Do you still get tested for HIV and other STDs after being married?

[lucy]

After marriage, getting checked for STDs would not be a thought. But if I am already resigned to have them anyway then I should not get married. That's just me. But I am not married.

I know you can throw in a bunch of what ifs...but in general I would not think as a married woman I need to check to see if I have contracted a disease through sex.

I can only imagine a woman going home tonight and saying "honey, you should get checked for HIV and STDs." Call me naive but I don't think that would go over well.

But I appreciate everyone's opinon. Maybe I will change my mind if the time comes for me to get married.

I could see your perspective just a lil bit, if I was going to the Dr with concerns, or just to have an std test done... But its done with everything else just as I have been doing, and believe everyone should do. I don't see any reason why this should change with marriage. I have a complete physical annually, and this is included. If the Dr is testing my minor child's blood for everything else, and asks should HIV be included, Id say yes. It has nothing to do with cheating spouses. It has to do with health and the fact that knowledge really is power.

 

[meesch]

Re: Do you still get tested for HIV after being married?

Hmmm, don't think I EVER said your opinon didn't count. In fact I'm enjoying the discussion and having a different opinion voiced. And don't try and turn this into a married vs single discussion because its not.

you're the one who brought up opinions being married vs. opinions being single. if it doesn't matter why bring it up? further, if you were only interested in the opinions of married women, you should have said that. or posted it in the wedding forum where the married gals hang out at.

 

[allmundjoi]

you're the one who brought up opinions being married vs. opinions being single. if it doesn't matter why bring it up? further, if you were only interested in the opinions of married women, you should have said that. or posted it in the wedding forum where the married gals hang out at.

It sounded like she was making an observation that opinions appeared to be divided along relationship status, not a call to have the single ladies shut da hayle up. Or to make the thread us vs them. Lol.

I swear meesch, you debate like you want to fight. Lol. I am used to it and typically dismiss your overtly abrasive attitude, but dayum.

 

[whit923]

Re: Do you still get tested for HIV after being married?

you're the one who brought up opinions being married vs. opinions being single. if it doesn't matter why bring it up? further, if you were only interested in the opinions of married women, you should have said that. or posted it in the wedding forum where the married gals hang out at.

The topic says "after being married" so I figured mostly married women would respond. But I don't feel like just because you're not married you can't have an opinion on the matter. Sorry if you feel attacked (hence the defensiveness) but I was just stating something I noticed in the responses. AGAIN--never said the single woman's opinion didn't count. Besides, who am I to say YOUR opinion doesn't count? Are you really giving me that much power? Why thank you!

 

[meesch]

It sounded like she was making an observation that opinions appeared to be divided along relationship status, not a call to have the single ladies shut da hayle up. Or to make the thread us vs them. Lol.

I swear @meesch, you debate like you want to fight. Lol. I am used to it and typically dismiss your overtly abrasive attitude, but dayum.

i'm chilling and enjoying my homemade chipotle burrito. must just be how i write personally i dont think theres any need to point out difference in opinion being correlated to a certain status unless youre saying that status is important, but whatev.

hence:

The topic says "after being married" so I figured mostly married women would respond. But I don't feel like just because you're not married you can't have an opinion on the matter. Sorry if you feel attacked (hence the defensiveness) but I was just stating something I noticed in the responses. AGAIN--never said the single woman's opinion didn't count. Besides, who am I to say YOUR opinion doesn't count? Are you really giving me that much power? Why thank you!

girl, whatever.

 

[whit923]

personally i dont think theres any need to point out difference in opinion being correlated to a certain status unless youre saying that status is important, but whatev.

But YOU pointed out you were single, not me. So obviously you thought it mattered.

 

[allmundjoi]

Ok, let's talk about why the singles don't want to get tested and the hens do. A nice twist. What do the hens know that the singles don't (or vice versa). Lol, based on meesch the hens are in some raggedy relationship lacking trust. We've also alluded to expectations that singles have regarding marriage, eg. diadall expressing single habits (testing) should die or become unnecessary once wedded.

