Embarassment

[fiyahwerks]

I don't know if this is the right forum for this question, but currently divorced from a unhealthy marriage of 2 years. I've was with my ex-husband for 6 years prior, and finally got married because the pastor told us "If you going to act as married, do it right under God". His mother hopped right on it (God Bless her) and made the wedding happen.

Two of the hardest years together finally ends thanks to adultery, new children from different females, lying, money, the usual. Did marriage counseling with his pastor's church, and that worked for 2 months. I prayed for help. I did everything I thought a woman losing her best friend should do. One day I ended up hospital with super high blood pressure and on the verge of a stroke, I was 26. I had my WTF moment: Why am I chasing and staying around with a man who makes me end up like this? Thank you God for the clarity (and/or drugs...lol)

Now I have a man that treats me like a queen. He has his faults, but I can say I'm ready to hop the broom again. I've known him since high school, but we took different life rivers. He's ready, but I'm afraid of remarrying because of the embarrassment I will feel in front of my family.

Anyone have any advice on how I can overcome this feeling?

I know the easy answer is I'm not suppose to care, but I do care about how my family views me.

Thanks for advance.

 

[BGT]

What in the world is there to be embarrassed about? Have your family made you feel ashamed because you left an abusive cheater?

 

[kaytorry]

Don't be embarrassed! There are plenty of women marrying that have been in situations that are too hot for tv with absolutely no thought as to their past and don't even think twice about it! You can't worry about what other people think. Live your life for you, not others. I was always told that we are born alone, and die alone, so do what makes YOU happy!

 

[shasha8685]

Oh geez. It is totally normal to want the acceptance of those around you...especially your family.

However, you need to realize that no one else can live your life for you. Ultimately, you are the one who has to live w/ the choices you make for your life. So, to decide to do something (or not do something) in order to make other people happy is ultimately doing yourself a disservice. If this man makes you happy and is showing you that he wants to build a life with you, that should be all that matters. If your family is in your corner, they should only want for your happiness.

Also, I've found you can never satisfy everyone all the time. There will always be someone who takes issue with what you decide to do. Always.

So go with your gut. You clearly want to be with this man and he makes you happy. All the rest will fall into place.

Good luck!

 

[hopeful]

Why do you think you would feel embarrassed?

 

[Mai Tai]

I am so confused as to what there is to be embarrassed about. Getting married for a second time? Being under the scrutiny of those close to you?

Please shed some more light on what you mean by "embarrassed in front of your family."

 

[fiyahwerks]

Why do you think you would feel embarrassed?

I am so confused as to what there is to be embarrassed about. Getting married for a second time? Being under the scrutiny of those close to you?

Please shed some more light on what you mean by "embarrassed in front of your family."

I'm embarrassed because I'm getting married for the second time and my family consist of religious judges. I hear how they talk about others who have done the same, i.e. "If she would've went to church more", "she deserves it, because of whatever", etc. I just feel people judgment would be the same like a second baby shower. They would feel it's unnecessary.

I secretly want that courthouse/city clerk marriage, but he wants a wedding the experience as he calls it). He's never been married before.

Then I feel bad cause I'm feel I'm cheating out his pleasure of a wedding and be strong enough to fight my embarrassment.

 

[yora88]

I think you should get married again and have a wedding. Who cares what your family thinks? I'm pretty sure that all of those that could/would judge you have made their own mistakes in their life, but this is your life so you should do what makes you happy and you should also make you SO happy by giving him the wedding experience that he wants. I hope this helps!!!!

 

[caltron]

Judgmental people suck! You've just got to block them out as best as you can. People like that are going to judgge you matter what. Might as well be happy while they're judging you.

 

[Highly Favored8]

I read your post OP and came in here to give you a


((((((BIG HUG))))))))))

 

[Windsy]

I totally understand where you're coming from about the "religious judges".

I would tell them and arm yourself with the scriptures to back up your decision to divorce and remarry, AND scriptures regarding them judging you.

