Can we discuss this Red Flag...........

[Bublin]

.....when a guy gets too close and/or emotional too soon.

Now, in a current thread in Off Topic it was mentioned that a men getting too close too soon is a major red flag and it just isn't what normal men do.

However, I have read in other threads where women would say that on their first date with their now husband's, he would declare that she was going to be his wife one day OR ask to be exclusive on the first date etc etc.

Isn't it possible that a man just 'knows' and has 'already decided' and doesn't want to lose you?

I personally don't think it's always a red flag, you have to put everything into context and follow your gut feeling.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

From my understanding. Men know when they are ready to settle. If you happen to catch them when they are out wife hunting and they are feeling you, I guess they could get attached and emotional right away.

 

[Zaynab]

From my understanding. Men know when they are ready to settle. If you happen to catch them when they are out wife hunting and they are feeling you, I guess they could get attached and emotional right away.

Yep. A man that's ready to settle down pushes for it very fast. That's why it's so obvious to spot the fence straddlers.

I don't think it's a red flag when they want to settle down fast. They actually often do it after they've been in some long 4-5 year relationship with someone too. They marry the next person in like 6 months-1 year.

 

[tallowah]

My hubby said from day one we would get married.It was lovely being wooed.Still lovely now.So yes a man can be up for settling quick without being creepy.

 

[*CherryPie*]

There's no SET rule(s) for anything when dating. How CAN there be when we are individuals...and so different?

 

[RocStar]

.....when a guy gets too close and/or emotional too soon.

Now, in a current thread in Off Topic it was mentioned that a men getting too close too soon is a major red flag and it just isn't what normal men do.

However, I have read in other threads where women would say that on their first date with their now husband's, he would declare that she was going to be his wife one day OR ask to be exclusive on the first date etc etc.

Isn't it possible that a man just 'knows' and has 'already decided' and doesn't want to lose you?

It is one thing to say, "I know you are going to be my wife one day," and it is a whole other thing to say "I love you deep in my soul and I want to drink your bathwater."

There are some that know the minute they meet someone that person is the one for them...but they aren't professing love and naming your kids together that quick. I think if anyone says or professes their love to me a month in (or so), it would bring up a flag for me.

Also, many people confuse love with obsession in the early stages. Many times when a guy is getting to close or emotional it can mean they are trying to set up the stage to control you. If someone you are dating is jealous of other guys after the first date, and you are not even a couple yet, and that was your first meeting...something is not right.

You do have to follow you gut and decide what is best for you and if it is a red flag or not.

 

[LovelyRo]

I've dated a guy that caught feeling fast and it was weird because I didn't understand how his "nose was wide open" based on minimal interaction. I think he just wanted a GF.

Then I dated another guy that caught feelings super fast but our chemistry was amazing so, it was believable.

I guess it depends on the guy and the situation... Definitely a red flag for guy number one because our connection was subpar... Definitely no butterflies on my end. I felt like he was either transferring feelings or just crazy.

 

[CarLiTa]

I view it as this:
Sometimes people just want a relationship, therefore they are willing to jump into any new thing very speedily.
It's certainly flattering that a guy feels that you are the one very quickly. This may be a result of my being closed off (perhaps), but I see as this: we are BOTH assessing each other's relationship potential. Just because he has decided quickly doesn't mean I have to accept his offer right away. *I* still need time to get to know him, what he's about, and whether he fits my values. I am a proponent of "show me, don't just tell me"... So I need a bit of time to see whether there is reality behind all his comments about how compatible we are, how I'm the one he's been looking for. Likewise, I also need to see if his comments come from getting to know *me* or of they are from simply wanting a relationship.

I would feel (and want to feel) much, much more special if him being emotionally invested quickly has to do with the qualities and how well we match.

 

[Southernbella.]

.....when a guy gets too close and/or emotional too soon.

Now, in a current thread in Off Topic it was mentioned that a men getting too close too soon is a major red flag and it just isn't what normal men do.

However, I have read in other threads where women would say that on their first date with their now husband's, he would declare that she was going to be his wife one day OR ask to be exclusive on the first date etc etc.

Isn't it possible that a man just 'knows' and has 'already decided' and doesn't want to lose you?

I personally don't think it's always a red flag, you have to put everything into context and follow your gut feeling.

Dh knew early on but he waited a year and let me get to know him before he told me. He knew I wasn't ready for all that so he played his position.

I would be wary of a man who is essentially a stranger trying to lock me down on the first date.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[vevster]

I dated a guy that was pushing and I felt he didn't know me at all. Within 2 months he was engaged to someone else.

I dodged a bullet.

 

[chronicity]

I don't think it's automatically problematic if his emotional attachment seems commiserate with the quantity and quality of time you've spent getting to know each other. The best clue to whether or not this is the case is your feelings about him.

 

[FrazzledFraggle]

It is one thing to say, "I know you are going to be my wife one day," and it is a whole other thing to say "I love you deep in my soul and I want to drink your bathwater."

There are some that know the minute they meet someone that person is the one for them...but they aren't professing love and naming your kids together that quick. I think if anyone says or professes their love to me a month in (or so), it would bring up a flag for me.

Also, many people confuse love with obsession in the early stages. Many times when a guy is getting to close or emotional it can mean they are trying to set up the stage to control you. If someone you are dating is jealous of other guys after the first date, and you are not even a couple yet, and that was your first meeting...something is not right.

You do have to follow you gut and decide what is best for you and if it is a red flag or not.

Did you mean obsession like infatuation? I agree with everything you said except that I don't think obsession should be a factor in any stage...early or late but perhaps it just has an negative connotation to me.

OP, I suggest just going with your gut whenever that time comes. You'll feel red flags in your gut I think but don't miss out on something great because you think he caught feelings too soon. We are individuals and I realize we compartmentalize as a way to organize our thoughts and feelings but people are too complicated to try and put them in a box that says it should take X amount of time before you are allowed to be in love. Let common sense prevail based upon the situation.

 

[anon123]

i can't move that fast, it would freak me out. it did freak me out.

 

[FrazzledFraggle]

I think if you're not marriage minded ^^ no matter when a man brings up the subject, it's going to freak you out.

After my divorce I met a very nice hardworking man who wanted to be with me badly. He told me he wanted to be married before he turned 32. Well at the time he was like 30.5. I had been divorced for about a year and was in no place to get that deeply involved. I was just enjoying his company and wanted friendship more than anything else. When he leaned in to try and kiss me one night, and I ducked, that's when I realized I wasn't ready and i needed to sit out of the game for awhile. When I finally got back in the game I met current DH and we were married in 18 months. I kicked and screamed the entire 6 months but I couldn't pull away emotionally from that man. A combination of timing and DH being who he is ....that's what made this union work. Had I met my DH at the time when I was ducking and dodging the other guy, it probably would not have worked out well because I wouldn't have been ready.

 

[RocStar]

Did you mean obsession like infatuation? I agree with everything you said except that I don't think obsession should be a factor in any stage...early or late but perhaps it just has an negative connotation to me.

Yes, you could substitute infatuation for obsession.

 

[Bublin]

OP, I suggest just going with your gut whenever that time comes. .

Although I have been in this situation before, I'm not in it now...but I can see it coming with this guy I'm talking to at the moment.

 

[cre8]

I don't always view it as a red flag. It really depends on the person. Some people just know when they are ready and may feel the person is the one.

 

[Fine 4s]

Could be so many reasons like him being needy, rebounding etc...