Can This Marriage Work? Long Post!

Is this worth fixing?

  • No, get out while you can!!

    Votes: 23 38.3%

  • Yes, it can still be fixed if proper guidance is followed.

    Votes: 37 61.7%
  • Total voters
    60
  • Poll closed .
Summer_Rain said:
I feel like all of ya'll are tardy for the party. Soon as I read "talent for extracting money from men" and "ex sugar-baby" I was like, oh.....ok, one of them.

Unfortunately I have relative like the OP (sugar baby), she isn't married but in one calendar year she managed to "extract" something in the neighborhood of 20k from various men. I know for a fact that with a few of them, they had never even met.

Part of the whole "sugar baby" talent is knowing how to play on the emotions and inspire the desire to so called protect & provide in men. I've seen this relative pull the shelter card as well. it's amazing how gullible some men are. I wouldn't believe some of her stories had I not witnessed first hand.
Click to expand...

This brings up a few thoughts;

OP may not be one, but military men have their share of "groupies" if you will. They don't make a lot, but the perceived benefits are romantic for a lot of women. Maybe she thought she found an Uncle Sam sugar daddy. Then she found out it wasn't going down like that. Maybe that's why it's so easy for her to throw divorce around so easy.

Also, maybe her hubby found out about whatever she does. And wants her to stop. She's trying to prove a point that if she stops taking money from these men, she'll end up in a shelter. Hence this passive aggressive situation.

Did she mention how long she had known and dated b4 getting married?
 
SMH at this mess. I got OPs number as soon as I read the first post. The things that weren't said seem to be resonating the loudest, as others have already stated. Kept woman FAIL.




Sent from the TARDIS.
 
kestia said:
This brings up a few thoughts;

OP may not be one, but military men have their share of "groupies" if you will. They don't make a lot, but the perceived benefits are romantic for a lot of women. Maybe she thought she found an Uncle Sam sugar daddy. Then she found out it wasn't going down like that. Maybe that's why it's so easy for her to throw divorce around so easy.

Also, maybe her hubby found out about whatever she does. And wants her to stop. She's trying to prove a point that if she stops taking money from these men, she'll end up in a shelter. Hence this passive aggressive situation.

Did she mention how long she had known and dated b4 getting married?
Click to expand...

I could see this, hence her emphasis on being enrolled in DEERS which is the access to medical, dental, etc.
 
MissMasala5 said:
SMH at this mess. I got OPs number as soon as I read the first post. The things that weren't said seem to be resonating the loudest, as others have already stated. Kept woman FAIL.




Sent from the TARDIS.
Click to expand...

See I didn't catch on because who would go after some basic training kid for some income. They have nothing to give compared to someone from some sugar daddy site. And when someone says they are a mil spouse, my first thought isn't that their reasoning for being one is ill-willed.

But now that I think about it....People in the Army are known for having contract marriages, especially those in basic training, so they could get the extra entitlements and get to live off base quicker than someone who is single.

So, HE might be using HER. Nothing is deducted from his check for enrolling her into DEERS so she could get medical, dental, ID card. HE gets all the benefits, which is probably why she doesn't have the documents (like power of attorney, LES access, etc) that us real military wives have. But HE gets additional entitlements for him being married...like not having to eat at the dining hall (which most don't want to do), the approval to live off base before he is rank eligible.

This could be the situation which is why she is pressing him to send her $$ and her forcing it by staying at a shelter. Another thing is that she doesn't want to stay at his parents house, not because a job, but probably because his white parents will see right through her shyt (yeah I said it). They probably don't want her there or never met her and already suspicious of the situation. If anything, they might be coaching him NOT to give her another dime.
 
I met a girl at a passion party some months ago who pretty much was doing the same thing. As she was telling her story about HIM and how is family has all this money, I begun to ask her questions about her background and the more her trifling tail spilled the beans, the clearer the picture became. She said his family decided to cut him off so long as he remained married to her. I asked why and she said because they don't like Jewish people and her being black and raised by a Jewish family intimidated them. :lol: I wanted to choke after hearing that mess.
 
