Do Men Really Respect You More if you "Wait"/Make Him Wait???

[tylertown]

Men should be answering this question

Yeah really!

I don't care what a man "thinks" about me "respects" me or anything else.

He's not getting anything close to sex to soon. It's my decision and my values.

If he is sexing everything under the sun on first and second dates I feel the same about him and feel HE is trashy. Trust me I dumped someone for that same reason.

Nexxxt....He just seemed so nasty and trashy

 

[MrsBurns82]

I may be really backwards but I gave up my goodies 1 time on a first date and he became a real stalker and I've been afraid to do it ever since because I want to at least like someone before they start stalking me for my good love'n

 

[Growinpainz]

nope! I made a man wait a year and he still acted a fool.

 

[Lucia]

I feel like this thread is wishful thinking (not the thread itself but our responses).

The only way we'll know if men respect you more if you wait is if WE ASK THEM. Not us and our perspectives, but them.

My personal opinion - I think WHEN you decide to sleep with a man has little to do with whether or not you respects you. Because if you're that 100% together sister that he's always dreamed of having by his side, sleeping with him the first or second night isn't going to change the fact that you represent all that he "claims" to want in a woman. At the same time, if you're not what he wants and you wait 8 months to sleep with him (assuming you actually lasted that long), the fact still remains - you are not what he wants. Sex on the first date or night. Sure he might keep you around to have fun with, but at the end of the day, you are what he wants.

...hey, I'm just "keepin it real".

IA but no man waits 8 months to get some, nobody ususally if all they wanted was sex he'll be out the door in a couple weeks and then you know he didn't really want a relationship with you. so waiting some does help IMO.

 

[BrownSkin2]

I say wait. Not to get his respect, but to find out the character of this man. If he can't wait he really didn't want a relationship anyway, he just wanted the sex. I think they are in a rush because they know you'll find out who they are sooner or later. It's like peeling back the layer of an onion, you start seeing all of their issues--layer after layer.

I don't how many men that have walked or lost interest after the 2nd or 3rd date because I wouldn't give up the goods. I really don't care. I care so much about myself more.

 

[Lucia]

I say wait. Not to get his respect, but to find out the character of this man. If he can't wait he really didn't want a relationship anyway, he just wanted the sex. I think they are in a rush because they know you'll find out who they are sooner or later. It's like peeling back the layer of an onion, you start seeing all of their issues--layer after layer.

I don't how many men that have walked or lost interest after the 2nd or 3rd date because I wouldn't give up the goods. I really don't care. I care so much about myself more.

ITA that is how they act the jerk off ones that if you try to get to know them they split cause they have nothing more to offer but the stick and thats all their about too.

 

[wantlonghair25]

Yes they do. Because like stated before if a man can get in the pants easy he feels like the next can too. They also feel if u give it up easily sometimes that is all it's gonna be....(why buy the cow when u can get the milk for free). Make them work for it Cuz either they gonna get tired of coming out the pocket if the *** was all they wanted in the first place or they won't mind cuz they really like u and want to get to know u. Either way, u will weed out the bad.

 

[LongHairDreams]

I went to school with this guy who was engaged to a girl who wanted to wait untill they got married. He totally respected that but, he was sleeping with all kinds of girls behind her back. He was saying how she cares about herself and her body. It would have been better if he would have waited with her.

 

[princessnad]

You have to develop your own sexual values and STICK by it. It doesn't matter whether a man will respect you more or not. Will you respect yourself?

I personally do NOT agree with casual sex. But I also don't agree with the idea of waiting just for the game of it. If you build your relationship on a game and not on your true moral values, then you are simply falling into another trap. Whether you chose to share your sexuality should not be up to him and based on how he views you. You must own your sexuality.

For me, personally, unless I am in love, it is not going down.

 

[Alisha08]

I haven't read the entire thread but I voted Absolutely! I've been with my SO going on 7 years and he just loves to brag/assert how I was such a lady even in high school. He constantly goes on about how he had to "put in work" to get with me, cuz I'm no easy girl to get with. So I do think they respect you more.

Plus I have a lot of male friends and I've heard them rag horribly on easy girls and hoes. Its not pretty what they say.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

It depends on the man. I did not read the entire thread but based on conversations with my own DH. He dated a lot in school and if he felt a girl was "fast" then he would not date that girl. Even now he still remembers the "fast" girls from school.

