Can we discuss "following" in IG?

Fine 4s

Fine 4s

Well-Known Member
He follows a lot of sexy women on IG.

It heightens my insecurity because I look nothing like them which makes me wonder about my attractiveness to him :$

According to other men, following sexy women on there is like watching porn, having a subscription of Maxim or equivalent to having a poster of a sexy woman on the wall. Either way, it makes me doubt...a lot of stuff. Help me process this. If your guy isn't like this kudos to you but this one...he likes to look.

What say you?
 
That would make me feel some kind of way for sure. I wouldn't like it. At all. It also comes off so juvenile to me. It's almost akin to how as as pre-teen, I would have Devon Sawa and Backstreet Boys pictures up.
 
So glad the guys I date don't do social media like that. I personally don't either. But it seems like it eliminates a lot of headache. Yeah I have my dating problems but not these problems.
 
FelaShrine said:
Hmm now that Instagram added DM like twitter.... Can you relate to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivus4wcTA14
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Oh you don't even know the joy!
GraceJones said:
Eh, don't worry about it. He's human, he's going to be attracted to other women besides you.
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Oh for sure I know that. Yet, something about it doesn't feel good to me.
RoseTintedCheeks said:
The problem isn't IG. There's some underlying reason you feel insecure.
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There are many reasons for my insecurities lol For now let's just focus on how IG makes them flare up. Maybe it is just too blatant? Would you be OK with it? If so, help me get to your level and share how you process it. RoseTintedCheeks
 
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I think she is saying there is some underlying insecurity that IG is bringing up? The problem is not him and what he is doing, focus on you
 
Hmm....I guess it would depend on how much time he spends fantasizing about other women. I get that guys will beat off to other women but it's like how often is the question. I don't think it would bother you unless it was excessive.

I had this happen to me before with an ex but he was actually messaging them and talking nasty. Looking back I should have saw the signs that he was a cheater but of course I talked myself out of it.

If you're feeling insecure sometimes you have good reason to, sometimes you don't. I wouldn't call him out on it though or expect him to understand because he won't. He'll just flip it and say you're jealous. Don't ever allow a guy to make you think you're competing with other women. That is beneath you.

Bottom line, I'd say go with your intuition. As a woman this is your best friend.
 

Who knows how much he fantasizes in his newsfeed. lol It's not one or two hot girl pages, it's a lot. There's no intuition here it's a fact he follows them!

Based on our communication history, I don't think he'll say I'm jealous but I don't think he'll get it. I don't think most men can relate.

How do you not compete when well...visually I kinda am! I'm semi-joking but girl you should see these women....they are hot. I'm sorry I just don't see how any woman can feel special with all this clutter and distraction smh
 
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GraceJones said:
Eh, don't worry about it. He's human, he's going to be attracted to other women besides you.
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I agree that he will be attracted to other women. However With an IG page, membership to particular Facebook groups - he is seeking out those women to satisfy his voyeuristic needs. It's a passive way of satisfying whatever it is he needs to satisfy. Sure he's human but he's not recognizing he has a partner now. That might not be ok or what does that look like? How may that make her feel? What if she was doing what I am doing? How would I feel?

Maybe I'm difficult but this is how I see this situation.
 
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GraceJones said:
I think she is saying there is some underlying insecurity that IG is bringing up? The problem is not him and what he is doing, focus on you
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Sure she can focus in herself but this is a bit much IMO. To not recognize how he makes her feel is like giving him a pass. There needs to be boundaries in relationships. And to me, this is kind of crossing the boundaries and a conversation is warranted. And it can be a convo that happens in phases. But I don't think OP should stay quiet in her uncomfortableness.

And I'm sure he would not be happy if OP had pics of big bodied men or FB membership to big D'ed men groups.

I do think it's always important to be reflective but we also need to listen to ourselves (bc we are human) and set standards in our relationships - whatever they are.
 
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LaBelleLL said:
I agree that he will be attracted to other women. However With an IG page, membership to particular Facebook groups - he is seeking out those women to satisfy his voyeuristic needs. It's a passive way of satisfying whatever it is he needs to satisfy. Sure he's human but he's not recognizing he has a partner now. That might not be ok or what does that look like? How may that make her feel? What if she was doing what I am doing? How would I feel? Maybe I'm difficult but this is how I see this situation.
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One of your points made me think. What if it wouldn't bother him if I did the same? Then what? Maybe that shouldn't be the only measuring stick. ITA with your points.
LaBelleLL
 
OK Now I'm curious, you gotta post some of these women lol

But really what if these women were not on IG but on the street or at his job? Then what? Tell him not to go to work? It just seems like your jealous of women that he's probably never gonna even meet

I just believe that this is one of your insecurities that are coming out
 
GraceJones said:
OK Now I'm curious, you gotta post some of these women lol But really what if these women were not on IG but on the street or at his job? Then what? Tell him not to go to work? It just seems like your jealous of women that he's probably never gonna even meet I just believe that this is one of your insecurities that are coming out
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I don't know Grace, you could be right but...
Go check out ighunnies2013 or tazsangels for example. Im not sure it's simply jealousy though.
If they were on the street he'd look and keep it moving...I hope lol but like LaBelleLL pointed out, taking the extra step to follow them well that's not just looking and moving on now is it?
 
