Do you ever choose your future spouse based on hair texture or skin colour?

[Valerie]

I think some of us need to be honest here, really honest. You have to be attracted to the man, who you want to marry. He had to have a combination of physical characteristics and the right personality. It is not point being with a man, who you don't find physically attractive, because it have to get naked with these men and you will spend a lot of time, having lots of sex.

There is nothing wrong with choosing a husband, who you like the physical characteristic of, coffee au lait complexion, vanilla, dark chocolate, curly hair, or blue or green eyes whatever, but also these men have to have the right personality for you and you have to work on the right personality for them. You have to work on you, your smile, your physical features, weight gain or loss or whatever and you have to have a pleasing personality yourself.

People are entitled to marry the type of man they want, after all they have find them very attractive, once they get the attractive, personality is right and they are working on themselves in the meantime. I wouldn't call it self-hatred. I know a girl once, she loved Nigerian men, she was crazy about them, all her boyfriends and sequent husband was Nigerian, another loved Italian men, she is now with her Italian husband and two children, both ladies are very happy.

We all have our secret desires, when I hear people say, you must not ask for your desires, let God choose for you and however in the bible it say, "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart".

I met three ladies who have wrote down what they wanted in a husband,
they put down physical features, characteristics and they got what they wanted.
I remember I was talking about this with a church goer, telling me God chooses your husband, and she insisted that he has the person for you, next couple of days on tv. Thersea Hulbert, wrote down a list she wanted in a husband, physical and personal characteristics she wanted and she got the husband, she wanted. Another one called Valerie T , she wrote down a list of she wanted in her husband, physical characteristics, she said she wanted him tall and dark chocolate husband and she got her husband, also she is very pleased, my friend Glenda, who was divorced, she desired an English husband with blond hair with blue greenish blue eyes and she wrote down the characteristics she wanted, she was born in Guyana, she is my complexion and she always wanted to marry a person from another race, and she has got what she wanted, she lives in England, she is due to have her baby any day now and she has got an adoring husband, who simply adores her, after being with him for four years, she is simply very happy.

You can have the type of husband you want, but as long as you put in the characteristics you want and also in the meantime, you prepare yourself, you work on you and you will believe, because you will get 100% of your list, but it is a two way process, you ask for your desires, but also you work on you.

When people go shopping, buy a house, or a car, a dress, they got out for the particular house they want, or car or dress, even shoes, even a particular brand of food they want. They go and get it. When it comes to husbands, we mustn't do it, why not?

God made this planet with enough husbands for us all and even if the type you desire is not available, he can create one especially for you, because as far as I am aware. God is still on the throne and he has many names and one of his many names is Elohim, Mighty creator and his power has no limits, once you believe and you will get people telling you it cannot happen, because you are too young, or old, it is impossible, it’s too late, there is not enough, you believe, you confess and you be thankful, you sow seed in your church for your husband, you go out and when the time is right, you will meet him, God is no respecter of persons, so if it can happen for Theresa, Valerie T, Glenda it can happen for anyone.

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

I don't believe many of you understand my intention of this thread.

It's reading these sort of articles that make me sad;

http://racerelations.about.com/b/2009/09/14/dark-skin-still-considered-troublesome.htm

I'm chocolate skin myself, I duno if I look a bit caramel in the 2nd pic of my siggy but that's just the camera flash lol. I've had light skin family members say 'oh you'd be cuter if you were lighter.' I just tell them I'm happy in the skin God gave me. If you have a problem, speak to him.

It saddens me to see friends who want to 'whiten' their genes, and this is evident in their determination to solely date one category. If they said I'm just attracted to them, fair enough. But to say.. I want them so my kids can be like this, speaks volumes about their own insecurities.

The definition of beauty should not be so clear-cut, and I believe the western media has bombarded us with a certain image to live up to. Don't get me wrong, sisters who want to relax.. good for you. But I think there should be many more natural role models out there. When do you see a 'white' famous celebrity with an afro-texture weave on. Yes, white woman DO wear extensions but it's fake hair that is similar to their own real texture. I don't know how I digressed onto hair, probably because this is the long hair care forum

I made this thread because I think a lot of people have to dig deeper. Sometimes you may think 'Yeah.. I have that preference'' Sure sometimes, it may be that clear cut, because you just have that preference. But, sometimes it could be because you have some insecurities of your own image.

