Cohabitation leads to marriage?

yokoyokogirl

yokoyokogirl

New Member
The BF gave me a housekey and the password.

Then I said I hate taking the train to his house (it's a 25 min ride, but I
hate crowded trains) so I always drive.

Parking costs a grip. So today he emailed and said he will purchase a parking space for my car at his apt. (It cost $270 a month...usual price for the city) I said "Oh that's expensive", He said "Why don't you just move in?" (Hence save money paying double rent and not have to drive to visit him..)

Right now, I'm against this only because my parents--even though they live a whole International Date line away--would fly over here and kill me, if they knew I was living with a guy.

My first marriage was a disaster, and I think maybe living together would have shown me the "true" side of my ex...then again, he was a jerk regardless.

I explained this to my BF and he said "We will get married in a couple years anyways." (Like this was already established--without my knowledge, simply decided by him!!!)

Just thinking on all this and wondering...
Does cohabitation ever lead to marriage? Is it a good thing or does it just screw things up?:perplexed
 
I've lived with two people. And both propose marriage. So in my case cohabitation lead to marriage.

But I didn't date men that I knew would never marry me.
 
It did for me. Good marriage, too.

But you will hear from others who had the opposite experience.

My only advice is that if you want to get married, you decide in your own mind how long you are willing to co-habitate without getting hitched. My SIL had to move out on my brother after two years and no wedding. She didn't even give him an ultimatum. Just basically said, "It's cool you don't want to get married, but I do. So I think we have to go our separtate ways." Then she moved out that day. They got married a few months later. So, sometimes living together can stall progress.

I don't really advice anyone to move in with someone to get them to walk down the aisle. That doesn't seem at all to be your reasons. If the two of you are on the same page, you shouldn't have a problem. Just make sure you notice if your turning the page and he's still a chapter behind.
 
This subject has been brooched many times on this forum. I suggest you do a search on the subject to get more insight and/or testimonies from past members too.
 
How do you know a man will marry you?

I can say i only date men who i'd marry but that doesn't mean they gonna drop the question.

What is that? Intuition?

Cause some people know on day one. Others take a couple years to realize they want to spend eternity with them.
 
MizzBrown said:
How do you know a man will marry you?

I can say i only date men who i'd marry but that doesn't mean they gonna drop the question.

What is that? Intuition?

Cause some people know on day one. Others take a couple years to realize they want to spend eternity with them.
Click to expand...

I think it's intuition. I have that feeling not only about my past relationships but other peoples as well.

One of my BFF has that same intuition, she's been engaged so many times and is on her second marriage. Every guy, I can think of, that she has dated has asks her to marry them.
 
It did for me. We lived together for two years and I believe living together actually made our relationship stronger. We've only been married for a month though but so far its been great:grin:
 
yokoyokogirl said:
Just thinking on all this and wondering...
Does cohabitation ever lead to marriage? Is it a good thing or does it just screw things up?:perplexed
Click to expand...
Just to answer your question, it did for me.

I know people will come in here and say oh no don't do this and you should only do that, but only you know what is best for you. Look at it for all angles, think hard about your decisions and possible outcomes, and do you lady!!
 
So your parents disapproval is the only thing stopping you?

I won't speak for myself because I've lived with a man one with the "idea" of getting married, until I moved with him and I found out he had severe psychological issues, jealousy and insecurity problems and if it was up to him would of had my life end up as a potential lifetime story....however I was young and more impressed with the image of him vs really knowing him...the second dude was just a mistake from the get go....

but I don't personally think moving in with a man before marriage is bad...depends on the two people....

first do you eventually want to get married...? because from knowing other women anxious to get married or move their relationships forward its usually like pulling teeth to get a man to first allow u into his space , much less it being his idea and second for him to bring up the option of marriage and be "comfortable" with the idea that its just natural progress for the relationship he is in

I don't know you or him, but just from the few posts I read from you about him and the pictures I see of you two...I would guess that you guys have a good thing going on, unless of course u think he wants more than u want, then theres a problem...but it definitely doesn't seem like he's resistant at all to wanting alot more with you

I say follow your heart on it, and there is nothing wrong with saving money either...:)

Just always be sure that you are stable enough to be able to leave the situation if you need to and can go back to being on your own
 
Since you've been married before, I'd say go for it if you want to. Again, since you've been married before if you decide to, your parents just need to get use to it. I think your situration is different than someone who has never been married.
 
Test driving a car doesn't make you want to buy it. But like DLewis, she dated men se knew would marry her.

DLewis, the Perfect Baby is so perfectly cute!
 
Great Question

I did. Lived with my husband for about 1 year.
I was not very happy (lied to my family)
It was something I thought I would never do -- so I was not happy.
He said the same thing, well we are going to get married when we save more money.
When I think back I was sooo young did not know what I was doing?
Thinking now I did it because I had no doubt he was my husband(would never do this with any other man), I have seen other
females get hurt in the same situation.