I wouldn't feel compatible with a man like that. I'm not jealous at all, and with age I've become a lot less insecure, but a man who is utilizing social media for purposes other than business, networking, social commentary, and an occasional laugh just isn't for me. Does he post a lot of selfies like Todd :look:?

Your insecurity is a separate issue. Too often we women worry about who he is looking at and if he might up and leave someday. He needs to be more worried about if he is meeting my needs because these days I'll up and bounce in a second :look:. While he's checking out those other chicks, there's a few men out there checking you out when his head is turned. Is he doing everything he needs to do to keep you coming home every night? Talk to him about it and work on your self esteem.
 
aww haha Fine4s you shouldnt worry

Tazangels have a pimp. They are escorts for althetes..not really something you should worry about. Yes most of them are in great shape but still groupies. Dont let it bother you.
 
Fine 4s said:
There are many reasons for my insecurities lol For now let's just focus on how IG makes them flare up. Maybe it is just too blatant? Would you be OK with it? If so, help me get to your level and share how you process it. @RoseTintedCheeks
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Fine 4s I was in a relationship where I felt the same. As women, we let men tell us we're crazy when it's our emotional intelligence trying to warn us.

You have to look at the relationship as a whole because men like to look at beautiful women and fantasize to some extent. Even good men.

If you're in a solid, relationship with a man who tells and shows he loves consistently, then you have nothing to worry about.

However, if this is just one of several red flags then maybe you have to decide if he's the right man for you. Best wishes xx
 
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I would say something. I talked to mine after I saw him follow ANOTHER darn booty page on Facebook. I told him to at least keep the mess private and delete it off of his timeline. *headsmack*

He's discreet now, so much so that I forgot until this post that he follows "Big booty black girls" online.
 
Because on IG I can SEE who he follows it's not discreet. Maybe I shouldn't be going through the following list. The most I can hope to get from bringing it up is him hiding it or get a new secret IG account where he can look until his heart content. This is one of those things that people can't change. If they like it that much they will not stop. I agree with posters above it is juvenile and it does bring up issues of compatibility.
 
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You've gotten some great advice and it sounds like you're thinking along the right track. Just wanted to give you a ((HUG)).

I've been through that and, in the end, what started out as innocent browsing escalated to something much more inappropriate. For years, I allowed him to make me think it was my insecurities but, no... what he was doing was wrong.
GL girl and Happy Holidays! :)
 
To be honest, a man could be following a woman with a public page without clicking the button to follow her. As long as he is not liking every pic or making inappropriate comments I think it is okay. Social media can make a person feel insecure. No one is posting their absolutely worst pictures, LOL! However, choose your battles carefully. If he feels like he is constantly being scrutinized it can create a rift. Kenbe la Cherie. xo
 
LaBelleLL said:
That would make me feel some kind of way for sure. I wouldn't like it. At all. It also comes off so juvenile to me. It's almost akin to how as as pre-teen, I would have Devon Sawa and Backstreet Boys pictures up.
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Omg no you did NOT mention Devon Sawa!!!!! :lachen::lol::lachen:

Gosh, I haven't heard his name since my teenage years Rotfl!!! :lachen:
 
Fine 4s said:
Because on IG I can SEE who he follows it's not discreet. Maybe I shouldn't be going through the following list. The most I can hope to get from bringing it up is him hiding it or get a new secret IG account where he can look until his heart content. This is one of those things that people can't change. If they like it that much they will not stop. I agree with posters above it is juvenile and it does bring up issues of compatibility.
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What made you check to see who he's following?

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
 
I believe that feelings of insecurity can be encouraged by inconsiderate actions of a partner. I know if my SO started following loads of 6ft blonde white girls with blue eyes, or putting up posters of them I'd feel some kind of way lol:lol:

It's always very important to deal with the insecurities you had prior to the relationship. However, I think you should also recognize when your SO is not thinking about your feelings. I don't mean never mentioning, or looking at women! Just taking a little extra care with the obvious stuff and remembering that you love him and want to feel special.
 
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