Do Men Really Respect You More if you "Wait"/Make Him Wait???

[redbone_412]

Men will respect a woman who has her ish together. Regardless of whether she gives it up day one or day 101.

If she is otherwise careless (not paying bills, no steady job, bad credit, etc.), then he will not have more respect for her simply because she waited a long time. He will not want to get to know her better (womanese for want to marry her).

On the other hand, a confident, successful, ambitious woman who handles herself well in life....he will try to get to know her even if she gave it up day one.

I've heard several men say this.

I think its a personal choice and personal preference. Some woman know how to seperate sex from feelings. I have a right to have a sexual attraction to a man and that's it...nothing more nothing less. Not every man I meet I want a relationship with but that doesn't mean we don't have a physical attraction that we want to explore. That is MY personal choice. I've had a long term (5+yrs) relationship with a man that I've slept with early on and I've made men wait and had 6 month relationships. I will say this, I'd be awfully upset if I met a man, got to know him and the sex was whack...sorry, its happened and there's not enough "liking" in the world that can make up for his teeny tiny tiny tiny "part".

 

[*Frisky*]

I've heard several men say this.

I think its a personal choice and personal preference. Some woman know how to seperate sex from feelings. I have a right to have a sexual attraction to a man and that's it...nothing more nothing less. Not every man I meet I want a relationship with but that doesn't mean we don't have a physical attraction that we want to explore. That is MY personal choice. I've had a long term (5+yrs) relationship with a man that I've slept with early on and I've made men wait and had 6 month relationships. I will say this, I'd be awfully upset if I met a man, got to know him and the sex was whack...sorry, its happened and there's not enough "liking" in the world that can make up for his teeny tiny tiny tiny "part".

Aint that mess jacked up!!!And sometimes it aint even the size..its just the overal experience...I like surprises and all but all surprises are not good ones...mess like this can make you get violent..especially if the anticipation and escalated emotions are involved..hahaha

 

[dlewis]

I've heard several men say this.

I think its a personal choice and personal preference. Some woman know how to seperate sex from feelings. I have a right to have a sexual attraction to a man and that's it...nothing more nothing less. Not every man I meet I want a relationship with but that doesn't mean we don't have a physical attraction that we want to explore. That is MY personal choice. I've had a long term (5+yrs) relationship with a man that I've slept with early on and I've made men wait and had 6 month relationships. I will say this, I'd be awfully upset if I met a man, got to know him and the sex was whack...sorry, its happened and there's not enough "liking" in the world that can make up for his teeny tiny tiny tiny "part".

So does size really matter that much?

 

[cocoberry10]

I just had to add this...


I've played it both ways and this is what I found out...

When a man wants to be with you in a "legitimate" relationship, waiting or not waiting for sex WILL NOT be an issue.

There are some men who will say that they don't respect a woman who don't make them wait, but they are not being honest or going along with the popular notion. It's an issue for those that need reasons to string women along....in other words, "keep us in our place."

Thanks for sharing your experiences!

 

[BK Bombshell]

I just had to add this...


I've played it both ways and this is what I found out...

When a man wants to be with you in a "legitimate" relationship, waiting or not waiting for sex WILL NOT be an issue.

There are some men who will say that they don't respect a woman who don't make them wait, but they are not being honest or going along with the popular notion. It's an issue for those that need reasons to string women along....in other words, "keep us in our place."

ITA. Some of my guy friends have told me that if they suspect the woman is playing a waiting game, sometimes they'll "wait" for the woman (while sleeping with someone else) and unless they really like her, she still gets the boot at the end. I think it's a crapshoot because every case is different. I think it has more to do with the other qualities the man is looking for. If you have them, great. If not, all the waiting in the world is not going to help you.

 

[redbone_412]

Aint that mess jacked up!!!And sometimes it aint even the size..its just the overal experience...I like surprises and all but all surprises are not good ones...mess like this can make you get violent..especially if the anticipation and escalated emotions are involved..hahaha

Its the WORST And he made me wait..I liked him...but dang, not be too graphic...I felt NOTHING and I had to fake it b/c if it wasn't dark and he would have seen my face , I would have tore his self esteem up. He was NOT a good look

 

[redbone_412]

So does size really matter that much?

In my instance.....YES MAAM

 

[january noir]

PREACH!

ITA. Some of my guy friends have told me that if they suspect the woman is playing a waiting game, sometimes they'll "wait" for the woman (while sleeping with someone else) and unless they really like her, she still gets the boot at the end. I think it's a crapshoot because every case is different. I think it has more to do with the other qualities the man is looking for. If you have them, great. If not, all the waiting in the world is not going to help you.

