Does your husband "cover" you?

[hopeful]

And if he does, how does that feel?

I have some things I found online, can't remember where I found them. But here they are. Please share your thoughts.


Under Your Husband’s Covering


“Covering” is a kind of metaphor for husbands being the head – the wife coming under her husband’s wing. (1 Cor. 11:3-15, Eph. 5:22-24)

An ancient Hebraic wedding custom included a robe or shawl that a groom placed around the shoulders of his bride signifying she has come under his covenant covering of protection, and spiritual, physical, emotional, and material care.

• • • ♥ • • •

Covering is like the blood that covers our sins. A husband is the head and the responsibility falls on Him. As Jesus took the responsibility for our sins and to protect us from the wrath that sin will inflect on us. So a husband to covers his wife and family by this same love and sacrifice that it takes to care for his family. A wife is a help-mate which means partner. She should be treated as a equal and not less. If there is a decision to make that is not agreed on. Then the husband will make that final decision, but he should respect his wife’s opinion and she should respect his appointed spiritual leadership. There are things that God has given each of us that the other can not see. We need to have wisdom to know the differents and walk in it. And its ok if we mess up, cause we will get to do it again.
Michael Ferrer~

• • • ♥ • • •

• In the beginning, God placed the woman under the protective covering of her husband and took responsibility away from her placing it on the man, because it was the woman who had been deceived. [Genesis 3:1-13, 16, 1 Timothy 2:14]

• Older women are instructed to behave properly and to instruct younger women to love their husbands and children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. [Titus 2:4-5]

• The only command God gave to the woman is to submit to the authority of her husband. [Ephesians 2:22-24, Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1-6]

• The commands to the husband are to be responsible for his wife in a loving and cherishing role. [Ephesians 5:25-33, Colossians 3:18-19, 1 Peter 3:7]

• God will forgive the woman, and hold the man responsible.

• If the woman has no father or husband to provide this covering, then she bears her own responsibility before God.

• God loves the woman, and His best desire is for her to have the protective covering of a loving father or loving husband.

• • • ♥ • • •

 

[hopeful]

Also...

PROTECT YOUR WIFE
The godly husband focuses special attention on protecting his wife. And what man doesn’t feel the need to protect his wife? There is something in the very make up of a man that compels him to protect her, to shelter her from the pain life can bring.

Protect your wife physically. As we have seen, a godly husband uses his strength to protect his wife from any physical harm. He puts himself in harm’s way rather than risking her harm. He does not allow himself to feel that he needs to turn his cheek to any kind of abuse of his wife, but reacts with strength even at the risk of his own harm. He will face his own harm, he will face his own death, to keep his wife from suffering at the hand of others.

Allow me a brief aside here. I think most husbands have come to terms with the idea that we need to be willing to die for our wives. There is something noble and chivalrous that compels us to admit this and to romanticize it. “Of course I’d die for my wife!” But I wonder, do you find it equally easy to live for your wife? If you do not live day-to-day honoring and blessing and serving your wife, what assurance would she have, what assurance would you have, that would also be willing to die for her? It seems to me that dying for her is the easy part. You can go down in a blaze of glory and have a great story written about you in the newspaper. But it is that long, daily commitment through fifty or sixty years of marriage that is the true proving ground. Don’t just die for your wife—live for her!

Protect your wife emotionally. The godly husband will protect his wife’s heart. One of the ways he does this is by becoming a student of her. He learns what she loves and learns what she hates; he learns what draws her heart to him and what turns her heart from him. He avoids anything that will damage or scar her heart. “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7).

Protect your wife sexually. This is a particular area of responsibility from a husband to a wife. The godly husband will not demand of his wife what she is unwilling or unable to give. He will not force her or badger her into sexual deeds that violate her body or violate her conscience. He seeks to protect her from any kind of sexual harm, including the false messages that can come from raunchy movies or from pornography. When writing about sexual purity I received emails from wives whose husbands introduced them to pornography, seeking to add it as a means of spicing up their love life. What a lack of love, to compound sin upon sin by drawing a wife’s heart after a husband’s own evil desires! As a godly husband you need to understand God’s purposes in sexuality and protect your wife from any violation of them. You need to understand from 1 Corinthians 7 that your desire in sex should be pursuing your wife’s desires rather than your own.

