Bringing The Mistress Around The Family...
- Thread starter HAIRapy
- Start date
KPH
House Head
you treat the mistress like a mistress and leave her outside. why would she want to sit around some man's family knowing good and well SOMEBODY IS GONNA TELL and if one of my drunk cousins is in the mix she's gonna get cursed out and probably slapped.
~~HoneyComb~~
Well-Known Member
They are no welcome in my house.
I don't entertain that kind of nonsense.
I don't entertain that kind of nonsense.
Ramya
New Member
"Oh are you a friend of Mrs. (insert his last name)"
Exactly. And I'd offer to give her a call to see how she's doing and why she couldn't make it. Don't bring that foolishness up in here.
HAIRapy
SuperDuper Member
I'm glad you ladies agree with me. This is kinda the situation I will be in this weekend. I know she's going to be there and I have nothing to say to her. If it was my house, she wouldn't be welcome and the family member would be thoroughly told about himself.
It's not my house, so I will keep the peace and just not entertain her existance at all. I got into a debate with my SO because he said I should just mind my business and treat her nicely. I said no because I would be DEEPLY hurt if I'd married my SO, had time in with the fam and come to find out that he was cheating AND the mistress was chilling with the fam too. That's a like a hard punch in the gut. I will not stand for that and I feel like treating her nicely is the same as condoning the behavior- which I do not.
It's not my house, so I will keep the peace and just not entertain her existance at all. I got into a debate with my SO because he said I should just mind my business and treat her nicely. I said no because I would be DEEPLY hurt if I'd married my SO, had time in with the fam and come to find out that he was cheating AND the mistress was chilling with the fam too. That's a like a hard punch in the gut. I will not stand for that and I feel like treating her nicely is the same as condoning the behavior- which I do not.
I don't allow that in my house either.
I remember I was at my grandmother inlaws house and Dh uncle was teasing me like crazy, i don't come from a family that does that. I finally looked at him and told him "you don't want me to get on your case" (He the one that brings the mistress to town one time and then the wife the next time). He shut up like that and his wife knew why and asked him about it later. Later the uncle asked my MIL to talk to me and my MIL asked Dh to talk to me about it. I told him if no one wants me to say anything they should be doing it.
I remember I was at my grandmother inlaws house and Dh uncle was teasing me like crazy, i don't come from a family that does that. I finally looked at him and told him "you don't want me to get on your case" (He the one that brings the mistress to town one time and then the wife the next time). He shut up like that and his wife knew why and asked him about it later. Later the uncle asked my MIL to talk to me and my MIL asked Dh to talk to me about it. I told him if no one wants me to say anything they should be doing it.
shawniegee
New Cut for '09
She put herself in this predicament,so she should be up for whatever.
HAIRapy
SuperDuper Member
No. I feel so bad for her. I've told this fam member about himself before about this type of trifling crap.
ETA: I wonder why this thread was moved to the relationship forum, this is not a relationship issue... not with me atleast. I started this thread in the OT section.
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blackmaven
Anything Is Possible
I clowned my uncle for trying to bring his mistress to my house years ago. She would show up at family events like she was the wife. Eventually,my uncle married her,ended up having a baby by his ex-wife while they were married. Hot nasty mess!
TCatt86
Well-Known Member
Talk about karma!!!! Craziness, but if I was his ex wife I wouldn't have let him even come back.
Keen
Well-Known Member
No. I feel so bad for her. I've told this fam member about himself before about this type of trifling crap.
ETA: I wonder why this thread was moved to the relationship forum, this is not a relationship issue... not with me atleast. I started this thread in the OT section.
I'd walk up to her and be like "You know he's married right?". I'd probably tell his wife also.
pinkgreenmommie
Member
She gets no luv from me...its a matter of respect. In addition at family gathering my children are present. I don't want to send them the message that this is ok. I would make it obvious that this is a no no! What ***** would have the nerve to even come. Doesn't she understand that until that man is divorced she is second...
Country gal
Well-Known Member
I don't play that. I don't want my husband doing it to me so I won't allow someone else's husband to do it. If they are seperated than that is a different animal.
I would be hurt if the family sat around and embraced another woman while I was married to my husband.
I would be hurt if the family sat around and embraced another woman while I was married to my husband.
discobiscuits
New Member
HAIRapy, in your situation, is the girl the actual present mistress or the former mistress cum current SO? Just wondering. Either way it is messed up but if she is the current SO & he's no longer with wifey (or ex-wifey), then the mistress/SO may be around for a while. *smh*
HAIRapy
SuperDuper Member
No, this man is my family member. He's "happily" married- has been married for YEEEEARS and he's still with his wife. He has this trifling waste of space on the side and he feels like it's ok for him to bring her around the family. My SO said that I shouldn't treat my family member's side piece any different than I would anyone else. He said that I should mind my business and treat her nicely. I just can't do that though... I refuse to play along like him bringing her is right.
