Don't Go Natural

[so1913]

So1913- Girl, I am not even going to touch the hair typing issue with a ten feet pole. The desire of a certain hair type is crazy but I promised not to go into that.

I need to see more fotki. Sometimes I don’t know someone is a 4b too. The whole typing is confusing to me. I typed my hair because I had to ask another LHCF member what I was. I know some of us like the hair types of other members.

LOL...I didn't say it to start anything, but I do think that "tone" keeps certain people away from the board, as goes the same for some other boards It is what it is....

On typing, that's why I put "4b" in quotes. I can't stand that system because everyone interprets it differently. It's simply not extensive enough. But many use it and follow it. Also, I think it subconsciously puts to much attention on "hair types", kinda like puts a spotlight on it and it becomes a main focus (this is not arguing the idea and importance of being able to identify someone with a similar hair texture as yourself ). I personally rather just use adjectives to describe hair textures and see pics.

You can try my album and go through my "friends"/"friends of" list which is always growing. I usually just use other peoples albums to network and find new one's to stalk

 

[asummertyme]

I've spent most of my life natural. I've probably only had 6-8 relaxers in the last 14 years and virgin hair before that. I think everyone should get to know their natural hair, but only haircare should be a lifelong committment. Try natural, if you don't like it relax it. It's not a lifestyle it's a HAIRstyle. Change it next week, next month, or next year. It's yours. Don't let anybody manipulate you into thinking your journey has to be under their terms.

ITA!! its ur hair, do with it what u want, but care for it no matter what style..relaxed or natural...i am 100% natural, and have been for 1 yr, now but i can tell u that i dont plan on keeping it that way, it may be 1 yr or 5 yrs, but i like to change my hair styles way too much to be natural for the long haul..as the song goes..I am not my hair, what i gather from that is..my hair..my terms..the hell what others think..natural..relaxed..my choice!

 

[Enchantmt]

And IMHO, women who went natural, didn't like their natural hair texture, and decided to texturize is as mentally enslaved as the natural who returned to being a permie because of social stigmas.

This may be the case in some instances, but not all. I realize that since nappy hair is sometimes viewed as "unkempt" they may feel insecure or less than, at least until they come into their own. Or they may be enslaved in the terms of having an idea of what is acceptable as a neat style, but not based on a racial or social stigma, but simply based on what they know. For instance, I may think of a neat pony tail as one pulled back, completely straight, but I am not going to get that as a natural, there will be some sort of wave pattern or texture sticking out along the way.

Some just dont KNOW how to handle their hair, or what it is "supposed" to look like or how natural hair responds so when it doesnt respond like the relaxed hair they are USED to, they freak out and give up. The same can happen going from natural to relaxed. If natural is all you know and you relax with out guidance and support, when you run into hair that is too straight to hold the styles you are used to or do not know how to hold the moisture to stop breakage, or all the products are too heavy and the techniques you know dont apply, you may BC again the first chance you get. It's a learning curve regardless, and thats BEFORE you add in all the social and cultural stigmas.

when i big chopped, i didn't recognize myself. it was me with really short hair. it was me with an afro. it was me with hair that isn't straight. and i admit, i was scurred. i couldn't undo it. i questioned myself whether or not to texturize "back" to a place i thought i was familiar with. i fought the temptation all week. i kept asking myself, "what did you expect?". i saw that my expectations weren't accurate. at all.

funny enough, i didn't hide my hair. i wore my then uncomfortable afro to work everyday. a little gel and some miss jessie's and i was out the door. like cg said, i was faking it! people either gave me a compliment or said nothing at all. and the whole time i wondered what people really thought about me.

i still don't know if that was the infamous mental change or me just being nervous at the newness of it all. i guess i'm a work in progress.

This is what I'm talking about. You dont really know what it is going to look like until they actually take the leap to natural. Some are upset because its too kinky, others because its not kinky enough and their dreams of a fro are down the drain. Some have stretched curl patterns because they were transitioning and the hair got "trained" to lay a certain way and now looks a lil crazy. If they decide to stay natural they may be discouraged because shrinkage makes it appears as their hair is not growing, and they want or need to see visible results to be satisfied.

