All This Chatter About Dating White Men, And Frankly...

seraphinelle said:
The title, the subject and the story were far reached.

The moral of the story SHOULD be don't settle for less than what you are worth.

So whether it is a black man that meets YOUR standards, or a non-black man, then fine.

But that is NOT what is said in her post as she concludes with:

That's why I got me a white man.

:look:
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:yep::yep::yep::yep::yep::yep:


-A
 
:hiya: Bunny...knew you'd show up! ;)

Christelyn..quit apologizing gurl. :look: These "hot house flowers" that show up in this thread and reading it are here because they wanna be. If they found this thread or your OP so offensive why don't they :roadrunner: on then? :hand: Some folks always gotta make something outta nothing and about them. Some folks wanna be offended to have something to :blah: about. :rolleyes:

Say you piece and do ya thang! Don't sweat it. :yep:
 
We're allowed to post responses on a message board jamaraa. I'm confused as to why it's a problem for you?
 
MuseofTroy said:
Muse’s advice for finding a GREAT man (regardless of “color”)

1. Love yourself. If you don’t love yourself how do you expect someone else to?

2. Have a purpose in life. A man wasn’t created to give your life purpose. You need to have goals and a life outside of him. Nothing is more unattractive than a desperate woman who puts pressure on a man to be her entire existence.

3. Work out your issues. Nothing is worse than getting into a relationship with someone with unresolved mommy, daddy, romantic, or psychotic issues. If you had a traumatic childhood consider getting some help before you get into a relationship. Don’t use another human being to resolve your issues. It is not another individual’s responsibility to save you either. I highly recommend that everyone sees a therapist at least once. Don’t act like you are in denial. If you have some emotional or mental issues please seek help, not a relationship

4. Be mindful of your company. Women often times repel nice guys because they keep bad company. If your girlfriends are a bunch of evil broads then what makes you so different? Guys aren’t that stupid. They notice these things.

5. Learn to VET. I know “vetting” is such an overused word but come on folks. Do you interview your doctors or people who work on your care (if you don’t then you really need to start). Take the time to get to know the man you are interested in. Give yourself a few months seriously. Most guys aren’t rushing to be in a relationship anyway. Most good guys want to take the time to know the woman they are interested in. Often women put pressure on men to classify their relationship before they had the chance to truly see if they actually like each other.

6. Stop sleeping around. This is old school advice but the truth is sexually undisciplined women are the ones who end up heart broken or with loser boyfriends. An orgasm isn’t worth your mental or physical well being. Control yourself. You aren’t an animal. If you have “needs” work that out yourself. Most women aren’t able to separate sex from love. Once you have sex with a man typically an intense bond is formed. Have you noticed it’s much easier to get over a guy you never had sex with? Think about that for a moment and ask yourself why.

7. Be okay with break ups. Stuff happens. Even nice people aren’t always compatible. You don’t have to marry every guy you date. Sometimes people are only meant to be in our lives for a season and that’s it. Holding onto something past its expiration date is dangerous.

8. Last but not least, you have 100% control over how people treat you. Sometimes guys test women out to see what buttons they can push and what they can get away with. If a man behaves disrespectfully towards you, handle it. It doesn’t mean yelling or cursing either. It means take care of it like a mature woman who is comfortable in her own skin would. Also know your deal breakers and honor them. Everyone has a deal breaker. You need to honor your deal breaker. If cheating is a deal breaker for you then own it. Don’t back peddle because once you do that, then that opens the doors to all sorts of problems. You also need to be okay with walking away when one of your deal breakers is violated.
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Nothing to add, just wanted to say I really liked this post.
 
Interesting thread. Im an equal opportunity dater and Im just happy when anyone can find happiness with someone else.
 
Menina Preta said:
Hmm...don't let some Black men fill your head with stuff. Black women are more educated, more successful, less likely to have a prison record, etc. than Black men in this country. From the stats perspective, there are more marriageable us than marriageable them.

