Do Men Really Respect You More if you "Wait"/Make Him Wait???

[antoine]

great thread! But i got a question...when you say "wait" do you fool around at all, and if so, how far does it go and for how long. I think that makes a difference as well. I've known women who say they are waiting, but do everything up to oral sex because it's not penetration. Then there are others to take the hold hands, kiss and fondle route only.

I think how you carry yourself, handle your business and homelife, and the company you keep also speaks volumes in the waiting game. I have also found that if I met a man on Wall Street at lunch time, he would treat me totally different than if I met that same man at a night club on Friday night. I think a lot more goes into their perception and/or level of respect for usus than just waiting.

 

[cocoberry10]

great thread! But i got a question...when you say "wait" do you fool around at all, and if so, how far does it go and for how long. I think that makes a difference as well. I've known women who say they are waiting, but do everything up to oral sex because it's not penetration. Then there are others to take the hold hands, kiss and fondle route only.

I think how you carry yourself, handle your business and homelife, and the company you keep also speaks volumes in the waiting game. I have also found that if I met a man on Wall Street at lunch time, he would treat me totally different than if I met that same man at a night club on Friday night. I think a lot more goes into their perception and/or level of respect for usus than just waiting.

I agree with both parts! I asked a similar question earlier, and one of the posters mentioned that to men, everything but sex is still not sex. You will probably get labeled a tease if you “fool around” but don’t go all the way, if the guy really wanted sex. If he wants a relationship, he’ll respect your decision to take things slow!

I am so glad you said this (paragraph 2). I’ve always believed this. I think when you are in the club, men approach you in what I call “dime piece mode.” They come at you with all the “swagger” and “bravissimo” But if that same guy saw you on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon in Barnes and Noble, and you were dressed in a cute sweater and skirt, or a cute dress, or comfy jeans a tee and some cute shoes, his whole approach would be totally different!

 

[bLackButtaFly]

I agree with both parts! I asked a similar question earlier, and one of the posters mentioned that to men, everything but sex is still not sex. You will probably get labeled a tease if you “fool around” but don’t go all the way, if the guy really wanted sex. If he wants a relationship, he’ll respect your decision to take things slow!

I am so glad you said this (paragraph 2). I’ve always believed this. I think when you are in the club, men approach you in what I call “dime piece mode.” They come at you with all the “swagger” and “bravissimo” But if that same guy saw you on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon in Barnes and Noble, and you were dressed in a cute sweater and skirt, or a cute dress, or comfy jeans a tee and some cute shoes, his whole approach would be totally different!

I think that's true to an extent. While certainly you meet a different caliber of men in different social settings, I think if you are giving off the vibe of integrity and demand respect then no man is going to not give you the respect you deserve. I've been seeing this guy for a little over a week now, and we met in a bar(to me a no no for meeting apotential mate). We spoke that night, and he said by the end of our conversation he knew I was the type of girl who deserved to be treated well, and as of our week long interaction,, he has. I think some of it is just the way you carry yourself, but then again I was wearing a comfy tee, and cute shoes, so mayeb that was it.

 

[cocoberry10]

I think that's true to an extent. While certainly you meet a different caliber of men in different social settings, I think if you are giving off the vibe of integrity and demand respect then no man is going to not give you the respect you deserve. I've been seeing this guy for a little over a week now, and we met in a bar(to me a no no for meeting apotential mate). We spoke that night, and he said by the end of our conversation he knew I was the type of girl who deserved to be treated well, and as of our week long interaction,, he has. I think some of it is just the way you carry yourself, but then again I was wearing a comfy tee, and cute shoes, so mayeb that was it.

Thanks for dropping this info on us!!!!!!!

 

[esoterica]

If PT was so darn worthless then why are men willing to move heaven and earth to get some!? Please. They want us to think that what we have is meaningless, but their actions tell the truth. You will never see a man work as hard as when he thinks he's on the verge of getting some. Even jobs have a 3 month probation!

 

[Guapa1]

If PT was so darn worthless then why are men willing to move heaven and earth to get some!? Please. They want us to think that what we have is meaningless, but their actions tell the truth. You will never see a man work as hard as when he thinks he's on the verge of getting some. Even jobs have a 3 month probation!

 

[Lindy]

You will never see a man work as hard as when he thinks he's on the verge of getting some.

Now aint that the truth??!!!

This is some serious power we hold, ladies... milk it for all it's worth!!

