Your hair aint like other black girls!!! :-(

[ChocalateDiva]

I wore my hair down yesterday in a cute lil style ( if I dont say so myself) my hair is a inch or so past APL.

A white chic that I was talking to kept looking at my hair and made the comment "Your hair is so pretty!!" "Your hair isnt like other black girls!!!

..........I have some of the tightest coiled, unshiny without product, straight up 4B hair.............

I politely told her that "My hair is just like other black girls hair."
She persisted and went on and on about how "their" hair is "not nice like yours" and on and on.erplexed

I continued to tell her that my hair is "just like"- "theirs" ...and that all hair has some "niceness". I told her that some hair requires extra moisture and when people of any race figure out whats best for "their" hair it will thrive.

She seemed really confused that I was not just saying "Yea my hair is nicer than "theirs"!! I am them, therefore I am "their"!! (yallknowhatimean)

My SO was with me and he said that I should have just said "thank you" and left it at that!!


I know that she probally meant well, but how can I take it as a compliment and leave it at that-when I feel that she is essentially throwing my sistas by race "under the bus?"

 

[wish4length]

I would've said "And your brain isn't like most white people's"
You're nicer than I am.

 

[washize]

I find that people are often dense, and really can't grasp or understand common sense, unless they want to. But your husband is right, it is best to say thank you and keep tit moving. Next time if you want though, just say, "I have normal black people hair, I just striaghtened it." lol they're already confused and clueless that just throws them out of the window.

I was visiting family and they just kep going on and on how "good" and long my hair was. I was telling my cuz how I texlaxed my hair with baking soda, and she said "you've just got that hair". I whipped out my cam and showed her my 4b afro, and all she could say is "your hair is thick". lol it was funny.

 

[ChocalateDiva]

I would've said "And your brain isn't like most white people's"
You're nicer than I am.

LOL!! Its not my nature to be rude to ppl. Its my nature to try to educate them or bring them around to my way of thinking.........its been my downfall at times tho. erplexed

 

[ChocalateDiva]

I find that people are often dense, and really can't grasp or understand common sense, unless they want to. But your husband is right, it is best to say thank you and keep it moving. Next time if you want though, just say, "I have normal black people hair, I just straightened it." lol they're already confused and clueless that just throws them out of the window.

I was visiting family and they just kep going on and on how "good" and long my hair was. I was telling my cuz how I texlaxed my hair with baking soda, and she said "you've just got that hair". I whipped out my cam and showed her my 4b afro, and all she could say is "your hair is thick". lol it was funny.

I bet that was funny!!!

 

[jerseyjill]

I would have rolled my eyes at her and let her figure it out.

 

[wish4length]

LOL!! Its not my nature to be rude to ppl. Its my nature to try to educate them or bring them around to my way of thinking.........its been my downfall at times tho. erplexed

I TRULY understand. Depending on the subject matter, I am the same way.
Believe it or not, I'm a teacher too.

 

[hopeful]

OP, you responded properly IMO. She complimented you (personally) while also insulting you (generally/black women as a whole). I couldn't have simply said thank you either.

 

[ChocalateDiva]

I TRULY understand. Depending on the subject matter, I am the same way.
Believe it or not, I'm a teacher too.

Teacher!!! That makes your statement so very funny!! U silly.

Do you really think that her brain is "not like other white ppls"?? Its seems that many ppl "think like her" IMO. erplexed Sad,but true in my part of the world...

 

[Beverly Ann Properties]

You were right on point, and at the same time educating her.Thank you for representing~

 

[ChocalateDiva]

OP, you responded properly IMO. She complimented you (personally) while also insulting you (generally/black women as a whole). I couldn't have simply said thank you either.

Thanks!! Thats exactly what I was trying to tell that man of mine. It just didnt feel right to me to just say thank you.

I am black.

I wouldnt let her say "You aint like like them other black women, your calm and talk in a regular voice without rolling your neck." and leave it at that..........so why would I leave it at that under any other circumstance whereas I feel like she is insulting my race of women as a whole, while giving me a backhanded compliment....... It isnt ME, and will not be ME.

 

[wish4length]

Teacher!!! That makes your statement so very funny!! U silly.

Do you really think that her brain is "not like other white ppls"?? Its seems that many ppl "think like her" IMO. erplexed Sad,but true in my part of the world...