 

[MissMasala5]

It depends upon the man, IMO. Some men are very immature, not in touch with themselves sexually, and basically act the way they were 'taught' by other men. Sex is seen as a conquest or game, then yeah, waiting will get you his 'respect'. But is that all you want?

I made my then BF now DH of 16 years wait a few weeks to go out with me b/c I wasn't sure if I was ready to date. But on that first date, I knew I wanted him. The feeling was mutual. And still is. I am not into playing games, neither was he. So if it's sex on the first date or sex after the 20th date, I'm still me, and he is still who he is. Honesty is the key to happiness, longevity and unconditional love.

 

[Isis]

I say wait. Not to get his respect, but to find out the character of this man. If he can't wait he really didn't want a relationship anyway, he just wanted the sex. I think they are in a rush because they know you'll find out who they are sooner or later. It's like peeling back the layer of an onion, you start seeing all of their issues--layer after layer.

I don't how many men that have walked or lost interest after the 2nd or 3rd date because I wouldn't give up the goods. I really don't care. I care so much about myself more.

ITA with this entire post.

 

[erokawa]

I'm all for waiting, even though with my current, we were just having sex before we got together. But he was my best guy friend too, and he respects me a ton, for many other reasons but mainly because of how I carry myself. Plus he's been through his fair share of sluts and he knows I'm nothing close to that.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

this thread was an interesting read and im glad for reading up on all these opinions

i personally think you should be yourself regardless of if a man will respect you or not cause for me what will bother me is if i cant respect myself not if some men will respect me for doing what they expect me to do or not, so just like you have values and a strategy for everything else you shoud have values regarding your sex life...but most of all do what YOU want to do not what a man wants you to do but i dont think you should expect a relationship just cause you have slept with him whether in the first week or the 52nd week you are an adult and it is your life if you feel you have known him long enough or if you feel that it is what you really wanna do right now then do it the most important person in all of this is you

 

[lexi08]

It depends upon the man, IMO. Some men are very immature, not in touch with themselves sexually, and basically act the way they were 'taught' by other men. Sex is seen as a conquest or game, then yeah, waiting will get you his 'respect'. But is that all you want?

I made my then BF now DH of 16 years wait a few weeks to go out with me b/c I wasn't sure if I was ready to date. But on that first date, I knew I wanted him. The feeling was mutual. And still is. I am not into playing games, neither was he. So if it's sex on the first date or sex after the 20th date, I'm still me, and he is still who he is. Honesty is the key to happiness, longevity and unconditional love.

ITA Sometimes the waiting game does not give you the results you think it will.

 

[kally]

I think it depends on the guy.

Let's not forget the woman can say the same thing about a man

Why does it always have to be about who the man respects in this area.

 

[Bunny77]

I think it depends on the guy.

Let's not forget the woman can say the same thing about a man

Why does it always have to be about who the man respects in this area.

Exactly!

He has to earn MY respect as well!

And if he's trying to get sex from me on the first date, I don't respect him... so NEXT!!!!

 

[Social.Buttahfly]

This clearly depends on the individual. There have been women to give it up quick and been left and those who gave it up the first night and have been married for 10+ years. There have been women to "wait" and get burned once they did give it up, and those who have waited got married and lived in bliss.

There is no one clear cut answer to this question.

It should be a personal choice not waiting to prove some silly point or get on a moral high horse.

The purpose of "waiting" should be to get to know the gentlemen then when it has been established you two are in a relationship it should be the icing on the cake.

I do think we are too preoccupied on when the guy is trying to get sex that other things are missed out on, relax, you are entering a new friendship already on the defense.

You should know by now when a man is just out for sex, you can eliminate that before you exchange numbers or the first conversation.


Waiting under any other circumstances is just a game.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

In my opinion, it's not about the "wait" at all.

No man is going to respect you because you made him wait for 3 or 4 months to have sex.

What he respects is the fact that you KNOW YOURSELF and YOUR VALUES well enough and hold them strongly enough to have enough SELF RESPECT to let him know that you do not wish to have sex until you have gotten to know him, what he's about, and have established some degree of emotional intimacy.

Most men respect women who know themselves and stand up for what they believe in. Believe it or not, even the ones who decide to bounce because you want to wait actually have some measure of respect for you by deciding to leave. They know they probably can't change your mind to get what they want, so they just move on. And that's a GOOD thing!

