Bringing The Mistress Around The Family...

[Mortons]

If I ever found out my friends or family knew that someone was cheating on me and were quiet for the sake of being quiet, they are getting dumped right with my ex. That is so embarrassing and disrespectful.

 

[HAIRapy]

Hairapy how would you feel about leaving an anounomys note for her? I would tell her that she really, REALLY needs to show up at the family gathering this weekend because you all have a surprise for her.

Oh yeah, and tell her not to tell her husband either because the surprise is REALLY for him -that way, she'lll be tight lipped about the letter because she thinks yall will be doing something so sweet for him.

Tell her that she needs to be there at such and such time (when you know everyone will be leaving) because OF COURSE no one is going to let her in.

Well with everyone already knowing how I feel about the situation, the letter wouldn't be anonymous. It would be traced right back to me in no time I'm sure. I don't want to be stuck in the middle of that drama that goes on between people cheating- I've had my name in that mess before and it's not fun. I'd rather just keep my distance from the ho and KIM. I have to be at this function, and it's not my house and I can't be bringin that type of drama to the house I'm going to.

 

[BKVincy]

You have the situation exactly. Your answer was also exactly how I want to handle it. It she speaks to me first, I will say "hi" and that's it- I would not speak to her first. I will not be engaging in convo with her or even looking her way because I may make a face. Now if it was my house, she would not be allowed to come in, point blank.

Im good for making faces the person will know exactly what i think of them cause my face will say it ALL

I don't believe she does. She found out years ago that he cheated and she gave him holy hell. She kicked him out, eventually she took him back, so I don't think she'd take that laying down. Also, she is churchy-churchy... and he's a deacon- I didn't mention that. They go on multiple vacations a year, are kissy-kissy and stuff... I don't think she has any idea. I kinda wish he would get caught on Cheaters.

I dunno. I say go to your function and pretend like shes not there like she doesnt even exist why even bother saying hi. If she approaches you give her a blank stare as if she if from a totally different planet and KIM. Right there shell know to just stay outta your way and there wont be no problems to cause a drama situation

The wife might know and might be pretending like she doesnt so I wouldnt voice anything to her that might cause more embarrasment for her.
It hard for me to see someone being married for so long and not know your man is elsewhere. The connection would be lost deny it all they want they know something is " not right" so maybe shes just sparing herself the heartache and headache of it actually coming to life

 

[Makenzie]

I'm glad you ladies agree with me. This is kinda the situation I will be in this weekend. I know she's going to be there and I have nothing to say to her. If it was my house, she wouldn't be welcome and the family member would be thoroughly told about himself.

It's not my house, so I will keep the peace and just not entertain her existance at all. I got into a debate with my SO because he said I should just mind my business and treat her nicely. I said no because I would be DEEPLY hurt if I'd married my SO, had time in with the fam and come to find out that he was cheating AND the mistress was chilling with the fam too. That's a like a hard punch in the gut. I will not stand for that and I feel like treating her nicely is the same as condoning the behavior- which I do not.

I totally agree with your decision. Just make sure to treat the family member the same way you treat the sidepiece. It wouldn't be right to laugh and joke with him but dismiss her when they are both clearly trifling.

So what if she works a lot or is "stuck up" that does not mean he is supposed to cheat on her. Maybe there are reasons. But anyway if the family knows it is a mistress believe me the wife knows too. I've seen parties where the Husband showed how with his side piece and the wife after many years of being humiliated showed up with hers.

Do you know this bastard got the nerve to get angry.

Go figure.

I've seen this too. I've also seen when a man had his wife and sidepiece at the same family function and everyone was fine with it. I don't know if the wife knew the chick was there, but I'm thinking she did. I really wish I knew what happened later.

 

[HAIRapy]

I totally agree with your decision. Just make sure to treat the family member the same way you treat the sidepiece. It wouldn't be right to laugh and joke with him but dismiss her when they are both clearly trifling.

Chile please, best believe I'm gonna be cutting my eyes at him all night and he's gonna know why too. I'm gonna treat him just like I'm going to treat her because they are both wrong- him slightly more than her.

