Do I marry him?

Kinkyhairlady

Kinkyhairlady

Well-Known Member
A couple of weeks ago I posted about this guy I have been talking to for a while and I am really feeling him but he lives in Haiti. I have not yet met him but speak to him everyday via video conference. His family attends the same church as I and seem like decent people. Anyhow I am getting really frustrated the fact that he lives all the way over there and I am here. His mom is not yet a citizen and has to apply for it in three years and even after that when she files for him it will take six years for him to come. On the other hand me as I am a citizen can go over there and marry him and it will take one year for him to come. The problem is that I really don't want to marry someone under those conditions. What if when he comes our relationship does not even work out, what do I do then. I am christian so I do not believe in Divorce, but then I would be marrying this person because I want to help him and I also care about him, but I do not love him yet. I would of liked to date him and get to know him before taking such a step. I was thinking of doing it and when he comes just dating him for a while and if our feelings grow then taking it to another level and live as husband and wife. I guess the divorce thing is what scares me and my religious beliefs and how the Lord will view me as. What would you ladies do in this situation? Any advice you have will help.
 
Do you just want confirmation of what you are going to do anyway or are you really ready for what these ladies are gonna give you as advice? Cause I can see it coming....
 
My advise is to date him long distance as is. You can take vacations and spend a lot of time with him before decieding to marry him. How long have you been doing the long distance thing ?
 
I know a good Christian man that Im trying to fix up... and he doesnt need a green card.... He says he is gay but that shouldnt be of any circumstance.... He has had plenty of girlfriends in the past
interested?
 
Ms. Plain Jane said:
So his family set you with him because he needs a green card... Interesting. :)
Click to expand...

I would not get too deeply involved, definitely don't feel pressured to marry him. Continue your life here- i.e. dating other people here. I agree with Ms. Plain Jane, it sounds like his family is just trying to get him over here (though they very well may like you and see you as the kind of woman they would like their son to be with, it seems there are other motives too.)
 
Ms. Plain Jane said:
So his family set you with him because he needs a green card... Interesting. :)
Click to expand...


His family did not set me up with him at all. I am friends with his brother and I saw his picture 2 years ago and said I wanted to be introduce to him and have been talking to him since. His family would not be in the mix of this, I actually like the person and want to help.
 
Adgirl said:
My advise is to date him long distance as is. You can take vacations and spend a lot of time with him before decieding to marry him. How long have you been doing the long distance thing ?
Click to expand...


How da heck do you DATE someone via a CAMERA?? they only thing she is getting out of this is a face to go along with the wolf tickets his family sold to her...

Has the OP had much experience with MEN before?
 
Ellis said:
His family did not set me up with him at all. I am friends with his brother and I saw his picture 2 years ago and said I wanted to be introduce to him and have been talking to him since. His family would not be in the mix of this, I actually like the person and want to help.
Click to expand...

Imma send ya a pic of my lil all of a sudden gay little brother... we come from a nice Christian family too.... Can ya help him out while ya at it?
 
Ellis said:
His family did not set me up with him at all. I am friends with his brother and I saw his picture 2 years ago and said I wanted to be introduce to him and have been talking to him since. His family would not be in the mix of this, I actually like the person and want to help.
Click to expand...

Help him get a green card??!!
 
Ellis said:
His family did not set me up with him at all. I am friends with his brother and I saw his picture 2 years ago and said I wanted to be introduce to him and have been talking to him since. His family would not be in the mix of this, I actually like the person and want to help.
Click to expand...

So your answer to a friend's problem is to marry him?
 
Also I noticed some of the comments are somewhat sarcastic. I am not asking this question to annoy anyone, this is something that I am confused about and would like some genuine advice so please be respectful and if you really do not have any advice then do not make a comment.
 
Ellis said:
Also I noticed some of the comments are somewhat sarcastic. I am not asking this question to annoy anyone, this is something that I am confused about and would like some genuine advice so please be respectful and if you really do not have any advice then do not make a comment.
Click to expand...

I warned you it was coming. You want the truth then us ladies are gonna give it to you. Don't confuse our advice as sarcasm just because it's not to your liking.

As a Christian, you marry someone you love. Not someone you want to help. What part of the bible did you miss that makes you think this is okay? No really, what part?
 
MizzBrown said:
I warned you it was coming. You want the truth then us ladies are gonna give it to you. Don't confuse our advice as sarcasm just because it's not to your liking.

As a Christian, you marry someone you love. Not someone you want to help. What part of the bible did you miss that makes you think this is okay? No really, what part?
Click to expand...

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 
Ellis said:
Also I noticed some of the comments are somewhat sarcastic. I am not asking this question to annoy anyone, this is something that I am confused about and would like some genuine advice so please be respectful and if you really do not have any advice then do not make a comment.
Click to expand...