Women look totally different with natural hair. Sometimes you can look at their pics and see when they learned to accept it. They no longer look uncertain, the look regal and have a regal bearing about themselves. The confidence it takes to over come their fears and mind sets show through and its a beautiful thing.

 

[DelightfulFlame]

just to show a different perspective...I had very tightly coiled natural hair. I went back to a texturizer b/c when I need to wash and go, I can. I could also wash and go with my natural hair, but that meant spending umpteen years detangling and breaking hair...then trying to style it...protecting it way more often...etc. In my life these days, time is of essence. As my hair grows out...gets more weight, I do expect to be natural again. The first time, I did the big chop and kept cutting for a year. Next time, I'll probably transition as I love to wear updos, and was miserable not being able to wear them for so long.

Of course that is not every natural woman's journey...and I don't expect anyone to understand these shoes I walk in because they are mine. Same as I don't claim to know everyone's personal reasons for doing what they do.

I do believe that a person has issues when they think their own God given hair texture is ugly. I don't think that it should be assumed that people feel that way simply b/c they are not natural. Just my $19.13.

 

[so1913]

This is what I'm talking about. You dont really know what it is going to look like until they actually take the leap to natural. Some are upset because its too kinky, others because its not kinky enough and their dreams of a fro are down the drain. Some have stretched curl patterns because they were transitioning and the hair got "trained" to lay a certain way and now looks a lil crazy. If they decide to stay natural they may be discouraged because shrinkage makes it appears as their hair is not growing, and they want or need to see visible results to be satisfied.

Women look totally different with natural hair. Sometimes you can look at their pics and see when they learned to accept it. They no longer look uncertain, the look regal and have a regal bearing about themselves. The confidence it takes to over come their fears and mind sets show through and its a beautiful thing.

Yes yes yes!!!! I love this! I almost felt you were talking about me! I wasn't completely hopeful about my natural hair right after my transition even as far as through my second year. I was determined to stay natural and had no plans of returning to the relaxer, but I had heat damage and straight ends I didn't know what to do with. I have loser textures in some areas that didn't "mesh" with the rest of my hair. I had no shape, no style, most of all, no EXPERIENCE dealing with natural hair. I wasn't confident in wearing my hair "out" and always wore it back into a puff. It took me time to LEARN how my hair functions, time to grow out the damaged parts, I was frustrated, but I was determined to do it and to "get to know" and become "friends" with my natural hair. I sometimes go back to my early years in my fotki to see where I started. You can see the change in attitude, love, admiration, and confidence I have regarding my own hair. I learned to work with what was given to me. It didn't happen for me overnight, but I had to have the mindset that staying natural was infact what I really wanted. I knew it wasn't my hair that was the problem, it was my inexperience with it. I knew that if I stuck with it, I would finally "get it" and that's what happened. I'm working through year #4 now and having a ball!!!!

 

[so1913]

just to show a different perspective...I had very tightly coiled natural hair. I went back to a texturizer b/c when I need to wash and go, I can. I could also wash and go with my natural hair, but that meant spending umpteen years detangling and breaking hair...then trying to style it...protecting it way more often...etc. In my life these days, time is of essence. As my hair grows out...gets more weight, I do expect to be natural again. The first time, I did the big chop and kept cutting for a year. Next time, I'll probably transition as I love to wear updos, and was miserable not being able to wear them for so long.

Of course that is not every natural woman's journey...and I don't expect anyone to understand these shoes I walk in because they are mine. Same as I don't claim to know everyone's personal reasons for doing what they do.

I do believe that a person has issues when they think their own God given hair texture is ugly. I don't think that it should be assumed that people feel that way simply b/c they are not natural. Just my $19.13.

just had to acknowledge the bolded part

 

[DelightfulFlame]

just had to acknowledge the bolded part

HUGZ

We are *here*

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I think your thread is a good one. I like my natural hair, but I can't take of it properly. For me, it's not a mindset thing, but a hair care thing. I hope that makes sense.

 

[MeccaMedinah]

Great posts CG, SO & Parvathi

 

[MzTami]

Ms Tami- I am not upset with you. I welcome the dialogue. My personality is just strong. So I do come off as strong in my text too.

Oh yes, I know that you are not upset and don't take other people's opinions personal. I admire you and you are one of my favorite posters and natural hair idol.

