Benevolence means 'good will, kindness.' A man and his wife are supposed to have good will toward one another and be kind to each other.
Just those two things would make a change is marriages that would seem almost miraculous if people would just be that way.
However, SELFISHNESS (a major characteristic of Satan) always rears its ugly head! The husband wants HIS WAY, and the wife wants HER WAY.
THEY ARE NOT ONE as God intended them to be.. They are not one in mind, one in direction, one in thought, one is deed, and therefore there is that "battle of the sexes" which is so often promoted by groups like NOW (National Organization of Women). There is that faction which promotes "women equal to men" (and they really mean women OVER men.)
Please take the time to read Proverbs 31 (the story of a righteous woman). When you read, please realize there is another side of that story which isn't being told here. It is that the husband in this story isn't trying to keep his wife from doing any of these things, and he doesn't feel threatened by these activities.
A husband and wife should be equal in the family, except for the fact the husband answers directly to God, and the wife answers to her husband and God.
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, AS UNTO THE LORD. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
"So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church." (Ephesians 5:22-32)
This shows a relationship between husband and wife that transcends anything physical. The husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church,
and gave himself for it. His example, love, care, and concern should cause the wife to be more godly in the Holy Spirit. The wife should reverence her husband (Ephesians 5:33) and the husband should GIVE HIMSELF for his wife (verse 25) in working, living and helping to fulfill God's commands to him!
This is as God intended from the start!
They should be WORKING together to make the family grow and prosper. They should be working together to teach their children how to live Godly lives. Each should be spending precious time with the children AND with each other. A husband and wife should have time just to themselves (together). Some have suggested they still have "dates" or that they should go for a short day or two of vacation....just the two of them. Of course, they should also take short trips with the children, teaching them how to relate to other people in society.
If husband and wife would obey God's scripture I quoted above, along with all the other things I mentioned that have been suggested (and there are even more), giving benevolence to one another, not defrauding one another (withholding sexual contact when it is desired) or using sex as a weapon against the other, then there would be happy, joyful husbands and wives, and their children would be balanced, happy and joyful as well.
There are far too many women who use sex as a tool to get their own way with a husband. Sometimes this leads to rape, the husband believing he has the "right" to sex if he is married to a woman. Sometimes it leads to the husband committing adultery with another woman, believing "well, if I can't get it at home, I can get it somewhere else!" All of this is WRONG!
If the marriage was all within the Godly context I have explained above, it would be the happiest, most joyful and productive relationship on the face of the earth. It would also produce children who would grow into healthy, obedient, cheerful, intelligent and productive people whom God could then easily convert to Godly people and then save them in the resurrection to Spirit Life.
Is there such a thing as a husband raping his wife? YES. Can he take full advantage of her if she is not willing? Because of his strength he can. However, it is not lawful...either in this society or in God's eyes.
Kim, I have been married over 50 years. We have had our ups and our downs. We have had our heartache and heartbreak, but we have had joy and love and happiness!
When a husband and wife BOND together as one, all the trials and tribulations of this life CANNOT dim their hope, love and joy of being together and producing a family. It will actually bond them more closely together and they put up "bulwarks" against more troubles.
The joy of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren cannot be described. It MUST be experienced to truly understand what a marriage is all about.
May God bless your understanding on this for it is NOT a minor matter.
I pray I have helped and edified you in what God desires from the marriage of a man and woman. It has tremendous potential that most have NEVER imagined.
erplexed, but I still can't say that "rape" is the answer!
I mean, what if I as a wife am pretty much down with all kinds of sexual acts, but I just can't get with anal sex, and my husband is just DYING to try it???? Do I have the "right" to say no. Does my husband have the "right" to make me do it, since we are now "one" and "we belong to each other???" If I refuse, does this give him "permission" to seek it elsewhere?
Thank you ladies. 
Whipz and Blosssom. It's the intro posts of this thread that are in question and the reason behind it.