 

[jaiku]

I probably would stay my butt home. I don't know what to say out of my mouth so I'd go in for the kill. I'd probably introduce myself to her, ask her how long she's being seing someone else's husband, ask if she's friends with the wife. Ask if the wife knows and is so do they have a whole 3some thing going on. And I'd do it all with a sweet as pie smile. And if he said anything I'd just agree with him and say sorry DEACON. That's such a hot mess right there. If you going to do dirt keep that ish to yourself. Don't bring it around me or I'll show out.

 

[JustKiya]

I probably would stay my butt home. I don't know what to say out of my mouth so I'd go in for the kill. I'd probably introduce myself to her, ask her how long she's being seing someone else's husband, ask if she's friends with the wife. Ask if the wife knows and is so do they have a whole 3some thing going on. And I'd do it all with a sweet as pie smile. And if he said anything I'd just agree with him and say sorry DEACON. That's such a hot mess right there. If you going to do dirt keep that ish to yourself. Don't bring it around me or I'll show out.

That's the deal, right there!! Toss in a quick 'I'll be sure to mention you to Wife next time I see her - ya'll seem to have so much in common!!!'

 

[honeyflaava]

I encounter a similar situation like this quite frequently with a friend of my family. This woman is divorced, but is dating a "happily" married man and she brings him around to functions and it's known that he's married. His wife does not know. Yeah it's trifling on both their parts, but that's their business and they will have to deal with all of the consequences that arise from their actions. I don't treat him any differently, nor do I her. And me treating them both respectfully and being cordial and courteous does not in any, way, shape or form mean that I condone their actions.

 

[LadieCrn]

Your immediate family member is "happily" married, but brings his mistress to the family get-together. You're not best friends with the wife, but you like her. How do you treat the mistress?

1st of this would not be condoned in my household. I don't care even if it is my father or brother. I would not want any negativity around me like that. Worse yet it looks like the family members are ok with this kind of behavior. The worse feeling in the world is to know that not only where you being betrayed by your SO but everyone else already knew. I tell people straight up, I WILL TELL so if you have your dirty little secrets keep them away from me. Even if I hated a family members wife, I feel women do not deserve to be treated certain ways and how dare that woman show your face around a married mans family. Plus I am not getting cussed out for anyone else's BS.

 

[hopeful]

HAIRapy, the whole situation is very unfortunate. I did not know this was a common occurence for so many people. This thread has been enlightening. It's amazing to me how trifling men can be and how many of their friends/relatives condone their behavior. Please keep us updated, I have got to know how this goes down. Who knows maybe the wife will get off work early, change her mind, and surprise hubby all on her own, wouldn't that be grand?

 

[HAIRapy]

HAIRapy, the whole situation is very unfortunate. I did not know this was a common occurence for so many people. This thread has been enlightening. It's amazing to me how trifling men can be and how many of their friends/relatives condone their behavior. Please keep us updated, I have got to know how this goes down. Who knows maybe the wife will get off work early, change her mind, and surprise hubby all on her own, wouldn't that be grand?

I'll let yall know what happened. Thing is, I doubt if the wife shows up because it's an out of state event. I have expressed how I feel about this and how I do not want to be around her to one of my brothers and SO and their response was: "Awwww siht!" See, my brother is one of the tolerant males of the fam.... AND his SO for that matter. She actually met her and broke bread with the chick a while back. Anyway, I'll let yall know how it went down. Thanks for all your suggestions ladies.

 

[Almaz]

The whole thing is not only is it bad but the people that cover for the SHYTE outta be shot too. I would dump all of them because they condone this kind of behaviour.

 

[Spidergul]

I would def let HIM know how I feel about it, and ask him kindly to not ever bring her to any event at my house.

 

[HAIRapy]

I would def let HIM know how I feel about it, and ask him kindly to not ever bring her to any event at my house.

I have. He doesn't care.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I don't believe she does. She found out years ago that he cheated and she gave him holy hell. She kicked him out, eventually she took him back, so I don't think she'd take that laying down. Also, she is churchy-churchy... and he's a deacon- I didn't mention that. They go on multiple vacations a year, are kissy-kissy and stuff... I don't think she has any idea. I kinda wish he would get caught on Cheaters.

