Financial Support from a Man?

redwineluva

redwineluva

New Member
I have a situation.

So I have an ex-fiance..who I recently saw last week. I basically said that I'm stressed out, tired of working and would love a 6-month break. I didn't imply that he should give me money.

I quote from his email; "I want to take care of you emotionally, physically, and financially as much as possible". He doesn't earn 6 figures. Close to, but not quite. He owns a home and has been in his profession for over a decade. He is about 9 years older than me, single, no children and we nearly got married a few months ago (VERY long story!). He said that all he wants in return is emotional support.

The problem is, I don't really like him. He irritates me when he says stupid things and he is pretty insecure, on top of being needy. He is pretty much obsessed with me...in the sense that when we had a falling out in the beginning of the year he showed up at my door unannounced once and
managed to find out another one of my email addresses and contact me through there.

It's not that I want to take his money and run because I'm fiercely independent and have never had anyone's help to get to where I am now. I want to use the $$ so that I can heal myself (I'm literally burnt out, I've had over 40 jobs since I was 14) and focus on doing work that actually makes me
happy. However that being said I'm not used to being taken care of. I have significant trust issues with men.

Now you may say I should just act or pretend but I could pretend if I actually liked him somewhat. Anther thing is, he doesn't want sex from me. We've never had sex and I've known him for a year. He has *ahem* a problem when it comes to the sexual part so he literally just wants to please and satisfy me sexually with cunnilingus (sorry to be so blunt!!)

I should be happy, right? I mean, here's a guy willing to support me during while I take a break from working (I'm preparing applications for graduate school in September) and he said he wants to be there for me in all aspects. He said he's willing to give me around $20,000 as I stated that's how much I would need.


What would ya'll do? I just feel so helpless. It's hard for me to ask for help. I'm so used to doing things myself. :ohwell::perplexed
 
I personally wouldn't do it. If he's shown obsessive behavior, this just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. You don't like him and he's annoying, so you'd only be trading one headache for another.

Do what you need to in order to be happy, and also stay safe (he sounds like the type to snap) and be smart. If you do go through with it, make sure you have it in writing that EVERYTHING he does for you is a gift and he does not expect repayment.

Good luck with whatever you choose.
 
Promises are comfort to a fool (not calling you a fool, but his "claims" may not be accurate). "Emotional" support WILL turn into demands for physical support, and like the other poster said, one headache traded for another is still a headache.
 
I'm with others on the issue of how far he will demand his share of "emotional support". I will personally let him go his merry way.

Good luck with your graduate school. You can do it without tieing yourself to this man.
 
This is not just a guy you are dating or who is interested in you. You guys have history. He is looking to get back with you. If you are not willing to take him back, don't take the money. Doing so would just add more stress to your life because you will have to deal with him.
 
You may think that you are using the money to heal yourself, but you will likely need to "heal" after taking that money from him. I don't think it would be wise for you to take the money based on the OP. Now, if your plan is to take the money and run far, far away to a place where he will never find you...ask for $40k instead. :giggle:
 
If I was truly stressed out and couldn't get the money from any place else (family, credit card cash advance, bank loan) I'd take the $20,000. However, I'd make it a loan (with a written agreement) and I'd treat him like any other creditor. I'd also make sure he realized I'd NEVER get back with him and if he had that in mind, he should not loan the money at all.
 
naturalmanenyc said:
If I was truly stressed out and couldn't get the money from any place else (family, credit card cash advance, bank loan) I'd take the $20,000. However, I'd make it a loan (with a written agreement) and I'd treat him like any other creditor. I'd also make sure he realized I'd NEVER get back with him and if he had that in mind, he should not loan the money at all.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I don't want to get back with him at all. I want to take the money, but dip into it when I can and repay him back in time. Thanks for your reply
 
OP if you take the money you will open a big can worms. This will not be an innocent, well meaning transaction.
Why do I feel like you'll be selling your soul to the devil??
 