Protect your wife spiritually. Protect your wife spiritually, primarily by your commitment to pray for her, to hold her up before the throne of God. Commit yourself to praying for her every day and even many times a day. Pray for her constantly, repeatedly, unceasingly. Know that your prayers, as her leader, as her husband, must have special value before God. Tell her that you pray for her and ask her what you can pray for on her behalf. Commit yourself to this practice and look for the evidence of God’s response to your earnest supplications.

 

[sunnieb]

Totally agree and my dh covers me well.

I feel protected and safe in his care. He has also prepared me to face life without him if he passes before I do.

 

[Dee-Licious]

Yep, I'm covered very well just like my father covers my mother.

 

[hopeful]

Thank you sunnieb I am happy for you.
I have to get ready for a meeting and will be back in a few hours to post more thoughts. I look forward to hearing more thoughts on this subject.

 

[LoveisYou]

This is an awesome thread hopeful. Great information in here.

 

[hopeful]

Thanks for the thoughts ladies. I have a lot to say but I'm struggling with how much I want to share and how to say it. This is just weighing very heavy on my heart and anyone who can shed more light on being covered, I'd appreciate it.

Like really what does it feel like to be covered?
Can you give some examples of his wing coming over you?
Did your dh naturally cover you?
Did someone teach him?
Do you think most men only know how to cover in certain areas but not in others? Is it a character flaw? Or lack of knowledge, upbringing, etc.
Do you feel that most of the married women you know are covered? If not, what do you see missing?

 

[Southernbella.]

I was all set to come down in and ask you what you mean by "cover" but after reading your posts, I would say yes, absolutely. Dh covers me financially, physically, sexually, and emotionally (most of the time )

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[Highly Favored8]

Yes, the man I plan on marrying this is a must.

 

[ambergirl]

hopeful You should cross post this in the Christian Fellowship forum. I think you'd get a lot more responses.

 

[JFemme]

Awesome topic, hopeful

 

[hopeful]

Awesome topic, hopeful

Thank you

This is an awesome thread hopeful. Great information in here.

I appreciate you saying that (((hugs)))

hopeful You should cross post this in the Christian Fellowship forum. I think you'd get a lot more responses.

I thought about that but I don't know how to cross post . Is that just posting twice? Also idk, I rarely go to that forum so I didn't feel as comfortable. But I think you are right about me getting more responses, thank you. I will think about it.

 

[Lenee925]

This is such a beautiful topic. I believe it's the most important reason why I wish to marry at all. My father has always covered me spiritually so I'm blessed to have a reference point of what God intends for me in my future husband

Thank you so much for posting this! (subbing!)

 

[Honey Bee]

I think this is where a lot of women find fault in men raised in single-parent households. They don't know how to 'cover' and, based on what they saw growing up, they don't think women require 'covering' at all. Their moms handled everything, did it all, why can't you?

 

[MariposaSexyGirl]

Yes absolutely!

 

[ambergirl]

I thought about that but I don't know how to cross post . Is that just posting twice? Also idk, I rarely go to that forum so I didn't feel as comfortable. But I think you are right about me getting more responses, thank you. I will think about it.

Yeah...basically just posting twice. I rarely go in there since I'm not a Christian but have noticed that when these types of topics are raised in that forum there are women in there who are very, very, well versed.

 

[Southernbella.]

I think this is where a lot of women find fault in men raised in single-parent households. They don't know how to 'cover' and, based on what they saw growing up, they don't think women require 'covering' at all. Their moms handled everything, did it all, why can't you?

Not necessarily. Just because you don't see it in your home doesn't mean you don't see it. That's why culture/community are so important. Dh and both had divorced single mothers who did it all but because our communities and families were full of marriage, we knew what it was supposed to look like and what role a man should play in relationships.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Not necessarily. Just because you don't see it in your home doesn't mean you don't see it. That's why culture/community are so important. Dh and both had divorced single mothers who did it all but because our communities and families were full of marriage, we knew what it was supposed to look like and what role a man should play in relationships.

I don't want to derail the topic, but the bolded makes a world of difference.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hopeful, you ma'am are a class act. And thanks for putting this in OT. Some of us burst into e-flames when stepping into other parts of the site.

 

[hopeful]

I think this is where a lot of women find fault in men raised in single-parent households. They don't know how to 'cover' and, based on what they saw growing up, they don't think women require 'covering' at all. Their moms handled everything, did it all, why can't you?