As a child between 6 to 9, I always had a crush on white boys lol. My area, and school - all white. I wanted to fit in.. hell I wanted to be white. The older I got, and more comfortable with my skin, I saw my attraction/preference change to what I am - chocolate. And I found myself mainly being attracted to that type.

I just think this is an interesting topic, one that people don't like talking about because the truth hurts. Who wants to stand up and say I'm insecure, nobody, right. Well, we're all behind a computer.. if it gets too hot you can just log out.

I believe with the bombardment of images like Beyonce, Christina Milian, Halle Berry. All of these 'mixed' chicks.. there's pressure on the black community to mix. Let me just state that I'm not mixed, nothing wrong with that at all.. but just so you guys know where this perspective is coming from.

That's my 2 cents.

 

[CheLala13]

Hmmm...so I guess you could be friends with someone who was that obsessed with dark skin and nappy hair? That sounds like what you just said......

You think its better to be obsessed with inherently "black" features?















If your answer is yes, IA with you, btw
Although I'm not quite sure how I feel about my way of thinking...
I don't think either way of thinking is ideal........

Which is basically what has been said up thread about AA women who have a strong preference for darker skin in their men. This doesn't sit all that well with me. But I think its "better" than having a strong preference for light skin (and wavy hair). Just because the former preference excludes most AA people and the latter includes most AA. And I think that makes more sense....to prefer your own people.

So when black women say they prefer darker skin, its like they're saying they prefer black people. And when black men say they prefer lighter skin, its like they're saying they prefer white people. Which, imo, is backwards.

(No, Im not saying that black men who prefer lighter skin are backwards. Read between the lines! )


Ok, now I'm just rambling Does this make any sense?

I knew someone would say this, but no. I do not inherently prefer dark skin or nappy hair, but because these are features I possess, I want them to be seen in my children. I'm actually not obsessed with any color/texture except my own haha. So, it's more selfish than anything that I want my children to look exactly like me. If I were light, I would want them to look exactly like me. If I were white, perhaps I would feel the same...(perhaps). And no, I could not be friends with someone who was obsessed with dark skin and/or "nappy" hair.

 

[MizAvalon]

I don't care about hair texture but I have always been attracted to fairskinned men and will probably marry one.

That has been what I have liked since I was a small child. It has nothing to do with future children because I am not having any of those.

 

[HennaRo]

I don't care about hair texture but I have always been attracted to fairskinned men and will probably marry one.

That has been what I have liked since I was a small child. It has nothing to do with future children because I am not having any of those.

I am the same way. I never thought that I'd have kids, my sister gave me the best birth control ever when I was 13. I had to hold her foot while she was delivering my first nephew..I felt sick afterwards and said I wouldn't have kids. LOL now 14yrs later I see that it's a possibility, but never thought about how my kids might never look like me. My sister in law ugh has 5 kids 4 different men. Only one is white, two are the same high yellow shade and the other two are different shades of brown. But you can't really choose someone and think that oh they have nice wavy hair..so will our kids. Genes are funny, a girl with bright ole red hair and both parents have jet black hair..you can't plan that!

I just thought about Something New and chuckling at the black ashy babies part, back to the point. It is silly to say I'm going with him because he has this or that, you could end up having the complete opposite and be mad and hate your kids for it. I've seen it happen. People can be very trivial for no reason. And I lost my train of thought.

 

[nikolite]

When people go shopping, buy a house, or a car, a dress, they got out for the particular house they want, or car or dress, even shoes, even a particular brand of food they want. They go and get it. When it comes to husbands, we mustn't do it, why not?

See, in all of those instances, the media affects the things we claim we like more often than not. The clothes we choose, the house, the car, even the brand of food. Sure we do the same with choosing a mate, but a lot of our "preferences" are affected by outside influences in the same way. I say this because human beings are attracted to each other in much more subtle and deeper ways than simply a person's color or nose shape or hair type. In reality, its the WHOLE PACKAGE that catches the eye. That includes a man's eyes, face shape, voice, even his smell. And definitely his personality, assets, etc. I'm attracted to white, Asian, black, Latino men because of how those individual men are built in total. Its never a brown skin, or wavy hair or icy eyes or whatever. I'm aware that a lot of what I am attracted to is through media influence (which explains why very few women proclaim their "tastes" for South Asian, Middle Eastern, or East Asian men) but on an individual level I can talk with a random man at a coffee shop and be attracted to a lot more nuanced combinations of multiple features. This is especially true when you know someone for a long while and begin to like them (which is why people get prettier when we grow to like them and uglier when we grow to hate them).