 

[caltron]

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah now youve opened me up to a rant i was hoping to avoid making

ok this is the thing. hiv is the boogie monster in the black community. we have been taught and indoctrinated to be hyper aware of and afraid of hiv like it's going to strike us down at any moment. the campaigns and the statistics are skewed so that it is over-represented amongst black women, when the fact of the matter is, black women's hiv status is pretty much in direct proportion and correlation to black men's hiv status, AND black men's hiv status is the only one that continues to grow, because young MSM black men are contracting at higher rates than anyone else.

so that's first of all - hiv is not an easy disease to transmit, and despite all the best efforts of the media campaigns, it is not that prevalent in this country as a whole. i know this argument is not going to work on everyone, because we have had it so repeatedly drilled in our heads that it's a lot more prevalent than it really is. but the fact of the matter is, less than 1% of the american population has hiv. to put that in perspective, here is a list of the most common causes of death in the us; compare that to almost 30% of the american population dying from heart disease. i'm not saying you should not practice safe sex, and get tested with your partner, and do everything you can to ward against a disease like hiv. i'm saying that we are taught that its prevalence is greater than it is, and that it's a bigger danger than it is in reality. there are over 340 million people in this country, which might whittle down to 100 million available male partners... it is possible to never ever come into contact with hiv based on the sheer amount of potential partners in this country that do not have it.

This is actually a very dangerous argument to make. Sure, maybe only 1% of the population *knows* they have HIV right. However, there is a larger percentage that *doesn't know* and they are the ones who are primarily responsible for spreading the disease.

Also, the entire population of the country includes people who you would never have sex with. 50% of the nation are women, large percentages of are children or elderly etc. If you focused on just the percentage of black men in your age group who might have it, I would assume that 1% number would go up dramatically, particularly since disproportionate numbers of black men have the disease.

Yes HIV is a hard disease to transmit, but if you repeatedly have unprotected sex with someone who is HIV positive over a period of time, you are bound to get it sooner or later. And this is the very reason why married women are actually more at risk for getting HIV than single women.

I hear what you are saying about HIV being a boogey man, and I do agree with you to some extent. I think a lot of people do go into hysterics when it comes to any subject HIV related, and I think that attitude is probably just as bad as being lackadaisical about it. However, I think if we are ever going to get this disease under control, people need to start taking reasonable precautions. I think a yearly HIV test for anyone who has unprotected sex, regardless of marital status, is reasonable. There is just no downside to a simple test.

I think I would agree more with your arguments if we were debating whether married people should use condoms.

 

[allmundjoi]

This is actually a very dangerous argument to make. Sure, maybe only 1% of the population *knows* they have HIV right. However, there is a larger percentage that *doesn't know* and they are the ones who are primarily responsible for spreading the disease.

Also, the entire population of the country includes people who you would never have sex with. 50% of the nation are women, large percentages of are children or elderly etc. If you focused on just the percentage of black men in your age group who might have it, I would assume that 1% number would go up dramatically, particularly since disproportionate numbers of black men have the disease.

Yes HIV is a hard disease to transmit, but if you repeatedly have unprotected sex with someone who is HIV positive over a period of time, you are bound to get it sooner or later. And this is the very reason why married women are actually more at risk for getting HIV than single women.

I hear what you are saying about HIV being a boogey man, and I do agree with you to some extent. I think a lot of people do go into hysterics when it comes to any subject HIV related, and I think that attitude is probably just as bad as being lackadaisical about it. However, I think if we are ever going to get this disease under control, people need to start taking reasonable precautions. I think a yearly HIV test for anyone who has unprotected sex, regardless of marital status, is reasonable. There is just no downside to a simple test.

I think I would agree more with your arguments if we were debating whether married people should use condoms.