 

[Princess4real]

If PT was so darn worthless then why are men willing to move heaven and earth to get some!? Please. They want us to think that what we have is meaningless, but their actions tell the truth. You will never see a man work as hard as when he thinks he's on the verge of getting some. Even jobs have a 3 month probation!

:thatsall:

 

[cocoberry10]

If PT was so darn worthless then why are men willing to move heaven and earth to get some!? Please. They want us to think that what we have is meaningless, but their actions tell the truth. You will never see a man work as hard as when he thinks he's on the verge of getting some. Even jobs have a 3 month probation!

:thatsall:

 

[moore.1506]

Funny i been thinking about this very thing. For me it does not feel that cut and dry but so far I feel:

If you want a relationship wait cause you might have more feelings invested in finding someone seems easier to get hurt if they give you the boot and they got the booty!

If your doing the sex for you thing be careful (no std's please) maybe use your booty call (we all have one I know I do). And don't have no regrets about it!!!

I have a little story to share about the whole waiting thing, I had a bf last year and me and him were having a convo about my previous boyfriend. He said well maybe if you would have made him wait and didn't have sex with him so frequently he wouldn't have cheated. Mind you the current bf I had made wait. Well fast foward a copule months and this dude confessed to cheating on me. .... So yeah waiting seems great still can get your feelings hurt, either way be careful and be honest with yourself about what you can handle. Don't get wrapped up in the feminist thing if sex early in a relationship is not for you. On the flip don't feel all bad cause your not the epotimy of the virtuous woman if your horny!!!

 

[DayStar]

i think waiting is good because u really have the opportunity to see if the man ur dealing with is worth ur time or a bunch of horse sh*t. i mean im waiting till im married...yes yall read that right...and i dont come out and tell men that but when they find out sometimes they get turned off and look at me all crazy...like they cant believe im waiting till i get married, granted there are those men who are okay with it at first but a couple of months into the relationship they are looking at me like..."okayy.....so when we gonna do something"....or...my most favorite line..." how u know u will find the one, live for the moment...if ur waiting for the one..ull die a virgin..."...okay

 

[ALWAYZL8]

I've avoided a lot of heartache by making them wait. I'm at a point where if a guy takes me out 2 or 3 times, he's waiting on me to drop my panties. Now they won't say it to me, but they never call again. I always get the hint!!! I'll know the guy that is able to openly talk to me about what I want and sticks around is worth getting to know! The last few guys I've gone out with have not even brought up the word relationship!!!

 

[cocoberry10]

I've avoided a lot of heartache by making them wait. I'm at a point where if a guy takes me out 2 or 3 times, he's waiting on me to drop my panties. Now they won't say it to me, but they never call again. I always get the hint!!! I'll know the guy that is able to openly talk to me about what I want and sticks around is worth getting to know! The last few guys I've gone out with have not even brought up the word relationship!!!

 

[meia]

honestly I do think they respect you more....BUT if they weren't raised to respect women, no amount of waiting will substitute for home training...but, I do think waiting is an admirable quality that anyone can appreciate because its that much more special when you do get together so, ideally, yes wait....

Plus- I would NEVER EVER EVER mess around with anybody that I didn't know their sexual history & testing results...you can never be too sure anymore...

 

[Nicole1976]

Yes.

It's unfortunate, but it's part of their internal instinct's.

They will always lean in the direction of what is hardest to obtain.

 

[poetist]

It's unfortunate, but it's part of their internal instinct's. They will always lean in the direction of what is hardest to obtain.

I agree with everything except the bolded. I don't think that its unfortunate at all. I think that its basic human nature for people (men and women) to respect and appreciate something that they have to work hard to get.

 

[wantingtogrow]

Are you kidding? It's a part of our body just like any other. We have just chosen to attach special significance to it. Kinda OT, but do you ever wonder why cerain part of our bodies are considered "private." I was trying to explain this to a little kid one day and I couldn't quite explain why certain body parts are private.

I disagree, with calling it just another body part. Firstly it serves as an orfice (opening) and just as my mum told me when I was young not to eat or allow just anything to go through my mouth (take your minds out the gutter y'all), the same rule applies do there. What goes in affects you whether you view you as spiritual, emotionally or even physically.

It is not 'attaching a special significance' sometimes that brings problems because there are worse consequences to the individual from emotionally to physically (all kinds of diseases) if it is ignored.

As women (although I know this doesnt apply to every women), we tend to get involved in emotions when sex is involved. There are FEWER women that can carry it off (sex without emotions) without blinking an eyelid, I mean the ones that are happy to sleep with many guys without there really being any kind of standard. I am not talking about the woman who says she is empowered but not doesnt want to PROUDLY say how many sexual partners she has. If she did not care or place any worth on her "private" there would be no shame in stating her partners no matter how numerous they were.