 

[cocoberry10]

ITA. Some of my guy friends have told me that if they suspect the woman is playing a waiting game, sometimes they'll "wait" for the woman (while sleeping with someone else) and unless they really like her, she still gets the boot at the end. I think it's a crapshoot because every case is different. I think it has more to do with the other qualities the man is looking for. If you have them, great. If not, all the waiting in the world is not going to help you.

Ugh! This really sucks!

 

[winterinatl]

Men will respect a woman who has her ish together. Regardless of whether she gives it up day one or day 101.

If she is otherwise careless (not paying bills, no steady job, bad credit, etc.), then he will not have more respect for her simply because she waited a long time. He will not want to get to know her better (womanese for want to marry her).

On the other hand, a confident, successful, ambitious woman who handles herself well in life....he will try to get to know her even if she gave it up day one.

This is true, but there is more to the picture besides will he respect you...this isn't just about "does he want me". It is also about "Do I want him? Do I accept him as he is?"

All to often we give of ourselves before we really know him, and then are faced with either leaving him (which, let's face it, puts another 'notch' in your belt) or try to deal with things you don't like. Waiting to have sex means there won't be extra emotions tied into those decisions.

And, think about all the ladies that had babies with men before they figured out what kind of a$$hole he really was - if sex had been put off, they could have saved themselves a lot of anguish, I'm sure.

 

[cocoberry10]

This is true, but there is more to the picture besides will he respect you...this isn't just about "does he want me". It is also about "Do I want him? Do I accept him as he is?"

All to often we give of ourselves before we really know him, and then are faced with either leaving him (which, let's face it, puts another 'notch' in your belt) or try to deal with things you don't like. Waiting to have sex means there won't be extra emotions tied into those decisions.

And, think about all the ladies that had babies with men before they figured out what kind of a$$hole he really was - if sex had been put off, they could have saved themselves a lot of anguish, I'm sure.

 

[Bunny77]

ITA. Some of my guy friends have told me that if they suspect the woman is playing a waiting game, sometimes they'll "wait" for the woman (while sleeping with someone else) and unless they really like her, she still gets the boot at the end. I think it's a crapshoot because every case is different. I think it has more to do with the other qualities the man is looking for. If you have them, great. If not, all the waiting in the world is not going to help you.

Yep... and what good is that that he's "waiting" for me by sleeping with someone else in the meantime? Why am I trying to earn HIS "respect?"

If we are waiting, it should be because we are trying to get to know each other better and establish a relationship, NOT to prove something to him about my value.

And I say all this as a person who is waiting (how long, I don't know... but longer than 3-4-5-6 dates for me)... but the waiting is for ME, not him!

 

[envybeauty]

Confusion (sorry). So if you fool around with them, but don’t have sex, in their mind, you slept with them?? Is that what you are saying? Or are you saying the opposite? Thanks!

I'm saying that men are very literal. There is no 'fooling around' in their minds. All this teasing stuff is for women. It means nothing to a man because you didn't sleep with him (if you really didn't).

With men, either you slept with them or you didn't. There is no middle ground or teasing as it were.

 

[envybeauty]

This is true, but there is more to the picture besides will he respect you...this isn't just about "does he want me". It is also about "Do I want him? Do I accept him as he is?"

All to often we give of ourselves before we really know him, and then are faced with either leaving him (which, let's face it, puts another 'notch' in your belt) or try to deal with things you don't like. Waiting to have sex means there won't be extra emotions tied into those decisions.

And, think about all the ladies that had babies with men before they figured out what kind of a$$hole he really was - if sex had been put off, they could have saved themselves a lot of anguish, I'm sure.

I agree with you. We are on the same page.

My post (which you quoted) did not address a woman's perspective. I was simply commenting on how men approach sleeping with women day one or 101.

 

[envybeauty]

ITA. Some of my guy friends have told me that if they suspect the woman is playing a waiting game, sometimes they'll "wait" for the woman (while sleeping with someone else) and unless they really like her, she still gets the boot at the end. I think it's a crapshoot because every case is different. I think it has more to do with the other qualities the man is looking for. If you have them, great. If not, all the waiting in the world is not going to help you.

been there. ole boy wanted to get to know me and told me he wanted to take things slow. low and behold, he had a piece on the side. busted him. bastard. men.

that experience makes me seriously question the ones who want to take it slow yet they are not virgins, born again anything, with active sexual histories, etc.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

Yep... and what good is that that he's "waiting" for me by sleeping with someone else in the meantime? Why am I trying to earn HIS "respect?"

