Do I marry him?

[lola-lola]

As a Haitian woman born in Haiti, raised Hatian and raised around Haitian men. I think this is a baaaad idea. This man is looking for a green card...trust me (I know because I'm trying to set up a friend...). This is how your relationship will go

• You go to Haiti and marry him
• He comes to America
• For the first few month he is the perfect mate. He indulges you in all of your needs and wants
• He waits until his greencard comes and is happy that he got it
• He waits again for another two years so that he can get his permanent card (which you are required to sign for).
• He changes for the worst and then leaves you
  [*]He goes back to Haiti and marries his girlfriend.

BTW: I love haitian men and have been dating one in the STATES for 6 years

It's not a good idea to marry a men you've never met,but who knows maybe it will work out for you. Do what you know in your heart,conscious and careful logical thinking what's right for you.

 

[somethingdifferent]

A couple of weeks ago I posted about this guy I have been talking to for a while and I am really feeling him but he lives in Haiti. I have not yet met him but speak to him everyday via video conference. His family attends the same church as I and seem like decent people. Anyhow I am getting really frustrated the fact that he lives all the way over there and I am here. His mom is not yet a citizen and has to apply for it in three years and even after that when she files for him it will take six years for him to come. On the other hand me as I am a citizen can go over there and marry him and it will take one year for him to come. The problem is that I really don't want to marry someone under those conditions. What if when he comes our relationship does not even work out, what do I do then. I am christian so I do not believe in Divorce, but then I would be marrying this person because I want to help him and I also care about him, but I do not love him yet. I would of liked to date him and get to know him before taking such a step. I was thinking of doing it and when he comes just dating him for a while and if our feelings grow then taking it to another level and live as husband and wife. I guess the divorce thing is what scares me and my religious beliefs and how the Lord will view me as. What would you ladies do in this situation? Any advice you have will help.

I would not marry him.

 

[FlowerHair]

I think you already know the answer

If one really wants to marry someone, you don't need to ask strangers on an internet message board. Sorry, I'm not trying to be rude.

I'm just saying, sometimes we know the answer before we ask the question.

If there is even one inkling of doubt within you, the answer should be NO.
Hugs

 

[1Specialk]

A couple of weeks ago I posted about this guy I have been talking to for a while and I am really feeling him but he lives in Haiti. I have not yet met him but speak to him everyday via video conference. His family attends the same church as I and seem like decent people. Anyhow I am getting really frustrated the fact that he lives all the way over there and I am here. His mom is not yet a citizen and has to apply for it in three years and even after that when she files for him it will take six years for him to come. On the other hand me as I am a citizen can go over there and marry him and it will take one year for him to come. The problem is that I really don't want to marry someone under those conditions. What if when he comes our relationship does not even work out, what do I do then. I am christian so I do not believe in Divorce, but then I would be marrying this person because I want to help him and I also care about him, but I do not love him yet. I would of liked to date him and get to know him before taking such a step. I was thinking of doing it and when he comes just dating him for a while and if our feelings grow then taking it to another level and live as husband and wife. I guess the divorce thing is what scares me and my religious beliefs and how the Lord will view me as. What would you ladies do in this situation? Any advice you have will help.

As a christian, you know that marriage is very serious and should not be taken lightly. There are other ways you can be there for a friend, other than marrying. You do not allow anyone to jeopardize your relationship with God! Marriage should be for love. So, my answer is No, I would not marry him. And I would stop being friends with him and his brother if they kept pushing.

 

[productjunkie814]

I was in a situation where an immigrant asked me to marry him and I agreed. For months, I viewed that man as my husband and I ignored reality. At that time in my life, I was extremely depressed, lonely, and family-less (meaning no parents, no siblings, no kids, no grandparents, no aunts/uncles). I had nothing. I thought if I married this guy I would have my family. Well we didn't get married. In retrospect, he and men like him can sense a woman's loneliness and say all of the things you want to hear. It is not what a man says it is what he does. While I was pining for him, he wasn't thinking about me unless he wanted something. If you see him fine, just don't waste all of your youth on him because he won't waste it on you.