This does not surprise me in the least. In MY experience, you are MORE likely to find behavior of this sort at church than almost anywhere else.

I would let my DH and his family know that I refuse to sit and break bread with people who are flagrantly doing dirt. I would hate to be collateral damage when his wife busts through the door with an AK-47 :210:

 

[HAIRapy]

This does not surprise me in the least. In MY experience, you are MORE likely to find behavior of this sort at church than almost anywhere else.

I would let my DH and his family know that I refuse to sit and break bread with people who are flagrantly doing dirt. I would hate to be collateral damage when his wife busts through the door with an AK-47 :210:

This is not my SO's family, it's MY family. My SO is going to be there though and he told me that I should treat her nicely and mind my business.

 

[msdeevee]

NO freakin way!!!

If I know a man is married, he is not bringing his side piece around me ...especially not to my house never would she be allowed in to my home.

If I allowed that in my home that would be a clear signal to all that I am down with that behavior and if my DH was crazy enough to try that mess he could be sittin up at the fam's house with his side piece if I don't kill him first.

If I went to another relatives house and our mutual relative was there with his side thing , I'm still not speaking to her . I abhor that behavior and I will not condone it in any way.

I may even tell my relative that allows him to bring that to their house I can't come to their house anymore while they allow that cause they may do that mess to me.

Somebody ought to be dropping some hints to wifey.

 

[HAIRapy]

Okay everyone, I'm in South Carolina. I'm tipsy- and I try not to drink and post, but I have no choice ATM because I'm hyped due to tonight's events. I just wanted to give you ladies the update: Long story short- I called his wife and told her, I called the Ho and ho to her face- after not uttering one word to her the whole time so far that we've been here, I cussed him out, she told me I was beside myself for calling her a ho so I cussed the ho out too. I let them both have it! And now I feel better.

Stay tooned for the full story on Monday night when I get home- I'm on my BB right now.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Because she works A LOT. I don't know if she'll be working or if she's just resting, but she decided to pass on the event.

I'd invite her, tell her she needs to take off from work - even if it's for a few hours, and tell her to surprise her husband. i.e. don't let him know she's also coming along.

 

[HAIRapy]

We're MILES away. Anyway, him and the ho was kicked out early this morning. I called his wife and told her everything. Before he left, I told him that I'd tell his wife that he said "hi."

 

[HAIRapy]

I was screaming and arguing last night so my voice is gone today.

 

[Honey6928215]

I knew a lady who went through this. Her and her husband were having problems and they were trying to work it out or so she thought. But someone drop a dime to her that he's at a family birthday party with his sidepiece and of course everybody knows about her. She found out right then that he's been bringing her around the family for some time but didn't know it. And of course the family didn't say anything to her. She was heated. She went by the house discreetly and saw them together with the family laughing and eating. SHE WAS FURIOUS!!! But she got him good.

She called her three brothers and sisters to help her get HIS stuff out of the house. Her brother owns a locksmith so while they were cleaning out his stuff he changed the locks and security code to the house. Honey, as soon as everything cleaned out they all went to the house went to the house where they were at and dumped all his clothes in the yard. Lord, it was a mess when he came out and saw ALL his stuff in the yard.

I asked her why dump it in the person's yard? They didn't have anything to do with it. She told me that they condone that behavior and they should suffer, too. She couldn't believe that they smiled all up in her face KNOWING what he was doing. Therefore, she let them know that they are no better than him. His family members try to call talking about getting the situation resolved but she wasn't hearing it. She told them you all can have that mess and him! She finally divorced him. But it was crazy!

 

[CandiceC]

We're MILES away. Anyway, him and the ho was kicked out early this morning. I called his wife and told her everything. Before he left, I told him that I'd tell his wife that he said "hi."

Did the wife believe you? What was her reaction?


This whole situation is sad and trife. I'm glad they were put out.

 

[MizzBrown]

I knew a lady who went through this. Her and her husband were having problems and they were trying to work it out or so she thought. But someone drop a dime to her that he's at a family birthday party with his sidepiece and of course everybody knows about her. She found out right then that he's been bringing her around the family for some time but didn't know it. And of course the family didn't say anything to her. She was heated. She went by the house discreetly and saw them together with the family laughing and eating. SHE WAS FURIOUS!!! But she got him good.

