Ladies, How do You approach a guy you're interested in???

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I don't approach men, but here's how I get men in public places to approach me.

Positioning... okay, so if I see a cute guy at Starbucks and we walk in at the same time, I might say something random to him about something he's wearing, etc. Or if he orders an interesting beverage, I might say, "Is that good? I want to try that sometime, but I always get the same thing every time here. I need to change it up!"

If you're already sitting down, then get up to go to the condiment area right around the time he's getting his drink. That's an opportunity to then say something.

Maybe sit at a table close to his if you are both getting your food/drink at the same time. You migt be able to say something to him about the book he's reading or whatever else you can figure out to discuss.

If the guy doesn't carry on the conversation after your lead in, then move on. The key is, you're not approaching, but you're being open, friendly and making yourself approachable to a man!

Ooooh okay... yea I might have done that, but never with the intention of making a man like me... lol.

 

[DragonPearl]

If you are interested in a guy simply open yourself up to him and let him decide if he wants to walk thru the door or not...that can come from eye contact and smiles...it can come from a hello how are you, an introduction or something as simple as that.....set your vibe up and send it out....if he's interested he will respond if not he won't....if he doesn't don't be upset..im a smiler/eye communicator...I have the thank you smile, the courtesy smile, friendly smile and the come hither smirk...draw the guy you focus on to you

as I tell any woman....

men don't choose me

I choose them

if i want him it is made known one way or another......

if a guy approaches me who I didn't specifically choose or haven't decided on what Ima do with him I just play it by ear if Im halfway interested...at that point he still has yet to be chosen...if he's chasing its because he has yet to be chosen not because of anything else....Im not doing anything but being me because Im not worried about if a man wants me or not,

thats not an issue...

I don't deal with men who don't want me ..I don't pay attention to what he says or does...i pay attention to what vibe and feeling I pick up from him...so worrying about whether he wants me or not or trying to make him want me isn't a factor

its about if I want him

and go from there

Cool.

Very few women can successfully pull that off, but you're not the average woman. Most of history's greatest men eaters were like you and the men they chose worshipped their dirty drawers.

 

[tiara76]

Your post is the same thing as approaching (you came to him and initiated a convo/contact) the difference is the tactic. You do the (indirect) covert, subversive tactical approach LOL. I think that is a a good one too and probable the best way. You do the initiating but he thinks it was his idea. LOL. My direct assault on the citadel approach LOL works also.

You know, it's funny because when I think of "approaching," I think of going up to a dude and being like, "Hey, I'm Bunny77. What's your name?"

And I'm thinking, no way jose... I'm not doing that!

But I definitely think there can be some strategy in not being that direct, but positioning yourself. Like you said, dudes love to think it was their idea and YOU were the one who plotted it all along.

My best example of this was seeing a cute guy at a basketball tournament and I really wanted to meet him. So I made friends with his friend and sat near his friend. When dude came over to talk to his friend, the friend introduced us and he was like, "Wow, who is she? I didn't know she would be sitting here!"

Ha ha ha ha ha.....He ended up inviting me to dinner with all of his friends that night!

(Bad news is that he had a girlfriend, but in terms of getting a positive response, it worked!)

its all the same thing....there really is no difference between the woman who "initiates" the situation to open up the potential for communication with a man in a indirect or direct manner...if he's interested he will respond accordingly...

we can argue and say that he automatically thinks you are easy and is gonna use you if you are "direct"...but a guy who is all about using you or getting over on you WILL do so if he is allowed to... whether he gets at you on his own or by indirect actions or inviting smiles, chases you, you get at him, or whatever else the case may be....if he's into you he will be into you regardless...

more women feel comfortable in the indirect approach and I use both so they both work....and scratch the word approach since people get it confused with chasing, throwing yourself at, begging, being desperate or whatever and just replace it with ....

how do you initiate a situation to open yourself up to a man YOU have an interest in....give him an open invitation and assurance that yes I would like to get to know you

alot of women talk about wanting a man to make first moves and approach them..then they complain about the men who are approaching them, they not up to par or something or they are offended or something along those lines......or complain nobody is approaching them.....if you are not being proactive to "select" who you want then you will just have to hope one of these guys you are waiting on is somebody you want or settle for who you get if you get anybody at all

 

[BlackHairDiva]

I did make a small discovery...If you stare at him ( about a 5 to 6 second constant stare with a smile) and then look away...he will start flirting and pursuing you. I did this by accident a couple of time..and out of the blue the men start flirting like crazy!!!!