I wasnt being sarcastic.. Just a lil more Umm REAL than ya may have expected... I figure if ya wanna help someone, and ya are confused... ya may as well help my lil confused sugar-tailed lil brother...

Cant be no worse than you are suggested and he is already in the country and gainfully employed...
:ohwell:


Damn I cant believe this was my 1000th post.... I shoulda had a v-8
 
MizzBrown said:
I warned you it was coming. You want the truth then us ladies are gonna give it to you. Don't confuse our advice as sarcasm just because it's not to your liking.

As a Christian, you marry someone you love. Not someone you want to help. What part of the bible did you miss that makes you think this is okay? No really, what part?
Click to expand...

Yes I understand, I guess I was not ready for all that. I guess since I did not intend to live with him as husband and wife that it would just be married on paper, but we would just continue to date and get to now each other better then maybe it would not be a sin. He seems like everything I want in a man , but you can never be sure now a days and I guess I did not want to go through the hassle of a divorce if he turned out to be Mr. wrong once we met. I have not decided to do this I just wanted to see what other folks thought.
 
Ellis said:
A couple of weeks ago I posted about this guy I have been talking to for a while and I am really feeling him but he lives in Haiti. I have not yet met him but speak to him everyday via video conference. His family attends the same church as I and seem like decent people. Anyhow I am getting really frustrated the fact that he lives all the way over there and I am here. His mom is not yet a citizen and has to apply for it in three years and even after that when she files for him it will take six years for him to come. On the other hand me as I am a citizen can go over there and marry him and it will take one year for him to come. The problem is that I really don't want to marry someone under those conditions. What if when he comes our relationship does not even work out, what do I do then. I am christian so I do not believe in Divorce, but then I would be marrying this person because I want to help him and I also care about him, but I do not love him yet. I would of liked to date him and get to know him before taking such a step. I was thinking of doing it and when he comes just dating him for a while and if our feelings grow then taking it to another level and live as husband and wife. I guess the divorce thing is what scares me and my religious beliefs and how the Lord will view me as. What would you ladies do in this situation? Any advice you have will help.
Click to expand...

I think you answered your own question.
 
PassionFruit said:
I wasnt being sarcastic.. Just a lil more Umm REAL than ya may have expected... I figure if ya wanna help someone, and ya are confused... ya may as well help my lil confused sugar-tailed lil brother...

Cant be no worse than you are suggested and he is already in the country and gainfully employed...
:ohwell:


Damn I cant believe this was my 1000th post.... I shoulda had a v-8
Click to expand...

:dead:
:dead:
:dead:
 
Ellis said:
Yes I understand, I guess I was not ready for all that. I guess since I did not intend to live with him as husband and wife that it would just be married on paper, but we would just continue to date and get to now each other better then maybe it would not be a sin. He seems like everything I want in a man , but you can never be sure now a days and I guess I did not want to go through the hassle of a divorce if he turned out to be Mr. wrong once we met. I have not decided to do this I just wanted to see what other folks thought.
Click to expand...

WWJD? :lachen:
 
I remember responding to your other thread...

I think you should just remain friends with this guy and just date other people in the meantime. You obviously won't be visiting him with all the violence in Haiti and I can not remember your respond when I asked if he could visit you here in the states.

If you married him you would be marrying a stranger. Just continue to maintain the relationship that you have.

BTW, how long have you two been communicating via email/webcam?
 
No you should not marry a man you haven't even met. :spank: How do you know he's not manipulating you into doing this? He might be a slick con artist just waiting to escape. He may even be "dating" other women online and the first one to do what you're thinking about is the winner. DING DING DING.

Forget about him find someone who lives in the same city as you. You even said you didn't love him so why waste any more time?
 
All the men in the U.S. and you chose to video conference "date" with one from Haiti? It's a trap.

Cut him off. God will send you someone in the UNITED STATES that will you will enjoy, and yall can date like normal folks do for an EXTENDED amount of time.

You haven't even mentioned this person and love in the same sentence. You don't love him. Ask God for wisdom. Not insulting your intelligence cause even the wisest man needs wisdom. But you need Wisdom to see through the bull ish. Cause that's what I smell.
 
Aren't they having a food shortage crisis in Haiti? Hell yeah i'd want to come visit you in the U.S. then! Get some rice and veggies....

CUT HIM OFF!
 
As a Haitian woman born in Haiti, raised Hatian and raised around Haitian men. I think this is a baaaad idea. This man is looking for a green card...trust me (I know because I'm trying to set up a friend...:sekret:). This is how your relationship will go

  • You go to Haiti and marry him
  • He comes to America
  • For the first few month he is the perfect mate. He indulges you in all of your needs and wants
  • He waits until his greencard comes and is happy that he got it
  • He waits again for another two years so that he can get his permanent card (which you are required to sign for).
  • He changes for the worst and then leaves you
  • He goes back to Haiti and marries his girlfriend.

BTW: I love haitian men and have been dating one in the STATES for 6 years
 
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