Funny thing is I moved out after a year, changed jobs and decided to move back home for Grad School. We were secretly married about 6 months after I moved out.
During the 6 months we lived in our own places.

I think you have to be honest about what you want and what makes you comfortable.
I tell my younger family members not to do it. I did it ,for me ??? would not do it again.

Bright side I have been married 14 years
 
My DH and I lived together for a year (we were engaged) before we married.

Mom and pops didn't visit us though due to the whole "living in sin."

Regardless, I would do it again. :yep:
 
If it's only your parents who will have a problem and you are not against it, then I say go ahead if you really want to.

If it's against what you want for a relationship, then don't do it.

It's something I'm personally against for in my relationship, but like I've said b4, I've seen many successful couples who have lived together and now are happily married (and have relationships I admire).

It depends on you and your relationship. There are no hard-fast rules in relationships, just know the possible good and bad outcomes of each choice. Good luck in your decision. :)
 
It certainly can. Sounds like your BF has decided you're the one. Trust me, when a man has decided you're the one he wants to marry and he tell you that, its no doubt true.

SO would have wifed me ages ago had I been up for it.:lachen: I'm giving in to the commitment ceremony only because of parental pressure, but not a legal signing away of my rights. (yes I know, y'all don't understand that but its what I want..neither here nor there)


Talk about it first before you decide to go that route. Let him know what your expectations are from the time you move in until the time you get married. And let him know you're not waiting forever if you really want to get married. (yep, put a timeline on the waiting period:yep:)

Women aren't always so upfront and assume that men know what it means when they move in. Most don't...they need it spelled out ahead of time. Also, your man will appreciate that you're upfront about what you want and your expectations, so there's no guessing about it later on.

-A
 
First off, thanks for all the replies.
I did a search--and the search feature (maybe I'm doing it wrong) always brings back a million and one hits.

As for my BF, I could definitely see getting married to him.

Big issues are :

1. He's afraid to move to the USA (because of job and economic security, thanks to the recent news...)

2. He's not very religious, but most Japanese ppl aren't. He believes in God, the same as Buddha and goes to temples and shrines on holidays, but he said he doesn't feel the need to go to church, unless "to hear good gospel music" (then he laughed)

3. He hasn't talked to his father since he was in high school and swears he never will. Father cheated, apologized, then bought the gf a condo w/family money. He had to fight him in court, and was the forced to be the man for his mom and sister. He HATES his father, won't even mention his name...

Other than that, we are doing really well. I'm mostly worried about cohabitation b/c it may never lead to marriage, and what will my parents think? But I'm a grown ass woman, so I shouldn't care-right? Well I do, for some reason...

Another thing is, I'm wondering what's really going on in his head. I seem to always over-analyze things, which is a really bad habit. But I think "Oh he did this, because of this" or "This really means that"...and sometimes I will be right and other times, dead wrong.

The thing is, if we do move in together...how long do you cohabitate? I know there's no set rule, but how long is too long? Do you split everything down the middle? Do I have to cook every night, like a wife--but not? I guess it all sounds childish, but I've only had roommates (and the ex-husband, who I never lived with before marriage) even my ex split everything down the middle! :wallbash:
 
I feel you should sit down with your SO and have a heart-to-heart talk (about everything). Tell him how you feel about this and that (just as you expressed to us here on the forum). You need to know exactly where he stands, and he needs to know exactly where you stand.


 
If you still have doubts I would say don't do it.

Me and my SO are moving in together, but we don't have any doubts about it or any questions left to ask eachother.

Let him know all your doubts and see if he can reassure you.

On the other hand, don't let your parents view of the world govern your life too much. Advice is always wonderful, but in the end we have to do what we want to do, what we feel in our hearts is right.

Do you want to marry him? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him even if he doesn't go to church? Do you see yourself go to church with your future children alone? Is it important to you?

You don't have to cook every night, as long as both of you want to cook, clean and divide responsibilities equally...there are no rules other than the rules you make together.

It seems like marriage means a lot to you, that makes me want to advice you not to move in with him. What do you want to do?
HTH :)
 
In my case, yes cohabitation led to marriage. We lived together about two years before getting married. It worked for us but different strokes for different folks. Ultimately, the decision is up to you and your SO. You have to decide what works best for you. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

MissMeWithThatIsh
1 Year Marriage Reflection: Marriage is different than cohabitation
2
Replies
38
Views
968
JustKiya
JustKiya
Kkinds
Is it better to live with someone before marriage?
2
Replies
30
Views
1K
tapioca_pudding
T
Transformer
Frustration leads to Resentment
2
Replies
54
Views
1K
sunnieb
sunnieb
S
MARRIAGE need your opinions
3 4 5
Replies
143
Views
4K
BostonMaria
BostonMaria
Choclatcotton
Marriage after 3 WEEKS??
2
Replies
38
Views
841
Kerryann
Kerryann
Back
Top