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See you in the rapture, because I'm:dighole:
 
I'm continuously amazed at how threads on LHCF seem to spiral in an entirely different direction. Never a dull moment I tell ya :lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
I also wonder how old he is. I know some folks join the military late in life (like DH, who joined at 23), but when I think "in basic training/tech school" I think of a kid fresh out of high school in the 17/18/19 range. If she is 26 and he is around that age...well. :ohwell: I see that a lot, too. Young military men tend to be gullible and can be sweet talked into just about anything. Add that to youthful immaturity and his mindset seems to be a lot clearer.

I already regret posting this, since it seems like I'm "dogpiling" but with the way this thread has run, I can't say this hasn't crossed my mind. At any rate, it's not my place to say their marriage is a sham and I wish them the best. OP has already made up her mind, and I hope it works out for her.
 
Wow...that's all I can say. Quite a few of you have very wild imaginations, quite comical.

First of all. My DH and I met before I even knew his occupation. At the time he was living at home with his parents and working in mill work, and I had my own apartment, job, and was in college. We dated BEFORE he left for the military, but had already signed his contract. I didn't know he was even leaving for training until months after we made it official. (we met on PLENTYOFFISH believe it or not :) the chemistry was ridiculous. We both wanted a committed relationship that would eventually turn into a marriage and it's worked out that way) It was rough as time got closer but I dealt with it. We've gone through basic with the letters, then AIT, and now Airborne. I wasn't after his money back then, why the hell would I be money grubbing to get it now? His parents and myself are very close actually, mom and I go to dinner, we do spa days, and she's also big on giving me free things like jewelry, etc which I believe is a little much but what can I say? DH has two younger brothers who are always out doing their own thing so I have yet to meet them in person. When we would go to DH's graduations TOGETHER, his brothers were either in school, or too busy to come along. If his "white" parents had a problem with me, I highly doubt they'd offer me a room in their home until their son gets back into town. Now that things have been set straight on that point...I'll move on.

Yes, I mentioned I have been a sugar baby in the past and I brought that point up only because I was feeling like I may have been slipping back into that old way of thinking. I thought perhaps indeed it was me being to "needy" towards my husband. However, in this situation, it is not the case. I literally have only asked him for food money, once, and if he could pay for the hotel, once. The coach purse, the wii, the expensive gifts we both exchanged for our anniversary and Christmas, birthdays were all voluntary. We really do love each other.

Personally, I'm appalled at how immature some of you are. I have been apart of LHCF for quite a bit, never once came into a thread disrespecting another OP, nor have I spammed anyone. I came here for advice. Now, everyone has a mind of their own and this is the internet so I will take everything said with a grain of salt. The bottom like is that because my check was late, no matter if I left the state or whatever, it still would've been late. Can anyone disagree? You are right, I should have savings etc, but I'm clearly living paycheck to paycheck so that wasn't possible at the time, I have bills to pay. My point on the matter was that at the end of the day, if one is married, they need to depend on each other. That is all I wanted to express to my husband. He admitted that he was being selfish, he was also being emotionally borderline abusive. He has a tendency to over exaggerate things. I felt that by the way he was treating me, that if I couldn't get through to him, then perhaps someone (a marriage counselor)could and he wasn't having it. I chose to reside in a shelter (temporarily) because I felt that was my only way of getting help besides residing with his family. In all honesty, I really don't feel comfortable bringing my issues to their front door, I don't like to impose. I'd rather clear my head, and do things to prepare myself for my future, mentally, etc. in my own way. If that means humbling myself and going into a shelter, so be it, it's my decision. DH offered to pay for another month but was a bit too late as I had already checked myself in, and the extended stay hotel was full to the max.