The same thing goes for a woman who knows she's fine with sleeping with a guy whenever she's ready - whether that's within 3 dates, 3 weeks or 3 months. It's all about confidence, security, and not being afraid to back up whatever it is you believe in.

As a side note...

And if a guy tries to pull that bullsh*t concerning being "friendzoned" because you're not getting down, don't buy that crap. There are PLENTY of ways that do not involve sex in which you can clearly demonstrate that you are interested in a guy romantically.

For most men, their initial instinct is to have sex with you as quickly as humanly possible. It doesn't mean they're bad. But, for the most part, they're wired to want it pretty quickly (and in some ways, we are too). But the guy who respects you and wants to get to know you does not have any problem respecting the boundaries you have set for yourself.

But that doesn't mean he doesn't picture ripping your clothes off everyday...

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I agree with you.

This clearly depends on the individual. There have been women to give it up quick and been left and those who gave it up the first night and have been married for 10+ years. There have been women to "wait" and get burned once they did give it up, and those who have waited got married and lived in bliss.

There is no one clear cut answer to this question.

It should be a personal choice not waiting to prove some silly point or get on a moral high horse.

The purpose of "waiting" should be to get to know the gentlemen then when it has been established you two are in a relationship it should be the icing on the cake.

I do think we are too preoccupied on when the guy is trying to get sex that other things are missed out on, relax, you are entering a new friendship already on the defense.

You should know by now when a man is just out for sex, you can eliminate that before you exchange numbers or the first conversation.


Waiting under any other circumstances is just a game.

 

[ms_xcarlett]

Hmm..well i just asked my SO and he said that he would..but he wouldnt stick around for long..tut!..

well he waited over a good 8 months plus with me..i think he respects me more coz i was a virgin..who knows...but he didnt know at the time..heehee!

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

H@ll mothertrucking yeah!

 

[kismettt]

hm. so i've replied to this thread before & the more i think about it, i do not want a guy who puts a woman's value on how many people she has been with. for example, when we first started talking, my ex told me "it's good that you're a virgin, it means you're not a hoe" erplexed Ummmmm. I think the thing i'm mad about the most is that i took that as some type of positive statement, rather than a clear indication of a bigot

Yeah. With my current guy, when I pumped the brakes at a certain point, saying it was too early (because we live on opposite sides of the country, & i'm studying abroad in the fall so i wasn't sure where that relationship would be heading) he was like, "wait, you're not a counter are you?"

Anyways, my ex has been around the block since we were together (so i've heard) and i already know he loves referring to the girl he lost his virginity to as a ho because she gave it up so early, but yeah. it depends on what kind of boy he is, especially when at the end of the day, he's giving it up early too.

Just because the double standard is probably not going to change doesn't mean I have to hold myself to it. Feeding into a sexist, sociatal hierarchy isn't exactly helping the movement. Waiting to earn his "respect" is bull****, that should never be a qualifer. Waiting to get to know the person/make it meaningful (if thats what you're looking for)/explore a connection on a level other than physical, & things along those lines, then yeah, that makes sense

 

[vestaluv1]

Just out of curiosity....

What good can come from rushing into a sexual relationship? Seriously.
For all the time we spend thinking about whether we should have sex yet or not...how many consider what benefit there is beyond just getting your nut.

Regardless of whether or not he thinks it's better to wait - you should come up with your own belief system about why you should wait. I would go so far as to say that it's probably never a good idea from any standpoint to hook up that early on. I just can't see anything good coming from it.

I AGREE WITH THE WHOLE POST.
OK, IN MY OPINION, IF YOU DON'T "WAIT", YOU DONT RESPECT YOURSELF SO HOW THE HELL IS THE GUY GONNA RESPECT YOU erplexed.
IF YOU WANT ANY GOOD TO COME OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP (IF A SERIOUS, TRUSTING, SECURE RELATIONSHIP IS WHAT YOU WANT IN THE FIRST PLACE) YOU CAN'T BE 'EASY'. THAT 'EASINESS' WILL ALWAYS COME BACK TO HAUNT YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

 

[Farida]

hm. so i've replied to this thread before & the more i think about it, i do not want a guy who puts a woman's value on how many people she has been with. for example, when we first started talking, my ex told me "it's good that you're a virgin, it means you're not a hoe" erplexed Ummmmm. I think the thing i'm mad about the most is that i took that as some type of positive statement, rather than a clear indication of a bigot

Yeah. With my current guy, when I pumped the brakes at a certain point, saying it was too early (because we live on opposite sides of the country, & i'm studying abroad in the fall so i wasn't sure where that relationship would be heading) he was like, "wait, you're not a counter are you?"

