Be honest: Do you trust your Dh/SO??

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Beautytalk69

New Member
I've been doing some soul searching lately..and I've realized I don't trust my husband. I think I already knew that, but I've finally be able to admit it. Problem is, I don't know if it's him or me. You see the thing is, I don't trust anyone..especially men. I have been conditioned to believe all of them cheat. I'm afraid that my feelings may become my reality. I always accuse him of cheating or plotting to cheat. He gets really hurt by these comments..but i just figure he's getting defensive because it's true. I'm honestly thinking about just getting a divorce and not getting involved with anyone. My husband and I aren't saints..never have been. That's all I'm going to say about that. I just don't know if I can spend the rest of my life alone..but I don't know if I can be in relationship either.
I guess my question is, am I alone on this? Am I just crazy? If you have ever had this problem,how did you deal?

I know this should be in the relationship forum, but I really need advice, and this forum gets more traffic.
 
I'm not sure whether I have any constructive advice, but I'm sure there are plenty of ladies who will. I just want to say sorry that you are going through this. I hope that you find the peace you are looking for and the answers you need. Don't make any rash decisions based on what you heard on a hair forum though:lachen:.....take time and consider what's right for you:yep:.

:bighug:
 
I hate that you are experiencing this, marriage should be built on trust. I wish you nothing but the best, whatever you decide.

I had extreme trust issues before I met my husband. I trust my husband with my life, if I didn't there is no way I could be married to him.

That does not mean that I have blinders on and will not notice anything odd, I just don't go out looking for it.
 
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I trust him until I see a reason not to. To date, he hasn't given me a reason not to trust him.

Sent from my Samsung Epic :)
 
I think, deep down, i couldn't fully trust a so/dh. Even if he was/is the sweetest thing on earth, draped me in gold and diamonds, massaged my feet everyday after work, fulfilled my every need, sensitive, thoughtful, compassionate...i'd probably still give him a side eye every so often.

However, i wouldn't make it a point to accuse him of cheating if there wasn't any sound evidence. That honestly gets old and can run your relationship into the ground... your man will get tired of it and MAY eventually cheat due to angst, or to spite you... making it kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
 
moda said:
I hate that you are experiencing this, marriage should be built on trust. I wish you nothing but the best, whatever you decide.

I had extreme trust issues before I met my husband. I trust my husband with my life, if I didn't there is no way I could be married to him.

That does not mean that I have blinders on and will not notice anything odd, I just don't go out looking for it.
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Here's weird thing..I trust him with my life and money. However, I don't trust him not to cheat.:ohwell:
 
I guess he's cheated in the past? And maybe your mind just keeps going back to that?

If not, then give him a break. He's gonna get fed up after a while.
 
Beautytalk69 said:
Here's weird thing..I trust him with my life and money. However, I don't trust him not to cheat.:ohwell:
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I am so sorry you are experiencing this :bighug:

When I said I trust him with my life I am including cheating because if he cheats that means he has the potential to bring diseases to me and I did not get married to worry about STDs

I hope that you are able to work through this. If you have valid reasons for feeling this way I am not sure how it would work.
 
LoveisYou said:
have you consider counseling OP? Honestly it must be hard being constantly accused of cheating :(
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Independent counseling or couples counseling? I have done independent..and I had a hard time trusting the therapist..(again, my trust issues). I couldn't get it with my husband..because there are some things I don't feel comfortable saying to him. Like I said, I'm sure he knows I don't trust him..but I've never really said. If he found out..it wouldn't be pretty.
 
moda said:
I am so sorry you are experiencing this :bighug:

When I said I trust him with my life I am including cheating because if he cheats that means he has the potential to bring diseases to me and I did not get married to worry about STDs

I hope that you are able to work through this. If you have valid reasons for feeling this way I am not sure how it would work.
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okay I understand what you meant. And thank you.
 
I trust my husband. I don't trust others around him. I've seen and heard some things that I don't like. We have too much to lose. He won't risk all of what we have.
 
Open up to a counselor it may help to understand where your issues are. I am the type that holds everything in so it was hard for me to open up to someone, especially someone I did not know.

Being defensive about cheating does not necessarily confirm the act. I had an ex fiance that was beyond insecure and accused me of cheating all the time. I spent so much time trying to show him how it was impossible that I cheated and all it did was confirm in his head that I was guilty.

If you step back and give a real objective look at your situation and your dh has not given you any valid reasons to believe he is cheating then I think you should work on your marriage by working on yourself first.
 
