Negative Annnnd he got that bomb arse severance package? I hope you find out who he issss!

Upper echelon?! Imma use that!!


Thanks yall for the advice! He put his number in the card so I'm going to thank him for the gifts and see where it goes.

So I asked an older lady who's a janitor I speak to from time to time if I'm staying late. She said, "Oooh, he was asking about you, too!" So at that point I had to clarify and let her know that I wasn't "asking about him" and explained to her the situation. (She's cool - I hope! You don't know people until you really know them, but we've shared some things about our lives in previous conversations. I haven't shared anything about my personal life with her. We've discussed her working conditions and she's vented her frustrations, and I talk about work related stuff. I asked her not to say anything. I believe she won't.)
She told me that he asked her and another janitor if they knew anything about me and if I stayed late at work every day - for a time span of a few weeks I was staying late almost everyday. She said he asked a while back, so "he obviously must be really laid back and put some thought into what he was gon' do." I asked her what he looked like and she said he was a tall black guy, fair skinned, with glasses, and all she knew about him was that he's not married, no kids, and he rides his bike...(to work...that's what I thought she was going to say and in the split second between her words I checked him off my list ) a certain number of miles every morning before he goes to his day job. Then he works at my school at night, and after work a few nights a week he works out in our workout facilities lifting weights and whatnot . I think I remember seeing him one evening as I was leaving out, but I'm not sure. I don't know what time they start but I'm going to have to try to sneak a peak at him. I'm going to text him in a minute and thank him.

I'll update this weekend.

 

[Avyn]

Dang!! This thread grew since I started typing my response. I got to go do some work but I will respond to the questions and give more details as I get them.

 

[nubiennze]

LOL! What's wrong with commuting to work by bike? Eco-friendly is in these days...

on getting some info. I'll continue to lurk to see what develops.