I have split up with my long term boyfriend and father of my child.
I have just worked out he is a Narcissist. He is a classic case and i'm angry with myself that i was drawn in and then used as his emotional punch bag for so long.
Here is a description of a Narcissist and a warning to any woman starting out in relationship or if you are living in confused hell right now. I'm now repairing my life. This was taken from Oprah.com.
The narcissist and relationships, destroying the lives of others
This is the the answer for most emotionally, verbally, abusive relationships, a serious personality disorder, that can not be fixed .
Narcissists expect and demand that the ones nearest and dearest to them, tolerate, admire, love, and cater to their needs. They expect others to be at their immediate disposal. Their behavior is obnoxious, aloof, and indifferent and are aware of this. Narcissists test the mental limits of peoples patience. Individuals in a relationship with a narcissist feel something is not "quite right," and many seek answers to the unsettling experience of day to day life with a narcissist.
Narcissistic individuals do not tend to be physically abusive, although there are some out there that are. Their worst weapon is their mouth. With their mouth they spit verbal negations and dispense emotional abuse. Their vocal cords are their method of attempting to control others. Narcissists do not have the emotional capacity to provide support or understanding to others. There are numerous defense mechanisms which narcissists use to confuse and unbalance those around them. Organization is unknown to narcissistic individuals and they avoid future plans if it concerns pleasing another for some reason not evident to them. They do not want anyone thinking highly of them for several reasons. First, their sense of self as special, unique and deserving keeps them grounded at maintenance level in their relationships. Maintenance level is just enough, just in time to keep the folly of the relationship moving forward., but just enough and no more. To expend more energy on the relationship would cause others to feel some degree of predictability in the whole affair, contributing to the happiness of the ones they already envy for having the ability to feel love is not an activity in which narcissists wish to participate. Second, if another thinks highly of the narcissist then there are expectations which that person has that the narcissist must fulfil. The narcissist, however, does not intend to fill anyone's expectations except that of his/ her own.
Happiness, joy, and the effort to please others is not normally undertaken by the narcissist except in the beginning or potential ending relationship. At either of these points, the narcissist may be charming, helpful, pleasing and amusing beyond imagination, but this effort is only used to obtain a new narcissistic supply source or to win back the affection of an important source if abandonment appears eminent. At all other times, the narcissist believes his/ her presence, is clearly and abundantly sufficient to maintain the loyalty, trust, affection, and respect of those which the narcissist already considers his/ her object, so the narcissist will postpone, withhold, or procrastinate the continuing efforts that are essential to maintaining any kind of meaningful relationship. A narcissistic person is unable to fake the emotion of love for another for a long period of time. This impairs the capacity for a committed relationship with a narcissist. Therefore, marital instability is prominent in those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissists can perform obligations in the global areas of their lives and with strangers quite well, but with those individuals they have already captured, they find the expenditure of civil treatment taxing to their mental reserve and not really necessary. They routinely display to their captured objects their worst traits. These may include abuse of alcohol, verbal negations or other behaviors that tend to keep people at a distance and not allow any close interpersonal strength to develop. This is evident in the narcissists relationships with their wives/husbands, and children.
Narcissists will never accept blame for anything that happens in a relationship. They are quite ready to blame the other person involved. They expect to be the center of attention and demand their every wish be fulfilled by their partner. A relationship with a narcissist can be at times fun and invigorating. It is like a roller coaster ride, there are extreme highs and lows. The best advice for anyone involved in a relationship with a narcissist is to RUN. The relationship won't get better, also it is better to get out before the narcissist snatches away all your self esteem. Remember their worst weapon is their mouth.
I have just worked out he is a Narcissist. He is a classic case and i'm angry with myself that i was drawn in and then used as his emotional punch bag for so long.
Here is a description of a Narcissist and a warning to any woman starting out in relationship or if you are living in confused hell right now. I'm now repairing my life. This was taken from Oprah.com.
The narcissist and relationships, destroying the lives of others
This is the the answer for most emotionally, verbally, abusive relationships, a serious personality disorder, that can not be fixed .
Narcissists expect and demand that the ones nearest and dearest to them, tolerate, admire, love, and cater to their needs. They expect others to be at their immediate disposal. Their behavior is obnoxious, aloof, and indifferent and are aware of this. Narcissists test the mental limits of peoples patience. Individuals in a relationship with a narcissist feel something is not "quite right," and many seek answers to the unsettling experience of day to day life with a narcissist.
Narcissistic individuals do not tend to be physically abusive, although there are some out there that are. Their worst weapon is their mouth. With their mouth they spit verbal negations and dispense emotional abuse. Their vocal cords are their method of attempting to control others. Narcissists do not have the emotional capacity to provide support or understanding to others. There are numerous defense mechanisms which narcissists use to confuse and unbalance those around them. Organization is unknown to narcissistic individuals and they avoid future plans if it concerns pleasing another for some reason not evident to them. They do not want anyone thinking highly of them for several reasons. First, their sense of self as special, unique and deserving keeps them grounded at maintenance level in their relationships. Maintenance level is just enough, just in time to keep the folly of the relationship moving forward., but just enough and no more. To expend more energy on the relationship would cause others to feel some degree of predictability in the whole affair, contributing to the happiness of the ones they already envy for having the ability to feel love is not an activity in which narcissists wish to participate. Second, if another thinks highly of the narcissist then there are expectations which that person has that the narcissist must fulfil. The narcissist, however, does not intend to fill anyone's expectations except that of his/ her own.
Happiness, joy, and the effort to please others is not normally undertaken by the narcissist except in the beginning or potential ending relationship. At either of these points, the narcissist may be charming, helpful, pleasing and amusing beyond imagination, but this effort is only used to obtain a new narcissistic supply source or to win back the affection of an important source if abandonment appears eminent. At all other times, the narcissist believes his/ her presence, is clearly and abundantly sufficient to maintain the loyalty, trust, affection, and respect of those which the narcissist already considers his/ her object, so the narcissist will postpone, withhold, or procrastinate the continuing efforts that are essential to maintaining any kind of meaningful relationship. A narcissistic person is unable to fake the emotion of love for another for a long period of time. This impairs the capacity for a committed relationship with a narcissist. Therefore, marital instability is prominent in those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissists can perform obligations in the global areas of their lives and with strangers quite well, but with those individuals they have already captured, they find the expenditure of civil treatment taxing to their mental reserve and not really necessary. They routinely display to their captured objects their worst traits. These may include abuse of alcohol, verbal negations or other behaviors that tend to keep people at a distance and not allow any close interpersonal strength to develop. This is evident in the narcissists relationships with their wives/husbands, and children.
Narcissists will never accept blame for anything that happens in a relationship. They are quite ready to blame the other person involved. They expect to be the center of attention and demand their every wish be fulfilled by their partner. A relationship with a narcissist can be at times fun and invigorating. It is like a roller coaster ride, there are extreme highs and lows. The best advice for anyone involved in a relationship with a narcissist is to RUN. The relationship won't get better, also it is better to get out before the narcissist snatches away all your self esteem. Remember their worst weapon is their mouth.
erplexed
When in public, I would do my best to avoid holding his hand. One time I kept it in my pocket, so he reached in and held my hand in my pocket. I wanted to puke. A few people told me that it’s giving him too much credit being seen with him in public. I am ashamed that I have even known someone like him.