 

[Mystic]

So proud of you girlfriend......, well said!!!!

unless you are ready to make the commitment. The commitment is learning how to properly take care and style your natural hair, trading out the relaxed mind for the natural mind (trust me it is a difference, even in the way we talk) and pushing through any negativity or mental hang ups. I see some many threads with fair weather naturals. They think it is cute or trendy but don't realize the mental steps needed to succeed in the natural hair care game. So they set themselves up for failure. I have seen women who have gone natural only to find that they don't have that desired "good hair" or desired hair texture. Before you begin the natural process you really have to change the way you think. Some of us naturals have gone through the ugly duckling phase of our natural hair lives. It is a process. My hair looked jacked up during my transition and now it is fierce.

Some of us have never gotten close and personal with our natural hair. We have memories of mom huffing and puffing about our naps, hair being too thick or bad hair. So we get hung up on will my natural hair turn out to be good hair or will it be nappy. I tell people quick that I am proud to be nappy. Nappy is not a negative word to me because it doesn't define who I am as woman. When I transition I was real curious about my natural hair, I was concerned that men wouldn't find me attractive and my family kept saying when are you getting a perm. I stuck to my guns and pushed through. I am glad I did because I really love my natural hair. While going through the psychical change of having natural hair, my mind had to change first. I had to except the hair God gave me because as my son says "God don't make no junk" So don't start the natural hair process until you mentally ready to shake off the Debbie Downers. You know the folks that will say you look better with straight hair. You know men don't like no short, nappy hair. My personal favorite, whites are not going to relate to you. Michael Baisden is cocky and confidant and he draws people to him. He is not a handsome man in my eyes, he is short but he projects so much confidence. In my business we have a saying "Faking it until you are making it". Sometimes we have to fake the confidence until we can finally believe that hey, I got it going on. Stop worrying about pleasing or appealing to people. If I got to have a checklist complete for you to get with me, than I don't want ya..

Most important I leave you with the words of Judy Garland” It is always better to be a first rate version of yourself than a second rate version of someone else.” As my girl India Arie says I am not my hair.

 

[Ms_Twana]

Whoa!!! It got a little heated in here for a minute. Well, I am going to share my views and opinions. And for the record they are MY views and opinions.

CG, I think your post was absolutely and totally ON POINT when it comes to opening up the eyes of those considering going natural. In one of my posts, someone made a comment that made me realize that I am one that only wants to go natural if I have "good hair." I needed to know that. And you know what, I think it's perfectly OKAY.

Someone in an earlier post said thay the "permies" get offended when naturals refer to the "mindset." And IMO, some naturals get just as offended by those that only want to go natural with a certain type of hair. "Can't we all just get along?!"

I will not apologize for the way that I feel. I do not think I would like having natural "nappy" hair. Personally, it's not attractive to me. And if I come to find out that's what I have, I will relax again. And guess what, that's perfectly okay.

I congratulate those of you that love the hair God gave you. But does having a relaxer mean that I don't?? Please remember that a lot of naturals had relaxers at some point. So, that comment may be kind of contradicting by some. And does having a relaxer mean I have the "slave mentality," and I'm trying to be white?? I hope not, because I don't think having natural hair makes someone a more "real" black person.

In my opinion, me wanting to go natural only with a certain type of hair is just as reasonable as buying a house or car. I know that I can only afford a certain amount. I may go look at and price a Benz, but if the price is more than I can afford to pay every month, I'm not going to go there.

So, all I ask is that those of you that "have a problem with" those of us that know what type/texture of hair we can wear and absolutely LOVE, have the patience to deal with, and/or, find attractive; just respect that. Just like someone that doesn't want to be overweight. They either deal with what they have, or they do something about it. Some ladies just want a different appearance. You can do nothing but respect the appearance that they want on them.

And in closing I just want to say once again that a lot of ladies may have needed to hear what CG said. Thanks for starting this up. It does however, make me sad to see that some of us are still divided in our own race. We've gone from focusing on skin color to hair texture. All and all, just respect what people choose. Especially if it doesn't have a direct effect on you.

PS, so1913, I'm still loving the hair, even though you're a Delta!!!! LOL!!!