Generally I do think there is a danger in attaching too much importance down there but have to say it is even more danger involved with no importance attached at all.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

I don't think it's the fact that you're trying to make him wait that he respects.

I believe what men respect is when you have values and you stick to those values. It shows that you have confidence, self esteem and integrity.

People have all kinds of values. Some do not want to have sex until they are married. Some want to wait until they're in a stable, committed relationship. And some simply wait to have sex until they get to know someone better and feel comfortable with being intimate with them. The point is to know who you are, how you feel about sex, and be able to stick up for it.

When it comes to sex, I flat out tell guys that I do not want to have sex with someone who is not my boyfriend. It makes me feel horribly uncomfortable and I really do not enjoy the experience of sleeping with someone if I'm not in a releationship with them. I don't hold out to gauge his interest level. Rather, I hold out for my own comfort and to prevent something like sex from clouding my mind while I am attempting to get to know someone and trying to figure out if they are someone I want to continue seeing.

The guys who see where I'm coming from completely understand and it's not a problem. The ones who get pushy about it are the ones who are shown the door.

 

[cocoberry10]

I don't think it's the fact that you're trying to make him wait that he respects.

I believe what men respect is when you have values and you stick to those values. It shows that you have confidence, self esteem and integrity.
People have all kinds of values. Some do not want to have sex until they are married. Some want to wait until they're in a stable, committed relationship. And some simply wait to have sex until they get to know someone better and feel comfortable with being intimate with them. The point is to know who you are, how you feel about sex, and be able to stick up for it.

When it comes to sex, I flat out tell guys that I do not want to have sex with someone who is not my boyfriend. It makes me feel horribly uncomfortable and I really do not enjoy the experience of sleeping with someone if I'm not in a releationship with them. I don't hold out to gauge his interest level. Rather, I hold out for my own comfort and to prevent something like sex from clouding my mind while I am attempting to get to know someone and trying to figure out if they are someone I want to continue seeing.

The guys who see where I'm coming from completely understand and it's not a problem. The ones who get pushy about it are the ones who are shown the door.

Thanks for posting

 

[Ayesha81]

Im confused by this a little. I had a long distance relationship for about 6 months. I knew of him about 4 years ago mutually through family friends. Now within a month of talking he asked me to officially be bf/gf and I said yes. After about 6 months I went to visit home. Now we did mess around but we didnt go as far. I just told him I was on my period, which i wasnt of course. Mind you Ive never been the type to to date guys, Ive always been very skeptical and shy. I havent dated or had sex with anyone for about 6 years until I met him.I felt comfortable around him, I never felt that way around anyone but him.

After I came back home he started treating me awful, he kept on putting me down. And he made this last comment that I was nice and easy.OMG! I have never felst to hurt in my life. I newver talked to him again. He has since then, tried to contact me. Im so petrified to give my heart to anyone else now, but now I think that all guys will think I am nice and easy. Now I am extremely defensive and mean. Im not even the slight bit promiscuous, ask anyone they can never place me giving myself to just any guy. And he knew this, he knew that Im the goody goody type of girl. So when he said I was nice and easy, I flipped. That was the end of that.

So this thread makes me wonder if he didnt respect me cause we almost did it. Or is it different cause we were bf/gf?

 

[Bublin]

Im confused by this a little. I had a long distance relationship for about 6 months. I knew of him about 4 years ago mutually through family friends. Now within a month of talking he asked me to officially be bf/gf and I said yes. After about 6 months I went to visit home. Now we did mess around but we didnt go as far. I just told him I was on my period, which i wasnt of course. Mind you Ive never been the type to to date guys, Ive always been very skeptical and shy. I havent dated or had sex with anyone for about 6 years until I met him.I felt comfortable around him, I never felt that way around anyone but him.

After I came back home he started treating me awful, he kept on putting me down. And he made this last comment that I was nice and easy.OMG! I have never felst to hurt in my life. I newver talked to him again. He has since then, tried to contact me. Im so petrified to give my heart to anyone else now, but now I think that all guys will think I am nice and easy. Now I am extremely defensive and mean. Im not even the slight bit promiscuous, ask anyone they can never place me giving myself to just any guy. And he knew this, he knew that Im the goody goody type of girl. So when he said I was nice and easy, I flipped. That was the end of that.

So this thread makes me wonder if he didnt respect me cause we almost did it. Or is it different cause we were bf/gf?