HAIRapy
SuperDuper Member
Because she works A LOT. I don't know if she'll be working or if she's just resting, but she decided to pass on the event.
Highly Favored8
Well-Known Member
I was asked to stay out of other peoples affairs
! When I was told this I was so mad. I am like WTH from the dudes I know personsally who do this mess! who "happily married" they are sadly in these 2 men I know of they used(ing) the mistress for something(s) beside sex.For example one dudes "mistress" got free liquor all the time I mean big huge bottles for free all b/c "daddy" owns the Liquor store. I could go on and on However, I will not.
Oh the question how do I treat her. I just do not judge her be kind, courteous to her.
Tee
Active Member
I was just to ask this.
And that's a big part of the problem right there too. So some other chick is playing her wifey role.
Okay. I'm just saying!! She needs to know her role and play her part. She is not this man's wife and he is wrong for letting her think she walk up in a family event as if she is.
OP....Is the mistress someone the family already knows. Like a family friend or something? Just curious to know why she thinks it's okay to role up in the middle of a family event. Everyone will not be closed lipped about the situation.
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
I don't know - sounds like a whole lot of people 'stay out of other peoples business' because they don't want to be involved in 'drama' - even if it's their dear friends 'drama' and or lives on the line.
If hubby is a 'Golden Child' in the family, and wifey is 'that stuck up heifer working all the time instead of taking care of house and man' -
- I can see a whole lotta families being close-lipped about it - or being persuaded to keep their mouths shut by Granny. Damn shame the ish we perpetuate.
Tee
Active Member
I see where you are coming from HF. I would not be ugly to her; but I would go out of my way to extra friendly with her knowing what's up.I was asked to stay out of other peoples affairs
For example one dudes "mistress" got free liquor all the time I mean big huge bottles for free all b/c "daddy" owns the Liquor store. I could go on and on However, I will not.
Oh the question how do I treat her. I just do not judge her be kind, courteous to her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hairpy............Am I looking at this situation wrong? Let me put the situation out there like this. (and tell me if this is what you are sorta talking about okay.)
My Uncle Glenn shows up to a family reunion with Gladys Ann. BUT Glenn is married to Pauline. The whole family knows Gladys Ann is sleeping with Glenn and she is there with Glenn. Now, the question is should I be nice to Gladys Ann??????
ANSWER: I wouldn't be rude to her. But I wouldn't have jack to do with her knowing she is at our reunion with my Uncle and my Uncle's wife is at home resting because she is working to darn much. Man, bump Gladys Ann. I will greet her because I am suppose to. (I wouldn't go out of my way to greet her though.) But that is about it.
HAIRapy
SuperDuper Member
No didn't know her before him. I don't even know her, I couldn't pick her out of a lineup. My fam member brings her around my other male fam members mostly (not at functions, just hanging out)- and they see nothing wrong with her being around. I feel like I'm the only one protesting it. This will be the first time he's bringing her around the whole family- I don't know how the other women will react. He told me he was going to bring someone with him and I thought he meant a dude friend so I didn't question any further. I later found out from another male fam member that he was talking about the hoe.
Tee
Active Member
The bold is soooo true. But you know every family has that one person (at least one) who is going to do and say what the hell they want to. Out of my 5 Aunts, at least 3 would call them out! (But I know my family is different. They don't bite their tongues about much of nothing.)I don't know - sounds like a whole lot of people 'stay out of other peoples business' because they don't want to be involved in 'drama' - even if it's their dear friends 'drama' and or lives on the line.
If hubby is a 'Golden Child' in the family, and wifey is 'that stuck up heifer working all the time instead of taking care of house and man' -
Tee
Active Member
Thanks for clearing that up for me. All I can do it laugh now. He knows he is out of line. He souldn't even bring her around the family period! She should know she shouldn't be going and stay her butt away.No didn't know her before him. I don't even know her, I couldn't pick her out of a lineup. My fam member brings her around my other male fam members mostly (not at functions, just hanging out)- and they see nothing wrong with her being around. I feel like I'm the only one protesting it. This will be the first time he's bringing her around the whole family- I don't know how the other women will react. He told me he was going to bring someone with him and I thought he meant a dude friend so I didn't question any further. I later found out from another male fam member that he was talking about the hoe.
HAIRapy
SuperDuper Member
You have the situation exactly. Your answer was also exactly how I want to handle it. It she speaks to me first, I will say "hi" and that's it- I would not speak to her first. I will not be engaging in convo with her or even looking her way because I may make a face.
Now if it was my house, she would not be allowed to come in, point blank.Similar threads
