Are You Against Shotgun Weddings?

Are you Against shotgun Weddings (in the right circumstances)?

  • Yes

    Votes: 24 28.2%

  • No

    Votes: 61 71.8%
  • Total voters
    85
  • Poll closed .
F

FemmeFatale

Well-Known Member
Why or why not?

So my godsister who is 22 and on her way to nursing school has found out that she is pregnant (unfortunately I saw this coming, her friends were having babies one after the other). She and her boyfriend (who is 25 and more established than she is) are getting married next month and I have heard a few of her peers mumbling "oh I hope she's not getting married just because she's having a baby" Even my 19 yr old cousin said that (I checked her a**).

It got me to thinking, what is so wrong with that? If the man and woman decide to step up to the plate and get married..they have already been together for 3 years, they love each other and now they have a baby on the way..WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? I can see if she were a teen but she's an adult who has a vision.. The phrase "Just because she's having a baby" irks me to no end, as if attempting to provide a stable loving unit for your family is a crime.
 
I think the same way you do. If you were in a relationship and having unprotected sex then you should at least try and make a home for the kid.
 
Absolutely not.
Getting married is less of a commitment than a baby, you can leave the man if it doesn't work out. I am all for trying to making it work.
 
I'm all for shotgun marriage. The original purpose of marriage was for the legal protection of children. While that's not the driving force now, I still think it's good for the couple to have show some type of legal committment even if it doesn't last 50 years. By the way, I'm not one of those people that think marriage is forever, despite being married forever.
 
I'm against them if one of the two don't want to be married. Being a single parent is better then marrying and putting your child thru a divorce.

If both people feel it's time and the baby jumpstarts that I don't see a problem.
 
Well, my parents had one and they're still married, so, sometimes they do in fact work out. FWIW, they would have gotten married anyway but my sister made things happen a little faster than planned.

-A
 
Absolutely all for shotgun weddings.

If two people can commit to creating/raising a new life for 18 years together, they can commit to marrying each other for at least 18 years. It takes two people to make a baby, you those same two people to raise them--both with the same amount of responsibility. If you are ready to have a baby, that means you should be ready for marriage. If not, get on birth control, use condoms, have an abortion or just don't have sex.:look:

It's amazing to me that someone can willingly attach themselves to someone permanently and dedicate an innocent being to them but can't personally see themselves dedicated that very person. Why would you have a baby--thus select you child's parent-- with someone you personally wouldn't be with??? Makes no sense for me.....
 
I honestly think it's sour grapes or jealousy most of the time. We all know plenty of women popping out babies for men and can't even get acknowledged as his girlfriend. :nono: If two people love each other and have created a child, then why not get married?

Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier
 
Arcadian said:
Well, my parents had one and they're still married, so, sometimes they do in fact work out. FWIW, they would have gotten married anyway but my sister made things happen a little faster than planned.

-A
Click to expand...

This is the story of dh and I. :lol: Before we decided to get married we had a long talk and agreed that we were both thinking marriage in our future, but baby just made the wedding come a little earlier. :yep:

Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier
 
If both parties WANT to get married then I don't see the problem. But I think it's foolish to marry with the idea that the baby will hold an ailing relationship together...
 
Usually what the rationale to those comments are "Oh he would've never married her if she didn't get pregnant"..not so much that their relationship is ailing.
 
Not at all. If not an immediate marriage, they should at least try to work towards that.

Sent from my LS670 using LS670
 
barbiesocialite said:
Absolutely all for shotgun weddings.

If two people can commit to creating/raising a new life for 18 years together, they can commit to marrying each other for at least 18 years. It takes two people to make a baby, you those same two people to raise them--both with the same amount of responsibility. If you are ready to have a baby, that means you should be ready for marriage. If not, get on birth control, use condoms, have an abortion or just don't have sex.:look:

It's amazing to me that someone can willingly attach themselves to someone permanently and dedicate an innocent being to them but can't personally see themselves dedicated that very person. Why would you have a baby--thus select you child's parent-- with someone you personally wouldn't be with??? Makes no sense for me.....
Click to expand...

Right!

I for the life of me never understood this concept. I am absolutely terrified to have a child with the wrong man. I am, however less scared of marrying the wrong man. Having a child with someone is the BIGGEST commitment of all time to me :spinning:
 
A two parent home is more important than the feelings of the parents as long as there isn't abuse, addiction, or chronic cheating.
 
yardyspice said:
A two parent home is more important than the feelings of the parents as long as there isn't abuse, addiction, or chronic cheating.
Click to expand...

I disagree with this.

Even if those things aren't going on, if there's animosity/hostility between the parents, the kids will pick up on this and be affected by it. I'm speaking from experience.

If I get married, I will try my best to make it work, as long as those things you mentioned aren't factors. But if it's not working, I'm not doing that "staying together for the sake of the kids" stuff, sorry.
 
SelahOco said:
I'm against them if one of the two don't want to be married. Being a single parent is better then marrying and putting your child thru a divorce.

If both people feel it's time and the baby jumpstarts that I don't see a problem.
Click to expand...

Well I'm gonna disagree. Why are we taking in two adults concerns/issues when they didn't think about that when they made a baby and decided to put their kid behind the eightball? I love to see a shotgun wedding or a baby and engagement right there together:yep: Whether it's before or after the baby, doesn't matter to me.
The point is, they DO NEED to get married, men need to step up and I don't see why folks just won't get married for the sake of a baby. That's what's missing now in our society. The "do the right thing" doesn't happen anymore. Whether the parents get divorced five years later or not, guess what, they are still better off than the never married parents. I know, I know..folks gonna bring in personal experiences and say not. But I still believe a marriage is better than none for a kid.
 