My students would have to agree too.

Many people think like her, but not everyone. Every white person doesn't think that way, just like every black woman isn't as educated about black hair as the women on this forum....

It's like the guy I'm dating now says(and he's white) "Sometimes we just give people too much credit, by expecting them to be intelligent/educated"

 

[ChocalateDiva]

You were right on point, and at the same time educating her.Thank you for representing~

No thanks needed. Hopefully you would do the same for "me" and all my black counterparts!! We are "their"!!

Funny thing is.......she didnt realize how insulting she was being by saying "their".......um WTH is "their"............I AM ONE OF "them"!!

 

[ChocalateDiva]

My students would have to agree too.

Many people think like her, but not everyone. Every white person doesn't think that way, just like every black woman isn't as educated about black hair as the women on this forum....

It's like the guy I'm dating now says(and he's white) "Sometimes we just give people too much credit, by expecting them to be intelligent/educated"[/QUOTE]

Unfortunatley..........he may be right....ohwell:

 

[LittleLuxe]

You did the right thing by educating her and being polite, she may not have gotten it right at that moment but you've certainly helped set the tone.

I think some people sometimes just don't understand how offensive they may sound, especially when they are being complimenting.

I mean I've heard black men say the same thing to me so I definitely don't think it's a white thing, it's more of a 'I'll compliment you by insulting someone else' which I've even heard on these boards from time to time.

 

[Mizz Diamonds]

Oh lordy, I would have said some snappy comeback too.

 

[LadyRaider]

I think your SO is wrong in that situation. The answer to those (you're not like other black people) is always, "yes I am." I don't get that over hair, but I get it over brains, personality, etc. That is one that must always be addressed politely and firmly.

 

[ms.blue]

She probably didn't realize she was actually insulting you while giving you the compliment. Even explaining to her & she still didn't get it. You are really nice b/c someone could have put her in her place.

 

[supermodelsonya]

OP, you responded properly IMO. She complimented you (personally) while also insulting you (generally/black women as a whole). I couldn't have simply said thank you either.

EXACTLY! You did the right thing OP. She'll think twice...

 

[Yoshi3329]

Very classy response; you did the right thing.

 

[MsLizziA]

1st of yall.... she know she can't tell you that? 2nd .... she know she was a white chick actually talkin to 1 of the "their"? Iz not like you are anotha white girl r some shyt. She musta went color blind when that conversation started...

 

[swimfan09]

I TOTALLY think you did the right thing! You responded with grace, intellegence and dignity. Not responding allows the ignorance to propogate. ITA that we need to be teachers - there are too many misguided people and the only way we can progress as a human race is to enlighten - one person at a time.

Bless ya, sista!

 

[Ms Lala]

You did the right thing and responded much better than I probably would have OP.

 

[SingBrina]

HA!!! I get that all the time! But I take it as a compliment... I don't think they try to be rude, they just don't know, and are in shock. My cousins think my hair is fake because they have been raised in a fam where all the girls hair is short! And when they found out it was my hair they were shocked and they talk about it everytime they see me, can't believe it.

 

[finickyone]

I personally think you spent way too much time educating her, but kudos to you. The compliment she thought she was giving you was really overshadowed by the obvious insult to other black women.

I've found that when my white co-workers ask about my hair, all the explaining in the world will not take that "watcha you talking about Willis" look off their face. I don't even try anymore.

 

[Neith]

Not that I'm defending this person. Have some tact. Some idiots just spout off at the mouth and don't think about what they're saying.


At the same time, don't be surprised to hear ignorance about your hair from anyone. "We" don't even know the truth about our hair a lot of the time. How would she know?

It's sad. but that's just the way things are.

I have a feeling that things may be slowly changing for the better though.

 

[Hypnotic_LT]

Unfortunate that she had to say that...ignorance...But I wouldnt have been able to leave it either...

 

[LadyMacgyver]

You responded well too her and you said she looked at you confused believe it she was confused.. Might be still thinking about that thing..

 

[yaya24]

Thats like the comment "You are pretty for a black girl"

... You handled it well

 

[Anew]

I just can't.. lol

A couple blinks, blank stare, maybe an "oh"

I have a coworker who dates mainly black men and she's white. She said she didn't want to date a black man too dark b/c she don't want no "darkskin" babies and he needs to have "good" hair so the baby would have that curly stuff