How to spot a NARCISSIST and why you attract them!

[lesedi]

@lesedi
Did you respond to any of that? I feel so bad for you because I completely understand what you are going through. I wish he would just go the hell away and leave you and your son alone.

I didn't respond and I think that made him more crazy. He is scaring me, I won't lie.
Thanks for understanding. These narcs fool everyone so its rare for someone to fully understand what they do, the emotional abuse they put their victims through. It's nice for soneone to get it.

 

[Evolving78]

@lesedi
Make sure you save those text messages. I know you are scared. You have been very brave, but you are still human. I hope this “hoovering” dies down asap. They usually say this is just part of the cycle. He has failed at getting his supply somewhere else, so he is just making his round back to you, since you are the mother of his child. I was told that was “our blood oath”... just stay strong.

 

[hopeful]

(((@lesedi)))
Be safe. Be careful. Be strong. Continue to stand your ground. I’m so sorry you are enduring this. And I hope you have the love and support that you need and deserve to get through this.

 

[hopeful]

...
do you really know what a real relationship is? What it is suppose to look like?

That is the million dollar question.

 

[caribeandiva]

Wrong thread

 

[hopeful]

One of the reasons people can so easily be preyed upon and duped. This guy explains it very well here.



He’s the author of In Sheep’s Clothing:
Amazon product ASIN 1935166301

 

[hopeful]

Life is complicated. We have to seek wisdom about the world, people, and ourselves. We have to keep healing and getting stronger, healthier, wiser, more loving to ourselves, and protect ourselves first and foremost. You can’t afford to be too sweet or naive. We must seek wisdom, sometimes have to give up unproductive, long-standing belief systems in order to be safer in the world. Everyone is not basically the same. Some humans are different and have different motives.

 

[ommns]

Life is complicated. We have to seek wisdom about the world, people, and ourselves. We have to keep healing and getting stronger, healthier, wiser, more loving to ourselves, and protect ourselves first and foremost. You can’t afford to be too sweet or naive. We must seek wisdom, sometimes have to give up unproductive, long-standing belief systems in order to be safer in the world. Everyone is not basically the same. Some humans are different and have different motives.[/QUO

YES at the bolded and we must, must, must protect our hearts. We cannot afford to keep allowing everyone - whether it is your parents, spouse/boyfriends, female
friends, and yes your grown children continue to break our hearts. Sometimes with family, you have to love them from afar. Sometimes you have to break off a relationship even though you will be without a husband/boyfriend. Sometimes you have to stop communicating with your female friend and the hardest one is sometimes you have to have that tough love with your kids ( grown kids) and let them figure it out and stop being there all the time. I have seen two very recent instances where parents have enabled grown children ( over 40 years old) and they have drained them financially but mostly emotionally.

 

[hopeful]

@ommns
Yes , adult children can really get to you, you can be blinded by your love for them, you still remember when they were little babies. It is hard to accept that as adults they would manipulate and take advantage of you. And feel entitled to do so.

 

[BlueEra]

The friendship with the narc friend has come to an end, and it ended with a bang, to say the least, in true fashion, just as I knew it would.

I had finally gotten up the nerve to tell the girl how I feel, and just as expected, she turned the conversation onto herself. She literally said that she was a victim and I was attacking her all whilst calling me out of my name and saying the most hurtful things that she could. I came at her respectfully.

She literally proved my point of her being insensitive, self-centered, and lacking empathy. Even though she completely denied it, she proved herself with everything she said in the conversation and her actions thereafter. She called me a liar when I gave her examples of times when she hurt my feelings, and when I countered with receipts, she then made excuses for her behavior. Everything she said was completely hypocritical. She can dish things but she can't take them.

Instead of trying to hear me out she rebutted every single thing I said, then proceeded to get the last word in and block me from everything.

So, yeah, that friendship is done. I have no plans to ever reach out to her again or bother reconnecting. And if she reaches out, I will ignore her. She doesn't deserve me.

A friend is literally telling you that they are hurting and that you are a part of that pain and you do everything in your power to cause them more pain? She knows I've been through a lot and instead of putting herself in my shoes, she tried to make me out to be a villain. Had the tables been turned, she would want understanding. Ridiculous. She always talks about how much she cares but she showed me that she truly doesn't, and I'm over it.

 

[caribeandiva]

The friendship with the friend has come to an end, and it ended with a bang, to say the least, in true fashion, just as I knew it would.

I had finally gotten up the nerve to tell the girl how I feel, and just as expected, she turned the conversation onto herself. She literally said that she was a victim and I was attacking her all whilst calling me out of my name and saying the most hurtful things that she could. I came at her respectfully.

