Black Women are the least desirable?

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

I know this may be a sensitive subject, but it's been playing on my mind lately and I'm really curious for some different views of you wise women.

OK, there's this other forum I frequently go on, it's www.thestudentroom.co.uk. It's a UK based student forum, with topics such as education and also life being discussed. It's a fairly decent place for the most part, but every once in a while there have been discussions about racial preferences in relationships, and I have discovered that Black Women seem to come bottom of many people's romantic preferences, amongst the different races, which I was quite shocked about, and also disappointed, obviously . Reasons I've read for this (sorry if this causes offence, but this is true stuff that people have said on the forum, that I'm just adding to illustrate, so brace yourself): Black Women are the least attractive, look more manly than women in other races, have bad hair, not nice faces, have too big butts, are mainly overweight, are too loud and facety, etc etc . Obviously, this sounds like total bullcrap to me, since I've seen plenty of beautiful Black woman, and I myself am not a loud and rude girl

And even still, Black Men seem to get more good rep on that site than Black Women . When I also compare to my own life, I'm 18, and have only had one boyfriend so far, and I really don't get that much attention from men to be honest. Then I see a lot of my peers that seem to get guys really easily, and surprise surprise, they're all white girls. So I am seeing a bit of a pattern here. I do live in a mostly white area, so that could be partly it, I dunno. And to add, I think I probably have seen more BMWW couples than BWWM couples.

Basically, I just want to know what you all think. Since we're all Black women, I thought this would be the perfect place to ask. So, has anyone ever really experienced this whole "Black women are less attractive" thing? Or fortunately not? I know I'm just a young Brit talking here, but I want to know opinions from women in the USA and other places as well. Fire away.

 

[Maracujá]

My personal opinion is that it has to do with how the media has chosen to portray Black women from around the world.

 

[carcajada]

If you don't receive the number of responses you were expecting, try doing a search. This topic as been discussed in depth many times.

 

[Bunny77]

I know you're in university, so I can understand that this is a serious issue for you right now.

That being said, I'm going to recommend that you limit your exposure to websites like that one, and start paying attention to more positive, black-women affirming sources of information.

I know this woman's blog is controversial, but she has a challenge going on right now that I wish more of us would consider.

http://sojournerspassport.com/

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

If you don't receive the number of responses you were expecting, try doing a search. This topic as been discussed in depth many times.

OK, I didn't realise, sorry. I will do a search, thanks for letting me know.

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

I know you're in university, so I can understand that this is a serious issue for you right now.

That being said, I'm going to recommend that you limit your exposure to websites like that one, and start paying attention to more positive, black-women affirming sources of information.

I know this woman's blog is controversial, but she has a challenge going on right now that I wish more of us would consider.

http://sojournerspassport.com/

Oh, I'm not actually in uni yet, but I've been researching it. That forum isn't a 100% joy, but there's still loads of decent people to talk to, if you filter out the trolls and rude posters.

And thanks for that link, I will check it out

 

[Nina_deF]

I haven't found that statement to be true, it's just a bunch of b*llsh*t.

I don't care what some students think, everyone has their own preference, mine is not skinny, pimpled faced white guys although I'm sure they turn somebody on.

Whatever the media says, just take a walk on the town and you will see for yourself.

 

[Bunny77]

Oh, I'm not actually in uni yet, but I've been researching it. That forum isn't a 100% joy, but there's still loads of decent people to talk to, if you filter out the trolls and rude posters.

And thanks for that link, I will check it out

I gotcha!

That does sound like a good forum. I guess I should have said that I think that you and all black women should avoid reading ANYTHING in which black women are going to be criticized and degraded, especially by black men. There's nothing of value to you as a beautiful black woman who deserves the best out of life, and should only be surrounded by messages designed to uplift you and add value to your life.

So just leave the parts about racial preferences in dating alone and enjoy the rest of the forum.

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

I gotcha!

That does sound like a good forum. I guess I should have said that I think that you and all black women should avoid reading ANYTHING in which black women are going to be criticized and degraded, especially by black men. There's nothing of value to you as a beautiful black woman who deserves the best out of life, and should only be surrounded by messages designed to uplift you and add value to your life.

So just leave the parts about racial preferences in dating alone and enjoy the rest of the forum.

Yeah, you're right, I will try to avoid those threads from now on. I do know anyway, that there are also a fair amount of men (black and non-black) on and off that forum who would date Black Women, so it's not all bad I guess. I guess I'm just trying to pin point why exactly I myself might not be getting that much male attention these days, but I suppose that's another topic

 

[Bunny77]

I guess I'm just trying to pin point why exactly I myself might not be getting that much male attention these days, but I suppose that's another topic

I've been there, so I understand how you feel on that. There are a lot of threads on this board that address that too.

