Are we not the marrying kind???

[Syrah]

You've come across the articles and seen the "special reports". From all angles there seems to be a consistent message - black women aren't getting married at rates comparable to women of other ethnicities. Some reports blame black women (whatever) - with a list of qualities clearly not representative of all or even a majority of black women. Others blame black men (whatever) - with a list of statistics, typically incarceration rates that are clearly not representative of all or even a majority of black men. Some look at economics, others look at education statistics. Some even blame misogyny in hip hop lyrics and the "video vixen" image that is blasted all over the television.

But the message is still the same - the marriage prospects for black women are slowly dwindling.

I'm not hear to debate the message, because I have issue with almost every study that has been ever been executed.

But I'm wondering - what is going on?!?! What is happening to black relationships? Are black women under assault - is this yet another attempt by the media to cast a negative light on the black community? Or is there something there really worth examining?

 

[SEMO]

I think this issue goes beyond just black people. I think it's a mental thing. When people think there are a shortage of men to marry then the focus shifts to all the people who aren't married and why they're not. I was reading an article on a Christian site the other day (targeted mostly at young, white Christians--I say this based on the ethnicity of the site's writers) that was talking about the supposed shortage of good Christian men to marry.

 

[chicacanella]

Nope, I think we have been complacent as a people and don't value ourselves and our bodies as much as we should.

 

[Syrah]

I think this issue goes beyond just black people. I think it's a mental thing. When people think there are a shortage of men to marry then the focus shifts to all the people who aren't married and why they're not. I was reading an article on a Christian site the other day (targeted mostly at young, white Christians--I say this based on the ethnicity of the site's writers) that was talking about the supposed shortage of good Christian men to marry.

I'm glad you brought up the Christian thing because I don't frequent Christian boards - I wouldn't know. Maybe you are right. That there's a societal shift going on in the US towards relationships and marriages and that what some people attribute to black women isn't just about us, but about relationships in general.

I know a lot of folks read this thread and was like .

I was just looking at it like this - I'm terrible with the phone. Folks call me, I don't call them back (cuz I'm not a chit chatter - I'm more like "lets meet for lunch - forget this 2 hour phone conversation stuff). I don't answer my phone a lot. And if in 5 minutes, you're not saying something interesting, I want to get off the phone. At first my friends used to say stuff about it and I'd be like "whatever". Then it was my boyfriend - "whatever". Then my boss - "whatever" (HA!). And then it was a client and at THAT point I was like "hmm...ok maybe I have a problem".

At some point when you start hearing the same message from different corners, there's a point where maybe you start examining the message for it's validity. It doesn't mean that because the message is consistent, it's accurate, but it's worth examining.

...that's all I was getting at. Maybe the issue is worth examining. Or maybe it's another attempt by mass media to make black relationships look worse than what they are. :shrug:

 

[sweetgeorgiapeach]

Obviously, there's no one right answer to this, but I don't think it's "just a mental thing" that there are unequal numbers of compatible black men and women.

If we consider only the education issue, I do know plenty of successful black men (a couple are single), but for each man, I know 3 or 4 women. From coast to coast, every black female I know in graduate or professional school outnumbers the blk men -- usually like 3:1. Education isn't the main criteria for a mate, but it isn't my imagination that the numbers aren't in black women's favor just taking this one thing into account.

In general though, I don't think there is a man shortage, if black women expand their options.

 

[Keedah]

I had a professor that said everything that the media portrays as happening only in the black community eventually happens to America as a whole. Before Columbine there were plenty of shootings in black schools and the same can be said about teen pregnancy, and the war on drugs. I think the black community is a barometer for what is going on in America. If we are having problems marrying then America has problems marrying.

 

[gabulldawg]

Blacks aren't the only ones who are not marrying and/or not staying married. Look at Hollywood as an example. Pam Anderson and hubby number THREE just got divorced after a few months of marriage. Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are having a baby soon with no marriage date yet! So are Jessice Alba and Cash Warren (supposedly). Black folks are always picked on in the media. Whites are experiencing the SAME problems at similar rates!

 

[Coffee]

Interesting post! I was talking with several women Saturday and they were discussing how difficult it is to meet good black men. I asked this one vocal sistah what was she looking for in a man, and this was her response, "Ph.d, financial stability and good credit" in that order. I then asked her what did she have to bring to the table, which I think threw her, since it took her a bit to recover and answer. She said she had pretty much the same as what she was looking for. (which I doubted). She didn't want a man who didn't already have it all together, she wasn't willing to work with a man who was working to succeed. She will probably continue to stay single. My thoughts were if a man has all of that already, what does he need from you and why would he want you? She didn't mentioned any inner qualities. It reminded me of Tyler Perry's movie, "Family Reunion"