Anyways, my ex has been around the block since we were together (so i've heard) and i already know he loves referring to the girl he lost his virginity to as a ho because she gave it up so early, but yeah. it depends on what kind of boy he is, especially when at the end of the day, he's giving it up early too.

Just because the double standard is probably not going to change doesn't mean I have to hold myself to it. Feeding into a sexist, sociatal hierarchy isn't exactly helping the movement. Waiting to earn his "respect" is bull****, that should never be a qualifer. Waiting to get to know the person/make it meaningful (if thats what you're looking for)/explore a connection on a level other than physical, & things along those lines, then yeah, that makes sense

Well said. ITA.

 

[ElizaBlue]

I ask my new BF this. And he said it has nothing to do with making him wait. He said there are women who might make you wait because they are trying to present themselves as wholesome, but while the man is standing in one line waiting, she taking customers left and right in another line.

He said that he respects women regardless of how soon they sleep together. But what will cause her to lose that respect is how she let's him treat her afterwards. I didn't expect this from him. So he went on to clarify that when a woman shows him that she is a woman that will call herself a beyotch and refers to other women that way, and some other things. Then she loses his respect.

Other ways to lose respect included the following:

1) Not taking care of her children but taking money and spending it on herself
2) No manners: talking loud in public, eating with her mouth wide open, cursing when there is no reason
3) Dirty house
4) Multiple male friends who call late at night or come over just because
5) Letting him not show up, show up late, not call and still be there waiting for him

He said these and some others, but basically this is what will take a woman who he may have slept with early on, to go from potential to booty call. He also said if he knows she is the type of woman that is so into him that he can run over her then he won't ever sleep with her because she has no potential. He said a lot of his friends seek out those kinds of women because they are a sure bet, when the steady girlfriend acts up.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Since I didn't take the time out to read the entire thread, for what it's worth, I think when you give it up too soon, the art of pursuit is now gone. The chase, the thrill of it all is gone. In fact for both parties, because now, what do you have to look forward to? More sex? Then, it becomes a relationship based on sex.

My $0.02 worth...

 

[Syrah]

Why are women answering FOR MEN??? We're all up in here saying what we HOPE they would believe rather than what they truly believe.

Do men respect chicks who let them "hit it" on the first or second date? No.

Do men respect chicks who let them "hit it" after four or five dates? No.

Do men care after a certain point? No. After a certain point, it's moot.

But to sit here and act like all men respect you more for making them wait - that's womanly shaninigans and hardly a reflection of reality.

If you really want to know if men respect women for making them wait, ASK A FEW. And don't debate with them when they answer, just accept it.

 

[Syrah]

I ask my new BF this. And he said it has nothing to do with making him wait. He said there are women who might make you wait because they are trying to present themselves as wholesome, but while the man is standing in one line waiting, she taking customers left and right in another line.

He said that he respects women regardless of how soon they sleep together. But what will cause her to lose that respect is how she let's him treat her afterwards. I didn't expect this from him. So he went on to clarify that when a woman shows him that she is a woman that will call herself a beyotch and refers to other women that way, and some other things. Then she loses his respect.

Other ways to lose respect included the following:

1) Not taking care of her children but taking money and spending it on herself
2) No manners: talking loud in public, eating with her mouth wide open, cursing when there is no reason
3) Dirty house
4) Multiple male friends who call late at night or come over just because
5) Letting him not show up, show up late, not call and still be there waiting for him

He said these and some others, but basically this is what will take a woman who he may have slept with early on, to go from potential to booty call. He also said if he knows she is the type of woman that is so into him that he can run over her then he won't ever sleep with her because she has no potential. He said a lot of his friends seek out those kinds of women because they are a sure bet, when the steady girlfriend acts up.

Men respect women who demand respect. Whether or not you made it "x" dates before sleeping with him, as a stand alone measure of respect, has little to nothing to do with where he places you on the totem pole.