I admit that I tend to be attracted to more black men but I know that's only because I see them much more often and was raised in nearly 100% black neighborhoods up until college.

Others have said along the lines of "I really like X, but I don't mind Y and Z also." Its the emphasis on the X that has to be more than just basic physical attraction, because we aren't born innately preferring a specific type. Straight women typically prefer masculinity, but that can come in so many facets across races and ethnicities. And men typically prefer femininity. But its unfair how so many women look down on them for their "preferences" (ie. stereotypes that black men want someone lighter skinned or non-black, white men prefer white and Latina women, etc.) and don't see that most preferences (even the good ones towards your own people) are suspect. Maybe they aren't bad, but they surely aren't innate.

On that note, I don't have a problem with someone being attracted to chocolate or whatever, but I do think there something behind the strong desire for it and esp. "dark chocolate" and proclaiming it as the one thing that is preferred over others. That's what a preference is. It means that if your mate could stay the same, but you could change his color, that's the color you'd pick. You'll take another color if you had no choice, but only if you had no choice. Many black women would pick this "dark chocolate" color. And I have no doubt that that's probably because we have only seen most black couples on TV that had wives/women lighter than or of equal color to the man. Its a typical formula we've seen over and over again in TV/movies since the 80's. I also think a lot of proclaiming to prefer chocolate is to compensate for feelings of insecurity in being black. Someone has to say they prefer it, right? Or else its too painful to think that no one else does. Btw, I'm not talking about each individual, just the overwhelming preferences in general. While at the same time, there is an overwhelming preference among black men for lighter women with long hair that falls straight, and many black women denounce that (rightly so, IMO).

I think wanting your children to turn out a certain way is a different issue from attraction to a mate though. That's something I have NEVER thought about. I've always assumed my children would be "black" (since my husband is), but I could care less how they look. I have no control over that. They could also get a short recessive gene but I wouldn't choose my mate over that. Normally we choose our mates physically based on their health and fertility, not on small aesthetics like their hair texture. But when it gets into that realm I think there's a lot more going on than we think.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

For me its not intentional, but I tend to date darker complected men with soft hair...I always have....

 

[nikolite]

I don't believe many of you understand my intention of this thread...

I understood you completely and even agree with you. It was only a small pointing out that the preference for dark brown skin is similar to the preference for light skin and wavy hair, because preferences in general tend to come from outside influences and are not innate.

I really like your post. We are bombarded by the media. But I also noticed that while Beyonce and Halle are heralded, Taye Diggs, Idris Elba, the Old Spice guy, Lebraun James, Djimon Honsou, etc. are also overly-sexualized. Like Optimus said, a lot of that is based in white racist narratives about the sexual, Mandingo black man with a little brain and a big penis. In the porn industry, there is a killing made off of interracial sex between dark black men and white women--its a sexual fantasy that white men are even flocking towards. All of this at the expense of black women with brown or dark skin being masculinized in our culture (since dark skin is now equated with hyper-masculinity) and seen as unfeminine/undesirable.

But back to your main point, I always thought there was less people wanting the light guys anymore, but some black women are still wanting the light children. I wouldn't be surprised if it was for the looks of their female children and for them to have long wavy pigtails. The boys people seem to care less about wanting to be light. What's funny is I've seen tons of commercials/ads with the typical black four-unit family as having a dark-skinned father (bald or with a caesar cut), mother at least a shade lighter but normally beyonce's complexion, an older boy with skin the color of his father (and a caesar), and a little girl with light skin and curly mop hair. The girls usually vary sometimes, but the wife is nearly always lighter than the men/boys. Its possible for that to happen given the background of most blacks, but extremely rare. Still, that seems to be the preferred family outcome for many black people:

http://eoc.sc.gov/NR/rdonlyres/2AC31174-2152-485D-8CBB-BDBF15746894/30490/BlackFamilyReading.jpg

http://www.phillysportstc.com/black_family lil girl.jpg

http://rockmeamadeo.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/cosby_show.jpg

http://bradley.chattablogs.com/black family.jpg

http://www.avancehouston.org/images/HMIII/Black Family at the Beach.jpg

 

