Trust

Prettymetty said:
Timing. When we met I was 19. Now I’m 37. I always seemed to be in a relationship. I wasn’t that into him back then either. I friend zoned him.
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While this says it all, you need to be safe. I just told someone today you cant make a person level up a minute sooner than they are ready to. You arent ready to leave him, as you are still making excuses for him. The minute you realize you deserve better, you will do better, but you wont do it until the moment you are ready. You need to really leave him alone, but until you reach that point, please be safe, block your location and be aware of your surroundings.
 
There's a difference between having irrational insecurities and trust issues and being around a man that treats you in such a way that makes feeling secure around him and trusting a difficult task.

I still think the therapy is a good idea in this type of situation to figure out why you allow yourself to be treated this way.

Note : the bit about venting to females not helping was a bit odd to say when posting on a women's forum (maybe it wasnt meant that way, IDK).
 
Prettymetty said:
I know how insecure he is about me. I also know what he’s done in the past. No matter how much I make him feel like it’s just him, there’s always some doubt.
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In my own experience, every time I made excuses for someone because I think I know their boundaries or I'm aware of their f'd up history that causes them to do f'd up things it's come back to bite me in predictable ways. Save yourself the trouble. Just knowing that he's tracking you is enough for you to drop him. That's stalker behavior. If I wasn't concerned for your safety, I'd suggest you confront him (on the phone) about it but crazy people are crazy. I'm stating the obvious because too many times we laugh at crazy behavior or dismiss it instead of seeing it for the warning that it is.
 
FWIW I don't really think you need therapy. I think you're ignoring red flags because you've known him for 20 years and it's giving you a false sense of security. Therapy will help. I'm not dismissing that. I just think he got you at a point in your life where you're particularly vulnerable and he's had a lot of time to study you and knows how to manipulate the situation. Men pull the bait and switch all the time and then our girlfriends show little sympathy because they expect us to get over the guy immediately. Feelings don't work like that but common sense does. You need to leave him immediately and not let him talk you into continuing no matter how much you want to be with him and no matter how good it feels when he's acting right. That's what common sense will do for you.

I'm not suggesting you don't have common sense btw. You do. That's why you started this thread and shared so much. You're just ignoring it. On some level you know what we're telling you is right but you needed to get it out of your head first for confirmation.
 
BonBon said:
There's a difference between having irrational insecurities and trust issues and being around a man that treats you in such a way that makes feeling secure around him and trusting a difficult task.

I still think the therapy is a good idea in this type of situation to figure out why you allow yourself to be treated this way.

Note : the bit about venting to females not helping was a bit odd to say when posting on a women's forum (maybe it wasnt meant that way, IDK).
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I meant those in my circle. For obvious reasons. Everybody ain’t your friend. People are messy and miserable out here and will screenshot, twist your words, etc.
 
Prettymetty said:
Nah as friends. I think I’m over the relationship thing. Our friendship is cool. Together we seem to be toxic though
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I'm not trying to beat a dead horse but I'd seriously consider ending the friendship. Anyone who'd stalk you (cause that's what it is. calling it tracking is dishonest.) shouldn't be given access on any level. I assume the FWB is over too though you didn't say that. If it is, he'll push for more once you turn him down and may come back talking about a relationship and whatever else you've been wanting. That's an emotional rollercoaster that you're walking into. It's easier on you to just walk away. If you aren't ready to do this permanently, please consider doing it for a few months to firmly establish boundaries. This isn't me being miserable. It's hard learned experience.
 
Prettymetty said:
This is kinda random, but can someone have access to your text messages and location if y’all share Apple Music? I’m not on his plan, but I’m in his Apple Music family plan
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If you have your Google account and you voice yes he can and he can also listen to your conversations (phone call and otherwise).

He's not a good person. I'd pretend he doesbt exist and that this never happened. No explanation nothing. But that's just me.
 
@Prettymetty

I just read the last few posts. Ive seen some of your posts about your children. Do you want to be here for them? The way this thread is going, its chance that their mother might end up leaving them before it was time.

If nothing else shows you, read out loud where you typed, He texted me that I didn't go right home.


Im a stranger on the internet but I am also a mother. Remove yourself and presence from this man.
 
@Prettymetty I’m proud of you for listening to everyone and cutting this guy off completely and quickly. I think you will do better with the new people you meet. I think your history with him blinded you from his manipulation. Partially because of your long shared history which created a close bond which is always initially hard to end. And him knowing you so well made it easier for him to know how to take advantage of you. New people won’t have that bond or such intimate knowledge about you. If you feel you could benefit from therapy I say go for it. If not, take things a little more slowly, enjoy the holidays, take some time to reflect on what happened and how you want to move forward. I wish you all the best. It was smart and brave of you to post about this and get the support you needed.
 
hopeful said:
@Prettymetty I’m proud of you for listening to everyone and cutting this guy off completely and quickly. I think you will do better with the new people you meet. I think your history with him blinded you from his manipulation. Partially because of your long shared history which created a close bond which is always initially hard to end. And him knowing you so well made it easier for him to know how to take advantage of you. New people won’t have that bond or such intimate knowledge about you. If you feel you could benefit from therapy I say go for it. If not, take things a little more slowly, enjoy the holidays, take some time to reflect on what happened and how you want to move forward. I wish you all the best. It was smart and brave of you to post about this and get the support you needed.
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Thank you!!
 
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