 

[Sweet_Ambrosia]

Great post CG, that was so on point!

 

[LaGina]

As a natural for the past 3+ years now, I know that I will never use any chemicals, but I am not going to say a woman with permed hair is weak or mentally enslaved etc.. For I remember what it was like being a relaxed haired girl. I am however no longer her. Like Enchantmt stated in her post, I have changed not just on the outside, but the inside as well. Some naturals may make that change others may not. Its a choice that every individual woman makes. (Wish society didn't have influences on that choice, lets not fool ourselves.)

Great post CG!

 

[beyondcute]

That may be the case on this board (which is unfortunate if so), but not the case on some other boards and forums, thankfully.

Nappy hair is the least desirable hair type, so it's pretty clear why it gets the fewest compliments. I love nappy hair, but it wasn't instanteous--it took time, and still takes time. I think CG's post is on point. I have a BFF who is also natural (her scalp cannot tolerate chemicals), and wearing braids in part to grow out her hair. She says to her hubby: "I can't wait for my hair to get longer so it can look like Cheleigh's hair." Now, my hair ain't all that. It's nappy. Coily, yes, but nappy all the same. No one will ever mistake my hair for "good hair." But I can tell already that her hair is not going to have the same texture as mine. She will have hair advantages: she will show length faster than I ever will; she will be able to wear big cottony afros and beuatiful pony puffs must faster than I will; her hair is a stunning jet black color; if she wants some additional texture definition, she will be able to wear fierce twists and twistouts.

BUT, if her heart is set on her hair looking like mine, instead of transitioning her mind to realize that her hair is just as beautiful and as much of a blessing...then she will face unnecessary stress and disappointment about her hair. Some of the responsibility is mine--I have to encourge her, share how beautiful I think her hair is, and help her care for her hair to it's fullest advantage and health. The rest, though, is up to her.

When I was transitioning, I though my hair would grow down. It doesn't. It grows out like most type 4s. While I loved my hair, it did take me a minute to comes to grips with the fact that I would be wearing an afro a whole lot. I'd wanted to avoid afros because I didn't think I liked them much.

Well whattya know--I love afros now, especially shrunken afros. I changed my mindset once I realized that I'd be hating my hair a whole lot if I don't like afros.

I don't think you have to jump up and start loving your hair from the moment of the BC. But, I do think you have to be willing to continue your mental transition and the first step is to realize--it's NOT just hair. Sometimes we don't want to leave the house on a bad hair day, so I won't minimize the emotions that are tied to how we view, and others view, our hair, be it relaxed, natural or somewhere in between.

CHILE!!! You preaching to the chior! I seriously thought I was gonna have an Angela Davis fro! SIKE my mind mae my booty shine! Not happening. I was preparing to have a nice thick head of 4a/b hair that would stare down a raging bull. I wanted a thick crown of glory. I thought my hair would grow back darker... But alas I dont have the hair that I thought I had. Actually I cant even find my hair type ANYWHERE but it doesnt matter. Its MINE! Sandy brown kinky thick soft floppy hair. I had to learn to apreciate my hair for what it is and what it will never be. I had to learn to admire others hair for what it could do and not stress myself about 'making' my hair do what I wanted it to do. It is a journey, for me atleast. Learning to accept what I have and not mourn for what I dont have/others have. I

 

[lala]

I am not my hair either, and you make a valid point re: "don't go natural"... I was natural for 16 years and off and on for a few years -- but that was long ago. I relax not to look like I'm of another race, but because my hair in its natural state is sooooo thick. My hair in high school was natural and below bra strap, but it was too much hair and I'm not a stylist. It does take a huge commitment depending on how you wear your hair. My hair wasn't difficult to manage as far as tangling, because it tangles more now that I have a relaxer. I only wore one style though. I would rollerset and sit under the dryer. If my hair were thinner, I would consider going natural. However, the transition process would be unbearable for me. I just don't have the time to spend on trying to maintain it. I am proud of the texture of my hair, and nappy or whatever you want to call it, is nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[SparklingFlame]

CG this is a great post. You are so correct when you mentioned changing your mindset once you go natural. I remember when my hair started growing in and I had no clue how to deal with it. I was still treating my napps like permed ends and that definatly didnt work. Before I found the hair boards I did mangage to figure out that napps and relaxed ends had to be treated differently. I just didnt know what to do to it. Being nappy makes you change the way you view hair totally in my opinion. Thankfully I didnt have too many naysayers around me and when I did come across those people I had an I-can-care-less-what -you-think-about-my-hair-I-am-not-getting-a-perm attitude. After a while even the nay sayers are saying "you got it going on, girl!"