Anyways, I see OP's point that we should be open to other races. Yes, her delivery of said point was a little incendiary. However, we Black women are always defending the Black man, but I doubt he does so as rabidly when we're vilified so I'll save the "But any man can be a bad man" or "He wasn't the right one" spiel...So keep doing you, OP. LOL.
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pink_camo_lg_thanks_button-p145318393738771067t5sj_400.jpg
 
1QTPie said:
We're allowed to post responses on a message board jamaraa. I'm confused as to why it's a problem for you?
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It ain't no problem for me. I was talking to HER specifically, so unless you felt that what I said applied to YOU..what's YOUR beef?! Ya know that phrase about WHO screams loudest, right? :grin:
 
Hey, guys? What does "Vet" mean? I've tried to understand it in the context/sentences in which it's been used but I still don't understand what it is to "Vet" a man.
 
jamaraa said:
:hiya: Bunny...knew you'd show up! ;)

Christelyn..quit apologizing gurl. :look: These "hot house flowers" that show up in this thread and reading it are here because they wanna be. If they found this thread or your OP so offensive why don't they :roadrunner: on then? :hand: Some folks always gotta make something outta nothing and about them. Some folks wanna be offended to have something to :blah: about. :rolleyes:

Say you piece and do ya thang! Don't sweat it. :yep:
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Thanks is not enough and if she wants to she can ignore them as well.
 
Bunny77 said:
The most interesting part of this thread to me though was Menina Preta and other folks' posts about education/class/expectations for wives/etc. I find myself much more interested in that topic than IR dating.
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'Cause we need another class thread up in this piece.
:lachen:
 
Menina Preta said:
Hmm...don't let some Black men fill your head with stuff. Black women are more educated, more successful, less likely to have a prison record, etc. than Black men in this country. From the stats perspective, there are more marriageable us than marriageable them.

Anyways, I see OP's point that we should be open to other races. Yes, her delivery of said point was a little incendiary. However, we Black women are always defending the Black man, but I doubt he does so as rabidly when we're vilified so I'll save the "But any man can be a bad man" or "He wasn't the right one" spiel...So keep doing you, OP. LOL.
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Mary mother of GAWD! Thanks!:lol:
 
ladylibra_30 said:
Hey, guys? What does "Vet" mean? I've tried to understand it in the context/sentences in which it's been used but I still don't understand what it is to "Vet" a man.
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"Vet" means to investigate/evaluate something or someone. When you vet a man, you carefully analyze him, his actions, his words, every dayum thing, LOL. That way you can separate the wheat from the chaff (hopefully).
 
Ok, thanks MP. One poster way up thread said something similar in her statement using the word 'Vet' but the terminology just threw me off (I've never heard/laid eyes on the word until today) so I was thinking it had to be more than 'qualifying' a potential mate.

Thanks for the explanation!
 
TheGrimPhreaker said:
I don't see what is so hard to understand about the message. She was just saying that she opened her horizons to a possibility that she'd be able to find someone who shared the same values and future goals as herself in someone who just might not be a black man. And it just so happened that she was right. :drunk:
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You know, I don't find anything offensive with her post, either. Shoot, if I were a single black woman, I would thank her!
GIFSoupOne less broad off the market, more men for me!
If I were a single black woman who only dated black women, I'd ...
GIFSoup
More black men for ME!

If I were a married black woman married to a black man, I'd chicken-noodle-soup on his behalf.
 GIFSoup
Let it rain, now clear it.
 
but back on topic...

honestly i do think sistas can be closed minded when it comes to dating. my thing is, if there is truly that ONE special person for you and he happens to be of another race, then you could be searching forever not finding your other half.

now physically i find black men more attractive, i love them good god i do.

but that's just the outside. what we need to be doing is looking on the inside. once we tap into the real man a person is, then does it really matter if he's from india with hairy arms, or from wisconsin and says some words funny, or irish and cant hang at the pool with you cause he gets burnt even when wear spf50??? i dont think it does

now if you have a good black man by your side. the hell yeah! hold on to that brother, and let him know how important he is to you!