I have a friend who married an immigrant to help him out; they agreed that it was just going to be a marriage of convenience and once the paperwork came through, they would divorce. A few months after marrying the guy, she meet someone else and they started dating. That relationship has gotten serious, and the guy wants to marry her. It's been three years, and the immigration process has hit several snags. My girlfriend has had to put off for 3 years, a real marriage to a man that she loves, along with the future that comes with it. That marriage that is helping someone else out turned out not to be so convenient for her...

 

[darkangel25]

I think you already know the answer

If one really wants to marry someone, you don't need to ask strangers on an internet message board. Sorry, I'm not trying to be rude.

I'm just saying, sometimes we know the answer before we ask the question.

If there is even one inkling of doubt within you, the answer should be NO.
Hugs

What she said.

 

[FemmeCreole]

So his family set you with him because he needs a green card... Interesting.

bwahahahahaha!!!!!

sorry I couldn't help it

 

[beautifulisaunderstatment]

I know a good Christian man that Im trying to fix up... and he doesnt need a green card.... He says he is gay but that shouldnt be of any circumstance.... He has had plenty of girlfriends in the past
interested?

Lady if you need someone to tell you that marrying to "HELP" someone get a green card is not a dumb idea, then you really shoudlnt be thinking about marriage in the first place.

My opinion.... This is one of the dumbest things Ive ever seen someone contemplate on an open forum and actually be serious about.

 

[Queen V]

I hope you stand by your decision to not go through with this. Doing so could cause all kinds of difficulties for you in the future. Best of luck to you.

 

[song_of_serenity]

TROLL.......

I don't think so. She's been here since 03 and has been an active participant here. This may seem like a silly question, but many fall "victim" to this.

Op, remember your beliefs and vows of marriage and what it means as a Christian. It is not for a quick fix. It is for two people who sincerely want to be together and live their lives together, not because of "liking" or "helping out."

Best wishes to you.
~*Janelle~*

 

[Farida]

Let me give you some advice.

I understand the desire to help. Believe me, I have met several people who are either in the U.S. and would love to stay or aren't and want to come who I would LOVE to help. They are nice, hardworking, smart, disadvantaged people.

However, I choose not to. Why? The commitment. It is a minimum of a 3-year marriage I believe. Also, the legal repercussions - you can be convicted of felony fraud if you are found out.


Also, if you do go along the route of helping someone, don't mix business with pleasure. Don't marry a guy you kinda like to help him. I know a girl who did this and it was terrible. Absolutely a mess. You can PM me if you want details. You are better off helping a complete stranger than a person you have feelings for.

Legal status aside, I would not marry him. I'm personally not a big fan of relationships that are more than 80% LDR. It just doesn't give you a realistic perspective of what it really is like to be with that person 24/7. If you really like him keep dating him, go visit him over there and arrange for him to come here on a visitor's visa so you can spend some time together. Then you'll be wiser to make a decision based on rationale, some emotion and pragmatism rather than a time constraint.

 

[tocktick]

just because you are infatuated with him and want to be in his presence doesn't mean that he is thinking along the same lines no matter how genuine he comes across on webcam . however, presuming that he does like you as much as you like him, there is nothing to say that your perception of each other will not change once you're married. imo, even if you go visit him in haiti, he can still put up a front if he's solely after that green card. it's easy to be someone you are not for 1-3 weeks on vacation.

personally,i would not start up a relationship with someone who is desperately in need of something and you can be the ticket to getting it. it's good that you've decided not to marry him right now. however, even if you (the operative word being "you") fall in love and marry him, there is again no guarantee of him being your ideal mate when you actually get back to the states and are living together 24/7.

also, it seems you're stuck on the idea of there only being losers or men with baggage available in your home country. maybe it's this kind of perception that is stopping you from getting anywhere. you can romanticise the other guy because you are not seeing him as often as the "losers" you date. he can show you exactly what he wants you to see. i would suggest changing your mindset in regards to the men at home, realise that if you're only meeting losers maybe you need to assess why this is (i.e - it may well be something about you) and approach dating with a different attitude.