Great point Honey Bee

I think in general so many men just don't understand the concept for multiple reasons. ... (Decided to delete this part)

IDK. And so many of our mothers were never covered and/ or don't even understand the concept or equate it to being "spoiled," "princess-like," or sadly, even unattainable. In my opinion it is essential for a long, happy marriage.

I had very high standards early in life but they are nothing like what they are now. And no one encouraged me to have those standards. There was just something inside of me that wanted to be treated right. BUT what I expected and wanted as a young woman was still very far from being truly and deeply "covered".

I am just recently really understanding the full meaning of being covered, and when I am covered as a wife in all areas it is exquisite. But Lord when I feel neglected my heart hurts.

I'll be back with more thoughts.

 

[Southernbella.]

I don't want to derail the topic, but the bolded makes a world of difference.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In situations where the parents were functional and/or happy at some point, yes. In my case no because my dad was completely absent from the time I was born and never paid a dime. Dh's dad was abusive during the marriage and never came around or paid a dime after the divorce. Both terrible examples which were overcome because we had other examples around us.

The poster who mentioned Akron, OH in the other thread really broke my heart and made me think about how important it is to have real life examples that you can see every day in your own community.

 

[hopeful]

In situations where the parents were functional and/or happy at some point, yes. In my case no because my dad was completely absent from the time I was born and never paid a dime. Dh's dad was abusive during the marriage and never came around or paid a dime after the divorce. Both terrible examples which were overcome because we had other examples around us.

The poster who mentioned Akron, OH in the other thread really broke my heart and made me think about how important it is to have real life examples that you can see every day in your own community.

Excellent! Having good examples is crucial. Thank God both you and dh were blessed to see loving, happy marriages. Many women and men can't say that.

 

[Honey Bee]

Not necessarily. Just because you don't see it in your home doesn't mean you don't see it. That's why culture/community are so important. Dh and both had divorced single mothers who did it all but because our communities and families were full of marriage, we knew what it was supposed to look like and what role a man should play in relationships.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

Southernbella. I know I was just trynna shake things up. I'll come back and say more, but I'm watching the Central Park Jogger doc on PBS right now and my mind is a million miles away.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

hopeful Great thread!!!

I absolutely feel covered by DH. He protects me in every sense of the word.

I always feels physically protected when I'm with DH; however, I also feel protected spiritually and financially. He prays all the time for us in general and when making decisions. I remember the first time I caught him praying and I was so happy. I knew he was spiritual (raised in a very religious home) but I had not seen him pray until that moment. DH will work 3 jobs if necessary to make sure he is taking care of us. He has on many occasions taken on a part-time gig (even if it means working 24 hours).

DH doesn't put himself in situations to make me question our marriage. I remember him calling me once before giving his hair stylist a ride. He wanted to ask me and make sure I was okay with it because people might see him and claim he was up to no good. He also does not take photos with women. If there is a group photo, he will usually say okay but one on one photos with women are a no-no. I asked him about it once and he said people put things online to start drama so to avoid that he just doesn't take photos with women.

99% of the time DH calls before he gets home to see if I need him to pick up anything. More often than not I don't need anything (maybe some bottled water or to grab a take out order) but I love that he checks.

DH naturally covers me and I believe it was taught by his dad. Based on conversations about his parents and family life before his mom died, his dad absolutely covered his mom.

I don't think it's natural to cover your wife. I recall DH's friend talking about a would-be fight between his girlfriend (10+ years) and some girl he was cheating with. DH said he would never allow a woman to strike me in his presence while his friend admitted that he would watch the fight to see if either woman ended up naked. His friend was surprised that DH said he would not allow a fight to happen or he would strike the other woman before allowing me to be injured. I was not surprised at all. DH is there to protect me and if someone tried to hurt me, he'd stop it.

I think it's upbringing. DH naturally covers me but I've dated men who were not at all like him.

I'm not sure if most of the married women that I know are covered. I feel that most are but that is only based on what I'm allowed to see. I really can't say for certain what goes on in their homes just like they can't say 100% what goes on in mine.

I will add that DH is like that with all of the women in the family. He got up early a few times last week to make sure he had time to stop by the nursing home to see his aunt before work. She was recently admitted due to some medicine changes that caused her to have what doctors thought was dementia. She is better now that the medicine was changed. DH stopped by and fed her breakfast then he went to work. His cousin, who flew into town to visit and help out, called DH to see if his aunt was hallucinating since she didn't believe he was there at that time of morning. On another day last week he went by her house to get undergarments to take to the nursing home.

I absolutely feel lucky to have him.