If anyone cares to know, DH and I have talked and things seem to be looking up. He apologized for being disrespectful towards me...stingy is one of them. We talked about things that were both on our minds. DH has a certain attachment to money, he's admitted that because at one point he said that money was more important than family. (his words, not mine) at this time though, the military is going to have to be the first priority for a very long time. We are a young couple in love. We are learning and we will continue to grow together. The reason I even opened this thread was to see if I should walk (because of the way he was acting towards me) or we should work it out. I did not come here to be scrutinized which a lot of you have done without fully knowing anything about me or my situation. All you know about me is from what I told you and that is all. But I will have you know this, nothing about me and my baby is a sham, or even has anything to do with me marrying him for his money. I love this man with all my heart and we are working things out. In 5 weeks we will be starting our lives together for the first time since Jan and I'm looking forwards to it. :) It was never about his money, or what he could get out of me either, the military takes that very serious and it is a form of fraud that they could kick you out for. I just needed to know that he had my back in love, money, disagreements, everything. A marriage takes TWO people and if we can't depend on each other, is it worth staying together? I'm an army brat, most of the men in my family are chiefs, snr. masters, etc so I've lived on both sides of the tracks. However I came in here to just get advice and for those of you who have given it to me without passing judgement I thank you for that. I'll have you know that we will be okay, and I'll be around the forums too. Thanks for your help.
 
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Seeking8Rights said:
Regarding your living situation, if you have a dependent ID and you have access to a base, you an stay at the lodging on base. Those rates are very inexpensive like $35 a night and may be a better alternative and save money. If you need help locating one, let me know I can look a few up for you.

Hugs :)
Click to expand...

That's what I was going to recommend staying in the Billeting. All the advice Seeking8Rights has given is VERY helpful. I don't like any of the things OPs husband is doing but IF OP decided to stay in the marriage, they MUST get on the same wavelength with their finances.
 
OP most people were in your corner from the beginning but you are very confusing. You say money in your family was scarce but that you were still spoiled growing up, later you say you were raised in an upper middle class home. So which is it? I don't know any upper income kids who had to stay at a shelter in college. It doesn't add up. You say you didn't know his family well but now say you guys are pretty close. You seem hell-bent on staying in a shelter and I have never heard of a person with supposedly so many resources determined to move into a shelter. You talk about your husband's job openly but are super secretive about what you do when it sounds like it is his job that should be more private. You write really long, well-written posts that never get to the heart of what's going on. Something is off. That is the issue. People coming in here worried about you and trying to help you, and you just want to take people round and round in circles. Just stop. Go stay in the shelter and good luck. You don't have to worry about me replying to anymore of your threads -- lesson learned.
 
racheljay1985 said:
Wow...that's all I can say. Quite a few of you have very wild imaginations, quite comical.

First of all. My DH and I met before I even knew his occupation. At the time he was living at home with his parents and working in mill work, and I had my own apartment, job, and was in college. We dated BEFORE he left for the military, but had already signed his contract. I didn't know he was even leaving for training until months after we made it official. (we met on PLENTYOFFISH believe it or not :) the chemistry was ridiculous. We both wanted a committed relationship that would eventually turn into a marriage and it's worked out that way) It was rough as time got closer but I dealt with it. We've gone through basic with the letters, then AIT, and now Airborne. I wasn't after his money back then, why the hell would I be money grubbing to get it now? His parents and myself are very close actually, mom and I go to dinner, we do spa days, and she's also big on giving me free things like jewelry, etc which I believe is a little much but what can I say? DH has two younger brothers who are always out doing their own thing so I have yet to meet them in person. When we would go to DH's graduations TOGETHER, his brothers were either in school, or too busy to come along. If his "white" parents had a problem with me, I highly doubt they'd offer me a room in their home until their son gets back into town. Now that things have been set straight on that point...I'll move on.

Yes, I mentioned I have been a sugar baby in the past and I brought that point up only because I was feeling like I may have been slipping back into that old way of thinking. I thought perhaps indeed it was me being to "needy" towards my husband. However, in this situation, it is not the case. I literally have only asked him for food money, once, and if he could pay for the hotel, once. The coach purse, the wii, the expensive gifts we both exchanged for our anniversary and Christmas, birthdays were all voluntary. We really do love each other.

