Crackers Crumbs: How You Go On Vacation Without Your Wife? >:(

Crackers Phinn

Crackers Phinn

Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
White dude I been knowing since college got married to an Asian single mother (kid is 8) last year at the age of 41. Their anniversary was Friday. Why did he go on vacation to Chernobyl with his mother for 3 weeks and planned it so he would be back in time for their anniversary?

I read him for absolute filth behind that craziness. His excuse was she didn't want to go because she felt like it was too dangerous for a kid. I told him he should have stayed his a-- at home with her. He probably came back trying to paw at her with a radioactive dyk. I suspect that his mother wanted to take a family trip that didn't involve the DIL so she planned the trip somewhere kid unfriendly during the school year.

I'm sharing because I saw pictures from their anniversary dinner this morning and the look his wife was giving him was all kinds of :darkcloud:.

I said my peace to his oblivious a-- so he ain't go hear my mouth again until he tells me some new dumb ****. I just thought I'd share.
 
Everything Zen said:
My friends go on girl trips together all the time and leave the husbands at home. That is quite a long time for a vacation without your family . I've never done it, but how is that any different?
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I was going to add that I'm taking my mom to San Francisco to see her family she hasn't seen in many years. So far it's just the two of us going. I guess I wouldn't call it a vacation, but it's still a trip without hubby and kid. We're going about 2 months after our anniversary.
 
curlicarib said:
Another perfect example of W.P.S.. Honestly. Who does this? ANY of this? Vacation without wife and child? Vacation in Chernobyl? Grown asz man with wife and young child vacations with his mother? What world is this?
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Oh ALL THE TIME!
I have know of a person that works for my company that went on a vacation with his sister. Their kids are like 3 and 5 and one of them just had an accident where she lost her tooth. He went without the wife cause she wasn't comfortable leaving the children.
 
Everything Zen said:
My friends go on girl trips together all the time and leave the husbands at home. That is quite a long time for a vacation without your family . I've never done it, but how is that any different?
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He's a newlywed.

ETA: Of course there are no rules written in stone but how are you building your own tightly knit family by taking off for nearly a month before you even hit a year together? If we were talking about a couple married a few years I could see maybe a weekend trip away from each other or even a week but not what this dude pulled.
 
Last edited:
My father in law once went on Hajj without my mil because she wasn't healthy enough to go. He's gone on several of them so there was no urgent need to go. The other men he went with took their wives so I can't imagine what made him think that was acceptable.

My husband has gone on trips with his family without me more than once. Years ago they went to Canada and his mother even invited me (and she doesn't like me) and he said no. Also sometimes I'm invited to little family gatherings by the inlaws but he shuts me out or takes no interest in my being included.
I've concluded that he doesn't want his family to like me and that perhaps he's actually behind a lot of their dislike for me.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
He's a newlywed.

ETA: Of course there are no rules written in stone but how are you building your own tightly knit family by taking off for nearly a month before you even hit a year together? If we were talking about a couple married a few years I could see maybe a weekend trip away from each other or even a week but not what this dude pulled.
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Ok, I didn't see that it was for 3 weeks. I don't think I've ever been away from my husband for over a week.
 
Everything Zen said:
They got married 11 months and 1 week ago no? I understand that is still newlywed(ish) but they didn't just exchange vows last week.
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I edited my post at the same time you replied.

If it was only a few days away with his mother I wouldn't have said a word. He crossed continents and stayed away for nearly a month to intentionally come back and take his wife to dinner for their anniversary. His mother gets the world, his wife got dinner. While I know all marriages are different, before me and the mister hit a year we did a lot of traveling for the sheer hell of adding to the list of different places we had sex at. Debauchery aside and hindsight being 20/20, that first year of almost being joined at the hip was about me and him bonding as family.
 
Since he hasn't been married long, I'm going to chalk it up to ignorance. He got married at 41, so he is probably use to living his life as a single man, going where he wants to go, when he wants to go and staying as long as he wants to. His mother is probably use to him being at her beck and call, so it is an adjustment for her too. That said, the wife needs to him together because he doesn't sound like the type to pick up on cues.
 