There is a cute guy at work. I'm testing this stuff on him and it seems to work. I'm not really interested in him bu I'm testing some material on him.

 

[hopeful]

I understand waiting him to approach...but noone's approached me in years! Or shown deep seated interest. things are bad ladies lol

Lucky for some to wait, but I wish someone would ask me out...happily!! So until then, i'm trying a different route.

No one? I can't even imagine how that feels. Now I understand why you are trying to change your tactic.

I don't approach men. However, if I am interested in a man, I subtly let him know that I would be receptive to him approaching ME.

If he hadn't noticed you then step over to him and simply say "hello" take note of his body language if he is open to conversation then small talk about the latest news, sports, dogs, etc.

I like these two ladies ideas. If a man is cool to me after this I would certainly keep it moving. No way would I ask a guy out, ever. I think being friendly, approachable, open, is enough. If he doesn't take the ball after that I think you may be opening yourself up to heartache. I really hope you are able to get some dates though, it must really get lonely sometimes. I love my own company and all but to go years without being approached would be extremely frustrating.

 

[FluffyRed]

You're friend is so right, I just wished I had figured that out a lot sooner.
....Oh and one of the compliments I've been getting, since I've changed my outlook on dating, is "I love your energy", and that means a lot more than a compliment on looks IMO.

OK, that's my goal. To go out and get some of those compliments this week!

Married male friends/acquaintances always say that to me (because I'm not nearly interested in them). It's time for some single dudes to say it.

And, to the OP, I can semi-retract my first answer. Especially since I really like shy guys. I still won't ask for a number, but the extreme approachability mentioned above, I would so do that!

 

[Son26]

I don't approach men anymore (I did that in the past and I regret it). These days if a guy is interested in me and I'm interested in him, I just maintain eye contact when he stares at me. Doing that has worked so far.

 

[nappystorm]

You don't. Just make yourself noticeable. If he likes you, he'll talk to you

 

[gn1g]

I did make a small discovery...If you stare at him ( about a 5 to 6 second constant stare with a smile) and then look away...he will start flirting and pursuing you. I did this by accident a couple of time..and out of the blue the men start flirting like crazy!!!!

There is a cute guy at work. I'm testing this stuff on him and it seems to work. I'm not really interested in him bu I'm testing some material on him.

CUTE .

 

[blue_flower]

I don't approach men anymore (I did that in the past and I regret it). These days if a guy is interested in me and I'm interested in him, I just maintain eye contact when he stares at me. Doing that has worked so far.

Not a lot of guys approach me. HOWEVER, I've caught a lot of guys watching me. I just happen to turn around and they're staring in me in the face. They don't even speak. Is it my cue to smile and give them the go ahead? I usually just turn the other way.

 

[jade998]

Not a lot of guys approach me. HOWEVER, I've caught a lot of guys watching me. I just happen to turn around and they're staring in me in the face. They don't even speak. Is it my cue to smile and give them the go ahead? I usually just turn the other way.

I would smile at them when they look at you, that is just them trying to see if you are interested. If there is alot of men looking, I would only smile at the one you are attracted to.

I usually look, tilt my head to the side and looking through my lashes and smile. Hold the look and slowly move my head. Trust me, the man will come running to come talk to you.

 

[gmw]

Its in your eyes!!!!

I did this on the train this morning......by accident. But I do it all the time....

