**2015 Relationships & Dating Thread**

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i have to take an internet break because im judging folks way too much and i dont like this side of me.

a girl posted a screenshot of a ring her bf told her he has been paying for since the beginning of the year. y'all, the ring costs $299 and it still ain't paid off. and to top it off this dude stays cheating on her and she posts about it with no shame. verbatim: " oh yeah lol. he doesn't have a facebook anymore because he's cheated on me with too many women from here". i just cant.

i really need a random thoughts thread.:lol:
 
Oasis said:
i have to take an internet break because im judging folks way too much and i dont like this side of me.

a girl posted a screenshot of a ring her bf told her he has been paying for since the beginning of the year. y'all, the ring costs $299 and it still ain't paid off. and to top it off this dude stays cheating on her and she posts about it with no shame. verbatim: " oh yeah lol. he doesn't have a facebook anymore because he's cheated on me with too many women from here". i just cant.

i really need a random thoughts thread.:lol:
Click to expand...
What in the low standards hayle....:badidea:
 
Oasis said:
i have to take an internet break because im judging folks way too much and i dont like this side of me.

a girl posted a screenshot of a ring her bf told her he has been paying for since the beginning of the year. y'all, the ring costs $299 and it still ain't paid off. and to top it off this dude stays cheating on her and she posts about it with no shame. verbatim: " oh yeah lol. he doesn't have a facebook anymore because he's cheated on me with too many women from here". i just cant.

i really need a random thoughts thread.:lol:
Click to expand...

How old is he ? Lol.
 
@shasha8685
Yes, they had one girl.
I had to shake it off because the child does come first. I'd get upset for sure, roll my eyes a bit, get quiet or whatever but in the end it's a losing battle. That's also why I would prefer to not date someone white a child.
 
Fine 4s said:
@shasha8685
Yes, they had one girl.
I had to shake it off because the child does come first. I'd get upset for sure, roll my eyes a bit, get quiet or whatever but in the end it's a losing battle. That's also why I would prefer to not date someone white a child.
Click to expand...

@Fine 4s I'm glad someone understands! I know it's a losing battle because the kids will always come first...but I know that my love language is quality time and my view is that if you can't see me during the weekend because that's when you have them then we need to settle on a day during the week or plan things in advance so you can get a babysitter or something! Instead I feel like he's resting on the whole "well I have the kids this weekend so..." Does that make sense? Is it possible for me to communicate this without it sounding like I'm forcing him to choose?
 
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shasha8685 said:
For those of you who have dated a man with kids: did you ever feel like you were put on the back burner while y'all were dating? How did you deal with it?
Click to expand...

Yes and nope to the 2nd question. This won't stop until you all start spending time together (you, him, the child[ren]). I hated always feeling like he had no time for me. Guys just don't know how to balance new relationships and children from my experience. My bf now doesn't any children but his mom takes up that time.
 
sky_blu said:
Yes and nope to the 2nd question. This won't stop until you all start spending time together (you, him, the child[ren]). I hated always feeling like he had no time for me. Guys just don't know how to balance new relationships and children from my experience. My bf now doesn't any children but his mom takes up that time.
Click to expand...

@sky_blu I figured as much. Our relationship isn't new though...we've been dating for almost a year (the 19th will make one full year). It's discouraging that he still hasn't figured it out. I love him but I hate feeling like he doesn't have any time for me and it doesn't seem like he's actively trying to find that balance. Why is finding balance like that so intuitive for women but not for men?
 
I'm going to end it. I feel like the entire relationship and friendship has been too draining on my end, emotionally and physically. I'm just tired.

It sucks that all of our friends are mutual and we literally live next door to each other but if it goes on any longer I'm going to be sick. I'm so annoyed that it has even lasted this long.
 
Dude on FB: (sees relationship status and photos with SO and I, purposely goes through and only likes solo pictures of me) "curlcomplexity, you seem like a cool, beautiful, and nice person....can I get to know you?"

Me: "I'm in a wonderful relationshp and I'm extremely happy...so no."

FB dude: Oh ok cool. You look really familar. Are you from _____?"

Me: *unfriend and block*

....my curve game is too strong. I don't play that mess!
 
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What's the difference between growing in a relationship and acting in ways that are un-natural to who you are? Even if the direction your changing in is for the better?
Now I understand the mentality of someone who is set in their ways.
 
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I'm not sure what the future holds for us but one thing I have learned about this man in particular is that he loves to feel needed.

We have overcome a lot of obstacles in the short time we've been together but my independent self has finally learned that he is at his absolute best when he knows that he is needed and appreciated. This was once a task for me but I'm learning to enjoy the benefits of simply relying on another human being. With past experiences of disappointment when my expectations weren't met clouding my judgement to the point of not fully wanting to be in a relationship with this man I had to put all that aside and give this man a fair chance.

Now that we have moved past that things have been moving in the right direction.

Never allow past experiences to determine the next move with someone new. Although it may be hard always try to give the new person a fair chance they deserve that much.
 
Im so petty once I have some liquor in my system. I saw my ex with his new gf.

I say..."well isn't this embarrassing, last time I wore these pants, we had sex!" and then I throw my head back and laugh. Lord help my soul.

Thats what he gets for trying be sneaky. (It wasn't that long ago.)

This is terrible but, now that I saw them together and see how not cute she is, I feel so much better and all my bitterness melted away. I know that he is no good for me but my selfishness wouldn't let me let it go.
 