Lol, whew, thanks caltron for bringing it back. I forgot meesch previous post. *reading now*

 

[hopeful]

Thanks OP for this thread. Initially I was like no, why would I worry about getting tested? Then I thought, why not? Knowledge is power. I'll be married 25 years this summer, never gave much thought to any of this, but next month when I have my annual exam I will tell her to test for everything. Like you said, out of love for myself and my life.

 

[meesch]

Ok, let's talk about why the singles don't want to get tested and the hens do. A nice twist. What do the hens know that the singles don't (or vice versa). Lol, based on @meesch the hens are in some raggedy relationship lacking trust. We've also eluded to expectations that singles have regarding marriage, eg. @diadall expressing single habits (testing) should die or become unnecessary once wedded.

why folks gotta be hens tho?

i don't know that i can expound any further, nor that i want to. i have already allowed that i understand the opposite perspective. i also explained that for me, PERSONALLY, i would not be in a relationship, let alone marriage, where the trust of monogamy was not expected to be fulfilled, that the door would even be open to the possibility of stds to begin with. there's nothing else i can say, because in my opinion it all boils down to the choice of partner.... not the hypothetical likelihood of things happening spontaneously.

 

[whit923]

There is just no downside to a simple test.

This is what it comes down to for me. Not knowing is not worth the risk for me, espeically when there are kids in my picture.

 

[AlekHidell]

As part of regular health screenings, dh and I tell our docs to test us for everything. It's no biggie. Also, we've both been tested as a part of the process when buying high-dollar value insurance policies (life, disability, stuff for business, etc). Never saw a reason why we shouldn't.

 

[meesch]

This is actually a very dangerous argument to make. Sure, maybe only 1% of the population *knows* they have HIV right. However, there is a larger percentage that *doesn't know* and they are the ones who are primarily responsible for spreading the disease.

Also, the entire population of the country includes people who you would never have sex with. 50% of the nation are women, large percentages of are children or elderly etc. If you focused on just the percentage of black men in your age group who might have it, I would assume that 1% number would go up dramatically, particularly since disproportionate numbers of black men have the disease.

Yes HIV is a hard disease to transmit, but if you repeatedly have unprotected sex with someone who is HIV positive over a period of time, you are bound to get it sooner or later. And this is the very reason why married women are actually more at risk for getting HIV than single women.

I hear what you are saying about HIV being a boogey man, and I do agree with you to some extent. I think a lot of people do go into hysterics when it comes to any subject HIV related, and I think that attitude is probably just as bad as being lackadaisical about it. However, I think if we are ever going to get this disease under control, people need to start taking reasonable precautions. I think a yearly HIV test for anyone who has unprotected sex, regardless of marital status, is reasonable. There is just no downside to a simple test.

I think I would agree more with your arguments if we were debating whether married people should use condoms.

how bout if i just say i won't date any black men anymore? because that is the pink elephant in the room we are all avoiding mentioning.

additionally, can we please stop with the side argument that this is about having the test in itself? from the way the op was worded, i thought we were specifically talking about "better safe than sorry" on the possibility of cheating and trust in a marriage. because otherwise this entire thread makes no sense. screening for a disease you already know you don't have and are in no danger of contracting is not a two way debatable issue.

 

[whit923]

As part of regular health screenings, dh and I tell our docs to test us for everything. It's no biggie. Also, we've both been tested as a part of the process when buying high-dollar value insurance policies (life, disability, stuff for business, etc). Never saw a reason why we shouldn't.

Yup its a requirement.

 

[michelle81]

Married woman here. Only been tested with pregnancies. Honestly I've never given it a second thought to be tested while married. This thread has made me rethink that some. I may consider getting tested now, but ONLY because of my profession (I'm a nurse), but even then I'm much more worried about hepatitis C than HIV.

So after thinking about it, if I had a regular job and wasn't constantly involved with other people's body fluids, then no I don't think I would have regular STD screenings.

 

[michelle81]

BTW, I used to live in a state that did blood tests before marriage. HIV was NOT a part of that screening back then. Only syphilis and something else that was potentially curable were tested.