Autumn~Tint~Of~Gold said:
My father in law once went on Hajj without my mil because she wasn't healthy enough to go. He's gone on several of them so there was no urgent need to go. The other men he went with took their wives so I can't imagine what made him think that was acceptable.

My husband has gone on trips with his family without me more than once. Years ago they went to Canada and his mother even invited me (and she doesn't like me) and he said no. Also sometimes I'm invited to little family gatherings by the inlaws but he shuts me out or takes no interest in my being included.
I've concluded that he doesn't want his family to like me and that perhaps he's actually behind a lot of their dislike for me.
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He probably told them something about you at one point that made them not like you, probably something untrue or a half-truth and now he doesn't want y'all to get together and compare notes , lol. It's pretty common.
 
The responses in this thread have furthered my thought process that I must really just not be the "marrying type". I feel like, if they're going to be together forever, what is the big deal about three weeks alone? Honestly, I'm pretty sure I would've welcomed it. Let me breathe. Were they together for awhile before marriage? They might have already felt "married" by that time. Coming back in time for the anniversary makes me feel like he was considering her.

If she'd told him she wanted to go and he refused to change the dates of the trip or arrange care for the child, I'd feel differently, but on the facts stated, I'm not seeing a huge problem.
 
GreenEyedJen said:
The responses in this thread have furthered my thought process that I must really just not be the "marrying type". I feel like, if they're going to be together forever, what is the big deal about three weeks alone? Honestly, I'm pretty sure I would've welcomed it. Let me breathe. Were they together for awhile before marriage? They might have already felt "married" by that time. Coming back in time for the anniversary makes me feel like he was considering her.

If she'd told him she wanted to go and he refused to change the dates of the trip or arrange care for the child, I'd feel differently, but on the facts stated, I'm not seeing a huge problem.
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If you need a vacation from your spouse for 3 weeks, that might not be the spouse for you or you might do better to not have a spouse. Work trips and such are considered differently to me.
 
mrselle said:
Since he hasn't been married long, I'm going to chalk it up to ignorance. He got married at 41, so he is probably use to living his life as a single man, going where he wants to go, when he wants to go and staying as long as he wants to. His mother is probably use to him being at her beck and call, so it is an adjustment for her too. That said, the wife needs to him together because he doesn't sound like the type to pick up on cues.
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You hit the nail on the head about all of it. There's a lot more to his background that made me think this marriage wasn't going to last long so I'm hoping that me giving him a talking too will at least open his eyes that he needs to think about his wife and step kid as the same kind of family as his mother.

His background isn't bad, he's just a giant dork. This is a man who couldn't manage to find a gold digger that he would have willingly let take advantage of him financially in Los Angeles. He's not unattractive when he makes an effort, he's 6"3 but he just reeks of dork the minute he opens his mouth.

ArrrBeee said:
You lost me at Chernobyl. Maybe he's trying to commit suicide slowly.
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Girl. Me Too.

Me Too.

Chernobyl is what actually got me to share the story because it just added to the crazy.
 
Autumn~Tint~Of~Gold said:
My husband has gone on trips with his family without me more than once. Years ago they went to Canada and his mother even invited me (and she doesn't like me) and he said no. Also sometimes I'm invited to little family gatherings by the inlaws but he shuts me out or takes no interest in my being included.
I've concluded that he doesn't want his family to like me and that perhaps he's actually behind a lot of their dislike for me.
Click to expand...
That's terrible. Is this anything you two can work on or is this just how things are going to be?
What you describe is exactly how my parents marriage was. I would hear my father say out of pocket stuff about my mother to his relatives and they would talk about her like she was trash. Truth be told, my fathers family's treatment of her extended to me which is why I haven't spoken one word to them *****s after pops died. The disrespect of it all made me resent him. It's one of the reasons why I am adamant that a man cannot be a bad husband and good father at the same time.
 
I'm on vacation without my husband more than I am with him and we love each other to bits and have a great relationship. The end.

With that being said, they're newly married so that's a bit odd, but I wouldn't be surprised if it had more to do with him not wanting the kid there and MIL not wanting the wife there, but as #NoBlackWomenWereHarmed it all sounds fine to me. :D
 
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