Do men want their wives . . .

[Glib Gurl]

With all the virginity threads and posts regarding the number of partners people have had, I'm wondering - is there truth to the saying that men want to marry virgins? Or, does it matter to men how many partners their potential wives have had?

Also, to flip the script, how do you all feel about this issue? First off, I feel like in this day and age it is nearly impossible to find a man who's a virgin (or whatever the male equivalent is called) at marriage. But for those of you who have chastity/celibacy until marriage as a personal goal, do you want your spouse to be a virgin as well? Alternatively, are you interested in how many partners your future mate has had?

I'm not trying to stir up any trouble. I am just a big virgin with no guy friends to talk about these issues with . . . .

 

[Isis]

Because of the male ego in this society, I would imagine it does matter to most men how many other men their potential wives had sex with. Things may be very different in other countries. Perhaps a man here on LHCF can give you a good answer.

As for me, the idea of marriage to a virgin male does not sound appealing.

 

[Kimberly]

Because of the male ego in this society, I would imagine it does matter to most men how many other men their potential wives had sex with. Things may be very different in other countries. Perhaps a man here on LHCF can give you a good answer.

As for me, the idea of marriage to a virgin male does not sound appealing.

I was just wondering what happened to our "resident male"??

 

[Glib Gurl]

As for me, the idea of marriage to a virgin male does not sound appealing.

I agree with this. I mean, even though I want to stay a virgin until marriage, I hope that my dh has at least *some* experience . . . at least one of us needs to know what's going on!

 

[Bunny77]

I've never had a guy that I've dated say he wanted a virgin, nor care that I wasn't (or was the first time, lol). Granted, I don't think he'd want a woman who'd had double-digit partners (although some of them might have that number themselves erplexed), but I haven't heard a man saying he prefers to marry a virgin.

At the same time, I haven't met anyone who's opposed to it either. I'll ask a number of my guy friends about it and see what they say.

As for what I want, I would like a man who has similar ideas about sex and the value of it in a relationship -- so that means that I don't want him to have enough partners that would make it seem like he has a habit of having casual sex. I can't specify a definite number because numbers don't necessarily tell the whole story -- BUT, if I find out that he's had 30+ or says some crap like, "I don't keep count," that's not the guy for me. I want someone with equivalent beliefs.

 

[Bunny77]

I agree with this. I mean, even though I want to stay a virgin until marriage, I hope that my dh has at least *some* experience . . . at least one of us needs to know what's going on!

But isn't part of the fun being able to learn together? It's not rocket science -- y'all would figure it out!

 

[Isis]

I was just wondering what happened to our "resident male"??

We had quite a few guys here as LHCF members. I thought they were still here.

 

[sweetkita4]

Well, my number is in the double digits and my DH was a virgin when we married. For him it wasn't all about the number of people I had been with but how much he loved me as a person. We're both Christians that don't judge other people so there was no reason for us to judge each other. And I can not complain. And the fact that he had no one before me doesn't matter either. He had as much experience at pleasing ME as another guy that had been with 50 women. I say as long as they're willing to learn! And DH has been taught to do some MIGHTY MIGHTY good things

 

[Shimmie]

An excellent question "GG" .

Most men are realist and know that many women have had past lives and if they truly love the woman and they have a special bond with each other, it doesn't really matter.

I just don't think they want a 'Marathon Woman', one whose loose around the track. And I don't mean this to be offensive. It's just that when men settle down they want to 'know' that the woman he has chosen to be with is 'his'. Not as ownership or property; but 'his' in committment and pure fidelity.

Men know men and how it is when they are ready to settle down. So he sees a woman's value that she places on sexual encounters indicates the value she puts upon a committed relationship to 'him'. Too many partners indicates no commitment and no value is upon sexual intimacy.

Note: This is not the 'rule' for all women, for woman tend to be more committed to an emotional committment by nature. I haven't read the threads on the numbers of sexual partners, but should anyone read this post, no offense was intended.