If we are waiting, it should be because we are trying to get to know each other better and establish a relationship, NOT to prove something to him about my value.

And I say all this as a person who is waiting (how long, I don't know... but longer than 3-4-5-6 dates for me)... but the waiting is for ME, not him!

ITA Bunny. ITA.

 

[MsKipani]

I've heard several men say this.

I think its a personal choice and personal preference. Some woman know how to seperate sex from feelings. I have a right to have a sexual attraction to a man and that's it...nothing more nothing less. Not every man I meet I want a relationship with but that doesn't mean we don't have a physical attraction that we want to explore. That is MY personal choice. I've had a long term (5+yrs) relationship with a man that I've slept with early on and I've made men wait and had 6 month relationships. I will say this, I'd be awfully upset if I met a man, got to know him and the sex was whack...sorry, its happened and there's not enough "liking" in the world that can make up for his teeny tiny tiny tiny "part".

I totally agree with you. I think that if you're two adults having sex, in the end its personal choice. People need to act like adults. Go with your gut instinct. I think that most women know from the beginning where they want a relationship to go with a man - casual or potential long term. Make wise choices based off of what you want from the guy. Also, something important to see, which no woman wants to hear is that to most men, sex is just sex until he truly loves that woman. I've heard this from most of my mail friends (including my bf) So whether you wait 1 date, 4 dates, or 4 months, until that guy really loves you, he's just going through the motions of the sex without the EMOTION. Women are different, so we have to be on guard.

Also, are women waiting to have sex just to feel good about themselves? We're so caught up in not being degraded as whores that we're in constant worry of gaining the world's respect. I know a woman that says she won't have sex with anyone who's not her boyfriend, yet she meets a guy and he's her boyfriend in 2 weeks. She's having sex with him and she's known him for 2 weeks yet the title of boyfriend makes it alright and takes her out of ho status? This doesn't make sense to me.

In the end, if he doesn't respect for having sex or not having sex, then he's not the guy for you. Move on and the right guy will appreciate you for who you are in the end.

I could go on and on.... lol

 

[january noir]

I totally agree with you. I think that if you're two adults having sex, in the end its personal choice. People need to act like adults. Go with your gut instinct. I think that most women know from the beginning where they want a relationship to go with a man - casual or potential long term. Make wise choices based off of what you want from the guy. Also, something important to see, which no woman wants to hear is that to most men, sex is just sex until he truly loves that woman. I've heard this from most of my mail friends (including my bf) So whether you wait 1 date, 4 dates, or 4 months, until that guy really loves you, he's just going through the motions of the sex without the EMOTION. Women are different, so we have to be on guard.

Also, are women waiting to have sex just to feel good about themselves? We're so caught up in not being degraded as whores that we're in constant worry of gaining the world's respect. I know a woman that says she won't have sex with anyone who's not her boyfriend, yet she meets a guy and he's her boyfriend in 2 weeks. She's having sex with him and she's known him for 2 weeks yet the title of boyfriend makes it alright and takes her out of ho status? This doesn't make sense to me.

In the end, if he doesn't respect for having sex or not having sex, then he's not the guy for you. Move on and the right guy will appreciate you for who you are in the end.

I could go on and on.... lol

You are doing a great job! Go 'head! ITA!

 

[MsKipani]

You are doing a great job! Go 'head! ITA!

Thanks I continued a bit in the OT forum

 

[Shimmie]

While I won't really put a time limit on that type of intimacy (for others) - I definitely think a woman should wait. I have 6 brothers and you should hear some of the things they say.

I also have a lot of really good guy friends. They know it's a double standard but they don't seem to care.

I set my good friend up with a guy friend of mine and she gave it up on their first "official" date since they had met and hung out a bit.

Until then, he liked her but he said after that he couldn't trust her. He felt like if she was that easy with him then she must be that easy with other guys.

Well I countered saying you slept with her too...but all he had to say in reply was that's different. I'm a guy.

No it's not fair but it's the way the world is. So yes...please make him wait. Make him get to know you. Give yourself time to get to know him.

One thing I've told my niece is that before sex - a woman can think a lot more clearly when deciding if a guy is a keepr or not. So spend a lot of time trying to make up your mind about that before you give him your goodies. Once you have sex with him and that darned "emotional attachment" and "love is blind" syndrome kicks in...it may be a lot more difficult (for you emotionally) to kick him to the curb.

Just a thought.

A thought quite adequate Excellent answer.