[sunnydaze]

I really like your post. We are bombarded by the media. But I also noticed that while Beyonce and Halle are heralded, Taye Diggs, Idris Elba, the Old Spice guy, Lebraun James, Djimon Honsou, etc. are also overly-sexualized. Like Optimus said, a lot of that is based in white racist narratives about the sexual, Mandingo black man with a little brain and a big penis. In the porn industry, there is a killing made off of interracial sex between dark black men and white women--its a sexual fantasy that white men are even flocking towards. All of this at the expense of black women with brown or dark skin being masculinized in our culture (since dark skin is now equated with hyper-masculinity) and seen as unfeminine/undesirable.

I love you.

And I so agree with the mandigoism of dark skinned black men..by all women. He may not even be all that good looking, but let him be blue-black and god forbid in relatively good shape..all women are checking him out andf make the same type comments, thinking that he would be good in bed..why b/c he's real black? As black women, we should do better than that.

But I am not better and can admit, that for the most part, I am not attracted to very dark skinned, decent/attractive bm, not b/c of no aesthetic appeal, but b/c there is often a cockiness there that comes from what I mentioned above (knowing that all women regardless of race find you attractive) that I absolutely hate.

 

[nikolite]

I love you.

And I so agree with the mandigoism of dark skinned black men..by all women. He may not even be all that good looking, but let him be blue-black and god forbid in relatively good shape..all women are checking him out andf make the same type comments, thinking that he would be good in bed..why b/c he's real black? As black women, we should do better than that.

But I am not better and can admit, that for the most part, I am not attracted to very dark skinned, decent/attractive bm, not b/c of no aesthetic appeal, but b/c there is often a cockiness there that comes from what I mentioned above (knowing that all women regardless of race find you attractive) that I absolutely hate.

Aww
Yes! I definitely see the cockiness! Don't let a man be dark, tall and with abs! I have an old friend (barely a friend anymore because I am so disgusted with his current lifestyle/personality) who is all those things who swears every women wants him. He now only exclusively dates white women. Last time we went out to a club with a few friends and he proceeded to pull out his cell phone and show me his countless pictures of white/Asian women he took photos with and his new blonde girl. He was obviously trying to get a response outta me. So I asked him the obvious: "so why only the white girls now?" His answer: "Because they're gorgeous and they can't keep their hands off of this special dark chocolate."

We actually used to date a little before I started dating my husband, and I was probably the only woman who rejected him (he was cute and polite but I just didn't feel him the way I did my hubby at the time), so I became a challenge to him and nothing more. He's very different from back then though. Now he constantly posts photos of himself (preferably with random white girls at clubs) and talks about his sexy blackness and whatnot. He only dated light-skinned girls back then but now he thinks he's "upgraded" to white.

Yeah, a lot of black men capitalize off of this. They could care less about its other widespread implications.

 

[abcd09]

So what is the difference between this and having a preference? I prefer men with a certain look myself.

 

[goldielocs]

I prefer very dark men, but I've dated all shades of black. I've never dated outside of my race because I never met anyone other than black guys I was attracted to. I grew up in a small black town, attended college at an HBCU and got married at 25.

I don't prefer dark men because I think they have some magical sexual powers. All the men in my family are VERY dark. Shoot, I'm light compared to them. My DH is considered dark by most, but not by me. More of a pecan brown.

As far as hair is concerned, I never thought about it. As long as they get a hair cut it doesn't matter.

I get the point of the OP's post, but I don't think it applies to everyone who prefers certian characteristics. The laws of attraction are too complicated.

 

[Goombay_Summer]

I would not call it choosing based on hair texture or skin colour but everyone has a preference, I just happen to prefer the lighter colour of the spectrum to white. Marrying white or light does not automatically guarantee that your children will have the what we call in the black community call good hair, pretty coloured eyes, and light skin. DNA is a fickle mistress sometimes, and I'm basing this from personal with my own immediate family that's like the colour of the rainbow one ( My father has 16 sibling same parents just too much time on their hands and my mother has 5 full siblings). I have 6 cousin that look 100% white even though they are biracial, a second cousin who's only a 1/4 black but you would never know it by looking at her, and 9 that look like a combination. With blacks in general you never know what genes will manifest.