This guy sounds like he thought he was onto a good thing and bitter that he didn't get it. Maybe he thought that being your boyfriend was an automatic ticket into your knickers. He already had a plan for you when you arrived and when his expectations weren't fullfilled he got all *****y on you.

I wouldn't take what he said personally but i wouldn't want to be around him again. He had one thing in mind, he just waited 6 months to try and get it.

I mean, i don't think anyone who turns down sex can be called 'nice and easy'.

Don't let the fool get into your head like that.

 

[trini_rican]

I think it depends on what you mean by waiting. I would like to put it the other way around and say that a man will most likely be suspicious if you have sex on the first date.

I don't think they expect to wait until the wedding night either

ITA: They respect you if its not given up on the first few dates but after you've entered into a "relationship" with that person, past dating then I think it's a natural progression - depends also the knowledge of the other person's morals/values going into the relationship also.

 

[locabouthair]

i dont believe in casual sex, so there will be waiting. I wait for MYSELF, i dont care what men think. I know some may thick I'm a prude and others might respect it, but I do it because I rather get to know what a man is about before it gets to that level. some men expect sex right away and will not respect a woman who waits but who cares, wait because you want to not because of what he may think of you.

 

[Ivie184]

i dont believe in casual sex, so there will be waiting. I wait for MYSELF, i dont care what men think. I know some may thick I'm a prude and others might respect it, but I do it because I rather get to know what a man is about before it gets to that level. some men expect sex right away and will not respect a woman who waits but who cares, wait because you want to not because of what he may think of you.

Your post is on point. I agree with you 100%.

 

[Ivie184]

..............................................................

 

[tocktick]

Im confused by this a little. I had a long distance relationship for about 6 months. I knew of him about 4 years ago mutually through family friends. Now within a month of talking he asked me to officially be bf/gf and I said yes. After about 6 months I went to visit home. Now we did mess around but we didnt go as far. I just told him I was on my period, which i wasnt of course. Mind you Ive never been the type to to date guys, Ive always been very skeptical and shy. I havent dated or had sex with anyone for about 6 years until I met him.I felt comfortable around him, I never felt that way around anyone but him.

After I came back home he started treating me awful, he kept on putting me down. And he made this last comment that I was nice and easy.OMG! I have never felst to hurt in my life. I newver talked to him again. He has since then, tried to contact me. Im so petrified to give my heart to anyone else now, but now I think that all guys will think I am nice and easy. Now I am extremely defensive and mean. Im not even the slight bit promiscuous, ask anyone they can never place me giving myself to just any guy. And he knew this, he knew that Im the goody goody type of girl. So when he said I was nice and easy, I flipped. That was the end of that.

So this thread makes me wonder if he didnt respect me cause we almost did it. Or is it different cause we were bf/gf?

he didn't respect you, point blank. most likely even from the start and not because you made him wait. imo, he was waiting on you to give it up and was saying all the right words (e.g - "relationship") and doing the right things in order to ensure you did. when you didn't, he got sore about it and that's when he got mean. it's so much easier to think someone is nice when they are far away. when you see them frequently, then you're more exposed to their negative traits. you never got to see them until he made them obvious to you. you should not let that arsehole define who you are and ultimately continue to rule your love life. he isn't that important or worthy of that. don't give him such power.

 

[sky_blu]

I said NO. Dont feel like elaborating.

 

[MuseofTroy]

Unfortunately the double standard for women still exists. Don’t let feminist trick you into thinking otherwise. From speaking with tons of my guy friends, they have more respect for women who wait. Besides waiting to have sex should be done for your own peace of mind, not the guys. When sex is introduced too early in the relationship, it clouds the judgment. From my own experience and the experiences of my girlfriends when sex is involved it is much more difficult to let the guy go. HOWEVER in cases where sex wasn’t involved it’s very easy to move on. I definitely think that women are different than men in that once we have sex we have an emotional attachment to that individual. Besides with all the diseases including Aids why take the risks anyway? Take the time to get to know the guy instead of jumping into the sack so quickly. You’ll be happy that you did.

 

[Lindy]

From my own experience and the experiences of my girlfriends when sex is involved it is much more difficult to let the guy go. HOWEVER in cases where sex wasn’t involved it’s very easy to move on. I definitely think that women are different than men in that once we have sex we have an emotional attachment to that individual.

ITA... Even when we KNOW deep down that we should forget him and move on... it's harder (and they know it!!!...) erplexed

 

[TLC1020]

Men should be answering this question