Personally, I'm appalled at how immature some of you are. I have been apart of LHCF for quite a bit, never once came into a thread disrespecting another OP, nor have I spammed anyone. I came here for advice. Now, everyone has a mind of their own and this is the internet so I will take everything said with a grain of salt. The bottom like is that because my check was late, no matter if I left the state or whatever, it still would've been late. Can anyone disagree? You are right, I should have savings etc, but I'm clearly living paycheck to paycheck so that wasn't possible at the time, I have bills to pay. My point on the matter was that at the end of the day, if one is married, they need to depend on each other. That is all I wanted to express to my husband. He admitted that he was being selfish, he was also being emotionally borderline abusive. He has a tendency to over exaggerate things. I felt that by the way he was treating me, that if I couldn't get through to him, then perhaps someone (a marriage counselor)could and he wasn't having it. I chose to reside in a shelter (temporarily) because I felt that was my only way of getting help besides residing with his family. In all honesty, I really don't feel comfortable bringing my issues to their front door, I don't like to impose. I'd rather clear my head, and do things to prepare myself for my future, mentally, etc. in my own way. If that means humbling myself and going into a shelter, so be it, it's my decision. DH offered to pay for another month but was a bit too late as I had already checked myself in, and the extended stay hotel was full to the max.

If anyone cares to know, DH and I have talked and things seem to be looking up. He apologized for being disrespectful towards me...stingy is one of them. We talked about things that were both on our minds. DH has a certain attachment to money, he's admitted that because at one point he said that money was more important than family. (his words, not mine) at this time though, the military is going to have to be the first priority for a very long time. We are a young couple in love. We are learning and we will continue to grow together. The reason I even opened this thread was to see if I should walk (because of the way he was acting towards me) or we should work it out. I did not come here to be scrutinized which a lot of you have done without fully knowing anything about me or my situation. All you know about me is from what I told you and that is all. But I will have you know this, nothing about me and my baby is a sham, or even has anything to do with me marrying him for his money. I love this man with all my heart and we are working things out. In 5 weeks we will be starting our lives together for the first time since Jan and I'm looking forwards to it. :) It was never about his money, or what he could get out of me either, the military takes that very serious and it is a form of fraud that they could kick you out for. I just needed to know that he had my back in love, money, disagreements, everything. A marriage takes TWO people and if we can't depend on each other, is it worth staying together? I'm an army brat, most of the men in my family are chiefs, snr. masters, etc so I've lived on both sides of the tracks. However I came in here to just get advice and for those of you who have given it to me without passing judgement I thank you for that. I'll have you know that we will be okay, and I'll be around the forums too. Thanks for your help.
Click to expand...

Without knowing about your past (when i posted my questions), this is the part that I picked up on-- the point that it seemed to me that you are unaware about how your approach to dealing with your situation might have a long-term impact on the relationship.

You asked should you stay or go and that's why I responded.

I would love to hear your reflections about how you think this choice to spend money when things are tight on a hotel vs. staying with family, that you admit you are tight with will help the marriage or your own practices with money (that you alluded to being at issue). I was wondering about why you felt your job was too private to be in someone's home, but open enough to be in a shelter-- a distinction you made. I still stand by my point that it seems like there are some aspects of marriage that are still new to you and aren't prepared for, and instead positioned it like your husband is so selfish and that's the only issue.

You still didn't answer any of this but instead pulled the classic "my man is so good and yall all have it twisted" though YOU started this thread.

However, you aren't obligated to answer or reflect. I asked because you put it out there.
 
racheljay1985 said:
Wow...that's all I can say. Quite a few of you have very wild imaginations, quite comical.