but if you're single, and you've been looking... then maybe the corny i.t. dude ad work that you know be looking at you but when you look up he's looking at the ceiling (what's up there any damn ways dude?!) is the one... just maybe
 
Ehren said:
I see what you're saying, but too many women think having a degree entitles them to a husband when a gym membership might yield greater results. These things are not mutually exclusive, but I meet a lot of black women who are really smart . . . and desperately need a makeover and some talk therapy to work through their "strong black woman" issues.
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This is EXACTLY what I was referring to when I made the comment about not being interested in "Black women's issues" in the Unpopular Thoughts thread.

I'm sorry, but your BS doesn't automatically come with an MRS.

As for the OP, since you've clarified yourself, I'll leave you to your wedded bliss with your good White man. I'm sorry that you had the experience you did with the good Black man. I hope your definition of "good" has since been refined.
 
bravenewgirl87 said:
Actually, I beg to differ here. I've noticed that many cultures where the people are middle/upper middle class, the men and women work. Not or because he cannot sustain the family on his own but because of a.)bragging rights (the husbands are proud and often introduce the wives according to her profession) b.) pro-feminist/pro-equally yolked mentality (the family simply won't have a lower-class female marrying their successful son) c.) he was raised to believe in a family building wealth, together.
The only place where I've ever heard of a waitress (who is not in school) marrying a upper-tier professional is with celebs, credit millionaires and this board. In fact, I've only heard of one culture who vehemently believes that prince charming will scouring the local blue-collar digs for a wife, so, I'm gonna have to go with Chrystalyn's response.
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I don't think that was the point some of us were trying to make. There are many levels between CEO and having nothing. I don't believe that attorneys are going after waitresses, because they are not. However, not every attorney is going after another attorney, doctor, or CPA. Two people can be on the same level intellectually without having equally prestigious careers and equal earnings. It all depends on what the individual is seeking.

I agree that men with degrees seek women with degrees, and these men are attracted to women with careers as opposed to jobs. However, many of these men are more attracted to the idea of having a home cooked meal when they get home than the idea of a wife who is working 45-70 hours a week. This is why I personally know many school teachers who married up. It's almost as if a school teacher was an attractive career to many of these successful men.
 
BroadstreetBully said:
I don't think that was the point some of us were trying to make. There are many levels between CEO and having nothing. I don't believe that attorneys are going after waitresses, because they are not. However, not every attorney is going after another attorney, doctor, or CPA. Two people can be on the same level intellectually without having equally prestigious careers and equal earnings. It all depends on what the individual is seeking.

I agree that men with degrees seek women with degrees, and these men are attracted to women with careers as opposed to jobs. However, many of these men are more attracted to the idea of having a home cooked meal when they get home than the idea of a wife who is working 45-70 hours a week. This is why I personally know many school teachers who married up. It's almost as if a school teacher was an attractive career to many of these successful men.
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i find this whole statement very interesting
 
I also say, first and foremost do what makes you content. Whatever that may be. Whether its sitting around waiting or moving on to the next. But judging from other threads it seems that alot of LHCFers have found great black men.
 
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BroadstreetBully said:
I don't think that was the point some of us were trying to make. There are many levels between CEO and having nothing. I don't believe that attorneys are going after waitresses, because they are not. However, not every attorney is going after another attorney, doctor, or CPA. Two people can be on the same level intellectually without having equally prestigious careers and equal earnings. It all depends on what the individual is seeking.

I agree that men with degrees seek women with degrees, and these men are attracted to women with careers as opposed to jobs. However, many of these men are more attracted to the idea of having a home cooked meal when they get home than the idea of a wife who is working 45-70 hours a week. This is why I personally know many school teachers who married up. It's almost as if a school teacher was an attractive career to many of these successful men.
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My pre-Calculus teacher in high school was married to a mathemetician.
She was smart as a whip and now that I think of it, the most feminine woman in the building.
 
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