 

[Shimmie]

I say 'wait'...

 

[Shimmie]

been there. ole boy wanted to get to know me and told me he wanted to take things slow. low and behold, he had a piece on the side. busted him. bastard. men.

that experience makes me seriously question the ones who want to take it slow yet they are not virgins, born again anything, with active sexual histories, etc.

I agree, I'd question this also...erplexed

 

[jwhitley6]

Yep... and what good is that that he's "waiting" for me by sleeping with someone else in the meantime? Why am I trying to earn HIS "respect?"

If we are waiting, it should be because we are trying to get to know each other better and establish a relationship, NOT to prove something to him about my value.

And I say all this as a person who is waiting (how long, I don't know... but longer than 3-4-5-6 dates for me)... but the waiting is for ME, not him!

Amen! I've had enough sex in my life for two or three heffas...LOL...It's not about that for me anymore. I'm taking this time to focus on what's really important for a lasting relationship, and for me sex is not one of those things. I've been abstinent for only 9 months or so, but it's made a HUGE difference for me. I see things differently and won't compromise my standards. I know what works for me and what doesn't...and a big d@$% is not the end all be all...there are plenty of them out there. I know my worth and the man that's meant for me will know it also. This is not about playing a "waiting game", it's about doing what's right for me...and right now this is it.

 

[Reslnt1]

i think it depends on the guy...i had a guy wait for 9 months and we dated for a few years buy it was the worst few years of my life......i had another wait for 18 months and he set the standard of how i should expect to be treated

 

[cocoberry10]

I'm saying that men are very literal. There is no 'fooling around' in their minds. All this teasing stuff is for women. It means nothing to a man because you didn't sleep with him (if you really didn't).

With men, either you slept with them or you didn't. There is no middle ground or teasing as it were.

I gotcha! That makes a lot of sense!

 

[cocoberry10]

Yep... and what good is that that he's "waiting" for me by sleeping with someone else in the meantime? Why am I trying to earn HIS "respect?"

If we are waiting, it should be because we are trying to get to know each other better and establish a relationship, NOT to prove something to him about my value.

And I say all this as a person who is waiting (how long, I don't know... but longer than 3-4-5-6 dates for me)... but the waiting is for ME, not him!

 

[Candy_C]

hmmm interesting

when i lost my virginity, i slept with the guy the first day i met him

i'm still seeing him after nearly 5 years.

we love each other a lot, the parents and siblings love me

he treats me good, takes me out, buys me things, the sex is FABULOUS.

when we had a break last year, i made my then boyfriend wait nearly 2 months

after we had sex, he disappeared for like 2 weeks, just calls but no response 2 texes or anything, i never saw him for those 2 weeks, after i made him wait...and he was CRAP in bed, i mean REALLY BAD, LIKE A PEICE OF WOOD.

so when he decided to meet up with me again, i went to his apartment in another town (he was a baller dude) and found a friggin pink razor in his bathroom and perfumey bubble baths, needless to say i cut him off...he then turned into a psycho ( i may have told you guys this before ) saying hes going to kill me..and then i found out he was a convicted killer!!!


so much for making him wait for the sex
hahhaha

 

[NYAmicas]

hmmm interesting

when i lost my virginity, i slept with the guy the first day i met him

i'm still seeing him after nearly 5 years.

we love each other a lot, the parents and siblings love me

he treats me good, takes me out, buys me things, the sex is FABULOUS.

when we had a break last year, i made my then boyfriend wait nearly 2 months

after we had sex, he disappeared for like 2 weeks, just calls but no response 2 texes or anything, i never saw him for those 2 weeks, after i made him wait...and he was CRAP in bed, i mean REALLY BAD, LIKE A PEICE OF WOOD.

so when he decided to meet up with me again, i went to his apartment in another town (he was a baller dude) and found a friggin pink razor in his bathroom and perfumey bubble baths, needless to say i cut him off...he then turned into a psycho ( i may have told you guys this before ) saying hes going to kill me..and then i found out he was a convicted killer!!!


so much for making him wait for the sex
hahhaha

What the deuce?
What made you decide to sleep with your first on the first day of meeting him? I know Ricki Lake said something similar about her husband.

 

[MrsHouston]

I'm not sure all guys will respect you, but you'll respect yourself if you wait. AND That's what counts in the long run.

 

[Candy_C]

What the deuce?
What made you decide to sleep with your first on the first day of meeting him? I know Ricki Lake said something similar about her husband.

he had good game!

lol, i honestly dont know, i had blazed so many other guys before him.

glad i did though!