 

[MizaniMami]

Nothing meaningful to add but I think this is a great post.

Adding my disclaimer (lol), but I never thought of transitioning as a big deal. I always thought hair is hair via relaxed and/or natural. To me, my hair serves the purpose of aesthetics-I use it to enhance how I look. I share the mentality that hair is, well, hair-dead keratinized cells.

Still don't know if I do think transitioning is a big deal, but it's nice to see how other people feel about it.This thread doesn't make me closer to transitioning or want to be even more relaxed, but I love the point of views.

 

[Country gal]

Oh yes, I know that you are not upset and don't take other people's opinions personal. I admire you and you are one of my favorite posters and natural hair idol.

Thank you, I am flattered.

 

[hopeful]

CountryGal, you are a sweetheart, what a wonderful post.

 

[Country gal]

I will not apologize for the way that I feel. I do not think I would like having natural "nappy" hair. Personally, it's not attractive to me. And if I come to find out that's what I have, I will relax again. And guess what, that's perfectly okay.

I congratulate those of you that love the hair God gave you. But does having a relaxer mean that I don't?? Please remember that a lot of naturals had relaxers at some point. So, that comment may be kind of contradicting by some. And does having a relaxer mean I have the "slave mentality," and I'm trying to be white?? I hope not, because I don't think having natural hair makes someone a more "real" black person.



In my opinion, me wanting to go natural only with a certain type of hair is just as reasonable as buying a house or car. I know that I can only afford a certain amount. I may go look at and price a Benz, but if the price is more than I can afford to pay every month, I'm not going to go there.


So, all I ask is that those of you that "have a problem with" those of us that know what type/texture of hair we can wear and absolutely LOVE, have the patience to deal with, and/or, find attractive; just respect that. Just like someone that doesn't want to be overweight. They either deal with what they have, or they do something about it. Some ladies just want a different appearance. You can do nothing but respect the appearance that they want on them.

And in closing I just want to say once again that a lot of ladies may have needed to hear what CG said. Thanks for starting this up. It does however, make me sad to see that some of us are still divided in our own race. We've gone from focusing on skin color to hair texture. All and all, just respect what people choose. Especially if it doesn't have a direct effect on you.



PS, so1913, I'm still loving the hair, even though you're a Delta!!!! LOL!!!

You can pick and choose the type of house you can buy. You don't have that option with natural hair. There is no design center when it comes to natural hair. You can't just pick and choose your texture. It is simply genetics. What happens if you have a child with the undesirable hair? Won't you have to learn how to take care of her hair or will you just put a perm in. How do you know you can wear a certain texture of hair better than another type?


I feel it is sad that in 2006 that good hair is still apart of people's vocabulary. I think this where the division comes in.

The choice was made for me to have my hair relaxed. I kept up the relaxer because I didn't know any better. I didn't know how to style my natural hair. I made a concious decision to learn my natural hair again. I can't predict the future but I feel pretty confident saying I probably will not revert back. I don't think there is anything wrong with perms it is just not a viable solution for me. What I am saying to you is why even go through the process only to find out you have that dreaded nappy hair and then go back to relaxing? When you are transitioning or doing the big chop you are losing length. If your hair is shoulder length and you BCed. You decide you want to perm again. You will have to start the growing out process all over again. It is your choice what you do with your hair. When you start posts about not wanting nappy hair you are opening yourself up to comments and suggestions. My suggestion to you is to seriously consider waiving the natural process. I would suggest stretching your hair a few months to see more of your texture but is probably not a true texture. The perm breaks down your true texture and after it grows out signficantly you will have a better example of your natural hair.

 

[Country gal]

CountryGal, you are a sweetheart, what a wonderful post.

I was wondering where you were at?