First of all. My DH and I met before I even knew his occupation. At the time he was living at home with his parents and working in mill work, and I had my own apartment, job, and was in college. We dated BEFORE he left for the military, but had already signed his contract. I didn't know he was even leaving for training until months after we made it official. (we met on PLENTYOFFISH believe it or not :) the chemistry was ridiculous. We both wanted a committed relationship that would eventually turn into a marriage and it's worked out that way) It was rough as time got closer but I dealt with it. We've gone through basic with the letters, then AIT, and now Airborne. I wasn't after his money back then, why the hell would I be money grubbing to get it now? His parents and myself are very close actually, mom and I go to dinner, we do spa days, and she's also big on giving me free things like jewelry, etc which I believe is a little much but what can I say? DH has two younger brothers who are always out doing their own thing so I have yet to meet them in person. When we would go to DH's graduations TOGETHER, his brothers were either in school, or too busy to come along. If his "white" parents had a problem with me, I highly doubt they'd offer me a room in their home until their son gets back into town. Now that things have been set straight on that point...I'll move on.

Yes, I mentioned I have been a sugar baby in the past and I brought that point up only because I was feeling like I may have been slipping back into that old way of thinking. I thought perhaps indeed it was me being to "needy" towards my husband. However, in this situation, it is not the case. I literally have only asked him for food money, once, and if he could pay for the hotel, once. The coach purse, the wii, the expensive gifts we both exchanged for our anniversary and Christmas, birthdays were all voluntary. We really do love each other.

Personally, I'm appalled at how immature some of you are. I have been apart of LHCF for quite a bit, never once came into a thread disrespecting another OP, nor have I spammed anyone. I came here for advice. Now, everyone has a mind of their own and this is the internet so I will take everything said with a grain of salt. The bottom like is that because my check was late, no matter if I left the state or whatever, it still would've been late. Can anyone disagree? You are right, I should have savings etc, but I'm clearly living paycheck to paycheck so that wasn't possible at the time, I have bills to pay. My point on the matter was that at the end of the day, if one is married, they need to depend on each other. That is all I wanted to express to my husband. He admitted that he was being selfish, he was also being emotionally borderline abusive. He has a tendency to over exaggerate things. I felt that by the way he was treating me, that if I couldn't get through to him, then perhaps someone (a marriage counselor)could and he wasn't having it. I chose to reside in a shelter (temporarily) because I felt that was my only way of getting help besides residing with his family. In all honesty, I really don't feel comfortable bringing my issues to their front door, I don't like to impose. I'd rather clear my head, and do things to prepare myself for my future, mentally, etc. in my own way. If that means humbling myself and going into a shelter, so be it, it's my decision. DH offered to pay for another month but was a bit too late as I had already checked myself in, and the extended stay hotel was full to the max.

If anyone cares to know, DH and I have talked and things seem to be looking up. He apologized for being disrespectful towards me...stingy is one of them. We talked about things that were both on our minds. DH has a certain attachment to money, he's admitted that because at one point he said that money was more important than family. (his words, not mine) at this time though, the military is going to have to be the first priority for a very long time. We are a young couple in love. We are learning and we will continue to grow together. The reason I even opened this thread was to see if I should walk (because of the way he was acting towards me) or we should work it out. I did not come here to be scrutinized which a lot of you have done without fully knowing anything about me or my situation. All you know about me is from what I told you and that is all. But I will have you know this, nothing about me and my baby is a sham, or even has anything to do with me marrying him for his money. I love this man with all my heart and we are working things out. In 5 weeks we will be starting our lives together for the first time since Jan and I'm looking forwards to it. :) It was never about his money, or what he could get out of me either, the military takes that very serious and it is a form of fraud that they could kick you out for. I just needed to know that he had my back in love, money, disagreements, everything. A marriage takes TWO people and if we can't depend on each other, is it worth staying together? I'm an army brat, most of the men in my family are chiefs, snr. masters, etc so I've lived on both sides of the tracks. However I came in here to just get advice and for those of you who have given it to me without passing judgement I thank you for that. I'll have you know that we will be okay, and I'll be around the forums too. Thanks for your help.
Click to expand...


What did you say you do again?
 
OP, there were some things that didn't add up so you can see how this thread took a turn.