 

[MizAvalon]

Aww
Yes! I definitely see the cockiness! Don't let a man be dark, tall and with abs! I have an old friend (barely a friend anymore because I am so disgusted with his current lifestyle/personality) who is all those things who swears every women wants him. He now only exclusively dates white women. Last time we went out to a club with a few friends and he proceeded to pull out his cell phone and show me his countless pictures of white/Asian women he took photos with and his new blonde girl. He was obviously trying to get a response outta me. So I asked him the obvious: "so why only the white girls now?" His answer: "Because they're gorgeous and they can't keep their hands off of this special dark chocolate."

We actually used to date a little before I started dating my husband, and I was probably the only woman who rejected him (he was cute and polite but I just didn't feel him the way I did my hubby at the time), so I became a challenge to him and nothing more. He's very different from back then though. Now he constantly posts photos of himself (preferably with random white girls at clubs) and talks about his sexy blackness and whatnot. He only dated light-skinned girls back then but now he thinks he's "upgraded" to white.

Yeah, a lot of black men capitalize off of this. They could care less about its other widespread implications.

Ewwww. I can't stand cockiness like that. Is he even attractive? Or is he like a lot of blondes who know they don't have to be all that attractive because they know the hair will get them over?

A blonde in a bar is like a magnet to men, she doesn't even have to be all that pretty. But let her be blonde AND pretty? She will shut the entire place down.

 

[MichelleMyBelle]

No. Good looking men come in all shades. I wouldn't limit myself. I will have to be somewhat attracted to him. I can't be waking up to a mugwhatchamachalit. Scaring myself in the middle of the night, no way.

 

[nikolite]

Ewwww. I can't stand cockiness like that. Is he even attractive? Or is he like a lot of blondes who know they don't have to be all that attractive because they know the hair will get them over?

A blonde in a bar is like a magnet to men, she doesn't even have to be all that pretty. But let her be blonde AND pretty? She will shut the entire place down.

Honestly, I used to think he was cute, but not nearly as much as he thinks. Other friends didn't think so though. But now he just looks ugly to me.

Yeah, blondes are the same way. I remember two of the ugliest girls walking in a bar once with blonde wigs (they were clearly wigs) and pink outfits and every guy looked at them and were all over them offering to buy drinks. They weren't twins either (but probably trying to play up on the twin lesbian fantasy bit too). I was like "Did anyone even look at their faces?" And my hubby's wise self goes "No, they're going after what they think they're supposed to like." Seriously, the blonde hair and pink skirts told men that they were attractive. Sad.

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

Seriously, the blonde hair and pink skirts told men that they were attractive. Sad.

I blame barbie.

 

[nikolite]

I blame barbie.

I think you're right!

 

[Myjourney2009]

When I find my future spouse he will be chosen based on how he treats me and my child, EN PUNTO.

I have no idea how my next child will look based on myself or him because on my side of the family I have the darkest of the dark to the lightest of the light, It will be a crap shoot.

I do want him to be pleasing to look at though because it is nice.

 

[jada1111]

Not off hair texture or skin color, but moreso FEATURES.

It's really important that our features blend well together. I also need to see pics of mama, daddy, aunts, uncles, siblings, children (f they have any), children's mom (cause you know her features come into play as well) to get an idea of what might "skip a generation" and happen to land on "our" kids.

I want cute kids. I'm not gonna be sexing someone like Mike Tyson without birth control, because his features and mine won't blend well together. All of his kids look like him. As babies it's a cute look, but I don't want my daughter taking after him. Nor someone like Lebron James.

The hair, skin color doesn't really matter, because you could have someone with beautiful skin and looser textured hair, but their features won't blend well with yours. Like, I don't find Indians or Pakistanis attractive at all, but yet they have great skin coloring and beautiful hair. Most have dark circles under their eyes, huge long noses and funny looking big eyes. They're just not an attractive group of people (well, most of the men anyway).