I thank the Lord almighty that I didn't rush into an marriage and that my parents did not rush me into one. My son's dad and I are very capable co-parents and I was able to focus on my goals and dreams instead of a marriage with someone who I was not compatible with.

To those who keep saying in multiple threads that they don't understand how someone can have a baby and not be ready for marriage....I don't understand why it's so difficult for people to understand the basic concept that most people have had sex with someone that they don't or may not want to be married to and that sex may have led to a baby. Unless every person posting that they "don't understand" has had sex only with her husband or is celibate, I don't see how you can't grasp this concept. It is very good that you effectively used birth control or condoms, but count yourself blessed, lucky, or whatever. You, too, could have gotten pregnant by someone other than your current spouse.

Back on topic, I think if both people want to be married, it's good to try, but, in general, I am against shotgun marriages.
 
MzLady78 said:
I disagree with this.

Even if those things aren't going on, if there's animosity/hostility between the parents, the kids will pick up on this and be affected by it. I'm speaking from experience.

If I get married, I will try my best to make it work, as long as those things you mentioned aren't factors. But if it's not working, I'm not doing that "staying together for the sake of the kids" stuff, sorry.
Click to expand...

There's a belief that children fare worse in a home where the parents aren't happy but that's a myth. Here's the study below:
6: Parental Problems

Divorce Myth: When parents don't get along, children are better off if their parents divorce than if they stay together.
Fact: A recent large-scale, long-term study suggests otherwise. While it found that parents' marital unhappiness and discord have a broad negative impact on virtually every dimension of their children's well-being, so does the fact of going through a divorce. In examining the negative impacts on children more closely, the study discovered that it was only the children in very high-conflict homes who benefited from the conflict removal that divorce may bring. In lower-conflict marriages that end in divorce — and the study found that perhaps as many as two thirds of the divorces were of this type — the situation of the children was made much worse following a divorce. Based on the findings of this study, therefore, except in the minority of high-conflict marriages it is better for the children if their parents stay together and work out their problems than if they divorce.


Link for other divorce myths
Click to expand...
 
Zaynab said:
Well I'm gonna disagree. Why are we taking in two adults concerns/issues when they didn't think about that when they made a baby and decided to put their kid behind the eightball? I love to see a shotgun wedding or a baby and engagement right there together:yep: Whether it's before or after the baby, doesn't matter to me.
The point is, they DO NEED to get married, men need to step up and I don't see why folks just won't get married for the sake of a baby. That's what's missing now in our society. The "do the right thing" doesn't happen anymore. Whether the parents get divorced five years later or not, guess what, they are still better off than the never married parents. I know, I know..folks gonna bring in personal experiences and say not. But I still believe a marriage is better than none for a kid.
Click to expand...

The reason that it was "the right thing" back then is because women were not able to effectively work, own property and support themselves. That is not the case today. I am certainly not anti-marriage, but I don't agree that marrying is always "the right thing." The fighting and arguing between people who don't really want to be married is not healthy for any child. A peaceful home is best for a child, whether that is a peaceful 2-parent home or a peaceful single parent home.

I am only 20-something and I already know several couples under age 30 who have gotten married and divorced within only a few years...and all of them were shotgun marriages.
 
Last edited:
Every decision should be made responsible and out of love and respect for all parties involved and most importantly by responsible adults. One should not hold more weight then the other and one decision should not be the results of the other.

So i am very much so against shotgun weddings planing to spend the rest of your life with someone should be a well thought out plan, It must involve love, thoughtfulness, honor, respect, communication, trust and faith and so should having a child. However it doesn't take much thought at all when one lays down to have sex and the reality is even when they decide to partake in risky sexual behavior is mostly short and not well thought out at all.

So i don't believe its productive for either parties to continue the thoughtless and or selfish behavior that lead them to their current situation I think that's the time when all parties involved need to sit down and really plan the rest of their life and not rush, run or be dragged, forced or held hostage to commit even more selfish and thoughtless acts.
 
Last edited:
yardyspice said:
If the child is such a mistake, then have an abortion. If not, then get married and be nice to your spouse.
Click to expand...

I don't agree with that. Unless of course the woman wants to do that. And some do. But, if a woman and her SO want to raise their child out of wedlock that's their choice

It would have been better to either abstain or practice safer sex to eliminate the chances of pregnancy from the beginning. However, things happen.

It just doesn't make sense (to me) to take on marriage when you're not ready. Marriage isn't easy.

On another note, I seem to have a lot of 40+ divorced men approach me. Almost all of them have mentioned that they got married because the girlfriend got pregnant and they wanted to do the right thing by getting married or were pressured to get married. They spent years trying to find the right time to leave. I'm not sure how genuine these stories are but I would never want to be married to someone whose ONLY reason revolved around premarital pregnancy. And throughout our marriage they were trying to find an out.
 
Last edited:
There is nothing wrong with having a shot gun wedding if both parties weren't force to just for the sake of the baby and were planning to get married in the first place. I feel more couples should get marry before the children are born, as oppose to after giving birth.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Guitarhero
Outrageous Weddings!!!
Replies
3
Views
146
UniquelyDivine
UniquelyDivine
ms-gg
  • Poll Poll
Who Gets To Ride Shotgun?
2
Replies
41
Views
1K
MizAvalon
MizAvalon
Vanity1
Weddings on a Budget
2
Replies
34
Views
789
SilverSurfer
SilverSurfer
G
  • Poll Poll
What are you ladies thoughts on cheating?
2 3 4
Replies
95
Views
3K
SaNyjh
SaNyjh
Ediese
  • Poll Poll
Men and Their Silly Categories! Which Category are you in?
2
Replies
53
Views
4K
ThirdEyeBeauty
ThirdEyeBeauty
Back
Top