I looked at him and noticed he had nice teeth. He was on the phone. I looked at him again and he was a looking, and he smiled and nodded, and I smiled back and mouthed "Hi". Got to last stop on the train stood to go the door to leave, and he was waiting there and said hello and was ready to proceed on his own.... he was a cutie too, but I was in a rush.... so oh well....


Actually I think the unspoken way for a woman to approach a man is through looking.... I think they all learn that somewhere...

 

[natural2008]

girl just approach him. there is no written rule that a man is suppose to approach a woman. this is a new century.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

^^^New millenuim or not, approaching is just lame on a girl's part... Lol... But then I am single... Lol

 

[Country gal]

I stare in his direction for a few extra seconds and smile. I don't approach men first although some guys really like that.

 

[FluffyRed]

...but "liking it" and it being effective are two different things.

 

[tiara76]

...but "liking it" and it being effective are two different things.

just depends on the woman....

 

[blue_flower]

I would smile at them when they look at you, that is just them trying to see if you are interested. If there is alot of men looking, I would only smile at the one you are attracted to.

I usually look, tilt my head to the side and looking through my lashes and smile. Hold the look and slowly move my head. Trust me, the man will come running to come talk to you.

For the longest time I noticed guys just watching me and that made me mad because I thought they were being rude. So next time if I see an attractive guy looking at me, I'll just smile and bat my eyelashes. I have been told I have pretty eyes, so I might as well use them for something besides seeing!

 

[Gigi-07]

IA with the ladies saying "make eye contact and smile". A smile is a very small, but assuring thing that goes a loooong way. So if you (OP) decide you don't want to take my first advice, "stare & smile" is a good tip. I like to smile, and I've brought on a lot of unwanted convo because of this lol. Those hundred watts are quite inviting, like moths to a bulb.

 

[Mimi22]

Ok...i think i scared a guy today lol
I smiled at a guy in the library and he smiled back. went back to his work, looked up and i was still smiling lol i dont know why!!!!!!
he laughed, put his head down and shook his head!

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

I smile, walk up, say hello, introduce myself. Always works. I'm not cheap and initiating a conversation does not make me feel cheap. After we speak, he then has the opportunity to pursue me if he wants to. I never chase men and introducing myself to one is not the same as chasing a man. I don't spit game and I always get the man.

eta i've had several men (friends/coworkers etc) tell me that they sometimes feel intimidated by women (b/c we look evil, unapproachable & unsmiling) and MEN HATE REJECTION. If the woman initiates the convo, they will do the rest.

That is sooo true. I've been told on many occasions that when I walk I look mean and unapproachable. Oh well though, I'm not gonna walk down the street smiling like a dummy to myself.

 

[bimbabe]

I make eye contact and smile
Sometimes make small talk
Sometimes introduce myself
But I think men still like the chase...so I prefer for them to approach me.

Sigh...its been a while before I tried these things.

 

[Avaya]

Although I've known quite a few women that have approached men (all of whom are now married to the men they pursued), I just can't get with that program. I'm the type of chick that will do the coy, come hither, eye lash flutter routine. I feel that that is all the type of man that I want will need and he can take it from there.

The man pursues, the woman is pursued, IMO. I think the one that has the penis should fulfill the man role in this instance. Like I said, I can't knock a woman who pursues though, as I've seen too many success stories. But the type of man I want has to do the pursuing.

I guess you can flirt like mad and if dude is still 2 miles per hour, just come right out and say 'I like you and would like to get to know you better on a romantic level.' You may be surprised. He could be super shy and happy you approached. I don't want a shy guy though, not a guy that is so shy he can't fulfill his role, that is.

 

[MissNina]

I don't approach guys either. If we know each other casually, I'll say hey if he is in my reachable vicinity lol.

But I'd say look at him once. . .twice if he's really cute, smile and then go about your business. Like I don't smile to myself without a good reason b/c I feel slow but do you and look/be happy doing it.