 

[firecracker]

Startinovah's post reminded me of the first time I cut my own permed hair off in 1997. I underlined I because I actually took out the scissors at my cousins bar and chopped off 12 inches of hair to 2 inches of new growth. My male cousins were like WTH erplexed .

I worked for LAPD at the time. The next day at work was hell. No one spared my feelings. oke: (I'm a jokester so I can take pot shots) I hid my shame well and even made some Kunta/Kizzy jokes right along with my co workers even the non AA's.erplexed (don't cut me heifalumps)
Now mind you my inspiration for the bc was due to my being feed up with stylist abuse and wanting my power back.

Well after two weeks of my natural thick bush, feeling ugly in my mind and constant negative comments my power evaporated.
I cut my hair down to less than 1 inch and texturized with Motions relaxer. I did this for 4 years til I went back to long relaxed hair.
I can truly say my mind wasn't ready for the challenge of getting to know my true hair or the negativity my own people felt about my 4czy hair.
I wasn't ready for what men or society had to say about my cutting off my hair let alone trying to "do" natural hair.

After remembering this experience I realize that my first failed attempt was what I needed to get me where I am today. Happy nappy and loving the journey ahead. (bc'd 3/26/05)

I didn't consider myself enslaved just unprepared for all that being natural entailed and the mindset needed to get over the intial shock of society bs ideology of my wonderous natural hair.

I learned alot from my textured hair days. That knowledge is what sustained me during my first 3 months of natural hair. I use the same scurl products for texturized short hair on my natural hair today.

I am aware everyones journey to natural is different and I should respect that by not judging.

 

[Country gal]

Startinovah's post reminded me of the first time I cut my own permed hair off in 1997. I underlined I because I actually took out the scissors at my cousins bar and chopped off 12 inches of hair to 2 inches of new growth. My male cousins were like WTH erplexed .

I worked for LAPD at the time. The next day at work was hell. No one spared my feelings. oke: (I'm a jokester so I can take pot shots) I hid my shame well and even made some Kunta/Kizzy jokes right along with my co workers even the non AA's.erplexed (don't cut me heifalumps)
Now mind you my inspiration for the bc was due to my being feed up with stylist abuse and wanting my power back.

Well after two weeks of my natural thick bush, feeling ugly in my mind and constant negative comments my power evaporated.
I cut my hair down to less than 1 inch and texturized with Motions relaxer. I did this for 4 years til I went back to long relaxed hair.
I can truly say my mind wasn't ready for the challenge of getting to know my true hair or the negativity my own people felt about my 4czy hair.
I wasn't ready for what men or society had to say about my cutting off my hair let alone trying to "do" natural hair.

After remembering this experience I realize that my first failed attempt was what I needed to get me where I am today. Happy nappy and loving the journey ahead. (bc'd 3/26/05)

I didn't consider myself enslaved just unprepared for all that being natural entailed and the mindset needed to get over the intial shock of society bs ideology of my wonderous natural hair.

I learned alot from my textured hair days. That knowledge is what sustained me during my first 3 months of natural hair. I use the same scurl products for texturized short hair on my natural hair today.

I am aware everyones journey to natural is different and I should respect that by not judging.

Excellent post. I never once said anyone was enslaved. Firecracker's experience is a great lesson. I was there too once. I had folks giving me a hard time too, I called one of my LHCF buddies Miss Brown, who convinced that I made this decision for good reasons and to try different styles. It really worked for me. Now I am happy being nappy.

 

[GodMadeMePretty]

Nothing meaningful to add but I think this is a great post.

Adding my disclaimer (lol), but I never thought of transitioning as a big deal. I always thought hair is hair via relaxed and/or natural. To me, my hair serves the purpose of aesthetics-I use it to enhance how I look. I share the mentality that hair is, well, hair-dead keratinized cells.

Still don't know if I do think transitioning is a big deal, but it's nice to see how other people feel about it.This thread doesn't make me closer to transitioning or want to be even more relaxed, but I love the point of views.

I'm with you. I didn't think it was a big deal either. I didn't change my mindset at all. I was always confident and continued to be confident. I guess if you're not confident about the decision, that will play a huge role in how you relate to your own hair. It wasn't a problem for me and I didn't get any negativity from my family or friends or co-workers. Plus, I think they knew me well enough to know that it really didn't matter what they said - I was going to do what I wanted to anyway.