Also you said: "His parents and myself are very close actually, mom and I go to dinner, we do spa days, and she's also big on giving me free things like jewelry, etc which I believe is a little much but what can I say?"

BUT you can't go stay with them? This just doesn't add up at all; in fact most of it doesn't add up.

It's unfortunate that the thread took a turn but I believe you were given some good advice in the midst. I hope you make a decision that is beneficial to you, your DH, your marriage and your future.


Good Luck!!!
 
hopeful said:
OP most people were in your corner from the beginning but you are very confusing. You say money in your family was scarce but that you were still spoiled growing up, later you say you were raised in an upper middle class home. So which is it? I don't know any upper income kids who had to stay at a shelter in college. It doesn't add up. You say you didn't know his family well but now say you guys are pretty close. You seem hell-bent on staying in a shelter and I have never heard of a person with supposedly so many resources determined to move into a shelter. You talk about your husband's job openly but are super secretive about what you do when it sounds like it is his job that should be more private. You write really long, well-written posts that never get to the heart of what's going on. Something is off. That is the issue. People coming in here worried about you and trying to help you, and you just want to take people round and round in circles. Just stop. Go stay in the shelter and good luck. You don't have to worry about me replying to anymore of your threads -- lesson learned.
Click to expand...

My parents divorced when I was younger. My mother's family was upper middle class, my father's family was the same. They divorced when I was young. My mother worked but made a decent living for us most of the time. She made some odd choices a few times where we were put in some "poor" situations but that was temporary and things were back to being "nice" again. I was the only child as well and I was rarely told "no" for anything. I also left to live with some wealthy relatives in my high school years, I was raised in a few states (some summer months, some years) I guess I would consider Fairfax County VA where I was residing upper middle class? If you guys find me going in cirlces, I don't know what else to tell you. I feel I have been very blunt about what's been going on. I came in here (and I'm explaining this again) to seek advice on whether to walk or stay in my marriage because I felt my husband was being unsupportive. I said he worked military Intel but that's as much as I've gone on that and will say about it since it's supposed to be classified. My job on the other hand I've tried to explain too, and yet I said I wouldn't go into details about it much either yet people tend to press the envelope. No matter what my occupation is, the bottom line is that my husband had the means to help support me as at the time I couldn't support myself based on my check being late. What else is there to say? :perplexed
 
liberationtheory said:
Without knowing about your past (when i posted my questions), this is the part that I picked up on-- the point that it seemed to me that you are unaware about how your approach to dealing with your situation might have a long-term impact on the relationship.

You asked should you stay or go and that's why I responded.

I would love to hear your reflections about how you think this choice to spend money when things are tight on a hotel vs. staying with family, that you admit you are tight with will help the marriage or your own practices with money (that you alluded to being at issue). I was wondering about why you felt your job was too private to be in someone's home, but open enough to be in a shelter-- a distinction you made. I still stand by my point that it seems like there are some aspects of marriage that are still new to you and aren't prepared for, and instead positioned it like your husband is so selfish and that's the only issue.

You still didn't answer any of this but instead pulled the classic "my man is so good and yall all have it twisted" though YOU started this thread.

However, you aren't obligated to answer or reflect. I asked because you put it out there.
Click to expand...

The choice to stay wherever is temporary (his parents, or the shelter) but I still have to work. Neither places are working environments. So, therefore if I am spending $480 on a months stay, since I will be working, the money would go back into the pot. It's going to be made up anyway. I will be saving as I work. I also never mentioned I made $1600 a month:lol: I just mentioned that's how much my checks were combined. The hotel and a few classes is all I will be using out of those checks give or take some food money. The rest would be stashed anyway. You are right, I started this thread so therefore the answers I get will vary. However, I don't believe I should've received some of the off the wall posts that were made. No one knows my husband like I do, and most people would assume that he was withholding things from me that shouldn't be. He didn't even mention his mother offering me a place until much later. Until I was at the bottom of the barrel. My check is almost 1.5 months late. I asked him for assistance with food 2 months ago and all I received was attitude.
 