Have fun doing whatever it is you're doing, pay him relatively no attn and he will notice. . .and if he sees something he likes, he'll speak. If not, honestly, either he's intimidated, already in a situation or doesn't like what he sees enough to approach/risk rejection. Probably the first.

And I *personally* don't wanna entertain any man who gets intimidated enough by me not to speak. He needs to get his confidence together and try again. I'm not going to approach him just b/c he's scared WTH? MAN UP!

It's not my job to cater to his insecurity. IDC what other females do. You don't approach me, we won't talk. The end.

 

[scorpio70]

men do NOT consider the opening 'hello' 'howyadoin?' an 'approach'. They are alot more dense than that. To a man, you'd have to be really obvious and overtly sexual for him to be like, 'dayum, this girl approached me at the club!'

with the coy, flirty opening sentence, if he asks you out, trust and believe he's taking credit for making the first move.

sometimes the room is too noisy or there are too many distractions for him to see you batting your eyelashes from across the room.

just go in, say hi, and make a general comment about the venue or whatever and he will take it from there if he's feeling you. if he gives you a one word answer, pretend you see some friends across the room and dash.

...and I believe in WMLB. i don't think it says anything against greeting a man though.

ETA: approach is different than pursue.

 

[LookingandListening]

Say "Hello" in your most pleasant voice. Add a nice, sincere smile and see where the conversation goes from their. I like making small talk with men i'm interested in.

 

[Theo]

men do NOT consider the opening 'hello' 'howyadoin?' an 'approach'. They are alot more dense than that. To a man, you'd have to be really obvious and overtly sexual for him to be like, 'dayum, this girl approached me at the club!'

with the coy, flirty opening sentence, if he asks you out, trust and believe he's taking credit for making the first move.

sometimes the room is too noisy or there are too many distractions for him to see you batting your eyelashes from across the room.

just go in, say hi, and make a general comment about the venue or whatever and he will take it from there if he's feeling you. if he gives you a one word answer, pretend you see some friends across the room and dash.

...and I believe in WMLB. i don't think it says anything against greeting a man though.

ETA: approach is different than pursue.

I agree with this. I would also say try to be selective about the type of men you approach though. Try to gauge what kind of guy he is before approaching, some guys are have huge egos and are just looking for someone to boost it.

There's nothing wrong with starting a conversation, being friendly, etc, Be extra feminine, I tend to tilt my head to the side slightly and play with my hair, if I'm talking to a new guy that I'm into.

Flirting can be fun and very sexy if you're not overt/trashy about it. Just play around and have fun with it. See what works for you. It takes a bit of time, trial, and error before one becomes adept.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

ITA - projecting "friendly" does work. Even if you're not looking at them, the thought that this person that just entered yoru space could become your best friend in the future makes you project a different energy.

One of my friends used to always tell me, "If you treated men the way you treat your friends, you'd a been married by now."

I do tend to think the worst of dudes early on... only because they usually deserve it. 98% of the time.

Hmmm...but if you treat guys like your "friends", won't that just put you into the "friend-zone"? No offense, but I dont' want to be friend-zoned by a guy I'm romantically interested in.

Besides, when I treat guys like my "friends", I'm usually so goofy around them and so silly and care free that I think I end up putting myself into the friendzone inadvertently. If I treat a guy like my "friend", then I won't be flirting with him, or showing interest, or touching him, etc. He is strictly a FRIEND. Is this what you had in mind?

 

[Vshanell]

We don't.

Team The Rules and WMLB

I agree. I will not approach, no matter how interested.

 

[GoingNatural]

I understand waiting him to approach...but noone's approached me in years! Or shown deep seated interest. things are bad ladies lol

Lucky for some to wait, but I wish someone would ask me out...happily!! So until then, i'm trying a different route.

Work on your body language, go out more, enjoy yourself and that will attract people to you--friends and potential relationships. And, I'm sure in 2 years you've been approached but maybe they didn't fit a physical ideal you had in min.