Anyway, a man can answer this far better than I can....

 

[Shimmie]

We had quite a few guys here as LHCF members. I thought they were still here.

Isis, I thought there was only 'one' man here BMWSS. Who are the other men? Have they ever posted? When/Where? Thanks angel for your response.

 

[Ayeshia]

some men dont know what they hell they want...they want a virgin and complain that she might not know whats she's doing...and then theres the girl who makes his toes curl and because of that she HAD to have slept with a lot of people to be experienced like that, so they wont get with her.

 

[Shimmie]

But isn't part of the fun being able to learn together? It's not rocket science -- y'all would figure it out!

It's not? Gee Whiz, that's a relief...

 

[Isis]

Isis, I thought there was only 'one' man here BMWSS. Who are the other men? Have they ever posted? When/Where? Thanks angel for your response.

Yes, Shimmie, they have posted over the years, usually in the Haircare or Off Topic forums. I'm not sure if I can remember their names though, maybe the mods can help me out.

For example, there were (or still are) a couple in the Haircare forum, one was pretty popular (his name is at the tip of my tongue) and was working on his own hair and the other did his GF's hair. Now I'm remembering some more guys...

ETA: Sonic98 is one, BlackSash18, YuNg (that's the name I was trying to remember) who had scalp issues and quite a few posts, Nikos was (or still is?) a mod here, and there are other guys...

 

[Meinzzfuture]

I do not know any men who activally seek out or have a preference for virgins but I will say all men I have met express a desire for a woman who is not too "tainted" sexually. I don't know how many partners that would entail but then again, this would be very individual. I have some experience, I want my future husband with some experience. Numbers don't really matter to me because I know several factors play a role in how these numbers are obtained but I'd be wary if he had lets say over 40 partners. He'd be doing a little too much for me. I don't ask anyways. I dont think I really want to know

 

[hairsothick]

is it really that bad to be a virgin when you meet someone? I mean we are all virgins at some point in our lives and when you lost it, someone had to teach you what to do didn't they? Or you had to teach yourself. Why would the situation for current virgins be any different?

 

[Bunny77]

is it really that bad to be a virgin when you meet someone? I mean we are all virgins at some point in our lives and when you lost it, someone had to teach you what to do didn't they? Or you had to teach yourself. Why would the situation for current virgins be any different?

See, this is what I'm saying... like I said before, it's not rocket science (hi Shimmie ) and a virgin will eventually learn what to do... like every single virgin has before them!

I find that MATURE people will not judge a man or woman for being a virgin at an "older age." One of my best female friends just got married as a virgin (she's 29) and another female friend (who is 28), married a guy who remained a virgin until he was 32. This guy was not a "loser" and she's plenty satisfied with him (they didn't wait until marriage, but she was his first and only -- they had a satisfying sex life throughout their dating period) -- she said he simply wanted to wait until he felt he'd met the right woman.

The only people who would truly turn down a virgin before even getting to know why he/she is a virgin usually have a few issues with stereotyping that they need to get over, in my experience. If you grow to love someone, wouldn't you be more than happy to help "teach" them?

 

[Southernbella.]

My dh didn't care at all that I had been with someone before him. I'm not sure how he would have felt had the number been higher, but he was not phased at all.

I wasn't happy with his number (12), but it was in the past, so it wasn't an issue.

The only guy I've ever known who wanted a virgin was my first. He liked to "break them in". He was weird though, so I doubt he's representative of most men.

Hairsothick, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being a virgin. You will learn everything you need to know from the person you give yourself to, so don't worry!

Oh, and I wouldn't have minded marrying a virgin. Experience is overrated, IMO, especially if it means that everything you're doing to me was learned from some other chicks.

 

[NeeSee]

It depends on the man. Some do some don't care.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

An excellent question "GG" .

Most men are realist and know that many women have had past lives and if they truly love the woman and they have a special bond with each other, it doesn't really matter.