She literally proved my point of her being insensitive, self-centered, and lacking empathy. Even though she completely denied it, she proved herself with everything she said in the conversation and her actions thereafter. She called me a liar and even when I came with receipts, she then made excuses for her behavior. Everything she said was completely hypocritical. She can dish things but she can't take them.

Instead of trying to hear me out she rebutted every single thing I said, then proceeded to get the last word in and block me from everything. So, yeah, that friendship is done. I have no plans to ever reach out to her again or bother reconnecting. And if she reaches out, I will ignore her. She doesn't deserve me. A friend is literally telling you that they are hurting and that you are a part of that pain and you do everything in your power to cause them more pain? She knows I've been through a lot and instead of putting herself in my shoes, she tried to make me out to be a villain. Had the tables been turned, she would want understanding. Ridiculous. She always talks about how much she cares but she showed me that she truly doesn't, and I'm over it.

 

[hopeful]

(((@BlueEra)))
Good for you for standing your ground, speaking your peace, and letting her go. I hope for you to meet many kind people who care about you, your life, and your feelings.

 

[BlueEra]

@hopeful Thank you so much. I just keep telling myself that it was for the best and I at least stood up for myself and spoke my mind instead of holding everything in.

I didn't even think to do it, but my mom told me to block her from everything the way she blocked me and move on with my life. I had blocked her on social media, but I didn't block her number, so I did that just now. A part of me wanted to leave that door open to see if she would apologize, but after thinking about it, she really doesn't deserve the opportunity to ever communicate with me again...and who's to say she wouldn't come at me with more drama. I want to move forward in peace.

 

[hopeful]

Yes @BlueEra
Block her back. If she ever really wanted to apologize she would find a way to reach you. I know it’s hard to accept who she is. Been there many times. The lesson is always the same — to honor, love, and respect ourselves. Something in us wants it to be a different lesson — to keep forgiving and give people one more chance, be patient, etc. But that’s not it. She’s teaching you to love yourself more, to take good care of you.

 

[caribeandiva]

This belongs here. It describes my childhood to a T! Thank goodness for therapy and support groups!

 

[**SaSSy**]

Found on FB

 

[hopeful]

Found on FB

What on earth?! That’s crazy!

 

[HappyAtLast]

This idiot narcissist. He can't spell "Europeen" or "Relashions" but he can sure spell whores. Sicko.

And the no black persons is obviously so he won't be compared. Inadequate Europeen he himself has.

That's what LHCF should start calling it - europeen.

Found on FB

 

[caribeandiva]

Found on FB

I quit reading when he said petite and 5’9” in the same sentence.

 

[hopeful]

I quit reading when he said petite and 5’9” in the same sentence.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Just popping in here to say that if you are in a marriage with a narcissist ....and you want to be happy. GET OUT! The older they get the worse they get.

 

[hopeful]

Just popping in here to say that if you are in a marriage with a narcissist ....and you want to be happy. GET OUT! The older they get the worse they get.

Right! There is no winning, ever. They just get sneakier, more manipulative, and more passive aggressive. And you, on the other hand, just get sicker, more exhausted, drained, and unhappier. Run, run, run.

 

[Evolving78]

Just popping in here to say that if you are in a marriage with a narcissist ....and you want to be happy. GET OUT! The older they get the worse they get.

It’s not as easy as one can say. The relationship isn’t normal to being with. I agree with you about leaving, but the pyschological and pathological abuse, is not just about dealing with a bully. It changes one’s perception of reality. There is more to it, than just telling someone to get out.

 

[Ivonnovi]

@Evolving78 You are right about it not being "easy"; but that is the absolute desired end-state.

UNFORTUNATELY, because, as you eluded to, their "perception of reality" is "distorted", many don't realize that this is the dynamics of their relationship.

IF the person recognizes that this is the dynamics of their relationship, THEN they can start to build their strength to "get out". "Get out" does only work once One realizes they are in a "Fog" and they are ready to make a change; I've seen too many folks just "embrace the suckiness".

That advice is applicable to any relationship....

 

[ChasingBliss]

It’s not as easy as one can say. The relationship isn’t normal to being with. I agree with you about leaving, but the pyschological and pathological abuse, is not just about dealing with a bully. It changes one’s perception of reality. There is more to it, than just telling someone to get out.

If you've ever read any of my posts over the years regarding narcissism..you may be able to see that I totally understand that. I am leaving a marriage after 7 years. Trussss me I get it. I was speaking from an emotionally freeing place. Sorry that it came across as if I lacked understanding. Maybe one day I will be able to chronicle my journey so that anyone going through this can see that my understanding of this nightmare runs deep.

 

[Evolving78]

If you've ever read any of my posts over the years regarding narcissism..you may be able to see that I totally understand that. I am leaving a marriage after 7 years. Trussss me I get it. I was speaking from an emotionally freeing place. Sorry that it came across as if I lacked understanding. Maybe one day I will be able to chronicle my journey so that anyone going through this can see that my understanding of this nightmare runs deep.