The answer though, is definitely NOT going to come from nasty online comments (or real-life comments) about why black women are soooooo awful and should just crawl in a hole and die.

 

[Kurlee]

hmmmmmmm, in my experience, yes, it appears to be true. Do I see myself that way? No, but I acknowledge that the world, in general, sees black women this way. It is mostly based in ignorance and historical bashing but given that there are more than 6 billion people in the world, there have to be at least a handful, who don't see it that way and that's all I need.

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

hmmmmmmm, in my experience, yes, it appears to be true. Do I see myself that way? No, but I acknowledge that the world, in general, sees black women this way. It is mostly based in ignorance and historical bashing but given that there are more than 6 billion people in the world, there have to be at least a handful, who don't see it that way and that's all I need.

Ooh, I like this comment . The only thing is, it seems difficult at times to find these people . I suppose I shan't give up yet, still got many years to come

 

[lotusdream]

Oh, I'm not actually in uni yet, but I've been researching it. That forum isn't a 100% joy, but there's still loads of decent people to talk to, if you filter out the trolls and rude posters.

And thanks for that link, I will check it out

Maybe it's the trolls on the site that are trying to reinforce negative stereotypes. If I were you I wouldn't really worry about negative feelings expressed over the internet.

 

[Kurlee]

Ooh, I like this comment . The only thing is, it seems difficult at times to find these people . I suppose I shan't give up yet, still got many years to come

yup, it is hard to filter people out and find those who genuinely have their head screwed on straight, but when u find them it's

 

[lea86111]

deleted

instead i'll just say, be the best YOU you can be and believe and trust many men will come to you. One man's garbage (not saying you are at all) is another man's treasure. Kanyeshrug

 

[lea86111]

double post

wow i didn't even know i had posted, my phone was tripping so i left it alone (hence the unfinished post)

 

[frida1980]

Here's a tip. Instead of listening to blogs, I think about this. I think about how many stares I get from the opposite sex of all races. I think of how changing into my favorite dress makes guys give me random discounts. I think about how I occasionally make teenage boys stutter incoherently. I think about how my boyfriends would tell me how beautiful I was, even if I didn't feel like it. I think about when my ex told me he loved me for the first time. When I think about all those things, I don't care about some ignorant bloggers. People all over will find some reason to hate black women, white women, asian woman, hispanics, etc. But what they think of them, does not matter to me. I'm not their stereotype that they like to dis and write off. I'm just me and they don't know me.

Men of all colors find me very attractive. They find my demeanor cute and sexy. They love my body, especially my butt. So, let the haters hate. There's plenty of men that let their racism or society warp their desires into something fowl. Letting their narrow views of the world hurt me, only gives them more power. Regardless of what they think, I know that I am a beautiful desirable woman. Always remember that no matter what happens.

 

[Enyo]

These threads should be locked immediately. Seriously. This is getting to be a bit much.

 

[lushcoils]

Here's a tip. Instead of listening to blogs, I think about this. I think about how many stares I get from the opposite sex of all races. I think of how changing into my favorite dress makes guys give me random discounts. I think about how I occasionally make teenage boys stutter incoherently. I think about how my boyfriends would tell me how beautiful I was, even if I didn't feel like it. I think about when my ex told me he loved me for the first time.

And what if we don't experience these kinds of things often. What are we supposed to think about?

 

[LivingDol1]

i think what others have said is all good advice. don't pay attention to the media. and stop worrying about stereotypes. if you don't fit that stereotype, what do you have to worry about?

and it's bull... men not being attracted to black women. i went out last night for the first time in a verrrry long time with a friend of mine who is blonde, blue eyed, cute body, all americana. a guy approached us and the 3 of us had a nice conversation. as we were leaving, to my surprise he asked for my number, not hers. same thing happened at the next place we went. lol.

men are attracted to attractive women. loud and rude is unattractive no matter what your race is.

stop reading the internets. get out there, socialize, and you'll be less worried about this silly topic.

 

[Supervixen]

I know you're in university, so I can understand that this is a serious issue for you right now.

That being said, I'm going to recommend that you limit your exposure to websites like that one, and start paying attention to more positive, black-women affirming sources of information.

I know this woman's blog is controversial, but she has a challenge going on right now that I wish more of us would consider.

http://sojournerspassport.com/

I've nothing to add to the OP's topic, but thanks for posting this blog.

 

[frida1980]

And what if we don't experience these kinds of things often. What are we supposed to think about?

You know, I never made a guy stutter until I went to the more country part of NC. In Durham/Chapel Hill there is a abudance of good looking but dismissive guys. In the east, apparently BW are seen differently there.