 

[Ms_Twana]

You can pick and choose the type of house you can buy. You don't have that option with natural hair. There is no design center when it comes to natural hair. You can't just pick and choose your texture. It is simply genetics. What happens if you have a child with the undesirable hair? Won't you have to learn how to take care of her hair or will you just put a perm in. How do you know you can wear a certain texture of hair better than another type? I feel it is sad that in 2006 that good hair is still apart of people's vocabulary. I think this where the division comes in.

CG, you are so correct with your above statements. I can pick and choose my house. But I can also choose not to go natural, as many of us have done. And if I did have a daughter with undesirable hair, I would have to learn how to deal with it. (I never looked at it that way, BTW). But once she got to the age where she wanted something different, I would respect that. I would say, "Well, that's what God gave you, so just deal with it." I think those days are loooong gone.

That's all I'm saying. Just give each other respect. You are not going to like the same clothes, food, or hairstyle that I like, and vice versa. But we just need to respect what each one of us chooses to do. And most of my post wasn't directed towards you, CG. In fact, I thought I said good job starting it!!!

But there were a lot of other posts that seems to get upset with someone desiring a certain type of hair in it's natural state. And in some of these posts, their feelings were evident. I'm just saying if I don't desire a certain type of hairstyle, respect that. Because, as a women, I definitely respect the decisions that you make. And sorry for using the word "you" so much. I'm not directing that to you, CG. I'm just speaking generally. Actually, I'm speaking to those that "have a problem with" me not wanting to deal with a certain type of hair. Just respect what I choose to do and not do.

And as far as the "good hair, bad hair" thing goes. Yes, I do still use the words. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think it's the mentality behind the words that divide us. I don't look at people or treat people differently based on their hair. When people start to categorize others because they don't like what you like, that's what divides us. I just let people "do them," because I am going to "do me."

 

[plove]

ITA with your first post. Nobody wakes up and says, "I think I'll go natural today!" Everyone goes through a journey, and some people's journeys may take longer than others. Some women may try to transition 4 times before they go all the way, but they may learn something each time.

I was transitioning when I came here, but once I saw all the healthy relaxed heads, I decided to give my relaxed hair one more shot, and I'm glad I did. I did learn a lot while trying to transition though, and now I know that when I do go natural, I'm BC'ing, because transitioning is not for me.

uummm I did. That is what I do all the time I really don't take the time out to think about the pros and cons. Like nike I just do it.

 

[Blossssom]

I wish I had read this before going to the "crackhouse" yesterday

I now realize that I HAD set myself up for failure.

I was so busy looking at 1913's hair and NaturalLady's hair and thinking "my hair can look like that too!"

Only to realize my texture of hair doesn't look like theirs and I was beginning to look like Shock-a-Zulu and I wasn't able to go through with it.

People were beginning to stare and I couldn't tell if they were thinking "Damn, when are you going to get a touch-up?" or, "Damn, your hair looks GREAT!"

But really, once I got a GOOD LOOK at MY natural texture... that was it. I couldn't deal.

 

[SparklingFlame]

I wish I had read this before going to the "crackhouse" yesterday

I now realize that I HAD set myself up for failure.

I was so busy looking at 1913's hair and NaturalLady's hair and thinking "my hair can look like that too!"

Only to realize my texture of hair doesn't look like theirs and I was beginning to look like Shock-a-Zulu and I wasn't able to go through with it.

People were beginning to stare and I couldn't tell if they were thinking "Damn, when are you going to get a touch-up?" or, "Damn, your hair looks GREAT!"

But really, once I got a GOOD LOOK at MY natural texture... that was it. I couldn't deal.

Thanks for the compliment Blossssom but my hair looks like Shaka Zulu! For real! It does! Its wild. I just figured out how to tame it thanks to this board and np.com.

 

[Blossssom]

Thanks for the compliment Blossssom but my hair looks like Shaka Zulu! For real! It does! Its wild. I just figured out how to tame it thanks to this board and np.com.

LOLOL!

Well, I was a LONG way from taming mine

I had to figure out a way to tame the new growth and make the old growth cooperate with it!

NO DICE!

Maybe next time.