 

[hopeful]

naturalmanenyc

Thank you so much. Your reply is exactly what I was hoping for. I really appreciate all of the details you shared. I really like how proactive and considerate your dh is. You are very blessed.

 

[hopeful]

This is such a beautiful topic. I believe it's the most important reason why I wish to marry at all. My father has always covered me spiritually so I'm blessed to have a reference point of what God intends for me in my future husband

Thank you so much for posting this! (subbing!)

Lucky you! To have a father who covers you spiritually. I can't even imagine what that feels like. And thanks for subbing--I feel special .

 

[hopeful]

Yep, I'm covered very well just like my father covers my mother.

Dee-Licious
Thank you for posting. Would you mind sharing more details about how your mother and you are covered? I'd love to hear how it was for you to see your mom being covered and how that impacted you, your expectations, and the choices you made/make.

 

[MizAvalon]

Thanks for starting this thread hopeful.

I love naturalmanenyc response and I feel like that is exactly what I have in FH. His father covers his mother and my father covered my mother until he died. That is a natural relationship dynamic that is ingrained in both of us and keeps things flowing very smoothly in our relationship.

We are getting married next year and I have no doubts whatsoever that he will "cover" me all of the days of our lives. He simply doesn't know how to do otherwise and I am so grateful for that.

 

[hopeful]

Awww MizAvalon. That is a beautiful testimony. I am so happy for you.

 

[Dee-Licious]

@Dee-Licious
Thank you for posting. Would you mind sharing more details about how your mother and you are covered? I'd love to hear how it was for you to see your mom being covered and how that impacted you, your expectations, and the choices you made/make.

@hopeful I tried to do a drive-by post since I've been gone for a while and you've sucked me in

Mind you, I am a daddy and mommy's girl. My older brother is my only sibling, and we are an extremely close family. My parents are very generous, but I have told them the greatest "gift" they've ever given my brother and I was them staying together and showing us how a healthy marriage works.
I saw how my daddy treated my mother growing up and how he treats her to this very day. I expect NO LESS from any man for which I gave up my family’s last name.


Seeing how my dad treated and cared for my mom, my brother, and me greatly impacted what I wanted in a life-long mate. My husband comes from a never-married single mother, but he saw a healthy, marriage from his uncle/aunt who we are close with to this day. So, I do feel that him being able to see a healthy example of a marriage does impact his abilities as a husband.
We went to Sunday School and church together 90% of Sundays until we each graduated from high school and left for college. My parents still go to the same church together to this day. We were not (and my husband and I are not) folks that go to church to say "yes, we went to church Sunday". Equally yoked was taught and shown by my parents. I was only interested in dating someone who shared my faith, and my husband and I do. I see other folks in marriages that go to two separate churches. I was not raised that way, and I was not going to marry someone that would make my children be raised that way.

The husband is supposed to cover you spiritually. My father has always prayed for the family and to this very day calls my brother and I to pray for us. He prays for our protection and provisions for us, and decision we make in our lives. I always knew my parents to pray over and discuss decisions. My husband is also a praying a man, and before we make decisions I know that he has prayed over the decision.

I saw how my parents made decisions. I heard them argue and get heated. I am happy that I saw them argue and didn’t just see rainbows and sunny skies. I could see them argue then get it resolved and continue to love each other and work together in their marriage.

Just like I was able to depend on my parents for any and everything that I need, my husband is now that for me. He loves me even when I’m mean and sick. It seemed like for a point in time every time I get finish fussing about one thing or another I’d end up stubbing my toe, having terrible cramps, or a migraine, and he would be right there nursing me even though I was probably cussing at him 20 minutes beforehand.

My daddy was never out late, running the streets, or had any outside children popping up or affairs going on. My mother did not have to worry about where her husband was or when he was coming home. He was there to protect her. I have the same with my husband. We BOTH were some partiers and OUT before we met. Thankfully, we met when we were both ready to settle into a slower form of life.
I feel covered by my husband because I know that he puts God first and me second, which means he is willing to do what is needed to make our lives better. I have seen that man cry for me when I am hurt. He has carried me to the bathroom to keep me from walking. I will argue a point HAAAAARD, but I know my husband has my best interests at heart and is proud to cover me.

 

[hopeful]

Dee-Licious
I am so glad I asked for more details and you were kind enough to oblige me. Your story is really special. It helped me and I'm sure many others as well. Thank you so much! My heart is full for you and your mom.