Well, look at yourself. Look at all major descriptions about yourself. Personality, career choice, hobbies, body type, hair type, skin color. Now type those into google and the words "men looking for." Sometimes the comments are really good. A lot of white men actually love the body, hair, attitude, and personality of BW. Start talking to men online platonically that may be interested in someone like you. A friend of mine did this, and had a assortment of men that gave her a lot of self confidence, even though she had scoliosis.

But the point of all this, is that you need to feel good about yourself personally and have pride in who you are. I can't promise that the majority of men will find you attractive, but I can tell you that these blogs do not represent the minds of all men on earth. There are probably many things about yourself personally that men find attractive. You just need some reminders...

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

Quite honestly, I am beginning to believe that the reason most non-black men are so adamant about not finding black women attractive is because of our reputation for not wanting anything but black men. I really think it is a case of sour grapes.

 

[Bunny77]

Quite honestly, I am beginning to believe that the reason most non-black men are so adamant about not finding black women attractive is because of our reputation for not wanting anything but black men. I really think it is a case of sour grapes.

Hmmm... interesting...

I can see it as a chicken-egg thing.

In many IR discussions, someone might bring up a study or stats showing BW being less likely to be IR married or being less likely to be contacted by non-BM on online sites, etc... then a common answer from BW is...

"Cool, I didn't want their pasty pink cracka behinds anyway,"

Or then going back to what I used to see in such discussions... those interested in IR would be chatting and a random BW would have to bust into the conversation and go, "Nothing but a black KANG for me!"

Hey cool, but uh, why are you in the IR thread or in an IR discussion?

So... I could possibly see non-black men thinking, "Good, I didn't want your ugly black behind no way!"


It's like the dude always trying to holla and once you brush him off, he talks about how he didn't want your ugly behind anyway. Uh yeah you did... 10 seconds ago.


Whatever though... I can't get worked up over e-gangstas (woman, man, black, white, etc.)...

 

[MzLady78]

Ladies, PLEASE stop entertaining this bull****. Seriously.

I really don't get how posting stuff like this on a site geared towards black women is in any way productive.

 

[Raspberry]

These threads should be locked immediately. Seriously. This is getting to be a bit much.

I feel where you're coming from but on the other hand, it's obvious that many black women are blindsided by the sentiments in the OP and don't know how to handle it. Us suppressing commentary (however unpleasant) won't make the circumstances go away..

 

[Raspberry]

hmmmmmmm, in my experience, yes, it appears to be true. Do I see myself that way? No, but I acknowledge that the world, in general, sees black women this way. It is mostly based in ignorance and historical bashing but given that there are more than 6 billion people in the world, there have to be at least a handful, who don't see it that way and that's all I need.

This is how I feel as well. Yes on a macro societal level black women are often seen as the least desirable, but micro interactions between individuals count the most because attraction, sex appeal, and unique personality quirks are experienced one on one.

You could make a statement saying "fat women are the least desirable" - which is true on a macro societal/cultural level, but we all know that plenty of overweight women are married, dating, and have their fans. What's going on in your social circle is much more significant than blanket generalizations that don't' tell the stories of our daily lives.

 

[Kash]

Hmmm... interesting...

I can see it as a chicken-egg thing.

In many IR discussions, someone might bring up a study or stats showing BW being less likely to be IR married or being less likely to be contacted by non-BM on online sites, etc... then a common answer from BW is...

"Cool, I didn't want their pasty pink cracka behinds anyway,"

Or then going back to what I used to see in such discussions... those interested in IR would be chatting and a random BW would have to bust into the conversation and go, "Nothing but a black KANG for me!"

Hey cool, but uh, why are you in the IR thread or in an IR discussion?
So... I could possibly see non-black men thinking, "Good, I didn't want your ugly black behind no way!"


It's like the dude always trying to holla and once you brush him off, he talks about how he didn't want your ugly behind anyway. Uh yeah you did... 10 seconds ago.


Whatever though... I can't get worked up over e-gangstas (woman, man, black, white, etc.)...

Exactly!

 

[lea86111]

i don't think this thread shoul be locked unfortunately these are things that some bw ARE thinking about and ARE worried about AND this IS a relationship forum. I understand it could be hard to read some of these questions and we're never gonna know the answers. I'm gonna delete my previous post cause maybe it's a little discouraging, but i think especially in europe it's smth a bw is gonna think about (i was born and raised in europe, but i'm african) and everytime i had a crush on smb i would wonder if they liked bw. So it's a legittimate question and like someone said before ignoring the topic isn't going to make it go away.

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

These threads should be locked immediately. Seriously. This is getting to be a bit much.

I'm really sorry ladies, I realise that making this thread wasn't such a great idea . Still, I think I have enough satisfactory replies now. Mods, feel free to lock this thread if you so wish