@PeaceLover I suspect my partner might be feeling something similar given that I struggle to show him love in the way that he needs it.
It would help if you could ID what 'better' is? What are you unsatisfied with in your relationship? Intimacy, communication, partner's income, lack of passion? What would make you feel great about the relationship IF it were to occur? Don't forget that the grass seems greener and that all relationships struggle through something.
 
@Fine 4s Hmm I honestly don't know! Communication needs a lot of work. We barely have issues, but when they occur it's awful because of the way we communicate. Other than issues(which is a big deal lol) we talk about everything. We've been together over a year and we've only been in 1 major and 2 minor "disagreements" (IDK if some people think that's a lot, but I think it's kind of decent). He's a great provider, intimacy is great and sex-life is amazing. Something is missing though...idk....I just can't be as happy as I want to be...
 
@PeaceLover
I'm curious about your case for my own benefit as well. Sorry, I don't believe in altruism LOL
Have you spoken to him about this? Have you taken the love language test? You can learn about your partner's and your needs in the relationship in order to feel loved, respected and listened to etc.. For some, communication takes practice. After a year of dating, you can get a good sense of whether the relationship can last or not. I wouldn't look at whether the number of arguments is good or bad but rather the topic. Although too many arguments may signal something unhealthy. Couple thoughts: Get to know yourself more so you can better ID what you NEED, develop happiness and a sense of fulfillment outside of the relationship. The problem is, not knowing what's 'missing' makes it difficult to know if you should keep investing or dump the stock.
And if all else fails, breakups are the end of the world and sometimes people just don't work out for whatever mystical reason. I'm trying to wrap my head around that last sentence :)
 
@Fine 4s
I haven't spoken to him because there's nothing "concrete" to complain about. Now, I posted a thread about our major argument a couples months ago and got ripped to sheds for the way I feel/see things so I'll tread lightly when it comes to posting things. He's no innocent lamb and screwed up in the beginning, but since I have someone that provides completely and does pretty much whatever I ask to make me happy...I felt like it was worth it(and still do most of the time). I'm just never able to let things in the past go...so...since he's effed up I feel like there's something "better" out there. And whenever something serves as a reminder (which is often in my head) I question my relationship. Confused is the word lol! Please, do not let me confuse you with my bull lol
 
The story:
Someone was disappointed in me and didn't tell me so but I knew based on how we ended the previous convo a couple of weeks ago that they were. Only when I initiated the call did I find out that they were disappointed (we didn't get into what disappointed them). I had to take another call and told them I'd call them right back. I called back 10 minutes later and they didn't pick up! I'm trying to tell myself that, well, perhaps they don't want to talk about it after all. But when I first called, I asked if they were still upset with me and they said no.

The meaning:
The thing that bothers me the most in relationships is dishonesty. If they're my friend and according to them I'm THEIR best friend, and they know this situation is bothering me and that we're on not-so-great-terms, why not acknowledge the call and say they don't want to talk about it? Ignoring it seems mean spirited IMO as if they are enjoying the feelings that it creates for me. How do you differentiate between someone who uses psychologically manipulative tactics and someone who is simply too upset to talk? I wonder about people that use the former as a weapon. I'm trying to process (without being extreme) what message I'm suppose to get from someone who chooses to respond this way. My gut is telling me that, I don't want someone like that in my life. IDK. Any thoughts?
 
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Fine 4s said:
The story:
Someone was disappointed in me and didn't tell me so but I knew based on how we ended the previous convo a couple of weeks ago that they were. Only when I initiated the call did I find out that they were disappointed (we didn't get into what disappointed them). I had to take another call and told them I'd call them right back. I called back 10 minutes later and they didn't pick up! I'm trying to tell myself that, well, perhaps they don't want to talk about it after all. But when I first called, I asked if they were still upset with me and they said no.

The meaning:
The thing that bothers me the most in relationships is dishonesty. If they're my friend and according to them I'm THEIR best friend, and they know this situation is bothering me and that we're on not-so-great-terms, why not acknowledge the call and say they don't want to talk about it? Ignoring it seems mean spirited IMO as if they are enjoying the feelings that it creates for me. How do you differentiate between someone who uses psychologically manipulative tactics and someone who is simply too upset to talk? I wonder about people that use the former as a weapon. I'm trying to process (without being extreme) what message I'm suppose to get from someone who chooses to respond this way. My gut is telling me that, I don't want someone like that in my life. IDK. Any thoughts?
Click to expand...

Your gut is correct, it is a known manipulation tactic.
However, many people have a really hard time expressing themselves because it leaves them vulnerable. It truly is manipulation if the person chooses to use it against you as oppose to getting over it or even keeping it to themselves.

Leave them be.
 
1) Why is my ex from high school trying to speak to me everyday!?! It's like he's attempting to court me. I'm gonna have to shut this down. I have a bf, we've been together for a year, and I'm not interested. But how do you say that without hurting someone's feelings? I just feel that with my current relationship status, this constant contact is inappropriate.

2) I've been sick and the bf has been checking on me all day. He's worried......
 
shasha8685 said:
@Fine 4s I'm glad someone understands! I know it's a losing battle because the kids will always come first...but I know that my love language is quality time and my view is that if you can't see me during the weekend because that's when you have them then we need to settle on a day during the week or plan things in advance so you can get a babysitter or something! Instead I feel like he's resting on the whole "well I have the kids this weekend so..." Does that make sense? Is it possible for me to communicate this without it sounding like I'm forcing him to choose?
Click to expand...

Can you spend time with him and the kids?
 
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