Michael Jai White and I might have some cute kids together, but some of his features are a bit strong and might overpower mine. He's ruggedly handsome, not handsome handsome. lol

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

Not off hair texture or skin color, but moreso FEATURES.

It's really important that our features blend well together. I also need to see pics of mama, daddy, aunts, uncles, siblings, children (f they have any), children's mom (cause you know her features come into play as well) to get an idea of what might "skip a generation" and happen to land on "our" kids.

I want cute kids. I'm not gonna be sexing someone like Mike Tyson without birth control, because his features and mine won't blend well together. All of his kids look like him. As babies it's a cute look, but I don't want my daughter taking after him. Nor someone like Lebron James.

The hair, skin color doesn't really matter, because you could have someone with beautiful skin and looser textured hair, but their features won't blend well with yours. Like, I don't find Indians or Pakistanis attractive at all, but yet they have great skin coloring and beautiful hair. Most have dark circles under their eyes, huge long noses and funny looking big eyes. They're just not an attractive group of people (well, most of the men anyway).

Michael Jai White and I might have some cute kids together, but some of his features are a bit strong and might overpower mine. He's ruggedly handsome, not handsome handsome. lol

This whole post just made me

Thanks for your honesty.

 

[Valerie]

Not off hair texture or skin color, but moreso FEATURES.

It's really important that our features blend well together. I also need to see pics of mama, daddy, aunts, uncles, siblings, children (f they have any), children's mom (cause you know her features come into play as well) to get an idea of what might "skip a generation" and happen to land on "our" kids.

I want cute kids. I'm not gonna be sexing someone like Mike Tyson without birth control, because his features and mine won't blend well together. All of his kids look like him. As babies it's a cute look, but I don't want my daughter taking after him. Nor someone like Lebron James.

The hair, skin color doesn't really matter, because you could have someone with beautiful skin and looser textured hair, but their features won't blend well with yours. Like, I don't find Indians or Pakistanis attractive at all, but yet they have great skin coloring and beautiful hair. Most have dark circles under their eyes, huge long noses and funny looking big eyes. They're just not an attractive group of people (well, most of the men anyway).

Michael Jai White and I might have some cute kids together, but some of his features are a bit strong and might overpower mine. He's ruggedly handsome, not handsome handsome. lol

Well Done :

 

[frida1980]

You know, most dark skinned men I've met seemed to be really cocky and very pissed that I am not attracted to them. I've never really been attracted to very dark skinned men, and normally go for guys around my complexion or lighter. I suppose it has to do with my brother being very dark skinned and having a difficult life. Or being around guys that remind me of my brother feels like being around my brother. Not attractive.

It's kinda dumb for BW to link up with certain men to have babies with certain features. Genetics is like a crap game, you can't predict it. Most women with dreams of having babies with "good hair" or straight noses because their man has it are in for some serious disappointment. More than likely, they'll get their hair and noses simply because their is a preponderance of blackness between them.

Just the same, having an man of different race doesn't mean "good hair." I have a number of bi-racial cousins that ended up with frizzy cave woman looking hair that none of us could really figure out what to do with. It was like it wasn't straight but not curly. It wouldn't hold braids for long or a press. But you couldn't leave it alone because it looked awful. (They all ended up with relaxers when older) Only Lil' bit (the 2nd youngest of nine) ended up with standard curly hair. (She relaxed it anyway.)

Hopefully these women will move away from this type of thinking. Kids aren't like dogs that people can bred to make cute little breeds like labradoddles. Not like you can take them back to shelter if they don't look like what you wanted....

 

[Latomian]

Ok let me start of with I think that's just plain crazy. I have 2 black friends who choose who they date based on the man's texture of hair, and another black friend, whose dark-skinned herself but only wants to marry a light skin man so she can have 'light skin' children.

I believe this is self-hatred but they all protest that it's only a type of preference and they love being black. Maybe so.... I duno. Personally I love my chocolate men (hence the name.. ) But I've also liked other men. But I just don't understand women who would give up these fineeeee brothers. I've never looked at a man's hair texture or skin tone - if he's hot.. he's hot, nothing else to it. I don't need a strand of his hair to come to a conclusion. But alarmingly I'm noticing there are loads of people who choose their partner because they have a certain texture or skin tone and I think that's extremely sad. I came across 1 black guy who said he wants to impregnate a white woman, not to be with her..but just so he can have mixed race kids.

