Are you a Back Pocket Girl?

[foxxymami]

So you went out with a guy. It was a good date. Maybe even great. It’s time for a second date. You have a little trouble nailing it down because hey, you’re both busy, important people. But you set a date. And then he cancels. That night. “Work is busy.” Fine. Now you’re having trouble rescheduling. It’s not happening.
He’s still busy.

Fine. You get it. He’s just not that into you.

But then. Then he keeps texting. Not to set a date. Just to say hi, see what’s up, maybe wondering what color underwear you have on. Is he testing the waters? You respond back. You let him know you’re still interested. But nope. Nothing. No dates. Just texts. Of the Malaysian pen pal variety (read: you will never, ever see each other). Day after day. You’re mildly amused. And then irritated. Then confused. But you have nothing else going on, so…

Sound familiar? Wondering what it all means? To be frank, I have no ****ing clue. And I just can’t be bothered with analyzing the why of it all, because I find that sometimes with dudes, it just is. And I don’t understand that because in Lady Land, there is always a reason and ulterior motive.

But since one of you lovely readers emailed me and asked “WTF?” (Specifically: “Do some men just have a really difficult time making up their minds?! Do they even THINK at all? Or just act? I don’t get it…”), I will give you my best guest as to why he’s still texting. Hold please, while I turn off the emotional reasoning side of my brain, because when it comes to dating, sometimes it’s just business.

Guys like to have an option or two in their back pocket. I call them Back Pocket Girls (BPG). I’ve been one. A couple of times. He wants to have someone around just in case, but he’s just not into making the date or, in general, committing to anything more than short bursts of brain circuitry that can be fit into 200 characters or less (or however long text messages are allowed to be these days on phones.)

If you find yourself in this situation, I would worry less about what he’s thinking and ask yourself if you’re down with his cellular advances that, most likely, won’t go anywhere. (Sorry. Like I said. I’ve been the BPG. I’ve seen what happens.) It’s OK if you also want to have someone in your back pocket. Sometimes it’s interesting … until it’s not. Buuuuut if you want something more, you have a couple choices:

1. Call him on it. Tell him if he wants to make a plan, fine, but none of this texting business. You’re not besties. F that.

2. Block his number and move on to someone who likes to talk. In person. On a date. Like an adult.

Boom. Just like.

http://rachelmachacek.com/?p=2374

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[foxxymami]

Posting because it may help someone who finds themself in this situation... Where it seems like he's not interested yet is still (barely) texting you.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[hairenergizer]

Ummm...sounds like somebody I know.

 

[Kindheart]

I ve been in a similar situation.Sort of ,we were "buddies" first and the whole thing evolved into akward dead end texting .
He sent texts to make sure i stayed around and we were still cool. Usually te texts were pretty much the same ..
"Hey ,are you ok?"
"Hey how are you ?"
"Hey how's things ?"
Would reply to my texts maybe once or twice in a conversation and leave the end "open" . For instance if I asked "when are you free " I would not get a reply or if I did and planned to meet up he d cancel last minute .

In the end we talked about it and yes ,he liked me but didnt want a relationship with me .

 

[nlamr2013]

Oh going by this definition I'm the girl who puts people in the back pocket occasionally

I may send this to my friend lol I just got on her about her situationship. It's not as bad as op it's worse because they do meet up at either one of their homes, for random intimacy, and bf type privileges but she won't claim him and I'm assuming he won't claim her as he wouldn't even wish her happy birthday/come to her b day party.

 

[AyannaDivine]

Yep, went through this recently. I finally realized this guy just wanted someone to text and talk to when he didn't have anything better to do.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

She just read my thought process for filth It sounds nuts when it's read or spoken back to you.

 

[LiftedUp]

A guy tried to back pocket me once. I confronted him and asked him what were his intentions. He began to stammer some flimsy story and that was it. I don't think that he expected me to be upfront about it.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Great article!!

I think it all depends on what a woman is looking for. Some women just want a casual non-relationship type of deal. Maybe being a "back pocket girl" works for her because SHE really doesn't want anything serious right now.

But if you know you want a serious relationship/marriage one day, then by all means, cut this pseudo-relationship off.

Never settle for bread crumbs when you're worth the whole loaf.

 

[BonBon]

Never....

That sounds like weirdo, attention seeking behaviour and to be quite honest it's probably guys with gfs. Most men will make dates with attractive woman even if just to try and work towards sex. If just texting over a long period of time and/or dating very sporadically he's married, attached, or semi-attached. JMO.

 

[JustifiablyMe]

I think this sums it up nicely:

When a guy avoids me and just wants to use texts to blow up my phone so he can get an ego stroke without actually forming a relationship with me.