Windsy said:
OP, there were some things that didn't add up so you can see how this thread took a turn.

Also you said: "His parents and myself are very close actually, mom and I go to dinner, we do spa days, and she's also big on giving me free things like jewelry, etc which I believe is a little much but what can I say?"

BUT you can't go stay with them? This just doesn't add up at all; in fact most of it doesn't add up.

It's unfortunate that the thread took a turn but I believe you were given some good advice in the midst. I hope you make a decision that is beneficial to you, your DH, your marriage and your future.


Good Luck!!!
Click to expand...

Just because you are close with someone doesn't mean you want to bring your problems to their door step. Like I mentioned previously, I think pride is what stopped me, not to mention with my work, I cannot stay there. They have dogs, and his brothers play their music loud, etc. And yes, I was given some good advice which I thanked and took into consideration. However, some of it was quite laughable.

ETA: Also, one of my brother's in law is quite sick, he's having to go to the Emergency Room a lot. I wouldn't mind staying there once DH gets back as long as I'm with him. I just would feel awkward especially since I haven't even met his brother's yet. By the way, I'm your sister in law...I'll be in the room down the hall. Can you keep the noise down? :ohwell:
 
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Okay. I appreciate your reply. It sounds like you grew up in a lot of chaos but have not come to terms with that. Divorce, up and down finances, living with other relatives, you've been through more than you realize. You had to deal with a lot of instability. I think you are recreating that chaos ... subconsciously. I've done the same many times. I wish you the best.
 
@OP I believe you want to be married to your husband and if the TWO of you are willing to make it work then I wish you all the best. Only you know when enough is enough. I believe you two are young and need to make some better financial decisons. I've been there before ALSO as a young military spouse.
 
racheljay1985 said:
My parents divorced when I was younger. My mother's family was upper middle class, my father's family was the same. They divorced when I was young. My mother worked but made a decent living for us most of the time. She made some odd choices a few times where we were put in some "poor" situations but that was temporary and things were back to being "nice" again. I was the only child as well and I was rarely told "no" for anything. I also left to live with some wealthy relatives in my high school years, I was raised in a few states (some summer months, some years) I guess I would consider Fairfax County VA where I was residing upper middle class? If you guys find me going in cirlces, I don't know what else to tell you. I feel I have been very blunt about what's been going on. I came in here (and I'm explaining this again) to seek advice on whether to walk or stay in my marriage because I felt my husband was being unsupportive. I said he worked military Intel but that's as much as I've gone on that and will say about it since it's supposed to be classified. My job on the other hand I've tried to explain too, and yet I said I wouldn't go into details about it much either yet people tend to press the envelope. No matter what my occupation is, the bottom line is that my husband had the means to help support me as at the time I couldn't support myself based on my check being late. What else is there to say? :perplexed
Click to expand...

Well then why would you start a thread asking if your marriage will work?

YOU started the thread, we didn't'. If you are going to solicit advise, then you need to be prepared for people to ask questions. No one is trying to spam or bash you, but based upon the information you provided, things sounded a little fishy and it was voiced in the thread YOU started.

If you cannot accept speculations about the information you provided, then quite frankly you shouldn't have asked for advise. You cannot control or limit other peoples opinion of your own situation that you brought to a public forum. Being reckless with your own personal information and then calling people out for saying something is not wise. You were better off asking the pillow you lay your head on.

And BTW, being a sugar baby is NOTHING to make public (as I have seen in your prior post), so you might want to keep that to yourself, as it can be perceived as a judgement of your character that may come back to haunt you. Please believe.

Godspeed and Good Luck!
 
racheljay1985 said:
Just because you are close with someone doesn't mean you want to bring your problems to their door step. Like I mentioned previously, I think pride is what stopped me, not to mention with my work, I cannot stay there. They have dogs, and his brothers play their music loud, etc. And yes, I was given some good advice which I thanked and took into consideration. However, some of it was quite laughable.