I actually agree with naturalmanenyc. But instead of agreeing to repay the money I'd put into writing what I was willing to do in return. Ask him exactly what he wants in return. Emotional support is way to broad. Perhaps an evening together once a week or a nightly call, idk but figure it out. I say this because right now he does not want the money back but later he might and you gon' be pissed if you support him emotionally and he want the money back because y'all didn't get back together. This may well be a dangerous proposition though as others have stated, but for some reason I don't get that feeling from your post. Good luck and enjoy the 6-month break :giggle:.

naturalmanenyc said:
If I was truly stressed out and couldn't get the money from any place else (family, credit card cash advance, bank loan) I'd take the $20,000. However, I'd make it a loan (with a written agreement) and I'd treat him like any other creditor. I'd also make sure he realized I'd NEVER get back with him and if he had that in mind, he should not loan the money at all.
Click to expand...
 
I wouldn't do it... He's going to use it as a way to get you back in his life. He will use it against you! Do.not.do.it!
 
I think that's its up to you ultimately but I don't have a good feeling when you said that he's obsessed with you. This may lead to all kinds of dependent behaviour. Think about it do you really need the extra stress? Can you borrow money from anyone else whilst you decide on your next move? anyways good luck girl whatever choice you make
 
When some men bf/husband give/buy us anything its usually not from a genuine place he will be looking for something in return and its usually physical.
 
Last edited:
Ayeshaluv said:
When some men bf/husband give/buy us anything its usually not from a genuine place he will be looking for something in return and its usually physical.
Click to expand...

I think a bf/husband giving you the option to take 6 months off work while he supports you is different from a man, a man who is obsessed with you, doing it.

If it was her husband, I'd say yes.
If it was a bf/father/brother/cousin I'd say yes but have a plan B.
 
Ayeshaluv said:
When some men bf/husband give/buy us anything its usually not from a genuine place he will be looking for something in return and its usually physical.
Click to expand...
This is soo true but really its life for both genders. Most readily take it (courting anyone) maybe just not in this situation.
 
Dartagnan said:
This is soo true but really its life for both genders. Most readily take it (courting anyone) maybe just not in this situation.
Click to expand...

But he can't :look: according to the OP, unless he just wants to eat pie lol. Anyway, I think OP needs to pass on his offer.
 
Im sure youve gotten many answers op but really? You clearly broke off the engagement for a reason. This sounds like disaster waiting to happen.
 
Im not saying to not say yes. Im just saying even your own bf/husband being generous is for a for a reason.

LiftedUp said:
I think a bf/husband giving you the option to take 6 months off work while he supports you is different from a man, a man who is obsessed with you, doing it.

If it was her husband, I'd say yes.
If it was a bf/father/brother/cousin I'd say yes but have a plan B.
Click to expand...
 
If you have to pay him back the money then you shouldn't have to do anything else at all. No emotional support.. nothing... Like the others said.. get it in writing and have it notorized. Then take the money and actually pay him back. Now if it were me, I would take the money, F*** him for 6 months as payback and then move out of the city and be done with him... lol but that's just me! lol
 
Girl NO! This would make you a user! You are dreaming now. Thinking of how great it would be to have everything taken care of. It comes with a price.

You aren't interested in him, don't really want anything from him but money. Let it be. Deal with your situation.
 
Maybe if I'm married and he a stay at home dad??? I dnt know just throwing something out there lol other than that... Heck to the naw bobby!
 
Kinky4Agirl said:
If you have to pay him back the money then you shouldn't have to do anything else at all. No emotional support.. nothing... Like the others said.. get it in writing and have it notorized. Then take the money and actually pay him back. Now if it were me, I would take the money, F*** him for 6 months as payback and then move out of the city and be done with him... lol but that's just me! lol
Click to expand...

huh????? :look::look::look::look: I won't judge you :lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
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