I believe I have read your previous posts and I believe they were insightful. I apologize for not recalling that information and not recognizing your authenticity, as well as you displaying empathy. And like I stated before, I agree that getting out is the best option. And just to piggyback, There are a lot of steps to getting out, that people in general have yet to comprehend. People are so quick to tell a person to just leave, and they don’t even understand the mental, emotional, and physical state the person that is being abused is in. It’s difficult to see the option of getting out, when a person is in the fog state.

 

[hopeful]

If you've ever read any of my posts over the years regarding narcissism..you may be able to see that I totally understand that. I am leaving a marriage after 7 years. Trussss me I get it. I was speaking from an emotionally freeing place. Sorry that it came across as if I lacked understanding. Maybe one day I will be able to chronicle my journey so that anyone going through this can see that my understanding of this nightmare runs deep.

(((Hugs))) re the divorce and I am sooo very proud of you. It is so difficult to leave a narc, especially once you are married to them. But better 7 years than 17 or 27. We are here for you when and if you need to vent. PM me anytime. My divorce was finalized a little over a year ago. I am grateful to have found an amazing therapist who has been there every step of the way. Her insight and support made a huge difference in my recovery. I still have hard days and sad days but I am still happier than when I was with him and focused on him all of the time. You are going to be fine. Keep moving forward and get as much support as possible. And again, I am so proud of you.

 

[ChasingBliss]

(((Hugs))) re the divorce and I am sooo very proud of you. It is so difficult to leave a narc, especially once you are married to them. But better 7 years than 17 or 27. We are here for you when and if you need to vent. PM me anytime. My divorce was finalized a little over a year ago. I am grateful to have found an amazing therapist who has been there every step of the way. Her insight and support made a huge difference in my recovery. I still have hard days and sad days but I am still happier than when I was with him and focused on him all of the time. You are going to be fine. Keep moving forward and get as much support as possible. And again, I am so proud of you.

Hey girl ...Im fine. Something about when you finally walk away, you realize much of your emotions have been dried up. Its like you still have them but they are not as intense ...unless it's anger. Anger at yourself.. anger at the narcissist who never really changes no matter what they say. And all the time and effort wasted.

Youtubers such as Quinn from Assoc Dir, My Narcissistic Healing, Healing Day by Day, Permission to Exist and a host of others have been Godsends to me.

There is soooo much healing information out here. These people may not all do the same things exactly ...for but the damage is still the same. And if you are dealing with one, chances are some of these experts are going to describe your narc so well you'd swear they lived with him...or her.

By the way thanks so much for your support over the years. You checking up on me in pm land ...girl you know I tried and I was "hopeful" lol that things would work. Especially because I felt like I was dealing with the cerebral kind as if it was not as bad as a somatic...but the pain of dealing with a person who has no ability or desire to connect emotionally, empathize, uses silent treatment, gaslighting and psychological abuse as weapons...I was DONE. And the way my mind, soul and psyche is set up, it rebukes these types in every way it can.

I had no idea until recently that things were worse for me because I had the ability to RIP that mask off over and over again..challenging this person to find that little boy and get healing. I had no idea that I was forcing the narcissist to face himself ..that place where all his shame was.
This makes raging worse. But thank God I started taking control of my own emotions.

When you can get the point where you just blankly look at the person ranting like a 2 year old, threatening all kinds of emotional hurts on you and you just wish them well with peace in your own heart..you know youre gonna be fine. And I am fine. I just have one hurdle to get through...I pray it goes quickly and easily. We have no children or assets together ...and yes I could have easily wrote all of this is a pm but I think some people need to read this...I hope it helps in some way. There are may women on this site reading these narc threads suffering silently ...afraid to type anything on their computers. Im praying for us all.

 

[Evolving78]

@ChasingBliss
Very brave of you to share.
We definitely have a similar story. Awareness is a guide through the healing process. Quinn has been a life saver for me as well. Sam Vaknin was a first source for me 14 years ago. I still study his findings as well. There are two psychologists that really deals with healing and recovery that I follow.

 

[ChasingBliss]

@ChasingBliss
Very brave of you to share.
We definitely have a similar story. Awareness is a guide through the healing process. Quinn has been a life saver for me as well. Sam Vaknin was a first source for me 14 years ago. I still study his findings as well. There are two psychologists that really deals with healing and recovery that I follow.

Yes, Sam Vaknin. I have and read his book many years ago ..cover to cover ...Malignant Self Love, Narcissism Revisited. I'm pretty sure I shared that here some time ago.

I am overall loving how Narcissism awareness is spreading. Although I dont have any platform, I do my best to share what I know to as many as possible.


If you dont mind, can you share who the 2 psychologists are? I love listening to new people.