I just don't think they want a 'Marathon Woman', one whose loose around the track. And I don't mean this to be offensive. It's just that when men settle down they want to 'know' that the woman he has chosen to be with is 'his'. Not as ownership or property; but 'his' in committment and pure fidelity.

Men know men and how it is when they are ready to settle down. So he sees a woman's value that she places on sexual encounters indicates the value she puts upon a committed relationship to 'him'. Too many partners indicates no commitment and no value is upon sexual intimacy.

Note: This is not the 'rule' for all women, for woman tend to be more committed to an emotional committment by nature. I haven't read the threads on the numbers of sexual partners, but should anyone read this post, no offense was intended.

Anyway, a man can answer this far better than I can....

I would agree with this. In my experience hearing men speak to each other, most men are least in modern culture want a balance. They don't want a virgin, but they like a woman who's had some modesty about her in regards to sexual partners. It also depends on the circumstances, if she's bedded 4 guys in one night versus 4 guys over the course of years and relationship.

With that said they are of course men who would prefer a virgin and some who would like a woman with a good amount of experience under her belt or don't care whether the number is 1 or 12.

 

[Shimmie]

Yes, Shimmie, they have posted over the years, usually in the Haircare or Off Topic forums. I'm not sure if I can remember their names though, maybe the mods can help me out.

For example, there were (or still are) a couple in the Haircare forum, one was pretty popular (his name is at the tip of my tongue) and was working on his own hair and the other did his GF's hair. Now I'm remembering some more guys...

ETA: Sonic98 is one, BlackSash18, YuNg (that's the name I was trying to remember) who had scalp issues and quite a few posts, Nikos was (or still is?) a mod here, and there are other guys...

Thanks Isis. I've seen the name Sonic98 and just assumed 'female'...

Sweet blessings to you angel girl... (((( hugs ))))

 

[locabouthair]

.............

 

[PinkPeony]

Hmmm.... DH wanted to find a wife that had more experience then him,he was pretty much a virgin when we met so that wasn't hard

 

[Bunny77]

i guess mature is the key word. im only 22 but people think somethings wrong with me when i tell them im a virgin. i can only imagine what it will be like as I get older. i feel you hairsothick, some people make it seem like it's the worst thing in the world.

Hmmm...

Here's a question... who are you telling this? The reason I ask is because I don't think one needs to disclose his or her sexual status (virgin, non-virgin, 1 partner, 30 partners, etc.) to just anybody because then one will be more likely to hear ignorant comments.

One of my friends who is a virgin (at 29) does not just tell anyone that she's a virgin -- not because she's ashamed (she isn't at all) but because it's nobody's darn business but her own! She and I have discussed it because we're good friends and the guy she's dating now knows (for obvious reasons), but she didn't tell him right off the bat either.

It's just like I'm not going around telling people how many partners I've had or haven't had or if I'm not a virgin -- why do they need to know?

I'm just saying if you want to avoid negative comments, then don't even make your status a topic of discussion because really, it shouldn't be!

 

[dede1174]

But isn't part of the fun being able to learn together? It's not rocket science -- y'all would figure it out!

\\

your right, my dh and i did not know anything but it was loads of fun learning

 

[Radianthealth]

I think people give virgins less credit than they deserve. I knew so much more about sex and pleasing men than my friends who were having sex in high school.

Sex is intuitive it isn't like a virgin is going to trip into a bedroom and not know where to put "things"

I guess I know more about sex now that I have been with my husband, but I think that comes from getting to know your partner and what his needs are and less about how many people came before him.

Everyone doesn't like the same thing so it really is hard to say.

Men that are obsessed with virgins are creepy

Also tradition says that staying a virgin is for the husband and all that good stuff but I stayed a virgin for selfish reasons. It really was for me, because I didn't want to get caught up.

Have I even answered any of your questions

 

[envybeauty]

Looking at a board full of women, I think the OP's question would be better put to a board full of men.