ETA: just looked it up, only syphilis is tested.

 

[TracyNicole]

Another married lady chiming in. I get tested every year. To be honest I never thought about it as being distrustful of my husband. It's just a part of my annual checkup to get a full blood panel. I don't really see how it is any different than checking my cholesterol because it was just routine, even before I met my spouse and even when I wasn't sexually active. My husband also gets tested at his annual physical and I have never looked at it as a lack of faith in me. I don't see any reason to stop. This is my body and it is my responsibility to care for it. I live my husband but I don't really see what that has to do with anything.

 

[UrbainChic]

I would get HIV tests with all my usual std screenings even if i havent had sex at all in the year before i was getting tested, but my logic for that was simply that some STDs including HIV have a long incubation period before they show up in tests. I personally would like to avoid testing when married, just one less thing to do in life but I do understand HIV can be transmitted other waysso it wont hurt to get the test done. Perhaps i would slow my roll down to testing every few years?

I do find it interesting that the no testing is split along the single and married line. I think its like was stated above. I hope that aspect of my life would change when i marry.

Obviously everyone hopes their spouse is trustworthy, but I do know that reality is no one ever says they expected their spouse to cheat when they do. I dont think infidelity is some sort of rampant epidemic, or necessarily the end of the world in a relationship, but i am aware it happens.

Every year for world aids day my highschool would have a speaker come and talk about their life with HIV/AIDS. The speaker who sticks out in my memory is the woman who contracted the disease because her husband cheated. In that situation, I saw it as there was nothing she could do about it as she was mislead. Catching it early though could save your life.

This whole discussion makes me think about marriage dynamics, and the concept of being insulted over these tests or not, or not leaving your personal health in someone elses hands. Makes me think of some very frank discussions i have had with my aunt about marriage recently, and the less frank but still pretty frank discussions I had with my mom while she was still alive.

Sent from my iPhone

 

[whit923]

how bout if i just say i won't date any black men anymore? because that is the pink elephant in the room we are all avoiding mentioning.

Don't do it....reconsider, reads some litera-ture on it! I love me some black men! And the darker the better, hence my husband , but I digress....(sorry had a moment)

I don't think anyone's avoding it. Yes, black men are at higher risk but I do believe even if I had married, a caucasian or asian, or latina man I would still take the same precautions. Like others have said, I liken it to being screened for high cholesterol--no one in my immediate family has it, I don't but I still get it checked just in case because I'd rather know the full picture and be able to make informed decisions about my health.

 

[meesch]

Don't do it....reconsider, reads some litera-ture on it! I love me some black men! And the darker the better, hence my husband , but I digress....(sorry had a moment)

I don't think anyone's avoding it. Yes, black men are at higher risk but I do believe even if I had married, a caucasian or asian, or latina man I would still take the same precautions. Like others have said, I liken it to being screened for high cholesterol--no one in my immediate family has it, I don't but I still get it checked just in case because I'd rather know the full picture and be able to make informed decisions about my health.

apparently i misunderstood the question being asked - we're talking about screening for something that doesn't have a direct cause apparently - so i withdraw all my posts and will save those opinions for a more relevant thread.

 

[michelle81]

Don't do it....reconsider, reads some litera-ture on it! I love me some black men! And the darker the better, hence my husband , but I digress....(sorry had a moment)

I don't think anyone's avoding it. Yes, black men are at higher risk but I do believe even if I had married, a caucasian or asian, or latina man I would still take the same precautions. Like others have said, I liken it to being screened for high cholesterol--no one in my immediate family has it, I don't but I still get it checked just in case because I'd rather know the full picture and be able to make informed decisions about my health.

A few things:
I don't believe black men are at higher risk. I'd have to look it up to be certain, but I think the risk is the same for all men.

I'm not sure if I read it correctly, but are you not certain that you'd get the same testing done if you were married to someone of another race?

