Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
Spin- Off from why I don't feel qualified to give advice in the dating for marriage thread. I suck at matchmaking. The key thing is that it does no good to bring together people who can't stay together.
I posted about helping get my niece engaged to a very nice young man who seems to have a promising future. My niece's mama is a bird and has been trying to sabotage the whole thing from jump even told her daughter to just get a baby on him so she can get a check. I pulled out every guilting, shaming, overselling the dream tactic I could to offset her fool mama and thankfully it seems to have prevented a pregancy at least.
However:
We had my niece and her fiance over for Sunday brunch and something seemed off so I pulled them aside separately tryna feel out what was going on and lil dude told me he appreciated me making him feel like family and he looked so miserable saying it. My niece was like nothing was wrong. I got the call last night that them
's broke up on the car ride home afterwards. I had met the boys (he's 27/niece 25) parents and they regular bougie middle class black folks and in general decent people. I could tell his mama had serious reservations about the situation but I hipped my niece how to talk to her and how to talk to his fiance about his mama's concerns. That said, he did concede to put the wedding off for a year at his mama's request. I figured that was the beginning of the end but I was like we still got a date set so all wasn't lost.
My niece says that the reason for the break up was that her mama (who she lives with) was running the exes pockets and when he got tired of it he cut off communication with the mother she WENT ON FACEBOOK AND TAGGED HIS FRIENDS LIST TALKING ABOUT HOW CHEAP HE IS. I asked my niece what she did about this and she shrugged her shoulders and asked what was she supposed to do about it?
My doofus niece and her worthless a-- mammy just let a black man who is this --> <-- close to finishing his Actuary certifications slip away like these mfers grow on trees. It goes without saying that I encouraged the relationship because I didn't see any red flags with dude AND he on his way to getting paid. She told me she liked him almost as soon as they met so the attaction was there and he had some act right about him. Silly me thinking that my work there was done.
I asked my niece if she was upset about the break up and she said that she does love him but she won't pick him over her mother. I don't think that is what he was asking her to do but I didn't argue the point. I just told her Aintee is here for her and then had a bottle of wine to contemplate how many ways i wanted to strangle her mama.
My other nieces (all but one have different mothers) are still actively dating, a couple with boyfriends but nothing reported as serious yet.
Le Sigh. This some b.s. tho.
Update
I posted about helping get my niece engaged to a very nice young man who seems to have a promising future. My niece's mama is a bird and has been trying to sabotage the whole thing from jump even told her daughter to just get a baby on him so she can get a check. I pulled out every guilting, shaming, overselling the dream tactic I could to offset her fool mama and thankfully it seems to have prevented a pregancy at least.
However:
We had my niece and her fiance over for Sunday brunch and something seemed off so I pulled them aside separately tryna feel out what was going on and lil dude told me he appreciated me making him feel like family and he looked so miserable saying it. My niece was like nothing was wrong. I got the call last night that them
's broke up on the car ride home afterwards. I had met the boys (he's 27/niece 25) parents and they regular bougie middle class black folks and in general decent people. I could tell his mama had serious reservations about the situation but I hipped my niece how to talk to her and how to talk to his fiance about his mama's concerns. That said, he did concede to put the wedding off for a year at his mama's request. I figured that was the beginning of the end but I was like we still got a date set so all wasn't lost.My niece says that the reason for the break up was that her mama (who she lives with) was running the exes pockets and when he got tired of it he cut off communication with the mother she WENT ON FACEBOOK AND TAGGED HIS FRIENDS LIST TALKING ABOUT HOW CHEAP HE IS. I asked my niece what she did about this and she shrugged her shoulders and asked what was she supposed to do about it?
My doofus niece and her worthless a-- mammy just let a black man who is this --> <-- close to finishing his Actuary certifications slip away like these mfers grow on trees. It goes without saying that I encouraged the relationship because I didn't see any red flags with dude AND he on his way to getting paid. She told me she liked him almost as soon as they met so the attaction was there and he had some act right about him. Silly me thinking that my work there was done.
I asked my niece if she was upset about the break up and she said that she does love him but she won't pick him over her mother. I don't think that is what he was asking her to do but I didn't argue the point. I just told her Aintee is here for her and then had a bottle of wine to contemplate how many ways i wanted to strangle her mama.
My other nieces (all but one have different mothers) are still actively dating, a couple with boyfriends but nothing reported as serious yet.
Le Sigh. This some b.s. tho.
Update
They back together ya'll!
I been channeling my inner Iyanla to work on this silly girl nonstop. The breaking point was that all those crabs in the barrel she lives in started telling her that she thought she was better than them and said without saying they were glad her way (Lil Dude) out was gone. I took that **** and ran with it. Her and lil dude had been texting on and off so she sent him a Let's Talk message. They talked, she let him know that she would keep her mama in check but sometimes might need his help to do it. And he was like "Ok"
They were over last night for Rosh Hashanah dinner and were all boo'd up so I'm hoping this sticks.
I've talked to her about moving out of her mothers house and she's considering it.
She's pregnant. This was not the ****ing plan.
They are officially Mr. and Mrs. Lil Dude.
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And then the SM angle. Sigh. Sigh. 