 

[Shimmie]

I think people give virgins less credit than they deserve. I knew so much more about sex and pleasing men than my friends who were having sex in high school.

Sex is intuitive it isn't like a virgin is going to trip into a bedroom and not know where to put "things"

I guess I know more about sex now that I have been with my husband, but I think that comes from getting to know your partner and what his needs are and less about how many people came before him.

Everyone doesn't like the same thing so it really is hard to say.

Men that are obsessed with virgins are creepy

Also tradition says that staying a virgin is for the husband and all that good stuff but I stayed a virgin for selfish reasons. It really was for me, because I didn't want to get caught up.

Have I even answered any of your questions

You know what Trimbride, you've just said something that revealed something about me. My reasons for remaining celibate for so long were for selfish reasons as well.

I dunno'... I just never 'wanted' to let it go. Part of it was ego (a pat on the back for being so virtuous); much of it was because of my love for the Lord and my relationship with Him; but in total truth, MOST of it was for selfish reasons.

The men who were pursing me were never good enough; they were always 'missing' something. But it was me...my choice of being selfish and saving myself for just that 'one' man, which has kept me celibate for so long. I've always had 'options' and a lot of these 'Options' have much to offer, but not enough for me to give it up to them.

Just call me selfish...until I'm with 'him'... the 'One' and only one. All I want is his heart and I pray and hope that he 'sees' this and just how special he really is that I waited just for him. Our virtue is not a game; it's such a rare treasure beyond measure. It' doesn't come cheap or again once it's been given.

 

[dlewis]

Isis, I thought there was only 'one' man here BMWSS. Who are the other men? Have they ever posted? When/Where? Thanks angel for your response.

Yep, we have other males........I'll bump the thread for you.

 

[dlewis]

I think people give virgins less credit than they deserve. I knew so much more about sex and pleasing men than my friends who were having sex in high school.

Sex is intuitive it isn't like a virgin is going to trip into a bedroom and not know where to put "things"

I guess I know more about sex now that I have been with my husband, but I think that comes from getting to know your partner and what his needs are and less about how many people came before him.

Everyone doesn't like the same thing so it really is hard to say.

Men that are obsessed with virgins are creepy

Also tradition says that staying a virgin is for the husband and all that good stuff but I stayed a virgin for selfish reasons. It really was for me, because I didn't want to get caught up.

Have I even answered any of your questions

Thank you! TB

I would loved to have married a virgin.

I do think most men care about the number of people their woman has been with. Just like I care about the number of women my mates had. I wouldn't even date a man who was known for being a manwhore.

 

[Bunny77]

I think people give virgins less credit than they deserve. I knew so much more about sex and pleasing men than my friends who were having sex in high school.

Sex is intuitive it isn't like a virgin is going to trip into a bedroom and not know where to put "things"

I guess I know more about sex now that I have been with my husband, but I think that comes from getting to know your partner and what his needs are and less about how many people came before him.

Everyone doesn't like the same thing so it really is hard to say.

Men that are obsessed with virgins are creepy

Also tradition says that staying a virgin is for the husband and all that good stuff but I stayed a virgin for selfish reasons. It really was for me, because I didn't want to get caught up.

Have I even answered any of your questions

I agree with all of your post... your first line reminds me of when I was in middle school sex ed class and our teacher gave us a quiz on the first day on how much we knew about sex and reproduction. Now I was pure as the driven snow (as I should have been... I was 12! :lol), but I was a voracious reader and I had read tons of medical/research material on sex.

So I got 42 out of 44 questions right on the test, while the people in class who might have been sexually active (or darn close to it), got like 25-28. These people looked at me stunned like, "Dang Bunny, are you hiding something from us???"

I was thinking, nope, I'm just doing my research! BUT, what concerned me was that the folks who were actually doing the deed had NO IDEA about half of the stuff they were doing... and that really concerned me.