I know this may sound funny or crazy to some of you but if you've dealt with "religious judges" you'd understand.

Give them the scripture that references divorce for adulery and sexual perversion. Throw out the one that says "let him without sin cast the first stone"; also let them know that you have a personal relationship with the Lord and you've talked to him about this and he's given you your answer.

Let them know that you are not asking for their permission, you are just informing them of the decision that you've made with the Lord's assistance.

Hope that helps!

 

[LadyBugsy]

If Kim Kardashian can get married twice, then so can you!

Please excuse my terrible sense of humor.

I know how important your family and friends can be when it comes to matters of the heart. But you have to be selfish and put yourself first. Girl, if you have a man that wants to be married to you and you feel likewise ..... MARRY him! Also, my mom used to say that jealousy and judgement should be closer in the dictionary because they go hand in hand.





Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[hopeful]

I wouldn't want those kind of people at my wedding either. Perhaps you and this guy can reach a compromise. It's great he wants a wedding and all that jazz but he wants to marry a woman whose been through a lot and has a very judgmental family. So maybe he can't have that dream wedding. He will live. I just hope you aren't ashamed of yourself and that it really is just them being judgmental. I don't see why you would subject yourself to something that would make you so uncomfortable and why a wedding would be so important to this guy that he would want you to be stressed like that. Both of you should be happy.

 

[ThickHair]

I am glad that you found love.

***THE FOLLOWING IMHO***

I think you should go back to counseling, because if you are letting your family influence you before you get married it will never ease up once you are married. The cermony issue is small, plus you can't even reach an agreement with your future husband. Whoa sis, put on the breaks.

I guess I am on Team "Wait" until YOU get YOU together for YOU. IMHO you can't put your all into your marriage if you are worried about what Big Momma and em are saying. Sounds like a big bunch of nosey folks, who I am sure when you dig into their closets you might be surprise by what you find. The ones who make the most noise with regards to issues like this, usually messed up somewhere along their journey, all the while claiming "In The Name of Jesus"..

 

[fiyahwerks]

Thanks for the great advice ladies. We talked about this more last night and decided we can do a destination wedding, and a small reception for friends and family.

The wedding is important to him because he stated its showing he changing his life around. He has had some very low lows (i.e. jail, attitude, etc.)

I'm working on my feelings, I know its selfish of me. Team wait and couseling sounds good. We'll definitely attend some type pre-counseling with a church/counselor before anything happens.

Sent from my T-Mobile myTouch 3G Slide

 

[fletgee]

" We'll definitely attend some type pre-counseling with a church/counselor before anything happens."

Unless your church counselor/minister is a state licensed couple therapist keep your counseling out of the church. You need an impartial third party who will not be influenced by personal beliefs (i.e. religion/bible) to help you both evaluate the life path you wish to persue.

You don't need someone's advice who is swayed by a religious agenda as to why you should get married, pass judgement on you or your relationship or spoon feed you pro-marrige advice without total impartial evaluation of the entire situation concerning both of you. After all, that type of advice swayed you into the 1st marriage to begin with.

I wish you both well.

 

[TrueToHair]

[...............................

 

[Charz]

Does your family KNOW about his past? Jail and what not? Perhaps that's what they will "judge" as opposed to you re-marrying?

 

[JayAnn0513]

" We'll definitely attend some type pre-counseling with a church/counselor before anything happens."

Unless your church counselor/minister is a state licensed couple therapist keep your counseling out of the church. You need an impartial third party who will not be influenced by personal beliefs (i.e. religion/bible) to help you both evaluate the life path you wish to persue.

You don't need someone's advice who is swayed by a religious agenda as to why you should get married, pass judgement on you or your relationship or spoon feed you pro-marrige advice without total impartial evaluation of the entire situation concerning both of you. After all, that type of advice swayed you into the 1st marriage to begin with.

I wish you both well.

This is some SOLID advice. Good Luck!