It's hard to explain, but I don't equate this to checking your cholesterol level. My cholesterol/thyroid are checked about every 6 months. Found out my thyroid is underactive. No way to prevent that, but it's completely treatable with a simple pill everyday. Found out my cholesterol is okay, but my HDL is slightly low. Working on that with exercise. HDL could be possilbly be prevented (could be genetic) but is also treatable with lifestyle moderation and/or a pill.

 

[whit923]

@ meesch Buh-bye! Danke's for your input, sweetie!

 

[diadall]

apparently i misunderstood the question being asked - we're talking about screening for something that doesn't have a direct cause apparently - so i withdraw all my posts and will save those opinions for a more relevant thread.

Agreed.

I left but I was mentioned back.

I stopped commenting because the title made me think that one would schedule a doctors appts just to take an HIV test after marriage.

I feel like the last paragraph of my first post on this subject was just ignored.

 

[lucy]

apparently i misunderstood the question being asked - we're talking about screening for something that doesn't have a direct cause apparently - so i withdraw all my posts and will save those opinions for a more relevant thread.

I know youre being sarcastic, but for me there isnt a correlation between trusting and testing. At this point in my life, I can say that I trust my husband 100%.

The question asked do you STILL get tested after being married, and my health practices have remained the same. As I said before, if I were specifically seeking out random std tests, then I could see there being an issue with trust. If I had just started taking std tests, then I could see there being an issue with trust. If this is just a matter of adding one more tube to the others being drawn for various other tests in an annual physical, then I don't see why stop. As I said before my daughter is almost two, and if she were doing regular bloodwork and that was included, I would not see a problem.

As a matter of fact, the last physical I had last year, there was an issue with my blood. My veins are very thin, and the phlebotomists always have problems drawing my blood. The vein collapsed, and they didnt yet fill all the vials. She was going to have to prick me again... needless to say we skipped the HIV testing. I do not live in fear because I trust my hubby. I just don't see why change my health practices because I got married. I have been doing it this way, and don't have any plans to stop.

 

[meesch]

As I said before, if I were specifically seeking out random std tests, then I could see there being an issue with trust. If I had just started taking std tests, then I could see there being an issue with trust.

yep. thats what im saying. bc otherwise whats the point of this thread? otherwise youre just asking about people's medical screenings, not anything to do with relationships or marriages.

but i'll let it go, bc i know how people like to twist things when they get called out and act brand new pretending like they were saying and doing something else. but yeah, you're right and thats what i meant.

 

[whit923]

A few things:
I don't believe black men are at higher risk. I'd have to look it up to be certain, but I think the risk is the same for all men.

I'm not sure if I read it correctly, but are you not certain that you'd get the same testing done if you were married to someone of another race?

It's hard to explain, but I don't equate this to checking your cholesterol level. My cholesterol/thyroid are checked about every 6 months. Found out my thyroid is underactive. No way to prevent that, but it's completely treatable with a simple pill everyday. Found out my cholesterol is okay, but my HDL is slightly low. Working on that with exercise. HDL could be possilbly be prevented (could be genetic) but is also treatable with lifestyle moderation and/or a pill.

In 2009, black men accounted for 70% of the estimated new HIV infections among all blacks. The estimated rate of new HIV infection for black men was more than six and a half times as high as that of white men, and two and a half times as high as that of Latino men or black women.

^^This was taken from the CDC site here Honestly I assumed this based on what I have "heard" but since you asked I went to check.

As far as marrying men from other races, I would still take the same precautions.

And I can understand your pointe about with the analogy about cholesterol. But HIV is treatable as well, if found early.

 

[Cichelle]

I've had several HIV tests over the years, both before and after I got married. (Been married 13 years.) I skipped it last year, however, and don't foresee getting one this year either. It's just not necessary at this point in time.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I (wrongly apparently) assumed that married people would just continue getting tested as they did before marriage. Eye opening thread.

 

[pookaloo83]

I (wrongly apparently) assumed that married people would just continue getting tested as they did before marriage. Eye opening thread.

Eye opening indeed!