Beauty comes in all shades. People need to understand that..

@ the bolded, I've heard that too. My brother was nervous when his daughter was in utero because her mother didn't have "good enough" hair and he was afraid she'd get that hair (The mother's hair is damaged, btw. There's nothing wrong with it except damage, bt she's black so you know how that goes). He was also afraid his daughter would get his complexion (he's dark-skinned). I hate him sometimes...

Anyhoo, I look at any future mates based on height. Is that just as bad?

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

Anyhoo, I look at any future mates based on height. Is that just as bad?

ahaha I defo discriminate on men who are vertically challenged.

Call me a heightist.

I'd say it's not a bad thing.. but *shrugs shoulder* it is what it is.

 

[prettygrl]

The thing about being black or even mixed is you never know what you may end up with..we pull traits from waaay back sometimes.

ain't that the truth. my daughter has really curly hair and me and her father's hair is 4b. i'm really not sure where it came from. i have some biracial cousins whose hair is kinkier than mine...it's not an exact science that's for sure. i really hope people don't do that, but i guess they do. it's really stupid.

 

[JayAnn0513]

The thing about being black or even mixed is you never know what you may end up with..we pull traits from waaay back sometimes.

Exactly. My husband is darker than me and our daughter is lighter than both of us with reddish hair. Genetics is a crap shoot.

 

[StopMakingSense]

I choose men based on what I personally like. My track record as it stand has been either white men or multi-racial/ambiguously racial men. I grew up in a predominantly white community. I would have dated a darker skinned man, but coming up the dark skinned black males ONLY wanted white girls. I mean I remember I liked this guy in high school and he just cut me off ASAP to run after Maggie and Katie and whomever else. Just a flat out 'No, I don't like black girls.' It seemed like they were few and far in between and all of them wanted 'redbones' if they couldn't find a white girl or the fasted black girl for a rebound between Beckys.

I like what I like I do not discriminate. I like my men with dark hair dark or light eyes and lots of body hair . I typically like a bigger guy, but currently SO is very skinny and average height, albeit bi-racial and light skinned.

I have a friend that loves loves loves dark skinned chocolate men, however she does not want her LOs to be dark. She is dark herself and not attracted to lighter skinned/white men. Unfortunately, this is all she dates in hopes to find the one so she can lighten her genes. I feel sad for her..

Who I end up with is about the amalgamations of traits I find desirable enough to be attracted to and want to copulate with. So basically I want to procreate with someone that is of quality and ATTRACTIVE in MY eyes otherwise I wouldn't make the effort, KWIM? I wouldn't sleep with someone that looked like, say Danny DeVito if I were not attracted to him JUST BECAUSE I had an interest in my kids looking like him. That is just not my steeze.

I would be really sad if I had an affinity for one specific type of male--yet I went about dating others that didn't really do it for me to safeguard the outcome of my LOs. SMDH.

 

[dlewis]

Do you ever choose your future spouse based on hair texture or skin colour?

I haven't read the responses yet. I didn't but for those that do I don't see anything wrong with it. If it makes them feel better to have a light skinned child with good hair and green eyes what's the problem? We all seem to end up messed up anyway so why not be a messed up person that looks like what society considers beautiful.

We seem to have a problem with everything. You can't admit you like your light skin, don't like black men with white women, don't want a black woman to have kids with a light skinned black man.

Everyone has a preference and that' just what that is. The OP likes dark men, a man skin color doesn't matter to me but the next person may only date black men with green eyes.

I do think it's important to consider the way someone looks IF that's important to you. Why have babies with a dark skinned black man and make the child feel bad because you consider them black and ugly?

One thing about this board, you can't say you prefer light skinned anything. You can't say anything favorable about anyone lightskinned without someone thinking the only reason is because that person is lightskinned with good hair. You can't even post in the fashion forum and ask for opinions on a light and black bag without skin color coming into it. Are we really this sad?

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

My father says her married my mother because of she has a softer hair texture, she was lighter than him, and she had really pretty skin. He does not have any self hatred, he just knew he wanted an attractive family, and what he considered to be attracted was my mother and her features.

So like my father and reader stated I want attractive kids. And I have the right to define attractive as I choose.