ETA: Also, one of my brother's in law is quite sick, he's having to go to the Emergency Room a lot. I wouldn't mind staying there once DH gets back as long as I'm with him. I just would feel awkward especially since I haven't even met his brother's yet. By the way, I'm your sister in law...I'll be in the room down the hall. Can you keep the noise down? :ohwell:
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Rachel, I understand not wanting to involve other’s with your problems but you should not feel that way when it is family willing to open their door to you. I volunteer in homeless shelters and none of them would choose to be in that situation if they had an alternative. I could not imagine having a safe place to sleep and choosing a shelter to keep family out of my business, sweetie you should know it’s already too late. Your husband had to tell them something for them to agree to allow you to stay in their home. I understand feeling awkward residing with people you haven’t met but you should feel more awkward residing in the shelter. Good luck, I wish you nothing but the best. I hope you have learned from this and can avoid repeating it in the future.
 
hopeful said:
Okay. I appreciate your reply. It sounds like you grew up in a lot of chaos but have not come to terms with that. Divorce, up and down finances, living with other relatives, you've been through more than you realize. You had to deal with a lot of instability. I think you are recreating that chaos ... subconsciously. I've done the same many times. I wish you the best.
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I'm with hopeful on this. OP, you need to dig deeper and figure out the part you are playing in all of this.

My guess is that there's some part of you that is comfortable with the drama IRL and even on this board. And if in truth you are having the type of relationship you saying you're having with your mother in law it is just strange as h*ll that you wouldn't take her up on the offer to stay there for just a few short weeks over a homeless shelter. Even with the sick brother in law. And especially with your job constraints.

That choice may very well make sense to you, but from the outside it looks like unnecessary drama creation and playing mind games with your husband.

None of us know your husband or his side of the story, but based on how you've described yourself, it sounds like some of this is a pattern with you and maybe he's just tired of it.

Like hopeful I wish you the best. But, and I say this with all sincerity, you may want to consider counseling of some sort because you could be living a much better life then what you've described here.
 
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Seeking8Rights said:
Well then why would you start a thread asking if your marriage will work?

YOU started the thread, we didn't'. If you are going to solicit advise, then you need to be prepared for people to ask questions. No one is trying to spam or bash you, but based upon the information you provided, things sounded a little fishy and it was voiced in the thread YOU started.

If you cannot accept speculations about the information you provided, then quite frankly you shouldn't have asked for advise. You cannot control or limit other peoples opinion of your own situation that you brought to a public forum. Being reckless with your own personal information and then calling people out for saying something is not wise. You were better off asking the pillow you lay your head on.

And BTW, being a sugar baby is NOTHING to make public (as I have seen in your prior post), so you might want to keep that to yourself, as it can be perceived as a judgement of your character that may come back to haunt you. Please believe.

Godspeed and Good Luck!
Click to expand...

I started the thread because I felt that the way my husband was speaking in terms of "support" was whack and many agree it was. He knows it, I know it, and I wanted validation from other women. I don't find anything I said in this forum to be "reckless" and though I wouldn't shout out that I used to be a sugar baby from the roof tops, I don't see as how this forum is any different from chatting with your close girlfriends. At least that's how I perceived it to be on the many years I've spent here lurking and or active. It's clear that it isn't so from now on I will act as I did prior to this thread and keep things to myself. It's no thing to remove your pics from a "public" forum and be done with it so to me, it's not all that reckless, nor public. Compared to some of the things said here me admitting that I was a sugar baby is a walk in the park and I'm not ashamed of my past. I took the advice you gave me earlier which was what I needed. I appreciated what you said because you being a military wife is something I can relate to. However your tone changed as well in previous posts which made me raise an eyebrow, especially the fact that you would assume that just because my husband is white, that his family was ashamed of me or didn't want anything to do with me:lachen:. If that's the case, the white people in my family must not be telling me something.:drunk: It's cool though. The situation at hand is being fixed, we are both happy and looking forward to a very long, fulfilling marriage. Thank you all for your help.
 
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