I trust my dh. But I only 100% trust God if that makes sense.

I'm sorry you're feeling that way OP- I have no advice but I wanted to say thanks for your honesty in saying that. I believe many women feel this way regardless if it's warranted.
 
Zaynab said:
I trust my dh. But I only 100% trust God if that makes sense.

I'm sorry you're feeling that way OP- I have no advice but I wanted to say thanks for your honesty in saying that. I believe many women feel this way regardless if it's warranted.
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It makes complete sense.
 
Beautytalk69 said:
Independent counseling or couples counseling? I have done independent..and I had a hard time trusting the therapist..(again, my trust issues). I couldn't get it with my husband..because there are some things I don't feel comfortable saying to him. Like I said, I'm sure he knows I don't trust him..but I've never really said. If he found out..it wouldn't be pretty.
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I'm sure he knows you don't trust him if you accuse him of cheating. (((hugs))) I don't have the answer, but I'm sure the other ladies can give you some insight
 
Sorry you're feeling such a way. I trust my dh and will continue to trust until I'm given a reason otherwise.
 
I trust my SO. He has never given me a reason not to and I haven't had bad experiences to make me a distrustful person.
 
I trust my SO, but I'm not looking for things either. If it doesn't sit right with me, I'll ask in a heartbeat (and vice-versa). Communication is truly a key to keep people together.
 
I never trust any man I'm in a relationship with. They always let me down. How ever I don't go into a relationship looking for problems the ish always comes to me like girls calling my phone, a baby, SO staying out late. Yep pretty much I don't trust any man I'm dating.
 
After the stories men in my former workplace shared with me, I'm surprised I would trust a man, but I decided I with the man I'm with now, I would. We have a policy that we tell each other what we need to, no matter how bad it is. So far, so good. He's been really open, and so have I.

I listened to those men share stories I couldn't believe. Some would set the alarm clock ahead of time, or the time, so they could get up and go have breakfast with their girlfriend. We use to have to be at work at 5 in the morning, so most of their wives were sleep. A lot of them shared an apartment amongst one another and would have swap days if it wasn't their week to have the key. I could go on an on. These were middle aged men. Some of the stuff they did, I wonder who would think of this kinda stuff, and why not just get a freaking divorce. Makes it really hard to trust people because when I would meet the wives at a function, they appeared so loving. Who knows, maybe they had their own fling going in.
 
@Beautytalk69 <<Cue sweet and sincere voice>> I saw a post of yours in another thread and I wonder if maybe you are bi/gay and maybe that's why you feel your dh is or will cheat. Sometimes as wives, we project our fears onto our spouse because they are the person we trust the most, when they haven't done anything to harm us. I hope that you will explore this issue because it must be tiring to be accused and to accuse and I can see where it would be a big wedge in a marriage.
:bighug:
 
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yardyspice said:
@Beautytalk69 <<Cue sweet and sincere voice>> I saw a post of yours in another thread and I wonder if maybe you are bi/gay and maybe that's why you feel your dh is or will cheat. Sometimes as wives, we project our fears onto our spouse because they are the person we trust the most, when they haven't done anything to harm us. I hope that you will explore this issue because it must be tired to be accused and to accuse and I can see where it would be a big wedge in a marriage.
:bighug:
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What in the hae3ll does that have to do with anything. Real talk. :lol:
 
I really trust my husband when it comes to relationships and money. What I don't trust about is taking care of me if sick or ill. The guy is going to go hide under a rock or find the first nursing home the moment I hint at being incapacitated.
 
From wiki post on projection:
In one example of the process, a person might have thoughts of infidelity with respect to a spouse or other partner. Instead of dealing with these undesirable thoughts consciously, the subject unconsciously projects these feelings onto the other person, and begins to think that the other has thoughts of infidelity and that the other may be having an affair. In this way, the subject may obtain 'acquittal by his conscience - if he projects his own impulses to faithlessness on to the partner to whom he owes faith'.[7] In this sense, projection is related to denial, arguably the only more primitive defense mechanism than projection, which, like all defense mechanisms, provides a function whereby a person can protect the conscious mind from a feeling that is otherwise repulsive.
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pookaloo83 said:
What in the hae3ll does that have to do with anything. Real talk. :lo:
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Sometimes a husband will accuse a wife of cheating because he is having thoughts of cheating or has cheated. I am wondering if this is the same thing in reverse.
 
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