She called her three brothers and sisters to help her get HIS stuff out of the house. Her brother owns a locksmith so while they were cleaning out his stuff he changed the locks and security code to the house. Honey, as soon as everything cleaned out they all went to the house went to the house where they were at and dumped all his clothes in the yard. Lord, it was a mess when he came out and saw ALL his stuff in the yard.

I asked her why dump it in the person's yard? They didn't have anything to do with it. She told me that they condone that behavior and they should suffer, too. She couldn't believe that they smiled all up in her face KNOWING what he was doing. Therefore, she let them know that they are no better than him. His family members try to call talking about getting the situation resolved but she wasn't hearing it. She told them you all can have that mess and him! She finally divorced him. But it was crazy!

SEE!! This it what makes me mad too. I'm gonna be mad at my SO/DH AND i will be mad at all the fools who sat around and condoned it. I'd cut EVERYONE off at that point.

They are no better than him to sit there and let that ho smile up in their face...

Folks dont realize that you NOT saying something means that you ARE condoning it. I dont give an *** what you have to say otherwise...

The same ones who talking bout its not their business and they'll still treat the mistress with respect are the ones who are capable of cheating themselves AND shouldnt get upset when it happens to them.

Let that happen to me..i'm cutting the ENTIRE family off. We wondering why we dont trust each other as black women and why black families are so divided....because of stupid ish like this!

 

[Honey6928215]

SEE!! This it what makes me mad too. I'm gonna be mad at my SO/DH AND i will be mad at all the fools who sat around and condoned it. I'd cut EVERYONE off at that point.

They are no better than him to sit there and let that ho smile up in their face...

Folks dont realize that you NOT saying something means that you ARE condoning it. I dont give an *** what you have to say otherwise...

The same ones who talking bout its not their business and they'll still treat the mistress with respect are the ones who are capable of cheating themselves AND shouldnt get upset when it happens to them.

Let that happen to me..i'm cutting the ENTIRE family off. We wondering why we dont trust each other as black women and why black families are so divided....because of stupid ish like this!

THANK YOU! She got all of them told! When she sent the divorce papers everybody try to talk to her saying that she is being childish (because she put his stuff in his aunt's yard). You know they were embarrassed also. But she told them about themselves. And what makes it so bad is her kids (12-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter) has met the woman numerous times. SHE WAS HOT!!! She told them that she don't want her children around that trash. They may have been raised around mess like that but her kids will not be exposed to it. Until, the divorce was final and she got settled he was allowed to see the children with supervision only. She was sticking it to him.

 

[HAIRapy]

Did the wife believe you? What was her reaction?


This whole situation is sad and trife. I'm glad they were put out.

She was asking me detailed questions and I was answering them. Yes, she believed me. She was also concerned about me because I was upset and crying.

 

[HAIRapy]

SEE!! This it what makes me mad too. I'm gonna be mad at my SO/DH AND i will be mad at all the fools who sat around and condoned it. I'd cut EVERYONE off at that point.

They are no better than him to sit there and let that ho smile up in their face...

Folks dont realize that you NOT saying something means that you ARE condoning it. I dont give an *** what you have to say otherwise...

The same ones who talking bout its not their business and they'll still treat the mistress with respect are the ones who are capable of cheating themselves AND shouldnt get upset when it happens to them.

Let that happen to me..i'm cutting the ENTIRE family off. We wondering why we dont trust each other as black women and why black families are so divided....because of stupid ish like this!

The trick noticed that I ignored her existence too. My brother told me that she wondered why I wasn't talking to her. My other brother (who I also wasn't speaking to cuz he was the cheater) came and asked me if I was mad at him.

 

[Tee]

She was asking me detailed questions and I was answering them. Yes, she believed me. She was also concerned about me because I was upset and crying.

Damn....drama ma. Hate you got caught up in it.

 

[AstroQueen77]

OP, you did the right thing. Good on you!

 

[lexi84]

Good for you OP! I wish there were more people out there like you.